― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 19:00 (twenty years ago) link
I really really hate open casket wakes.
― rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 19:31 (twenty years ago) link
Also, a few years ago I was talking with a black friend of mine who shook her head at white people's custom of having funerals within three days or so of the person's death. Black families, I am told, give family and friends and relatives more time to make arrangements for travel and time off work, etc. So what's up with that, and is it even true?
― jewelly (jewelly), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 20:12 (twenty years ago) link
Wouldn't call it fun, but it wasn't scary, either....
― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 20:17 (twenty years ago) link
In my experience, in fact, the funeral is the least unpleasant part of the whole death business. And, just afterwards, the meeting up and talking about the deceased - it's a good way of memorialising someone's life. I'm glad my parents didn't try to keep me from going to them when I was very young - even if I didn't really understand what was going on, I think it's necessary to have gone.
― cis (cis), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 23:23 (twenty years ago) link
Certainly it is! Death doesn't have to be the end of someone's life, but a new beginning to their consciousness. Who knows what really happens when you die? Life (in all its forms) is meant to be celebrated: the things about the person that made you happy, cry, even argue. Funerals can be the place to do that, as well. The Irish break out the beer, sit, sing and talk about their deceased friend/relative/loved one: as long as the memories are strong, that person "lives" on.
― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 23:30 (twenty years ago) link
― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 1 July 2003 23:43 (twenty years ago) link
I have only ever come away from 1 funeral where I felt happy. It was my Grandads, whom I loved dearly, but had held on for 5 years after my Nan had died & basically wished he was dead each day because he couldnt stand to be apart from her. I think it was a classic case of dying of a broken heart & I have to say that I was glad that he did. I miss him terribly, but that was nothing compared to how much he missed his wife, my Nan. I miss them both loads & I am sad that they wont be there to see me get married.
― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 10:39 (twenty years ago) link
― kate (kate), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 10:49 (twenty years ago) link
― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 13:53 (twenty years ago) link
― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 15:30 (twenty years ago) link
― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 18:56 (twenty years ago) link
His funeral was way hard for me to deal with, cuz a lot of the people he shot up with were there, some of 'em weren't behaving anywhere near appropriately, and I was really close a few times to screaming out "YOU FUCKERS DID THIS TO HIM!", but I was able to keep my composure. Barely.
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 19:27 (twenty years ago) link
Not in my family. The last relative's wedding I went to, the food was potluck. I shit you not. Potato salad off of paper plates. I would have preferred a funeral -- no one would have been wearing blue polyester to a funeral.
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 19:29 (twenty years ago) link
― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 23:09 (twenty years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 2 July 2003 23:40 (twenty years ago) link
Wrap me in a shawl, dig a hole, drop me in. Why is that not an easier option?!
― sad man in him room (milo z), Sunday, 12 October 2008 01:27 (fifteen years ago) link
Going to one of these shindigs in a couple of hours. My best friend's mother. Hey, did you know if you mix up the letters of 'funeral' you get 'real fun'?
― DavidM, Wednesday, 4 November 2009 09:22 (fourteen years ago) link
You get ten points if you mention that in the eulogy.
― Mark G, Wednesday, 4 November 2009 09:43 (fourteen years ago) link
i dislike open caskets
and if the departed is to be cremated then why do people bother with all the embalming and presentation? to make the body more flammable?
― tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Friday, 21 January 2011 04:12 (thirteen years ago) link
caskets usually left open overnight at the deceased's house before the funeral, where a serious drinking session then ensues.
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 12:00 (thirteen years ago) link
is it at all appropriate to have an adult beverage at the memorial of an inveterate alcoholic?
― tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Friday, 21 January 2011 12:13 (thirteen years ago) link
can only speak for over here, but it's damn near mandatory.
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 12:22 (thirteen years ago) link
It's what they would have wanted.
― seminal fuiud (NickB), Friday, 21 January 2011 12:27 (thirteen years ago) link
a great man for the dhrink
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 12:35 (thirteen years ago) link
just feeling a bit morose after the service yesterday. he was a relative on my mother's side but one i had not seen in years -- partly because he had alienated a greater part of her family with his drinking. the service was in the funeral home itself, and though i've attended services in that setting before, it struck me as depressing this time, the most cursory of remembrances; a pre-recorded version of "on eagles wings" was piped through the sound system during a moment of reflection. all day no one spoke about his drinking, and how it ultimately killed him. the eulogy was full of faint praise; the sermon sensitive but generic.
i dunno, shit's got me way down today and i'm having trouble containing the melancholy.
― tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:29 (thirteen years ago) link
only natural, really. Drinking yourself to death doesn't make for a joyous funeral.
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:31 (thirteen years ago) link
No. But a person who drinks themselves to death is a person who's suffering from something, with varying degrees of fault or innocence w/r/t their reasons. To completely wipe out their struggle feels cheap and cardboard-y. I'm sorry, elms.
― Jesus Christ, the apple tree! (Laurel), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:37 (thirteen years ago) link
a pre-recorded version of "on eagles wings" was piped through the sound system during a moment of reflection
Man, that sounds horrible. I don't like open caskets either, btw.
I'm sorry Elmo.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:38 (thirteen years ago) link
Sometimes these things happen when arrangements are made "by committee" -- everyone just wants the event to be over and everyone defers to each other in the absence of any strong preferences, and you end up with some kind of bland medium way.
It doesn't define the person or his struggle or his legacy, though, you know that. Maybe some down-time is in order for you to do your own reflecting and processing?
― Jesus Christ, the apple tree! (Laurel), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:40 (thirteen years ago) link
xp yes, all true laurel, but it can be a hard thing for family and friends to address in the midst of everything else surrounding a funeral, and partic during the sermon or an eulogy- as many are going to castigate as commend any effort to acknowledge a problem like that.
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:41 (thirteen years ago) link
thanks for your sympathy guys. like i said it's not as if we had been close but in any case my grief is taking on something of an existential tone.
and btw goddamn these uptight yankees and their lack of emotional vocabulary
― tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:47 (thirteen years ago) link
Definitely, darra. Not arguing. Just...do you think it would make a difference in proceedings whether the goal was ignoring/denying the facts, or putting them on hold to sort through at a later date? Shrugs all 'round.
― Jesus Christ, the apple tree! (Laurel), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:48 (thirteen years ago) link
i don't know, stuff is hard.
I mean, we didnt have a eulogy for our mother. There was so much you felt couldn't be said for similar reasons as at elmo's funeral, and by the time she was gone there really wasn't much else left to talk about.
So, you just end up... Leaving it all out, i guess?
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:51 (thirteen years ago) link
You and elmo and this kind of situation in general have all my sympathy.
I'm guessing, though, that the kind of dead air elmo has just sat through is a cold-blooded Yankee specialty. FEELINGS are to be kept behind closed doors, never speak ill, show a united and emotionless face to the outside world, etc. :-/ So you're not leaving it out for the "right" reasons, you're just...closing ranks in denying that there was anything to leave out at all.
― Jesus Christ, the apple tree! (Laurel), Friday, 21 January 2011 15:59 (thirteen years ago) link
rural catholic ireland, and four brothers at that, ticks most of those boxes alright.
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 16:05 (thirteen years ago) link
yeah but i guess my perspective is that of the extended family, unfamiliar with the daily misery of his later life.
but for real, this is a "we don't talk about it" sort of family here; the deceased only learned after his mother's death that she was not in fact his mother; and that he was the son of the woman he had believed to be his oldest sister.
― tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Friday, 21 January 2011 16:27 (thirteen years ago) link
ok, that's high on the repression charts alright.
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Friday, 21 January 2011 16:32 (thirteen years ago) link
I have this one extremely cheesy family member and a huge extended family. Which means that someone in my gigantic family dies at least once a year. Which means that at least once a year I find myself either gritting my teeth or getting into a shouting match with said relative over the possibility of "On Eagle's Wings" being played at the service.
I had to have a private talk with other family members to please put pressure on this person to never suggest "Eagle's Wings" again, it's disrespectful to use the same old song at everyone's funeral.
― Possession of Stolen Goods (pharoah slanders) (u s steel), Friday, 21 January 2011 17:11 (thirteen years ago) link
I don't know this song or understand why it's popular for funerals. Should I youtbe it or will I be scarred for life?
― Jesus Christ, the apple tree! (Laurel), Friday, 21 January 2011 17:17 (thirteen years ago) link
You might be scarred for life learning that some people find it inspiring and beautiful even after hearing it 10,000 times.
So famous it has a Wikipedia entry: "On Eagles' Wings' is a devotional song composed by Michael Joncas, a Catholic Priest, in 1979 after Vatican Council II, when the Catholic Church began using vernacular hymns at Mass. Its words are loosely based on Psalm 91 and Isaiah 40:31. The song was then published by North American Liturgy Resources and was later purchased by New Dawn Music, a subsidiary of Oregon Catholic Press. It quickly proved to be quite popular as a contemplative song at Catholic Masses as well as at Protestant services; it is now sung in churches of many denominations including Pentecostal churches and was performed at many of the funerals of victims of September 11. It is often performed either at the beginning or the ending of a Roman Catholic Funeral Mass."
Used often at Catholic funerals, especially sparsely attended affairs where the deceased was really old and lonely, terminally ill, confined to a nursing home, etc.. I'm sure it meant something when it was still a new hymn but nowadays it just screams "thank god uncle so and so is out of his misery!"
― Possession of Stolen Goods (pharoah slanders) (u s steel), Friday, 21 January 2011 17:31 (thirteen years ago) link
I don't mean to hijack anyone's thread, I am one of the more sensitive people in my family and I get really upset when someone dies and the attitude is that some people's deaths are more important than others. I mean, someone drinking themselves to death is sad and tragic, everyone should be treated special at their memorial or funeral.
― Possession of Stolen Goods (pharoah slanders) (u s steel), Friday, 21 January 2011 17:39 (thirteen years ago) link
ms mac's gran passed away last night. not an overly sad affair, quick trip downhill after a short illness.
promises to be everything a rural catholic funeral should be, infighting over land, repressed family issues, guilt and a horshload of strong alcohol, strong tea and single ply ham sandwiches. There goes the weekend.
― hipstery nayme (darraghmac), Friday, 9 September 2011 10:29 (twelve years ago) link
it's just party party party with you
― the Paul Squires of mean-spirited moaning and cynicism (Noodle Vague), Friday, 9 September 2011 10:42 (twelve years ago) link
I don't know how many Catholic funerals wrapped up with an argument over the deceased's estate. Either that or a close family member not sharing in your overwhelming grief. One side of my family just can't stand Irish people and half the time won't show up for the wake!
― Gavin McLayoff (u s steel), Friday, 9 September 2011 10:52 (twelve years ago) link
both sides of my family couldn't stand the other irish people involved, tbh
― hipstery nayme (darraghmac), Friday, 9 September 2011 10:54 (twelve years ago) link
I can't believe how rude some people are...I say I miss so and so and all I hear is "he was a crazy no good bastard"...just because he didn't have piles of money to throw at everyone he is a bastard. I think they are like children and just can't deal.
― Gavin McLayoff (u s steel), Friday, 9 September 2011 11:01 (twelve years ago) link
How many ppl will show when y'all die?
(just wonderin from the buckie thread)
Between rushin to catch you beforehand (if possible), takin you home, wake, removal, funeral, burial jaysus i'd be hoping to hit the tonne anyway
If you go sudden you get more ime
― james lipton and his francs (darraghmac), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 01:48 (nine years ago) link
At least half of my surviving relatives would drop by for my funeral. Anyone else showing up would be pure gravy.
― epoxy fule (Aimless), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 03:29 (nine years ago) link
my uncle died after stealing a bunch of money from my grandma after she had a stroke and could no longer keep track of her finances. i was sent a link to a video of his funeral. apparently video from all funerals at this place are publicly accessible, shot at the same camera angle. assembly line.
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 6 May 2014 03:38 (nine years ago) link
i want to be married in secret and buried in secret
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 6 May 2014 03:39 (nine years ago) link
one ceremony, two graves
― schlump, Tuesday, 6 May 2014 05:36 (nine years ago) link
I'm up home for my nans funeral tomorrow. first one Ive been to since a kid, first close one. not sure how to feel.
― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 08:22 (nine years ago) link
I know an old work colleague who is a serial funeral crasher. We call him the Grim Buffet Sweeper. Well, one of my old friends died this weekend and another old friend of mine is getting upset about the prospect of him turning up at this funeral, despite barely knowing him. I'm telling him to chill, it's just his way of dealing with his own mortality perhaps and I'm on the other side of his coin and definitely won't be showing up.
― calzino, Sunday, 16 December 2018 09:43 (five years ago) link
great nickname and yeah chilling is best advice
love funerals but obv we do em well over here
― gabbnebulous (darraghmac), Sunday, 16 December 2018 10:46 (five years ago) link
my mum has this disconcerting habit of taking pics of open coffins then showing them me without a trigger warning. It's definitely an Irish thing I think. I get panicky around corpses and churches tbh, but don't mind a pissup.
― calzino, Sunday, 16 December 2018 10:49 (five years ago) link
ah, see, no stiff, no stiff one is the rule
― gabbnebulous (darraghmac), Sunday, 16 December 2018 10:56 (five years ago) link
lol! in more ways than one tbh.
― calzino, Sunday, 16 December 2018 10:58 (five years ago) link
shit, I didn't intend to bring necrophilia jokes to this solemn occasion!
― calzino, Sunday, 16 December 2018 11:02 (five years ago) link
thought this would be a thread about a shit indie band
― I Accept the Word of Santa (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 16 December 2018 11:02 (five years ago) link
im declaring full disavowal of any tertiary entendre in my pun that's all on calz
― gabbnebulous (darraghmac), Sunday, 16 December 2018 11:04 (five years ago) link
Thinking about putting a Viking funeral request in my will. Can't do a real one but a cheap cremation and then floating me out into a pond and shooting flaming arrows at the urn is close enough.
― louise ck (milo z), Sunday, 16 December 2018 12:33 (five years ago) link
My uncle had a humanist funeral with an open coffin, with him in his leather jacket + with a can of his favoured tennants super in his side pocket.
― calzino, Sunday, 16 December 2018 13:08 (five years ago) link
reminds me of this story last week
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-46475631
― boxedjoy, Sunday, 16 December 2018 13:34 (five years ago) link
Open casket is just 'here, have a side of trauma to go with your grief' imo, ime.
― Home Despot (Old Lunch), Sunday, 16 December 2018 13:37 (five years ago) link
I was gonna post that story to “kind of lol but mostly sad” but forgot xp
― Pierrot with a thousand farces (wins), Sunday, 16 December 2018 13:47 (five years ago) link