this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

The only thing I have to say is that I think this is a great idea, Tom. Or perhaps even a friendly note to say that you've posted [x] messages in the past [x] minutes/hours, just to give people* a sense of perspective.
*people = me and some other folks

-- Amateurist (amateuris...) (webmail), Today 11:31 AM. (later) (amateurist) (link)

The idea of footnoting the explanation of "people" just caught me really funny :)

Dan posted what I was going to post (the LIttle Richard one)

hey I don't think food/sex urges are all that different!

-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridge...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (Andrew Thames)
WARNING: DO NOT ALLOW ANDREW THAMES TO PERFORM ORAL SEX ON YOU.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (Dan Perry)

Much as I would hate having to click in and out of picture threads like that, another advantage to Mel's plan is that it could help prevent people from getting centaur-booty pictures on their work computers and unwittingly scrolling down across them right as their bosses walk by.

-- nabisco (--...), February 15th, 2003. (later) (link)

Momus is correct.

So is Graham. So is N.

Graham is very talented with computers.

Tom E: you know how you and I agree about doing Creative Things that are not posting to ilx? I have got a grebt idea for a Creative Thing that I would like you to do. It involves changing one large word on my recent Lloyd Cole article.

-- the pinefox (pinefo...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (link)
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you are most of all a couple of ignorants. lenny is an exellent musician and the lirycs are wonderfull. im surerly i have listen to them more time than all of you so if you pay attention h¡they are really amazing. so you dont know nothing about music so stop of saying stupids things about lenn.

-- jazmin cusse (jazchudios...), February 15th, 2003.

Yeah, let love rule and stuff, man.

nickalicious, please don't take this the wrong way, but i think i heart you. XD

-- janni (jannyank...), February 15th, 2003 8:15 AM.

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How could I take that the wrong way? What, like as a suppository?
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), February 15th, 2003 8:52 AM.

Avatar arrives late in thread, posts way-out opinion, turning thread into violent tennis match between himself and thread alpha male / punky runt.
Other posters (now 'audience') jeer, yet lurk in stalls, intrigued.

When Avatar scores a point against alpha male / runt, hisses erupt from stalls. 'Leave off, he's not feeling himself today!' Avatar realises he has fatally failed to check phatic / grooming threads before weighing in.

Avatar, switching metaphors dangerously now, calls star witnesses to court; Shakespeare, Picasso, Chomsky and Lenny Bruce. 'Audience' pronounces Shakespeare, Picasso, Chomsky and Bruce cunts.

Thread continues for 536 more posts, 385 of which are from Avatar.

Avatar leaves message board for six months / minutes, or however long it takes for shagging and making pop records to seem less interesting than spinning out threads.

-- Avatar (nic...), October 27th, 2002 4:30 PM. (link)

AND, Sorry Martin:

Admittedly, I quite like being insulted, admittedly. It keeps my interest intact. And is anyone else up for insulting? As Steve Gerber demonstrated in issues 113-121 of Daredevil, the dark veneer conceals a hideous underbelly. And is anyone else up for comparing me to Ross Kemp? Admittedly my features might be somewhat obscured today by the 543 Proper 4CD box sets which I bought at a rock bottom price in the HMV sale. I must alphabetise these and prioritise their listening order, with enough free time to enable me to reach the Glasshouse Stores by, oh I'd say, 5:47 pm.

-- Martyn Skidmark (marcellocarli...), October 28th, 2002 12:33 PM. (link)

Ah, Toots & The Maytals. Now you're talking, mate. But make sure you get the box set with the bonus disc of 28 rare original Kingston recordings.
Funnily enough, I was walking along Flood Lane last week, after a pretty decent pint of Young's Premium when it struck me - if only Steve Kember had slipped the ball to Alan Hudson in that 1972 League Cup Final against Stoke, instead of going for goal himself, then the result could have been quite different. Only blot on the 70s when you think about it. I tried to explain this to my neanderthal work colleagues over a stonking pint of Wethered's Bishop's Mitre, but the geezers just looked at me funny and went back to discussing strip bars and who's 'had' Jennie from Accounts. So I stuffed my copy of Spare Rib into the trusty ol' briefcase and made my excuses. The family weren't much more help. My eldest was more interested in the Blackburn-Tottenham game. God, I think I'd die if any of my kids became a Spurs supporter. But I knew the ILX massive would understand. Yeah, 'Monkey Man'. Totally fuckin' CLASSIC.

-- Jeff W (cworrel...), February 26th, 2002.

From the ILX Challenge thread.

I often say that rap isn't real music. I mean, it's just talking and yelling. I hate it a lot. It makes no sense.
-- RSPMJLGH (beatle...), February 16th, 2003. (later)

You are so wise. No one here has anything to teach you. So I suggest that no one try.
-- Frank Kogan (edcasua...), February 16th, 2003. (later)

WELCOME!

-- conner Smedley (conner66...), February 16th, 2003.

Answers

NOT IN MY NAME

-- stevem (bluesk...), February 16th, 2003.

Ned doesnt like Spaceballs?!
-- chaki (chak...), July 22nd, 2002.

unreal music = making speeches over drum machines.
more forward thinking artists like toploader and jamiroquai have melded funk grooves to REAL songs, and racous guitar work.

-- andy paltridge (quirkmoos...), February 17th, 2003.

Hey, Doc: repost all your ilx parodies. They were frequently magnificent.

Far too modest, PF.

Listen, I did not post this in order to post a straw-man. I was wishing more Americans would have responded, in order to explain maybe why they felt certain sentiments of the poster's comments were valid, or why a lot of ordinary Aericans seem to feel that the Europeans are being ungrateful for not supporting America in this war. I saw other posts that disturbed me, such as those written by people claiming that their grandfathers died in WWII fighting for the sake of France, and therefore cannot believe that now the Europeans (the French in particular) will not repay the favor. Do such voices not have a point, at all ? Why should they be discredited? Also, isn't membership in NATO contingent upon the fact that "an attack on one nation, is an attack on all," ? Using this reasoning, some say that France et al are backing out of their pledge, and forgetting that 9/11 was an attack on America and that we are trying to pre-empt another one.
I was not trying to inflame rhetoric either way, please believe me.

-- Vic (Iodine999@...), February 17th, 2003 3:58 PM. (later)

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Aargh, can someone just delete this thread please? Whoever the moderator is right now, please just delete it.
-- Vic (Iodine999@...), February 17th, 2003 4:00 PM. (later)

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Vic, are you drunk all the time?
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrell@...), February 17th, 2003 4:04 PM. (later)

I wish I could have my empathy genes removed.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 17th, 2003.

you've probably met the person who the ad is directed to.

-- leigh (melodynelso...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

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i'm intrigued now!

-- caitlin (wpsal...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

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His first initial is K, he's in his mid 30s and has seen the fall lots of times

-- leigh (melodynelso...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

[...]

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Kjohn Kpeel.

-- Pete (pb1...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

First world leisure time is due, in large part, through the wreckless exploitation of the poor. We can drive our cars because we can afford oil that has made many stinking rich except the masses that populate those countries where it comes from. We can harvest our agricultural products at consumer friendly prices through the exploitation of third world "immigrants" (aka wetbacks, mojados, illegals....) who are paid little, have no benefits but are still making more than their brothers and sisters back home. We can import the rest of our agricultural and meat products; minerals; and other industrial items because of the same military/industrial/social complex...If we had to this all by ourselves when would we have time to watch our MTV? We've got time on our hands because we've forced the labor onto other countries while we settled into a service oriented work climate.

-- Chowder Head (bakedbean7...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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And you're complaining?

-- Curtis Stephens (sevenxvii...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

What would you like graphs of?
-- Graham (dtc...), February 14th, 2003.

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Whatever anyone else wants. I don't understand any of them, just that they look nice.
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), February 14th, 2003.

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cool stuff
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 14th, 2003.

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This is a rubbish idea.
-- Pete (pb1...), February 14th, 2003.

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Graphs of number of times Pete has shot down ideas.
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), February 14th, 2003.

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here is my graph of my opinion of pete during that last post:
| \
|__

-- mark s (mar...), February 14th, 2003.

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I love how my persona on ILX has become so one-sided. OK, here's the question:
TITFUCKING CLASSIC OR DUD?

-- Millar (tmilla...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Answers
depends on the tits dunnit?
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Jess raises an important point.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Right so how big is too big, hmm?
-- Millar (tmilla...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Jess raises an important point.

-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

don't worry, cozen--it's not your point.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Zing?
-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Martin, when the atheletes do speak out, they are accused of sexism (Reggie White for example). No one bothers to realize that some of them may be unconfortable with women in the locker room, of course not, the answer has to be sexism. This is why most do not speak out, they do not want to be falsely accused of anything.
-- Stephen Ancroid (Ancroi...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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plus they wanna show Melissa Stark their wang
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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I know I do!
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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sorry
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

It's odd that this is presented as some sort of issue for the athletes (have they complained at all?), but the equality issue that actually arose over this was among the reporters, when male reporters were being allowed in to the locker rooms (yes, male sports) and females weren't. My feeling is that the solution is to discontinue the whole practice. I don't see the benefit, as long as the athletes make themselves as available as usual.
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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That's my position too, Martin, but we are now at the all-important "SHOW US THE LESBIAN ORGY" portion of the argument.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Steps in an Argument
1. Introduce the topic
2. Give Your Position
3. Back Up Your Position w/clear, logical evidence
4. Show Them the Lesbian Orgy
5. Concluding Statements
-- oops (buttch9...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

it's good to see 13 year olds taking an interest in real music. for something a bit more contemporary, start with the most recent albums by stereophonics and jamiroquai, and work backwards from there.
-- andy paltridge (quirkmoos...)

haha.. "¿Te gustas ferret rim jobs?"

-- donut bitch (do...), February 17th, 2003.

Dude. Cup Noodle gives you the worst fucking shits ever. I suppose I might have had rum runs that were worse. But for non-alcoholic poop nastiness I vote Cup Noodle. Avoid it like the plague.

-- Millar (tmilla...) (webmail), February 17th, 2003 6:25 PM. (later)

help help i looked at matosblog and now i am blind
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 14th, 2003

(I hate to say it, M, but he's sort of right: that red just sears into my brain and makes me want to die. Can I suggest a nice dark blue on eggshell?)

(no)

(that is why I laugh, because I make you all SUFFER!!!! mwahahahahah!!!)

From 'The Erotic Gherkin - Classic or Dud?'

You can see it from our road too Gareth! It unites London ILXers.
I think it looks silly by day and rather wonderful by night. Isabel and I went to see a friend in Dalston and kept circling the gherkin on the way back.

-- Tom (ebro...), December 5th, 2002.

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I hope you weren't on the bus!
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), December 5th, 2002.

ILx's collective id having a breakdown like HAL from 2001! Two thumbs up!
-- (fritzwollner5...) (webmail), June 6th, 2002 12:00 AM. (link)

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dave...why are you doing this to me dave...don't take away my bright eyes records dave...
-- indykid9000 (ohthehumanit...) (webmail), June 6th, 2002

(the sad part is that i think the latter might have been me, but i cant remember.)

I don't think that was oddball. Just straight male.

-- That Girl (dallasdeadgir...), February 16th, 2003.

Missy Lyrics Posted. -- jm (jimmythemo...), February 15th, 2003.

chickenbear chickenbear chickenbear -- Kim (grimstitc...), February 15th, 2003.

Someone asks for Missy Lyrics -- jm (jimmythemo...), February 15th, 2003.

i'd say that i'd ask jess to dance but he'd probably then ask someone to delete me
-- maura (maur...), February 19th, 2003 4:51 PM. (later)

Easy classic. Particularly all those 'people in a graveyard/mental institution/nasty red room telling stories' which always ended with "Oh no! WE are dead!" Tom Baker was in one of these in a disgusting beard. He projected his soul into a painting and was killed by a can of turps or something.
-- Al Ewing, January 19th, 2003.

he gave me some of the best advice of any ilx'er
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 19th, 2003.

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what was it?
-- Mary (maj23...), February 19th, 2003.

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"kill them all"
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 19th, 2003.

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And let God sort em out?
-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), February 19th, 2003.

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yes. unfortunately one gray december morn i put his advice into practice. it took seventy federal marshalls to bring me down. now let us never speak of it again.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 19th, 2003.

(nb: i may have stolen the last part from somewhere)

The Simpsons!

yeah, that's not surprising now is it

Although I'm not sure what prompted David Hasselsloth...

http://members.aol.com/dubplatestyle/slothhoff.jpg

mitch and i being bored losers prompted slothhoff

David Hasselhoff got no funk in his trunk if you catch what I'm saying here. He seems pretty proud of it too!

c'mon, they photoshopped that Hasselog out of there!

I'm certain there is plenty of funk in that particular trunk.

ew. ew. ew.

His package is more the size of a respectable clit-dick than a man sausage, I'm sorry.

"funk" as in "Do you smell that?"

"funk" as in Bootsy Collins is in his knickers