Dave Chappelle - "Killin' 'Em Softly"

Yeah, It's the R
40 ounces of malt liquor make me wanna tell you somethin'...

See i roll around sittin' on dubs,
cat 'n now I was high on shrubs.
Coolin' in my escalade...
Man, I'm paid, I got it made
Take me to your special place
Close your eyes,
show me your face...
I'm gonna piss on it.

Hatas wanna hate,
Lovas wanna love,
I don't even want
None of the above.
I want to piss on you.
Yes I do,
I'll piss on you
I'll pee on you.

Set your body,
your body,
as a porto-potty
and a pee I'd kick.
like it most erotic.

I'ma pee on you..
drip drip drip
pee on you,
all on you.
iss on you, iss on you.

You would never feel quite the same
when you get a whiff of my Hershey's™ stains
I wanna poop on you, too.
I want to pee on yo food.

Only thing that make my life complete,
is when I turn yo face into a toilet seat.
I want to pee on you,
Yes I do, yes I do
I'll pee on you, I'll piss on you

Hatas wanna hate,
Lovas wanna love,
I don't even want
none of the above.
I want to piss on you.
Yes I do
I'll piss on you,
I'll pee on you.

Won't you braid my hair?
So, won't you braid my hair?
Before you start,
I'm gonna fart.
I'm 'onna fart on you.

Normally, i don't do this...
but, i'ma hit you all off with a lil' taste of the remix... y'all ready? here we go...

I pick you up from the club,
take you home to make some love.
Gotta surprise, close your eye
I'm gonna cover you with suds

I'ma give you some poo poo
I'ma give you some pee pee
I'ma give you some doo doo
And wash it down, some wee wee

This is the remix edition
of a song about pissin'
I got the pee and we can re-can
and leave juice in the kitchen

Yeah, that's how it goes in the R.Kelly party
I sip Crys... you drink piss...
(I wanna piss on you remix... you heard?)
Now, I'm serious...
I really do wanna piss on you.

Favorite Chappelle Show Moment Not Yet Mentioned: DC taking sick little Billy to school in PlayStation basketball. "KAKAKAKAKAKA! IN YOUR FACE BILLY!!!!! IN YOUR FACE!!!!" "NURSE! COME QUICK! BILLY'S GETTING HIS ASS KICKED!"

"OF COURSE I HAVE PLAYSTATION. I'M RICH!"

Tyrone Biggums is the grebtest! "Is this the 7 o'clock free crack giveaway?"

"konichiwa, bitches!"

"Hey, there's a boat with a buncha white people on it. I'm gonna go see what they want."

i think you answered your own unasked question, tho.

I missed the show tonight. Anybody know when they're replaying it?

"MMMmmmm MMMMMMM, Bitch!"

now, if you were talking about the only PROMO they ever showed, then yes...

negrodamus: he has a receipt.

This is official: Paul Mooney as Negrodamus is the greatest thing Comedy Central has ever aired.

I love weed, LOVE IT! But not as much as I love pussy! The End.

chad: you're kicking me out. trey, you stabbed my dad and slept with my girlfriend!
trey: chad, i didn't f**k katie. LYSOL f**ked katie. i just filmed it.
katie: no, trey, you f**cked me too.
trey: correction, i f**cked katie too.
dave chappelle: hey chad...i f**cked katie too.

dave chappelle (in "interview"): katie had some big ass titties.

By the way, DC's character's name from the Real World sketch was Tron. You might remember Tron from the slavery reparations / "I'M RICH, BEEEEOTCH!" *truck horn* skit.

8 hours of heat at a dice game...

(or am I thinking of the same sketch?)

as in, "Girls! Come over here and show Charlie Murphy your TAT-ehs!"

The Player Hater Awards sketch is a classic.
― earlnash, Tuesday, January 20, 2004 4:29 AM (sixteen years ago)

Wish there was more of this. Just love when he says "the most diabolical haters this side of the Mississippi".

I hadn't watched that in years, and it was so sad to see Charlie Murphy and Patrice O'Neal there in the same scene. RIP, they were hilarious.

The voice Chappelle does is just so brilliant, I could listen to audiobooks read by him like that.

I hope the bad things of the world happened to you and only YOUUUUUUUUUU

Yeah, that's my other favorite bit.

Can't get that voice out of my head when I'm reading and I can't decide how I feel about that.

iwill all this stuff be topical 3 months down the line?

Yes.

Chappelle's show headed to Netflix as of.....well...today!

nice

watched a few eps of Chappelle's Show this weekend which was a bizarre experience since I've seen them all a dozen times but not since like, 2005. still funny but man I forgot how many very specific references there were to 2002-2004 pop culture stuff, like idk how I'd even explain some of this to a younger generation. the "lost season" where a couple of the bit guys wound up hosting the show while Chappelle was MIA was such a bizarre moment. I wonder how Dave felt about that.

Imagine a show now that would have expected its audience to have watched the modern equivalent of "Making the Band"

I wonder how Dave felt about that.

He wasn't happy about it. At the time, he called the airing of the "lost" episodes a "bully move."

there's a long bit on "Unforgiven" about what happened with the show and how he got screwed over and it's riveting listening but it's also pretty difficult to see this guy as a victim. like when he does these jokes about how we shouldn't stream Chappelle's Show because he doesn't get paid or "you will never get your money back" about when he bombed in Detroit are we supposed to forget that he's insanely rich & has been one of the most successful and well-known comedians on the planet for over two decades, despite literally disappearing for something like 12 years?

Was it really 12 years?

I was calculating the length of time between Chappelle's Show and the Netflix specials, I forgot he did that tour with Flight of the Conchords in 2013. I guess his real public comeback was SNL in 2016, where he said "I'll give Donald Trump a chance"? (which I know he says he regrets, still a monumentally stupid thing to say)

When was his Block Party thing, 2007?

2005, during Chapelle's Show

its kind of weird to think about that now, given how much of his persona today is just not giving a shit about anyone or anything

random question, anybody know why there's one ep of Chappelle's Show that's not available? like even though it's streaming, there's one episode missing - the only sketch I remember from it was "what if the Internet was a store?" or something like that.

it'll never come back now that Ron Jeremy is in it, but it's been gone since before that indictment.

Clayton NIMBY