Sex Droughts

I think I'm going to try to not have any sex at all during the month of November.

Maybe restrict yourself to "meaningful" sex.

there is always next year.

Maybe restrict yourself to "meaningful" sex.

Or this. I mean this was already a goal of mine once I stopped hopping from city to city for 3 months.

I've accepted my insecurities and their subsequent defense mechanisms as part of my general character now. This isn't a drought, I just live in a desert.

I think I'm going to try to not have any sex at all during the month of November.

― Parker Posey as herself dancing to house music in NYC in 1995 (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, October 29, 2011 8:56 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fuck off

I had to turn down an opportunity last night :/

But it was my fricking ex bf, it was just too bloody weird. :/

Yeah, usually that is less of an opportunity and more of a poisoned chalice.

i am the chalice

Not exactly a sex drought, but what do you do with someone who rarely comes, yet wants to have sex all the time? Tips/suggestions?

"meaningful" sex.

Even w/ the quotes, lol

xpost - do they prefer that or would they prefer to get there but can't?

I'm not sure...whenever I ask he turns it around and asks what he can do for me...

I'd say 'I asked you a fucking question and you're not getting any more until you answer it.'

Yeah, gentle but firm insistence that this be at least briefly discussed is required here, I think. I've experienced the former and it was an impressive feat of stamina but kind of exhausting!

that is, experienced a partner who actively didn't want to.

Hmm...it's not really a problem for me, but I feel like there should be more (or at least some) equity. Also, it's a bit puzzling: men are usually more simple (in my experience).

men are usually more simple (in my experience).

generally useful guiding principle

i have no advice, i find any inequity w/that v frustrating also, like i think i start subconsciously keeping a scorecard & feel bad

Is the guy on anti-depressants?

I don't know about the guy, but I am.

It's the sort of thing I thought making an issue of might lead to more pressure, but I dunno.

Maybe orgasms just aren't that important for him re: sex?

Yeah if he's happy and initiating it a lot, I don't see what the big deal is?

I mean you might want to have a conversation to make sure the "he's happy" part is accurate but otherwise why worry imo.

yeah maybe just find out if it's a prescription-related or physical problem OR if he can only come certain ways (e.g. a guy who is used to coming with a handjob because he hasn't had sex in a really really long time will have trouble coming during sex.

He's initiating all the time, but maybe that's because he's never satisfied... :)

Thanks all for the advice.

Could be relationship nervousness, too. For some people, anxiety kind of keeps things from happening and things work differently once they're more comfortable with the other person in sexual situations.

It may be something he's always had, and this is how he's gotten around it. And maybe you're the first to notice. I would say don't make an accusatory question out of it, just frame it more like "what can I do in return" thing. There's always a chance that he has more specific needs, maybe a fetish that he takes care of himself. He could be embarrassed about that.

(Totally running with the scenario, may not be that at all)

Maybe he's a big Dr. Strangelove fan

Does he drink only rainwater and pure grain alcohol?

did he ever play bass for the Police?

in a big drought at the moment, i suppose i could end it if i tried hard but meaningless sex doesn't appeal to me much....or at least i don't feel i need it.

wrong thread imo, think you're looking for braggin/first world problems or some hybrid

no definitely feel at home in "Sex Droughts"

np not gonna threadpolice it

I have had a good time without the big O.

(on occasion, I mean)

I have had many good times without it as well, but I am a lady. That seems more common.

It's not a relationship I'm dealing with here, more of an occasional hook-up. Which is part of the reason I'm not exactly bending over backwards (ahem) to find out what he needs.

Wait wait wait I thought we just had a conversation about those and how you didn't understand how they worked and now you're participating in one already??

::Sigh:: Less than a dozen times in the past twelve months, and in an otherwise happy long term, many-year relationship. Rejected on a weekly basis. Partner is unwilling to discuss the problem, and goes out of the way to avoid sex. Should I pull the trigger on the whole thing, even though I love this person immensely? Therapy isn't an option because partner doesn't think it's an issue. Just thinks they have a "low sex drive." Even alluding to the problem brings up fights. I can't live the rest of my life with sexual fulfillment.

Can I?

I take it you mean "without" in that last sentence.

I think it's a very bad sign that he/she is unwilling to discuss the problem. If anything, "an otherwise happy long term" relationship should allow room to speak about each other's woes and worries, no? The fact your partner doesn't want to at least explain his/her loss of sex drive, or listen to your concerns about this, seems more worrying to me than not having sex.

Partner needs to realize that it is an issue. It might not be for partner (though I think partner's in denial here), but if it's an issue for you, it is an issue for the both of you. So it will need to be addressed and partner needs to realize this. Otherwise it's almost as if partner is 'giving up'.

Haha Stevie, it's not exactly working for me (I'm going through cycles of attachment, disappointment, indifference) but there's no real compelling reason for me to end it (besides the above).

Anonymous poster, I was your girlfriend once (not literally). I was living in such close quarters with someone that they ceased to be attractive to me. I actually didn't think I had a problem and had no desire for anything to change. I can't believe he stayed with me for as long as he did. No advice, except for that sometimes people go through asexual stages?

As a guy who takes a very long time to climax (due to my neurological condition), I can speak to changing the focus of the act.
Sex is just as enjoyable without one, imo.

it takes me forever due to my anti-depressants. My doctor had me cut them down, gave me wellbutrin to raise the dopamine to counter act the effects. It helps, and when i do bust a nut the mother fucker hits the ceiling.

I do love tmi

http://cdn2.maxim.com/maxim/files/2007/08/22/man-juice-at-movies/scary_movie.jpg

bet mh feels p stupid about his post now

oh look, maxim images don't load at work

I'm saved!

What is that, a girl going through a car wash?

Oh, and I'm another guy in total agreement with Trip Maker

God bless you, end of university year. Drought over for now!