this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

trolls mainly
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 1st, 2003.

Sunday, 31st March 1991
How do I express unbridled joy? Thank God I was in the room (I'd just returned from the bathroom) when John Peel ran through what's to come on tonight's programme. Two alternate takes of Smiths songs and ONE PREVIOUSLY UNRELEASED song! Of course I should never have believed Morrissey when he said in 1988 "Everything the Smiths ever committed to tape has been released. Re-released even!" Yet it still seems strange. I know that other famous groups have had bootlegs and official records released of outtakes, but I could never really imagine this happening to the Smiths. Do you understand that this is the first time I've witnessed (as a Smiths devotee) the airing of a 'new' Smiths track. All the Smiths songs are just so firmly imprinted on my mind as a complete portfolio of seventy-however many songs that I can't even imagine another one appearing in my life. It's so exciting. I'm jumping up after each record Peel plays and standing with my finger on the record button. I've put in a TDK SA-X tape. What if the bastard plays one following on from another record without introduction? He wouldn't, would he? What if I heard him wrong? It still seems incredible.

Sorry about another 'what if?' but what if the only reason the song wasn't released is because it's a sort of jokey, crap jam? Hmm... Will these tracks be officially released? If they're not then promos of them will reach gigantic sums. By the way, 'Sit Down' is now number two. I have to buy the original before all this success makes its price rocket.

John Peel, hurry up. How can he sound so calm and normal about announcing all the other, insignificant records?

It's 1:07 and I'm still waiting. He has confirmed that he'll be playing them, but he seems unaware of their importance. It's as if he's got some new tracks by... well any old band really. Sort yourself out John. I hope so hard that I'm not disappointed in some way in the next fifty minutes. Things that could go wrong 1) He might not play them 2) I might mess up the taping of them 3) They might not be very good. What will the previously unreleased song be called? I guess that it begins with a 'p'. I hope the alternate takes are of two of my favourite tracks. Perhaps the new song is an instrumental. I hope not. It's 1:14. Come on. It's 1:31 and I'm now sure that he's going to leave them to last. Sitting here, I've been looking back through this diary. Two things grab me. Firstly, a lot of it is almost illegible. Secondly, there are a number of sentences which might be read 'wrong'. Like somewhere I said that I spend more time thinking about films than I do watching them. Now, I didn't mean that if you add up all the durations of the films I've watched it will come to a longer [presumably I meant to write 'shorter'] time that the time than the time I spend thinking about films. That's not that surprising. What I meant was whilst I'm watching a film I spend an awful lot of time thinking baout my reaction to it, rather than just letting myself be carried along with the story. That might be quite normal, I don't know.

Well all I know is that these 3 Smiths tracks don't add up to more than 19 minutes of music: it's now 1:41. But then that's not very surprising. How many other people must be sitting here waiting just like me? Imagine if my radio broke down now. It's 1:47... 1:48... 1:49 (they must all be an average of 3 miuntes long unless this Levellers 5 record finishes in the next few seconds)... 1:50 what is this for heaven's sake? ... 1:51... This is heartbreaking. I'm sorry but I don't believe this: he's playing another record and it's 1:53. What are we going to get? Alternate takes of 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want', 'I Keep Mine Hidden' and a one-minute gem? Get lost John Peel. I *must* have heard him right - he said it twice. And he never overruns. Leave it to next week maybe? Bastard. 1:55. 1:56. I don't believe this. Yes I do. You know what he's jsut said? "And err.. waht was I going to say now. Ah yes... If you've been waiting to hear those Smiths tracks that I didn't have time for; maybe this time next year, eh? Ha ha ha. I don't suppose anyone fell for it did they? Still, you've got to try haven't you?"

When I started quoting him then, I was totally confused. "*Why?*," I thought. But suddenly I realised, it's now April 1st. April Fools Day. But that's no *bloody* excuse. I fell for it, yes. But I can still hardly believe, let alone come to terms with it. It was *so* obvious: of course he wouldn't have been that casual about it. I'm considering boycotting the show in future. I'm genuinely upset: how pathetic I am.

-- Nick (nickdastoor@hotmail.com), August 08, 2001.

Of course it is made even funnier because I probably would have done the exact same thing, pathetic Smiths fan that I was.

-- mark s (mark@evazev.demon.co.uk) (webmail), November 25th

-- N0RM4N PH4Y (k-r4d@faycycle.demon.co.uk), December 4th, 2002.

-- geeta (geeta@theoriginalsoundtrack.com), February 1st, 2003.

I've given you a very easy ride on this issue so far but no more. You want to make a mess of your life, to make an enemy of everyone else on this planet, then go ahead - just go and do it somewhere else.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarlin@hotmail.com), October 16th, 2002

-- briania (lyriclash@hotmail.com), May 14th, 2002.
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My head hurts. Entertainingly, I have to say.

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), May 14th, 2002.

-- donut bitch (do...), November 28th, 2002.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarlin@hotmail.com), October 16th, 2002

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), February 1st, 2003 8:17 PM.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarlin@hotmail.com), October 16th, 2002

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), February 1st, 2003 8:17 PM.

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), Today 6:28 PM.

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), February 1st, 2003 8:17 PM.

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), Today 6:28 PM.

-- couldn't resist (ohronny@juno.com) (webmail), February 2nd, 2003 5:11 AM. (ron) (link)

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), January 31st, 2003.
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(ILE, Open this up and paste whatever is on your clipboard right now)

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), Today 6:28 PM.

-- couldn't resist (ohronny@juno.com) (webmail), February 2nd, 2003 5:11 AM. (ron) (link)

-- i did resist til ron pushed me over the edge! (girl_thursday@hotmail.com), February 2nd, 2003 6:14 AM.

-- Ally (garance80@yahoo.com), February 1st, 2002.

-- gi66y ($$$@k.com), January 28th, 2003.''

i need a desk

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), November 11th, 2002.

Answers

or, indeed, anygirl? hahah

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), November 11th, 2002.

Excellent cartoon in a jewish mag, Moses on top of Arafat: "You want us to cut off the end of our dicks?"

-- stevo

arafat?

-- mark s

oh fuck

-- stevo

"Hast seen the White Whale?"

-- John Darnielle (editor@...), July 6th, 2002.

lando calrissian had a solo recording career and he rocked like fuck
-- bob snoom, July 25th, 2002.

I sure hope you mean Billy Dee Williams and not some freako who THINKS he really IS Lando Calrissian.
-- Lord Custos III, July 26th, 2002.

Are you kidding, Lord Custos? I really fucking hope it's the freak!
-- Ned Raggett, July 26th, 2002.

this is my favorite ned post ever
-- Josh, July 26th, 2002.

And Bristol, like it or not, constantly breeds exciting, new acts ... for the past decade, all the most challenging, interesting new music has emerged from Bristol - Goldfrapp, Massive Attack, Tricky, Portishead, Alpha, Kosheen, Roni Size, Way Out West.... and those are just the ones who sell records.

I live in Bristol, but I'm Welsh - and the same can hardly be said for there! In a world of Stereochronics and Manic Street Screechers, thank God for Shaky and Bonnie, I say.....

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

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russ, cool, yr passionate - we all are, that's why we're here. it's just yr condescending posting-style put my back up. i disagree that "all the most challenging, interesting new music has emerged from bristol" a claim that is, frankly, bizarre and yr list backs me up more than it does you. so we disagree, but that's fine - people disagree, "as you'll discover". welcome to ilm anyway.
-- michael wells (wellsmj1@hotmail.com), January 14th, 2003.

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Michael -
i can only presume you haven't heard the Goldfrapp album and leave it at that. Absolutely enough said.
What, in your opinion, constitutes challenging,interesting, enjoyable music? And do you honestly dsislike every act I have named in the list in my post?
-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

-- Mark C (boyincorduroy@yahoo.com), February 3rd, 2003.

But of course, vile Dynami-tee-hee (she really IS only 4 years old, isn't she?) will scoop it. Unfortunately.

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

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bog off Grandad ;)
-- stevem (blueski@base58.com), January 14th, 2003.

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Up your 'ole, kiddy. Hometime's a remarkable record - recorded with Bristol's finest in the Massive studios, with assorted members of Goldfrapp, Portishead, Spiritualized - shame age restricts your perception of music. (how old is Sasha? Nick Warren? Tiesto? Teaglia? Vasquez? Are these irrelevant because of their advancing years?)
Stevem... the Brits always cock up the dance award, anyway.... after all, where is Way Out West in this year's nominations - surely eligible and worthy.

Sugababes and Jamiroquai? Where are these people going to dance? Wedding discos?

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

Are you talking about Ashcroft or Gray here?
-- Matt DC (runmdc@graffiti.net), January 14th, 2003.

Definitely Gray. Ashcroft can still craft and interpret a classic song. And not make it sound generic. Unlike, imo, Gray.
-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 16th, 2003.

ACTUALLY EMMA IF YOU READ THE LINK i POSTED AWHILE A GO, A SWEDISH FLYER FLUSHED AT THE WRONG TIME AND WAS VACUUM SUCKED ONTO THE TOILET AND HAD TO BE REMOVED BY FIREMAN
-- Mike Hanle y (Pennysong@japan.com), February 14th, 2002."

Where can on epurchase Orange Juice Cd s ? I can find none anywhere

-- mike hanle y (pennysong@japan.com), May 28, 2002

Answers
That's funny cause my local 2nd hand record shop won't take my 'You Can't Hide Your Love Forever'/'Orange Juice' two-fer fer love nor money. Actually I didn't offer him love.

-- N. (nickdastoor@hotmail.com), May 28, 2002.

hmm, perhaps some sort of CD swap is in order?

-- Alan T (Alan.Trewartha@harpercollins.co.uk), May 28, 2002.

He would probably send me a bag of ants.

-- N. (nickdastoor@hotmail.com), May 28, 2002.

No, anal bats.

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), May 28, 2002.

-- jot eff pe (at least, that's the most recent post I've found)

-- Ramosi, Red Beans & Rice Mothafokka!! (olafsonskid@aol.com), February 8th, 2002.

And, you know... after much deliberation last night I've decided that the US and Britain have every right to bomb Iraq. Because they're EVIL, and we're GOOD! YAY CAPITALISM! GOD BLESS AMERICA!
-- Ed (runmd...), March 26th, 2003. (later)

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My god... I'm listening to that new 50 Cent album and it is, quite simple, DA MUTHERFUCKING BOMB! Word up! Bling!
-- The Pinefox (runmd...), March 26th, 2003. (later)

Cripes! When did this thread sprout up out of the ether? Last night? Sorry, I was out seeing "Bend it Like Beckham" with the wife and having a mightily expensive pizzette at some ridiculously overpriced bistro/meat-market.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), March 26th, 2003.

Haha IDIOT STEVEM!

and i DO mean LAUGH

hopefully this could blossom into an invaluable memento of mirth for all mankind (author credit optional)

go

-- stevem (blueski), Friday, January 31, 2003 7:59 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

did this happen?

I think this eventually mutated into the primaries thread

I never knew stevem started the whole excelsior thing!

this was the next one: this is the ALL NEW thread where you copy and paste the posts that made you laugh out loud

steve uses excelsior in the first post of that one

third excelsior thread, first to use excelsior in the title: i can't believe its another 'posts that made you laugh out loud' compendium thread, excelsior yadda yadda

Regarding Grooverider being convicted:

apparently his lawyers are seeking a rewind

-- Ronan, Tuesday, February 19, 2008 7:12 PM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

lol

Pinefox I am in a frenzy of creativity as you type.
-- Tom (ebro...), February 14th, 2003.
Wanking at Tatu does not count as creativity, Tom.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 14th, 2003.

things are so much funnier in context though

― Maria (Maria), Friday, January 31, 2003 8:22 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink