Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

it's a sappy day.

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

An old japanese woman wearing a baby dress and pigtails jumping and down in front of me at the desk. I just came in. Please, let me wake up a bit first. Or am I still dreaming?

i feel like i'm missing out

There's nothing like a five minute meeting with your boss in which he tells you that you've basically got like two months to turn things around with a mouth full of Mike n' Ikes.

big flat mole on the left side of his face with 9 really long and scraggly hairs growing out of it. He was always playing with them... twisting and pulling on them (but not pulling them out.) Very distracting....

"Please tell me if you understand what I am saying, at the moment in the exqualifier there are only a 4 digit code, you append another 3 in front of them I don't know where, but doesn't matter anyway to sort out the letter in the front for the new code."

I assure you it makes only 1% more sense to me than it does to you.

THis goes on at least ONCE A WEEK in my office.

Also, I don't think the owner's secretary knows how to use the phone properly, because she's always complaining that "the phones are down", but it's only her phone, apparently. And when someone comes in to test it, it works.

I think you just identified the perv dream of far too many people in the world. But you'd have to give them guns too.

The only really annoying thing my current co-workers do is send me ridiculous spam forwards about poisoned shampoo samples (normally originating from higher up in the Council!), then look sceptical when I explain that it's a dumb scaremongering thing to do. Also I have to tell them how to spell things all the live long day.

gyac - oh yeah, that would have been good to include. they do get paid. in fact, since I just learned this yesterday, they get paid $1.50 above minimum wage. yeah, to be clear, if they weren't getting paid I would absolutely have no issue with any of that.

throw your own parties and don't invite the students or the people who organise their parties!

(our release manager was trying to get people interested in a curry in town one day next month. tumbleweeds... (same manager suggested we just divide the bill evenly the last time we were out when the juniors down my end of the table had specifically chosen the cheaper options))

Good point koogs, though we tried that twice last year and it fizzled out. We requested just enough funds to cover ordering pizza for our group and got denied both times. Problem is, morale is so shot to hell right now that no one was willing to chip in their own money to pay for it, so.... here we are.

funny thing to me is that pizza parties felt like a punishment, outside of the 'food' part. I hate mixers at work. sometimes I'd grab the food and go back to my desk and hide lol. everybody at my company was always boring and stodgy and I'd feel like if I revealed 15% of my actual self they'd be alarmed.

but that's not the point, obv, the point is it helps to have consistency and be recognized in similar fashion as others. so i getcha!

I spent 14 years bitching about the same boss and the last year bitching about the new owner who bought the business and Monday night, after my husb said “hey you hate this job why don’t you quit”, I finally quit. My hours were getting cut every few months and she is running the business into the ground (quite a feat, considering the old boss sucked and still managed - barely - to keep it going for 35+ years), struggling to make payroll (the numbers are the same as the last few years so I don’t know why), and honestly just gives off very shady vibes.

I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. Watching someone just fuck up the most basic things in running a business for 15yrs is exhausting. Offering workable and simple solutions and just being ignored, is exhausting.

Congrats! Youre gonna do great things!!

big congrats for pulling the trigger. never an easy decision to make but mental health is so important and also when you see troubling signs like that, always a good time to get out.

Congrats just1n3! No doubt you'll end up in a better situation and enjoy that weight off your shoulders!

congrats that sounded rough.

in a moment of boredom yesterday i googled a project i left a job over to see how they got on..... only so badly that some of the players had to testify in front of a tribunal in Washington DC (another country) so.... gonna say that call was for the best. Not that i really should have wondered.

lol always fun to look back to see the mess you escaped

I finally managed to extract myself from a horrible freelance ghostwriting project yesterday and man, that felt good. The client disappeared for an entire year, making it impossible to keep up any kind of creative workflow, and the subject matter was repellent anyway — I didn't even want to be writing the book. It would have made me about $10K by the end, but it was just depressing and awful and as fucked up as this is to say on a board where a lot of people are struggling, I didn't actually need the money.

each of our clients has a legally binding security document with us, outlining call security protocols. There are mandatory updates that must be made whenever one of our practices changes or new features rolled out. it's fairly easy to keep up with.

I access said document for a client today, one I actually brought on board in 2007-2008. Find the document is dated 2011, and has our prior company name/logo on it. Not a good start. Read further, full of references to features we no longer use and processes that we no longer follow. ugh.

I dig deeper, and find it was actually last updated in 2020, but the morons editing it ignored all version control protocols and never documented date of last update each time they updated the doc. Likewise, whomever was in charge never updated the document to the newest version in over 13 years.

so this legally binding document is essentially a useless pile of shit, that could get us in trouble if the client ever took legal action for any security-related disputes. tempted to send this Legal's way and wait for their screams.

Xps thanks everyone!

I’m signing up for Rover as my next career. I don’t have any skills that I could use to get into a “real” career - my job was mostly garment dyeing and managing an online store, and my prior jobs were waiting tables and retail (both of which I will do anything to avoid).

nice. walking pups is cool!

i admit that i am actually okay with my life at the moment, tho it’s because the job that isn’t that great money-wise is really where i wanna be personally… which, yes, it’s the climbing gym. i am one of the oldest employees. i don’t care, it’s great, all my co-workers are super friendly and most of the people who come in to climb are friendly, too.

plus, yknow, i just clean and climb and ring up clif bars

I've spent most of my working life without or barely seeing my coworkers. It's an odd feeling.

once again, my boss takes impromptu PTO and then in his OOO email, lists me as a backup on something I had zero involvement with, and he didn't speak to me once about before going on PTO. he's been given feedback on this and keeps doing it - fortunately in this case, unlike previous times, I'm unlikely to get a lot of questions and things are slower atm. but it's the principle, come on dude.