Chicago: Where have all the serial killers gone?

still, i have learned to like wings.

but eating skin is gross.

My clothes reek of Quenchers, I can smell them from across the room. Man that place stinks.

My clothes reek of Quenchers

Ha! Jeff and I both showered as soon as we walked in the door Friday night. There's little worse than waking up hung over and smelling like you slept in a dirty ashtray. Plus I'd just changed the sheets.

I hear Jenny's voice in the back of my mind going, "misogynyyyyyyyy....."

HAHAHA! I win!

We played the wedding reception, then had to go hit our bar gig right away. However, we weren't allowed to go to our van because of a nearby FOREST FIRE. The only other car we had was a pick-up truck, so we piled five dudes + instruments + open containers in the back, illegal immigrant-style.

Of course we got pulled over within two minutes. The cop, and this is the part that makes me love Tahoe, was CRACKING UP. He was like "Aw hell no. This is wildly illegal, but I'm busy...have fun, guys. You didn't see me, and if highway patrol catches you then you're toast." He was seriously laughing as he went back to his car. We went on our merry way and sang gospel tunes in the back to stay warm, it was totally ridiculous.

Reviews of movies I have seen this weekend:

The Illusionist: Pretty mediocre. Giamatti and Sewell are pretty great, the rest of the movie is blah.
Candyman: Awesome, less cheesy than I expected, some pretty scary parts and good Cabrini footage.
The Inside Man: Fun. Snappy dialogue.

I watched a Mamet movie last night, actually, or at leastan early screenwriting credit of his -- The Verdict with Paul Newman. Powerhouse acting from everybody (James Mason, Charlotte Rampling), nice dialogue, pretty subtle as far as Mamet goes. And then the courtroom scenes are PREPOSTEROUS. He didn't even both to check if the things that happen in the courtroom would in any way be allowed in any courtroom ever. The whole third act just goes completely to shit. Grrr.

Also, it's my Birthday Eve.

Also, I need to drink alcohol.

I had enough alcohol and food over the weekend to last me all winter.

Nick said we're going to eat nothing but celery the rest of the week. I put a plug in for ants on a log to mix things up a bit.

I'm looking at the character and fitness questionnaire for the bar... Can any of YOU list every address, permanent and temporary, where you have lived for the past ten years or since age 18, whichever is longer? Because I sure as shit can't.

2x

I could name all the streets I've lived on, but I'd be guessing at a couple of the address numbers.

What if you forget one? What do your addresses have to do with anything? I know that shady people take the bar; do they just slip through? Lie?

I heart Fellini.

1. 422 L@ngf0rd Drive, B0lingbr00k, IL
(Sept. 1986-Sept. 1996, Jun. 1997-Sept. 1997, Jun. 1998-Sept. 1998, Aug. 2000-Sept. 2000)

2. S3v3rn Hall, Kalamaz00 Coll3ge*, Kalamaz00, MI
(Sept. 1996-Jun. 1997)

3. Criss3y Hall, Kalamaz00 Coll3ge, Kalamaz00, MI
(Sept. 1997-Jun. 1998, Jun. 1999-Jun. 2000)

4. C0unty C0llege, Lancast3r Univ3rsity, Lancaster, UK
(Sept. 1998-Mar. 1999)

5. DeWat3rs Hall, Kalamaz00 Coll3ge, Kalamaz00, MI
(Apr. 1999-Jun. 1999)

6. 715 Dav1s, Kalamaz00 Coll3ge, Kalamaz00, MI
(Jun. 2000-Aug. 2000)

7. 2335 W. B@rry, Chicago, IL
(Oct. 2000-Apr. 2001)

8. 1530 W. Edg3wat3r, Chicago, IL
(May 2001-Nov. 2005)

9. CURRENT RESIDENCE
(Nov. 2005-present)

*Mailing address: 1200 Acad3my St. (Although I don't remember my box number...)

I also have to put down my father's name and address and I don't know if that means my deadbeat dad with whom I have spoken with once in the last 15 years outside of an occasional email and who is somewhat of an embarassment to me if they check up on his background ("somewhat" being a little bit of an understatement but we can talk about that offline some day) or if I can put down my stepfather who is the man I consider my father and who has a sterling reputation in his community and beyond.

This whole thing is making me nuts because they will actually write you a letter demanding an explanation of they find an inconsistency. I shouldn't have a problem being admitted because, somehow, given my shady past and many near-misses with the law, I'm totally clean. But I feel like they'll look at my application and see my filthy dirtbag past and use that to frustrate my attempts to pursue an honest, clean-cut future.

I just checked - jobs only go back for ten years. THANK FUCKING GOD.

I'm thinking about having myself skip traced. Seriously.

Yeah, I can't find that on Google and don't want to search through ILX because then ILX will break again.

Also: Kr just flew to O-ho-ho and won't be back until Sunday. Wah.

!!!!

All it entailed was some friends grilling calimari and discovering that the squid's body was basically a tube once it was cleaned... A tube that (when cooked) was roughly the same diameter as the kielbasa I had brought. One thing led to another, and the squid got penetrated. Then it was passed around. Quite tasty with a green chile marinade!

That's going to cost you a handjob.

-Mice, roaches, spiders: things my roommates and I would like to kill, but which their boss (who spends a lot of time at the house, since she is the proxy land lady) will not allow us to kill. She is a young LGBT activist seminarian.

-Met with a Unitarian minister today. Unitarians are open-minded and liberal, but to the point of being a little flakey. This guy insouciantly dropped the GD bomb during our conversation, which is unlike most ministers I've known.

Aaaaay-I-Deeee-Esssss, Aych-IIIII-Veeee...I can not wait to die, can you tell, can't you tell, can you tell?

hi.
below are tour dates. i am have a chronic illness that i think is based in an allergic reaction. i can hardly move and all i want to do is sleep. my ears hurt and my lip is split open. sometimes i cannot hold my urine and i pee on myself. right now i am tyring to continue to live and repot all my cactus but it makes my apartment smell like dirt. also everything smells like pee. it is like a farm where i live.

Brine your chickens.