shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

(exaggerated record scratch)

has the same tone as an NPR story, all wide eyed about what 'the kids' are doing these days

http://www.parade.com/news/backpage-OLD/mitch-albom/100418-take-in-a-real-game.html

Mitch Albom wrote an awful column on the "evil of fantasy baseball" that's way worse -

Spring is here, and throughout the land, baseball fans don their caps and root, root, root in the glowing warmth of...

...their computers?

Cliche...cliche...whaaaa?? **record scratch**

It's as if you took the best lines from Shakespeare and formed your own play. Or took rock's best guitar solos and strung them into "your" song. Fantasy baseball uses the talents but loses the stage. And in so doing, it loses much more.

The whole article is based on the completely ridiculous premise that fantasy players use it as a substitute for real baseball, which is something that absolutely no one does.

"Maybe people do it to feel like they're in charge of a real team. But it's nothing like a real team, believe me. A real team has personal problems, injuries, the long grind of the season. You plug in fantasy players, it's like robots. You're missing the human pulse."

The human pulse. Exactly. If you program a computer correctly, it can play an entire fantasy season without you. Try winning a real game without a human being on the mound.

You can practically see the smirk on his face right now!! "Yeah! You try winning a real game with a bunch of...of...robots!!"

I worry for this growing fantasy-sports world, not for what its followers are experiencing, but for what they're not. If you're so busy computing stats, you miss the real-life drama, you miss the physical artistry, you miss the electricity of a stadium and the unity of your neighbors cheering alongside you. Remember, no one does the wave alone in his basement.

Even if his premise was plausable at all, are we to accept the reason why you need to break out of your robot filled fantasy world is the wave"???

Baseball minus such things is just math. And let's be honest. Wasn't math class when we snuck the earphone from the transistor radio and enjoyed our original fantasies about the game?

*head explodes*

xpost I'm irrationally annoyed by Americans referring to vinyl records as "vinyls".

That's right, "vinyls".

didn't realise this was a US thing, if it is, but yeah fucking stop it

(loosely related: someone tried to clown me a couple of days ago for saying that 'records', as in, say, "I have a big record collection" or "I can't wait for the new Linkin Park record to come out" could legitimately be used to refer to music releases in general, not just vinyl, as he asserted. Am I dumb and/or weird for using it this way for the last 15 years or so?)

it should be ok. we say "album" still and you can't really say "CDs" anymore so it should be fine

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/38/20110324/tod-man-goes-on-shooting-spree-over-burr-045b8e8.html

http://www.newburyportnews.com/lifestyle/x1527122058/Port-teen-joins-Aspergers-comedy-troupe

omg

     
     This is not
       what a
      feminist
     looks like.
      Feminists
       are not
       shirts.

"New Michael"

Trump Sends Investigators to Hawaii, Gains in GOP Presidential Primary Poll

baaaaaaaaaaaaarf

http://www.gilroydispatch.com/printer/article.asp?c=196690

Dr. Laura says people should not have sex before they marry. The reason for this is that sex is the number one cause of pregnancy, and pregnancy is the number one cause of babies.

I ran the boards for the Dr. Laura Show for my local station for three years and I still hate the Pointer Sisters.

Joe Queenan on the Frank Gehry Glut

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/20/us/20rapture.html?_r=2&hp

The three teenagers have been struggling to make sense of their shifting world, which started changing nearly two years ago when their mother, Abby Haddad Carson, left her job as a nurse to “sound the trumpet” on mission trips with her husband, Robert, handing out tracts. They stopped working on their house and saving for college.

Last weekend, the family traveled to New York, the parents dragging their reluctant children through a Manhattan street fair in a final effort to spread the word.

“My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”

this just depresses me

http://i.imgur.com/p4CFW.png

dammit

http://i55.tinypic.com/dac0m.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/p4CFW.png

http://www.indystar.com/article/20110603/NEWS02/110603006/Man-calls-police-after-kitten-bites-him

http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/07/03/us-athletics-diamond-idUSTRE6622I420100703

http://onionlike.tumblr.com/

There's a fine line happening here.

http://www.scottdizzle.com/uploads2/01091907best-of-jay-leno.gif

http://madisonrecord.com/news/contentview.asp?c=148217

http://www.voanews.com/english/news/middle-east/israel-and-palestinians/Israel-Approves-Jerusalem-Museum-Project-Despite-Muslim-Objections-125499758.html

I mean, the museum people may be right in the end that gravesites aren't normally given any special respect by muslim builders, but still -- Israel to build tolerance museum on muslim gravesite -- seems to fit this thread.

http://www.insurancejournal.com/news/west/2011/07/19/206814.htm

“He slipped because it was slippery,” said a sobbing Hick.

http://www.tokeofthetown.com/2011/07/reformed_nazi_twin_singers_renounce_racism_credit.php

Boys believe discussing problems is a waste of time and weird, says study

Rebel Discovers Qaddafi Passport, Real Spelling of Leader's Name

love that the image for that article is this:

http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/international/assets_c/2011/08/qaddafi%20passport%20p-thumb-600x300-61429.jpg

They even mention how similar this is to a specific Onion article inside.

Al Qaeda slams Iran for peddling 9/11 conspiracy theories

"The Iranian government has professed on the tongue of its president Ahmadinejad that it does not believe that al Qaeda was behind 9/11 but rather, the U.S. government," an article in Inspire's latest issue argued, according to ABC News' Lee Ferrin. "So we may ask the question: why would Iran ascribe to such a ridiculous belief that stands in the face of all logic and evidence?"

On cnn.com right now:

http://oi43.tinypic.com/v82dfr.jpg

loll

Ha there was something that rolled by the CNN news ticker this morning that said something like "COMMUNISM MORE POPULAR THAN CONGRESS AMONG US PUBLIC"

http://www.businessinsider.com/time-to-admit-it-the-church-has-always-been-right-on-birth-control-2012-2?utm_source=twbutton&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=politics

Michael Brendan Dougherty
Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry

http://static7.businessinsider.com/image/4edfdcba6bb3f7c75a000002-195/michael-brendan-dougherty.jpg

Before joining Business Insider, Michael Brendan Dougherty was Associate Editor of The American Conservative.

great headline

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2098652/Shop-fitter-died-falling-giant-bucket-mayonnaise-stabbing-heart-electric-drill.html

I xposted that to SEO hall of fame

http://www.gizmowatch.com/entry/sun-will-finally-shine-in-viganella-during-winter/

If they hate it so much, why build the town there. It's like building a town at the bottom of a lake and complaining about the lack of oxygen.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/03/sc_county_gop_if_youve_had_pre-marital_sex_you_can.php?ref=fpb

Before you can join the Laurens County Republican Party in South Carolina and get on the primary ballot, they ask that you pledge that you’ve never ever had pre-marital sex — and that you will never ever look at porn again.

Last Tuesday, the LCGOP unanimously adopted a resolution that would ask all candidates who want to get on the primary ballot to sign a pledge with 28 principles, because the party “does not want to associate with candidates who do not act and speak in a manner that is consistent with the SC Republican Party Platform.”

Among the principles, according to Vic MacDonald & Larry Franklin of the Clinton Chronicle, is standard fare like opposition to abortion and upholding gun rights, as well as “a compassionate and moral approach to Teen Pregnancy” and “a high regard for United States Sovereignty.”

But then they get even more specific. From the Chronicle:

You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.
You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.

You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.

It is unclear how they will precisely determine this (or regulate it), but an unidentified potential candidate for office in Laurens County told the Chronicle that candidates will be interviewed by a three-person subcommittee, who will then recommend to the full executive committee whether to allow the candidate on the ballot.

THE EATBEAT: Long-awaited Olive Garden receives warm welcome

After a lengthy wait for Olive Garden to open in Grand Forks, the lines were long in February. The novelty is slowly wearing off, but the steady following attests the warm welcome.

My first visit to Olive Garden was during midafternoon, so I could be sure to get in. After a late breakfast, I figured a late lunch would be fashionable.

The place is impressive. It’s fashioned in Tuscan farmhouse style with a welcoming entryway. There is seating for those who are waiting.

My booth was near the kitchen, and I watched the waiters in white shirts, ties, black trousers and aprons adorned with gold-colored towels. They were busy at midday, punching in orders and carrying out bread and pasta.

It had been a few years since I ate at the older Olive Garden in Fargo, so I studied the two manageable menus offering appetizers, soups and salads, grilled sandwiches, pizza, classic dishes, chicken and seafood and filled pastas.

At length, I asked my server what she would recommend. She suggested chicken Alfredo, and I went with that. Instead of the raspberry lemonade she suggested, I drank water.

She first brought me the familiar Olive Garden salad bowl with crisp greens, peppers, onion rings and yes — several black olives. Along with it came a plate with two long, warm breadsticks.

The chicken Alfredo ($10.95) was warm and comforting on a cold day. The portion was generous. My server was ready with Parmesan cheese.

As I ate, I noticed the vases and planters with permanent flower displays on the ledges. There are several dining areas with arched doorways. And there is a fireplace that adds warmth to the decor.

Olive Garden has an attractive bar area to the right of the entryway. The restaurant has a full liquor license and a wine list offering a wide selection to complement Italian meals. Nonalcoholic beverages include coolers, specialty coffees and hot teas.

On a hot summer day, I will try the raspberry lemonade that was recommended.

There’s a homemade soup, salad and breadstick lunch available until 4 p.m. daily for $6.95.

An olive branch on menu items signified low-fat entrees. There is a Garden Fare Nutrition Guide available for customers seeking gluten-free food. And for those with food allergies, Olive Garden has an Allergen Information Guide.

All in all, it is the largest and most beautiful restaurant now operating in Grand Forks. It attracts visitors from out of town as well as people who live here.

Olive Garden is part of the Darden chain of restaurants that also operates Red Lobster. There are about 700 restaurants, including four Olive Gardens in North Dakota’s major cities.

Olive Garden has gained a following since 1982 with its ample portions and relaxed ambience. It’s known for its classic lasagna, fettuccine Alfredo and chicken Parmigiana.

At length, I asked my server what she would recommend.

oh to be a fly on the wall

xpost: I don't get it?

I like that either definition (after a long pause / over a long period of time) suggests he is possibly an asshole / savouring the plum assignment of his career, the one he'll tell the grandkids about.

xpost I think it's the in depth and lingering discussion of a generic chain restaurant, but then I am not an American.