The Bobby Gillespie Bullshit game

BG: Ehh..I don't know. I think I always wanted to be a singer but I didn't realise it. I always wanted to be a guitar player because I loved guitar players in bands. I became a singer through default. We were writing these songs and I wanted to play guitar and we kept asking these people to sing and they were terrible so I stepped in.

So there was five of us, Andrew Innes on guitar, me on vocals, Jaki Leibezeit on drums, Michael Karoli on guitar and Liam Gallagher on one finger piano. We jammed our arses off, till five in the morning, hard and heavy on a two-chord Karoli groove, what a night! I'll never forget it. We all fell out of the studio arm-in-arm and walked up the road high and happy, blasted by the magick of Can, The Can!

There's plenty more where that came from as well- I couldn't believe they'd published such utter name-dropping drivel!

I didn't know he was a Suzi Quatro fan.

"After spending a week jamming with Quatro, the Scream determined that 'Leather Forever' would be like part of our ten-point plan to wipe out the fascists that dare like cross our path. We have one of Suzi's Leather Tuscadero outfits hanging in the back room of the Scream Team hideout."

No you don't. I can confirm by eyewitness that you spend at least three days a week wheeling a kid filled pram up and down the Holloway Road, and another couple of days a week flopping around in the fucking Sobell leisure centre in N7.

"We're a hardworking band."

You and your 'hardworking' band and gargantuan team of gargantuan roadies threw a lazy wobbler and had my band's performance pulled from the slot preceeding Primal Scream's at a Dublin festival last year because "You have too much gear and take up too much room on stage". We're a three piece!

-- greypejooze (greypejooz...), September 21st, 2006.

tell us more! miserable celebrities i love it.

Next, you'll be telling us he was taking vitamin supplements.

Primal Scream strike me as a band that almost certainly played the ol' "bedsheet mystery record grab" game while on tour...and I'm sure BG always won...

This single quote was densely packed with high point-scoring words along the lines of 'beautiful 13-year old punk rock girl', 'nihilistic', 'dennis hopper' and the like. If anyone can track that one down, I'll be very impressed!

the movie in question is Out of The Blue, it does feature a beautiful 13-yo punk rock girl, is deeply nihilistic, and Dennis Hopper plays the punk girl's pervo-hippie father.

He needs to spend less time on the rock 'n' roll and more on tidying that mantelpiece

Alopecia areata
Areola non-grata
Medulla oblongata

Fascistic state
Suck my soul
Going down the drain
In a hole
Soul
Soul
Soul

Syphilitic parasitic parasites (x 25)

Yeh (x 15)

Speaking in an interview with Q magazine, Bobby Gillespie says he offered the singer a combination of drugs including ecstasy, speed and cocaine, but she politely declined.

"We did try. We tried to give her an LDC - a lethal drug cocktail. Ecstasy, speed, cocaine, methadone, valium all crushed up. One of the guys offered it to her, but she said, 'Thanks but no thanks.' She was very ladylike," he states.

the question is when will the offspring of this meeting of musical minds see the light of day?

I was on the number 30 bus in Dalston recently alongside Bobby Gillespie.

― ailsa, Tuesday, 5 December 2023 14:01 (forty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Boab is due at a meeting with Alan McGee but finds himself stranded on the wrong side of London. McGee phones...

Al: That you Bob? Where are ye?

Boab: Still oan ma fuckin' way, wee man. it's fuckin' pishin' it doon here.

Al (sarcastically): Did ye no' bring yer anorak?

Boab: Here you, ah've no' worn an anorak since Splash One in 1986.

Al: Well no' since ye discovered there was no money to be made in indie rock.

Boab: Ha fuckin' ha. Here you, by the way, where was the fuckin' limo?

Al: The limo?

Boab: Aye, ma fuckin' ride... ya ride!

Al (wearily): How many times do I have to tell you, Bob, it's no' 1994 anymore.

Boab: Aye, ah don't ah know it!

Al: Jump in a cab!

Boab: Fuck that, dae ye know how much taxis cost in this toon? Ah'm gettin' the fuckin' bus.

Al: The bus? That'll take forever!

Boab (conspiratorially): Aye, Al, but it'll cost fuck aw wi' this Freedom Pass ah've goat here.

Al: Freedom whit?

Boab: Freedom Pass, Al. It's a concessionary travel scheme, which began in 1973, to provide free travel to residents of Greater London, England, for people with a disability or over the progressively increasing women's state pension age 60 in 2010, currently 66 until about 2026).The scheme is funded by local authorities and coordinated by London Councils. Originally the pass was a paper ticket, but since 2004 it has been encoded on to a contactless smartcard compatible with Oyster card readers...

Al: ... aye, but...

Boab: ... haud oan, ah've no feenished, Al.  Greater London residents aged 60 before 6 April 2010 were eligible for an Older Persons Freedom Pass, increasing progressively in line with the women's state pension age to 66 from 2020 to about 2026. London residents over 60 but below Freedom Pass age are eligible for a 60+ Oyster card on payment of £20, with all the benefits of the Freedom Pass within Greater London, but not valid on buses outside Greater London.

Al: Well this is fascinating Bobby but, one question, why are you whispering?

Boab; Ah don't wahnt the whole o' London knowin' ma fuckin' age dae ah?

Al: (sotto voce) One look at your face will tell them that...

Boab (raising his voice suddenly): Here, there's ma bus, be there shortly wee man!

Al: Aye, in about three fuckin' hours.

Boab gallops towards the bus stop like a newly born foal and joins the queue. On the bus he presses through the crowd looking for a seat.

Boab (cheerily to no-one in particular): Room for a small one!

Boab is forced to stand much to his displeasure.

Boab (grumbling to himself): Ah thoat ah might ah goat a seat at least ... a man o' ma age tae.

Boab turns to speak to an elderly lady who is also standing.

Boab: Shocking innit? Young yins these days? Nae thoughts o' giein' up seats tae their elders and betters. Nah! Widnae ah happened in ma day!

Suddenly Boab spots a seat behind the elderly lady and pushes past her to claim it, depositing himself beside a young woman staring intently at her phone.

Boab (to the young woman): Here, that's better! Take the fuckin' weight aff, so tae speak!

Boab waits for a response but none is forthcoming, then, on looking round for someone else to speak to, notices the elderly lady glowering at him so swiftly turns back to the young woman.

Boab (slapping hands on his thighs): This rain is fuckin' shockin' int it? Nice weather for ducks though, am ah right?

The young woman stares at her phone with furious intensity. Boab stares ahead then turns to her again.

Boab: Still, Londoners eh? They don't know how lucky they ur! You try getting a bus back tae the Sooside fae George Square oan a Saturday night...

No response.

Boab: And fuck walking through Toryglen tae get tae Mount Florida in the wee sma hours, and bumpin' intae Jim Kerr and his gang o' neds!

No response.

Boab: Ye ever heard o' a band ca'ed Primal Scream?

Did it on my phone so a few errors here and there.

Fantastic.

Love the stupid complexity of the freedom Card scheme

Tom D! I'm sure that I would not be the only ILMnik who would hugely grateful if you would see your way to posting the installments of the Boaby Chronicles that have heretofore not made it to this thread. I lovelovelovelove your work as such and would be thrilled to have access to a complete set. Please consider it! thank you!

kickstarter for a series of signed and numbered leatherbound volumes of the chronicles of boab or gtfo imo

and i thought this was going to be about the current meme re bobby thats doing the rounds.
i.e. him and a couple of others looking very glum, and various titles/descriptions ..

ah, i belatedly see that neil s has already added the meme i was referring to ..
sorry.

Tom D! I'm sure that I would not be the only ILMnik who would hugely grateful if you would see your way to posting the installments of the Boaby Chronicles that have heretofore not made it to this thread. I lovelovelovelove your work as such and would be thrilled to have access to a complete set. Please consider it! thank you!

How about this ... and I hope the links work...

THE CHRONICLES OF BOABY (Updated Version)

Episode 1. "Gott in himmel, Englander schwein!"
In which Boaby phones Kevin Shields to complain that the remaster of "Screamadelica" he approved was carried out by 'some cunt naebody's heard o''. Boaby then phones Holger Czukay to try to persuade him to oversee an alternative remaster, much to Holger's chagrin.

Episode 2. "... gie's ma heid ower, wull ye?"
In which, believing that the Wombles have reformed to play "Screamadelica" in its entirety at Glastonbury, Boab has agreed to make a guest appearance... while wearing a Womble suit... this despite his concerns that it will render him incapable of playing his primary instrument, the tambourine. Backstage, after Mike Batt informs him that the Wombles are actually playing "Keep On Wombling" in its entirety, and not "Screamadelica", Boaby phones McGee in a state of high dudgeon.

Episode 3. "Naw, ah've no goat time tae listen tae how you discovered Oasis!"
In which Alan McGee phones Boab to tell him that a Primal Scream track was just played at the Tory Party Conference and that he should release a statement disassociating the band from it. Boab reluctantly agrees but is secretly pleased that his mammy can get to hear his band played on the telly.

Episode 4. "I married Philip John May on 6 September 1980 [citation needed]. I have no children."
In which, following on from the previous phone call, Boaby goes on a date with Home Secretary Theresa May. Boab is charm itself, within reason, but the evening ends badly when Theresa admits to mistaking the Primal Scream track "Rocks", as played at the Tory Party Conference, for a Rolling Stones song.

Episode 5. "Gonny leave me alaine?"
In which Boaby and Momus have a desultory conversation where Boaby denies ever having toured Germany with Momus or having had sex with a woman called Helga in Hamburg. Boaby's Glaswegian sensibilities are doubly offended by Momus' use of Paisley dialect. That's (abstruse) entertainment!

Episode 6. "A scrawny auld duffer wi' a pair o' mad shades oan."
In which Boaby turns up backstage at the Barbican where Suicide are playing. Immediately he rubs Marty Rev up the wrong way by claiming to have written "Dream Baby Dream". Later he mistakes Alan Vega for his father.

Episode 7. "You know me, ah know fuck a' aboot fuck a'."
In which Boaby is 'ower the moon' about a cool avant garde film he has appeared in, playing Gilles de Rais, until McGee bursts his ba' by pointing out that Gilles de Rais was a rapist, a paedophile and a necrophiliac.

Episode 8. (aims kick at family pet)
In which, in a domestic scene which is something of a departure for the Boaby Chronicles, Boab tries to order a book by Julian Cope using Alexa but Alexa singularly fails to understand Boab's accent (join the club).

Episode 9. "... 12 actually, mate."
In which McGee phones Boaby to tell him about the launch of his newest label Creation23, Boab is underwhelmed. Worse is to follow as McGee tries to persuade Boab to get Primal Scream to record a single for the new label. Boab refuses and, for a change, has some fun at McGee's expense.

Episode 10. "Here, ah'll fuckin' delete you in a minute."
Following his controversial appearance on the "This Week" and the disparaging remarks concerning it on Twitter made by the show's host, Andrew 'Andra' Neil, Boaby phones to register his disapproval. After some more recondite banter about the differences between Paisley and Glasgow dialects, which absolutely no-one other than the author understands or appreciates, Andra outwits Boab and leaves Boab cursing him and his alma mater.

Episode 11. "... a 90 minute album of a fuckin' tap runnin'."
Boaby hears that a number of celebrities have signed a letter, for publication in the press and other media, in support of a Jeremy Corbyn premiership. Annoyed that he was not asked to contribute he phones one of its signatories, Brian Eno, with predictable results.

Episode 12. "And your point is, caller?"
Boaby visits his manager's office where is offered the chance to do a commentary for the DVD of "Shaun the Sheep: The Movie". He demurs. Along the way he drops in a reference to Scottish football journalist, James Sanderson, which absolutely no-one will understand.

Episode 13. "... wid they even wahnt a band plays black music involved?"
In which, in the midst of the pandemic, McGee tries to persuade Boaby to contribute to a charity single to raise money for the NHS. However when Boab hears that the single will involve such household names as Billy Bibby, formerly of Catfish & the Bottlemen, he declines.

Episode 14. "Crab?"
In which, in an especially bizarre scenario, Boaby has been invited to an unnamed American university to discuss Scottish music and the Scottish cultural scene alongside McGee and Stuart Murdoch of Belle & Sebastian (not Boab's favourite band it's fair to say). Boab's discomfort at appearing in this milieu becomes glaringly obvious as the night wears on.

Episode 15. "...who picks fuckin' Stewart fuckin' Kennedy in fuckin' goal instead o' David Harvey?"
In which, having been a long time outspoken critic of Scottish nationalism, Boaby summons a band meeting on Zoom to inform the other members that Primal Scream is now in favour of Scottish independence. In the course of this call he forgets who Martin Duffy is and that Robert Young is dead but finds time to reminisce about Scotland's 2-1 victory over England at Wembley in 1977.

Episode 16. "Nae mair waitin' fer yer man, ah UM yer fuckin' man!"
In which Thurston Moore phones Boaby to ask him to collaborate on a version of the Velvet Underground's "Heroin". Much miscommunication hilarity ensues.

Episode 17. "... that's Green's Playhoose tae you auld yins."
In which, for some reason, Boaby is present at the Pendlebury & District Garden Fete to witness Pete Hook playing in front of a portaloo. Boab tries to engage Hook in friendly conversation afterwards but, alas, Hook has ferrets to feed.

Episode 18. "... yer foolin' naeb'dy ya lanky auld cunt!"
In which Boaby spots Nick Cave shopping in his local branch of Lidl and is determined to have it out with the Australian musician, writer and actor (known for his baritone voice) about his invitation to the coronation of King Charles III. Cave is in no mood to bandy words however and makes his excuses and leaves.

Episode 19. "Room for a small one!"
In which Boaby is expected at a meeting with McGee on the other side of London but finds himself without transport and so is forced to catch a bus. All is well though as, due to his advanced age, Boaby is eligible for a Transport For London Freedom Pass, allowing him to travel free of charge and greatly improving his good humour in the process.

wonderful

Was putting a list together but Tom beat me to it... here are links for the episodes from this thread:

Episode 10
Episode 11
Episode 12
Episode 14
Episode 15
Episode 16
Episode 17
Episode 18
Episode 19

Tom D, you are a gent and a scholar! thank you!

I would try to call you big yin, but I'd fuck it up.

Bobby's tribute to Shane McGowan, which is free of bullshit and not all about himself. He does have his moments.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/08/shane-macgowan-bobby-gillespie-primal-scream-pogues

I saw that and reflected that Bobby also called Martin Duffy his "soul brother" on Twitter when he died. I suspect he treated Shane MacGowan a little better though.

He couldn't resist though:

"I’d admired him as far back as Gabrielle, by The Nips."

LOL yes, spotted that.

xxp
Ah, ye see, when ye make someone an honorary family member, it's no' about the coin or the wage. It's about the bonds, the kinship, the ties that bind ye together

"Shane, lemme help ya oan tae the stage here...aye, just squeeze past Duffy and his organs. Wits that? Aye, ye'll get the 'enhanced' session players wage for singin' tonight that we talked aboot...no, no dinnae worry, ol' Duffy knows wits guid for haim, he's on the basic rate".

I missed this bit of Boaby news...

https://www.thefashionisto.com/hm-holiday-2023-campaign/

Bobby Gillespie and his sons Lux and Wolf have been chosen to star in clothing company H&M’s holiday 2023 campaign. They have just arrived at photographer Mikael Jansson's studio.

Boab: Fer fuck's sake, try an' be a bit mair... street... an' don't be comin' oot wi any o' yer toffee nosed patter, by the way.

Wolf: But papa, you and mama did pay for us to have a very expensive private education, you cannot expect us to converse like common street urchins.

Boab: Aye, well at least try an' look like common street urchins! Huv ye no' learned any'hin' fae yer auld man? Ah've been fuckin' dinin' oot fer years oan ma deprived childhood as a Tenement Kid despite comin' fae Mount Florida... here, did ye know ah wrote a book aboot it?

Photographer: Bobby! Come on in! And this must be...

Boab: This is Wolf and that yin hidin' at the back therr is Lux. Stupid fuckin' names ah know, ah wahnted tae ca' them Darren and Barry but the wife thoat different... any'hin' fer an easy life though, am ah right?

Photographer: Er, absolutely, I'll just let you get yourselves prepared while I carry on setting up.

Boab: Fire away, big yin, fire away!

Turning back to his sons.

Boab: Right, you two, afore we go any further, let's huv some ground rules. Nae "sayin' cheese", ye've goat tae look as crabbit and torn faced as me. Ah've goat ma image tae consider. Ma public expect me tae be mean, moody and magnificent and be kickin' aboot wi ma face permanently fuckin' trippin' me, no' grinnin' like a fuckin' jackass... and the same goes fer ma boeys, they've goat tae look like miserable cunts tae.

Wolf: Oh that'll be no problem, papa.

Lux (petulantly): We have actually modelled before, papa, we do know our way round a photographer's studio.

Boab (to Wolf): Here, hark it him! Thinks he's fuckin' Naomi Campbell aw o' a sudden!

Lux: I don't want to do this stupid photoshoot anyway, papa! I'm supposed to be meeting Rupert, Allegra and Piers for tiffin at three! It's all so dashed inconvenient!

Wolf: Yes, I'm expected at Ophelia, Persephone and Ferdinand's for five. This is awfully burdensome, papa.

Boab: Awfy burdensome? I'll awfy burdensome you in a minute, ya ungrateful wee cu...

Bobby's reprimand is cut off by his phone ringing.

Boab: Fuck... who's this... oh here it's yer Granda Gillespie, whit's the auld cunt efter noo?

Boab: Hullo?

*muffled voice on the other end of the phone*

Boab: Ah'm in the middle o' a fuckin' photoshoot wi' ma boeys, da!

*muffled voice*

Boab: Aye, ah've no' forgoatten.

*muffled voice*

Boab: Fer fuck sake da! Ah'm (looks around, covers phone and lowers voice) 62.

*muffled voice*

Boab: Awright... ah will... ah will...

*muffled voice*

Boab: Naw, ah don't wahnt tae hear aboot how your attempt tae win the Govan by-election in 1988 was sabotaged by Robert Maxwell, naeb'dy wahnt's tae hear that...

*muffled voice*

Boab: Listen da, let it go...

*louder muffled voice*

Boab: ... da... da... it never happened... (sotto voce) Christ, no' this again...

*even louder muffled voice*

Boab (rolling eyes): Aye, da, ye were a great candidate, it wisnae your fault ye loast wan o' the safest Labour seats in the country tae the SNP...

*muffled voice louder still*

Boab: Aye, right da, the Tartan Tories ah know, ah know, ah've fuckin' heard it a million times...

*and louder*

Boab: ... da... da... ah've goat tae go! Right? Tell maw we'll see her efter Hogmanay...

*muffled voice*

Boab: ... right ... right. See ye.

*muffled voice*

Boab (turning to his sons): See that fuckin' Granda o' yours? He's fuckin' delusional, so he is. Aw he does is make stuff up that didnae happen, or try an' make oot he wis at the centre o' every'hin' that ever happened in the world. He's constantly inflatin' his own importance and bummin' aboot his achievements and aw the fuckin'...

Suddenly notices that both his sons and the photographer have gone very quiet and are looking somewhat sheepish.

Boab: ... whit? (suddenly animated) Here, huv we goat a fuckin' photoshoot oan here or whit? We've goat some shite fuckin' claes tae sell, boeys!

Jansson: Er, yeah. Can we have all three of you over here.

Boab: Nae bother, big yin.

Jansson: Now can we have a little bit of a smile...

Boab: ... let me stoap ye right there.