the usual English attention to the wrong details
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:25 (twelve years ago) link
and some sadness for stuff passing that has not passed or was not what he claims it was before it passed
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:26 (twelve years ago) link
is john terry 'real england' dyou suppose
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (twelve years ago) link
i infer from the book's post-colonage that the guy is a big douche.
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:24 (1 minute ago)
h but f, nv, h but f
basically i was looking at the squad list for peterbrough town and noticed ryan tunnicliffe and lee frecklington and thought maybe those names were shibboleths that uttered in a certain way might usher you into the innermost real england
― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:27 (twelve years ago) link
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01185/arts-graphics-2008_1185572a.jpg
the city hobgoblin as a good place to start! (of course he said british not english, right, re the wrong detail)
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:35 (twelve years ago) link
"... heir to an immense fortune, gifted by nature with a mind susceptible of noble cultivation, and a body endowed with admirable physical powers with the wretched drunkard who died in a gaol at the age of thirty-eight, a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot... " <-- i am this very second ensconced in the village that surnamed this regency rake, tho he mainly lived on the other side of shrewsbury
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:41 (twelve years ago) link
nigel farage isn't real btw, he speaks for only his own constituency, which is seldom more than symbolic
is there a real england that is incapable of any sort of assimilation into colonned literature? a planar england that resists signification or commodification by interlopers from other englands
― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:43 (twelve years ago) link
south dublin iirc
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:44 (twelve years ago) link
leatherhead is a promotory over a large and brackish inland sea that is never spoken of
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:45 (twelve years ago) link
beneath the leylines, the true underground
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:46 (twelve years ago) link
"Winter, 1981: the headless, skinned bodies of two bears are found by the River Lea."
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:51 (twelve years ago) link
real england is all mates and and blood sausage and big bottomed birds reading thew newsie-wewsies
― max, Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:57 (twelve years ago) link
nah it's hedgerows and birds and complete lack of public services
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:08 (twelve years ago) link
Oh it's all about the public services nowadays; a bus to take you into town so you can spend all night trawling the happy hour bars, a streetcleaner to mop up your vomit from the pavement, a policeman to give you a place to spend the night. No-one needed public services when an evening's entertainment consisted of watching the sun set over a russet autumnal hedgerow, lulled into a reverie by the carefree birdsong.
― ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:17 (twelve years ago) link
http://www.photohistory-sussex.co.uk/UckFrisbyPiltdown03.jpg
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:19 (twelve years ago) link
"Searching for the Putdown Man"
― ceci n'est pas un nom d'affichage (ledge), Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:21 (twelve years ago) link
Interesting question which I wish I could answer.
― Ned Trifle X, Thursday, 3 November 2011 14:29 (twelve years ago) link
I don't know if I would like that England even.
is there a culture that can't be commodified? and i have to be v. v. careful not to paint my cultures, or the cultures i've drifted along the fringes of, as the only real England. the problem is that the word is usually only spoken out loud by a certain kind of cultural capitalist, whose vision of it is just as tangential as mine. bullshit about fair play and honest toil and love of the land that i'd counter with a nation of sneak thiefs, factionalists and urban wastrels. the contestedness is always part of the Reality of the nation, any nation really.
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:39 (twelve years ago) link
for every sleepy Sunday C of E-attending agnostic Tory there's an apocalypse-welcoming hair-splitting anabaptist
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (twelve years ago) link
Everywhere north of Enfield is basically a wasteland isn't it? Brrrr... Nothing there. Just a man collecting lumps of mud and putting them into a cloth bag.
― Glo-Vember (dog latin), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:42 (twelve years ago) link
yeah but the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (twelve years ago) link
everybody shd read The Uses of Literacy to see how you can constructively get this wrong in a way that doesn't just mourn real heritage centres. obv Williams and E.P. Thompson and Stuart Hall too
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:43 (twelve years ago) link
the determination of that which is essential need not be a question of mere majorities
quite so, how about the British Isles then as a dumping ground/refugee camp/Wild West for Europe and parts south-east, over millenia, fuelling endless negotiation and conflict over territory, and that is the quicksand underneath Real England that we think of as bedrock?
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:46 (twelve years ago) link
look mate there's no need to get fucking personal, alright
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (twelve years ago) link
btw if i was gonna put forward one Real England it wd be old photographs of works sports teams or outings or other ceremonial jollies
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:49 (twelve years ago) link
it would be the commie permawheezing mustachioed drunk one in tinker tailor, tho no doubt they'd have you b'leev it's smiley or haydon
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:52 (twelve years ago) link
wait haydon was the commie?
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:54 (twelve years ago) link
SPOILERS
nah think he was the aesthete on a protest against the yanks more than anything else, wasn't the dude ciaran hinds played proper lefty in stated methods tho
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:56 (twelve years ago) link
the sparking point of Real England is where the plummy port-swilling foxhunter runs up against the chippy millenarian work-dodger and we drink each others' health and promise ourselves deep down that one day our kind will crush theirs
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:57 (twelve years ago) link
the phoenicians sailed up round to albion to trade tin for spice before the romans had even got out of bed, and if they weren't trading with aboriginal pre-celt and pre-pict inhabitants, then it was certainly aboriginal+1: an island of proto-druid shopkeepers since time immaterial
stonehenge is actually a kind of cashpoint machine
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:58 (twelve years ago) link
xp
oh, Roy Bland. yeah Bland is the angry Puritan I've been talking about, defending his country so's his people can crush the effete Squire class one day
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:59 (twelve years ago) link
but mark, who's to say the aborigines hadn't hopped off the boat from Boulogne just ahead of the celts themselves and so on and so forth??
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:00 (twelve years ago) link
irish close to turks dna-wise iirc
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:03 (twelve years ago) link
i think that's exactly what mark is saying, tbf
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:04 (twelve years ago) link
Of all the Tribe of Tegumai Who cut that figure, none remain On Merrow Down the cuckoos cry The silence and the sun remain
xp he's called smiley, he has to be of outlander extraction
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:13 (twelve years ago) link
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Arts/Arts_/Pictures/2007/07/17/chalkhomer460.jpg
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:17 (twelve years ago) link
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8Xw7LplzFws/TpDJGHBmFGI/AAAAAAAAArE/CCJlpL9TMeU/s1600/yeo+valley.jpg
― you don't exist in the database (woof), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:31 (twelve years ago) link
^ I wasn't at that FAP
― R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (twelve years ago) link
clun forest all-mercian jug band champions, tractor runs on wattle and daub
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:34 (twelve years ago) link
never get away with haircuts like that up in the Danelaw
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:36 (twelve years ago) link
post pictures of men who look like offa's dyke
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:37 (twelve years ago) link
― Agyness Dei (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 3 November 2011 15:41 (58 minutes ago)
there is definitely a book to be written about those south-midlands dissenter sects, maybe in a sort of gently sardonic louis theroux tone, 'britain's very own wild east and its fire and brimstone pastors '
so a good effort, but not really real
― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:45 (twelve years ago) link
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4-CuQTcGVYo/TKdQeWpskMI/AAAAAAAAAoM/H64kcUh5Jjw/s1600/AvengersTV.JPG
― mark s, Thursday, 3 November 2011 16:53 (twelve years ago) link
real english dialectic demands picture of McGoohan dressed as hunt sab.
― you don't exist in the database (woof), Thursday, 3 November 2011 17:01 (twelve years ago) link
there is only one named wind in england
― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Friday, 4 November 2011 17:02 (twelve years ago) link
This suggests a few more. I sincerely hope that "custard winds" isn't made up.http://www.weatheronline.co.uk/reports/wxfacts/British-Weather-Terms.htm
― Stevie T, Friday, 4 November 2011 18:12 (twelve years ago) link
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2011/11/8/1320750745209/Members-of-the-public-wai-004.jpg
Sir Jimmy Savile's coffin goes on display - Members of the public wait to pay their respects
― Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Tuesday, 8 November 2011 13:05 (twelve years ago) link
haha when i posted MES's mugg up-thread i genuinely didn't know his new LP was called "Ersatz GB"
― mark s, Tuesday, 8 November 2011 13:11 (twelve years ago) link
nah i was deliberately misquoting "The Classical" and i haven't heard a new Fall album in most of a decade tbh
― Bond 23: Skyrim (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 8 November 2011 13:15 (twelve years ago) link
ah, you don't get that when you fry 4 or 5 chillies or a sprinkling of flakes with other ingredients.
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Sunday, 28 January 2024 07:30 (two months ago) link
they use capiscum in pepper spray, so yeah
― koogs, Sunday, 28 January 2024 14:15 (two months ago) link
Real Wales
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/jan/25/llanelli-dj-jailed-for-urinating-on-cancer-patient-and-posting-video-online
― Ward Fowler, Thursday, 1 February 2024 15:47 (one month ago) link
“It’s just something me and the boys do when we are drunk.."
it's well worth avoiding men like this, as much as you can.
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Thursday, 1 February 2024 17:43 (one month ago) link
I like how the explanation just amplifies what a piece of shit he is
― wang mang band (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 1 February 2024 18:00 (one month ago) link
Brookfield admitted assault. Robert Thomas, defending, said: “In terms of the incident there’s very little that can be said in his favour.”
When even your own counsel can't be bothered to make excuses for you...
― fourth world problems (Matt #2), Thursday, 1 February 2024 18:03 (one month ago) link
It’s just something me and the boys do when we are drunk
― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 2 February 2024 15:13 (one month ago) link
Tearful XL bully owner Ashley Warren BEGS for breed to be ‘wiped out’ after they killed his mother
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 09:27 (one month ago) link
Look at the absolute state of this clown, a 39 year old man.
https://metro.co.uk/2024/02/04/woman-killed-attacked-two-dogs-man-arrested-20220624/
― The British Boy of Film Classification (Tom D.), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 09:31 (one month ago) link
one of the dogs that killed his mother-in-law was called Bear, that tells you all you need to know about his dog owning mentality, weapons rather than pets.
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 09:42 (one month ago) link
Is Jaywick still the most deprived town in England? It's a weird place anyway.
― The British Boy of Film Classification (Tom D.), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 09:45 (one month ago) link
There is an XL Bully owner up the road from me. There is a sign on the rickety gate that reads something like they have no responsibility for anyone who gets seriously injured or killed by their dog. I don't trust the gate to contain this beast, every time there has been strong winds another plank comes off it. And then my dumbass dog makes it a more fraught situation by barking at this beast.
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 09:48 (one month ago) link
Loving that these brain donor programme participants think a shitty little warning sign absolves them of responsibility for their dogs. Any prosecutor would say ‘so you knew your dogs were potentially violent?’
― steely flan (suzy), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 09:54 (one month ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GFpWKUYWEAApZ-2?format=jpg&name=small
imagine having a sign like this at the front of your house
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 10:11 (one month ago) link
My uncle had a rottweiler called Bear when I was a kid. He was a bit of a nutter. The uncle I mean. The dog did jump at me once which was pretty scary given it was probably bigger than I was but somehow I avoided getting a dog phobia
― Colonel Poo, Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:03 (one month ago) link
I got attacked by a huge German Shepherd at a farm in Kerry when I was a kid and despite it being a short one-two snaps attack I was bleeding a lot and had bite scars on my belly and hand for years afterwards, but I've never had a dog phobia over it, but you do need to exercise legitimate caution with some dogs. With this being the 70's nobody suggested I should have a tetnus booster - ah.. it'll be reet with a bit of germolene.
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:14 (one month ago) link
Its usually in the mix but I think Blackpool's the one
― anvil, Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:23 (one month ago) link
bloody coastal elites getting all the bragging rights!
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:27 (one month ago) link
I too got a German shepherd bite as a small child, but when I was taken to Emergency to get stitches, the doctors found weird swelling near my spleen while looking for possible inflammation and it turned out to be kidney cancer. The dog belonged to our neighbour and was not put down.
― steely flan (suzy), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:39 (one month ago) link
I wonder if the King has a weird swelling anywhere...
― The British Boy of Film Classification (Tom D.), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:40 (one month ago) link
I love German Shepherds and I think in a way that story enhances their rep as innately good creatures. Some dogs just don't like kids or get nervous around them - which is understandable tbf
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:48 (one month ago) link
Not just dogs tbf.
― The British Boy of Film Classification (Tom D.), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 11:51 (one month ago) link
Hans was a good boy, plus I was definitely a kid that pestered dogs and had been bitten before. He did not have to go live on a farm for my sake.
― steely flan (suzy), Tuesday, 6 February 2024 12:38 (one month ago) link
This morning I was waiting for a connecting bus in the centre of Cambridge, it was about 10 minutes late, and the queue was now snaking past the other bus stops. A group of five men started a new queue next to ours, so I was stressing a bit about that when the bus finally arrived. Somewhere behind me I heard a Spanish woman telling off two teenage boys for dropping litter, their response was "It's too early for this shit" then "why don't you go back where you come from?" - wish I had intervened but was distracted by the fact that the woman in front of me had just let the five men go in front of her without a word. As I got on the bus the teenagers were discussing whether "Why don't you go back where you come from?" was racist (their conclusion was "no" and "it's too early for this shit") then the packed bus was held up for a further five minutes behind a bin lorry, and as I stood there stressing about missing my train I thought "yes, this is the real England experience, just need some miserable pissy rain to seal the deal" so thanks ILX.
― This is Dance Anthems, have some respect (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 7 February 2024 09:24 (one month ago) link
It's been a landmark in Weston-super-Mare since 1935 🌸But the group looking after the floral clock say they needed to make it easier to look after.This is their plan ➡️ https://t.co/2OQO2AA8wb pic.twitter.com/5JmD5333g5— BBC West (@BBCBristol) February 8, 2024
― koogs, Friday, 9 February 2024 12:39 (one month ago) link
hahaha oh my godalso just reading your post now CaAL :( ❤️
― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Friday, 9 February 2024 12:43 (one month ago) link
actually, i'm not sure how true that is. acticle says 'plan' but the picture is in past tense and then you look and the clock is different. and then you look harder and the *houses* are different. so it's obv not the same place.
― koogs, Friday, 9 February 2024 13:25 (one month ago) link
oh, the old pic is 1935 and it IS the same place
― koogs, Friday, 9 February 2024 13:27 (one month ago) link
KEN likes it anyway
there are few bus stops that really sum up that feeling of faded dystopic england than north greenwich’s “Millennium Leisure Park East” unless you’re talking about the next stop along, “Millennium Leisure Park West”
― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Monday, 12 February 2024 10:33 (one month ago) link
followed two stops later by excellent pomo contradiction Millennium Village Oval Square. no I didn't need to look that up
― imago, Monday, 12 February 2024 10:44 (one month ago) link
Real England thread: xl bullies are child eating monstersDogs thread: xl bullies wouldn’t hurt a fly!
― Roman Anthony gets on his horse (gyac), Tuesday, 13 February 2024 18:45 (one month ago) link
They are also smaller dog-eating monsters.
― steely flan (suzy), Tuesday, 13 February 2024 22:04 (one month ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgQTymQSYQY
Interview with Mark Molesley of Gosport Borough
― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Wednesday, 21 February 2024 17:57 (one month ago) link
https://i.ibb.co/MGHNc6T/Screenshot-2024-02-28-at-12-45-51.png
― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Wednesday, 28 February 2024 11:47 (one month ago) link
This happened in Glasgow but still: 'Angry families turned up to find me dressed as Willy Wonka'
The only thing that's not Real England about this is that the organisers of the event apologised and refunded everyone's money.
― you gotta roll with the pączki to get to what's real (snoball), Wednesday, 28 February 2024 18:50 (one month ago) link
more here: fyre festival is going well
― mark s, Wednesday, 28 February 2024 18:52 (one month ago) link
Also, Glasgow's not in England
― Andy the Grasshopper, Wednesday, 28 February 2024 18:52 (one month ago) link
More and more are saying this
― Ethinically Ambigaus (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 28 February 2024 20:48 (one month ago) link
'cyberflashing' lol.. dude totally looks like a cyberflasher
Court jails first person convicted of cyberflashing in England
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/19/court-jails-first-person-convicted-of-cyber-flashing-in-england
― Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 19 March 2024 17:30 (one week ago) link
Ian Beale – 2024 Wall Calendar
― you gotta roll with the pączki to get to what's real (snoball), Tuesday, 26 March 2024 20:51 (three days ago) link