taking sides: self pity vs. self loathing

but it could be argued that I don't give them enough of a chance

self-pity feels better but hasn't the longevity of self-loathing

everybody's listening to the national

self-pity feels better but hasn't the longevity of self-loathing

oh no self-pity can be extended!!

these are basically opposite sentiments but the latter is constantly being misrecognized as the former.

i think this is why depressed people often feel so isolated.

its why its v important to be clear imo

I'm neither a psychologist nor a guru, but I know that from a certain point-of-view, both of these feelings derive from misapprehension of the ego.

otm

There is something addicting about looking for reasons to throw pity parties for oneself, and I'm not referring to the type that is done for attention seeking either. What's the deal with that? My does the brain want to swim around in the sensation of feeling sorry for yourself sometimes?

I vote for self-loathing because my self-loathing jokes are funnier than my self-pity jokes.

am i right to think self pity often applies when the problem is perceived to be "outside" (others, life, environment), while self loathing often applies when the problem seems to be coming from within?

I think so. That’s where the misrecognition comes in.

“I am vile. A stupid asshole.”

“You have so many great things in your life though! Cheer up.”

Self loathing can be indulged too, like self pity. It provides a sick kind of relief, I guess, but at a terrible cost.

Self-pity: "Of course this would happen to me. Nothing like this happens to my brother, but anytime *I* want to do something fun, something happens - the plumbing leaks, or Disney gets closed down. Everybody else gets to have fun and decompress - but when I want to do it, nooooo, of course not. I can't fucking ever catch a break, and whenever I try and vent, nobody wants to listen. But I listen to everybody else's problems! But of course, when *I* have one, everybody's silent. I am truly alone."

vs

Self-loathing: "I can't fucking believe I failed the test. Two weeks I spent studying for that, and of course, I stupidly thought "No, I don't need to spend extra time going over Chapter 11, I've got that down". And of course, I was wrong - I was ill-prepared for Chapter 11 and it sunk me. And all along people told me I needed to focus on that and I insisted, INSISTED that I had it down, and I was wrong because I am stubborn and never fucking listen to anybody. Every goddamn time someone gives me advice, I shit on it like there's a malevolent reason for it, and yet in this case IT WOULD HAVE HELPED ME!

I can't get out of my own goddamn way, no matter what. And even if I had passed the test, my inability to work with or cooperate with other people would sink me if I ever made this a career. I just don't know how to stop my worst tendencies - I see them but I still DO THEM."

difference of course is as Karl says, attributing the fault to outside, uncontrollable elements vs attributing to oneself.

both of them can be performative, of course - self-loathers can go compliment fishing, whereas a lot of self-pity folks often seek validation - "Wow, you're right, you keep getting fucked over".

I spent a lot of my 20s being a self-pity person, but self-loathing sunk in more in my mid to late 30s/40s.

There is something addicting about looking for reasons to throw pity parties for oneself, and I'm not referring to the type that is done for attention seeking either. What's the deal with that? My does the brain want to swim around in the sensation of feeling sorry for yourself sometimes?

― Evan, Monday, October 18, 2021 11:27 AM bookmarkflaglink

if your problems are not your fault, and are a product of the world conspiring against you, then you get to assume nothing needs to change with yourself and that it is the children rest of the world that is wrong.

I think most self-pitiers actively know this line of thinking is fantastical and not realistic while they're doing it, but it's easier to motivate yourself to demonize an outside foe than to motivate yourself to take a hard critical look at yourself. Or at least acknowledge "something bad happened to me, but bad things happen to other people too, and I am not being singled out"

ironing these things out just makes everything worse imo, best just crack open another beverage and thank your favorite network’s sponsors that you made it through another day

OK well then I was talking about the type of pity-party that is more heavily self-loathing focused. Uh, a Loathing LARP then?

Its not always adaptive to take a hard look at oneself. People prone to self loathing already do that way too much but are still told to take more responsibility for themselves. It’s just a category error here—these sentiments are very different

these are basically opposite sentiments but the latter is constantly being misrecognized as the former.

― treeship., Monday, October 18, 2021 3:09 AM (nine hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I feel I am prone to both of these things and in my case they are somewhat intermingled