this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

-- Ernest P. (afternoon_trai...), February 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

What??? I dated Chris V. in college???

Oh and she also gave me a handjob to "Year of The Cat" by Al Stewart, which I'll never forget.

Oh, uh, I guess not...

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), February 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

the least attention demanding rock record I've bought ever

I admit, the argument that in fact the Strokes should be treated as ambient background sound in an Eno sense works far better than any other claims made for the band. Then imagine turning the volume down even more.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

haha, I meant it as a compliment
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

Oh trust me, so am I. ;-)
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

there aren't enough horrors in the day
-- Wintermute (wintermute_v0.3...)

----------

It means absolutely nothing to me.
Oh, Vienna.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 21st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've already had that conversation, Kate. I believe my wife described it as "Imagine someone shoving cold spoons up your ass... ONLY IT ISN'T YOUR ASS."
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 21st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

whose ass is it?
-- mark s (mar...), February 21st, 2003.

this sounds like the lifestyle of Ethan Padgett/Simon Trife!

-- Tad (llamasfu...), February 24th, 2003. (later)

and now my neck is broken from "in da club"

-- juiceboxxx (juiceboxx...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 7:46 AM. (later)

you can keep him.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 12:27 PM. (later)

Is "getting" 50 Cent really that difficult? I wasn't aware there was a beguiling subtext to his work.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 2:49 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ally, your post is a wonderland.
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), February 23rd, 2003.

"Ben, Ben, yer snoring!"

*snoring*

"Ben, stop snoring!"

"NEVER!" *continues snoring*

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), February 24th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: *whispers* I love you, honey.

Him: Only on sausages. *continues snoring*

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 24th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

heaney not yet born when i did o-levels
-- mark s (mar...), February 24th, 2003 12:28 PM. (later)

People all over the world: 'Oh.'

-- Millar (tmilla...), February 24th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

aw, he went to lunch as i was posting. oh well.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 25th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

eating lunch=not punk
-- james wright (j227wrigh...), February 25th, 2003. (later)

-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), February 24th, 2003 8:07 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and punch
-- mark p (m*****...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:37 PM. (later) (Mark P) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(benny hill music, and we all chase eachother offscreen)
-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:39 PM. (later) (Fritz) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this thread has been made possible by local 813: air vents, detachable skirts, old men, handbags, cartoon punks, and sign obscurers.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:40 PM. (later) (dubplatestyle) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

also flags. don't forget the flags.
-- mark p (m*****...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:41 PM. (later) (Mark P) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

....and the ever understanding citizens of Turkmenistan.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:43 PM

(stretches out them old, weary, typed-out knuckles for ol' storytime...)

Allrightie, back in 1982 or 1983, my folks thought it would be "really cute" if I went on a game show. Being a fan of game shows at the time, I was quite excited. And living in 'da westside Los Angeles/Santa Monica area, there were plenty of easily driveable opportunities to do just that. Unfortunately, there was only room for a taping of a pilot of a rehash of "The Dating Game: Kid's Edition". (This is pre-Jeff MacGregor mind you) At that point, I became more apprehensive, but my folks goaded me into doing it, saying "Oh, come on! Didn't you always want to be in TV?"...

Don't ask me why, but given the scarce amount of participants, I somehow made it past the screening processes, being shy and socially inept for an 11-year-old and all. Fast forward to day of taping, skipping all the silly details in between..

Taping happens, blah blah. It's looking pretty obvious that Bachelor #2 (me) was obviously cast as the token "dork" bachelor, as the wishy-washiness of my answers would make Charlie Brown seem like Mr. T.

Anyway, the bachelorette. Oh yes, the wonderful little prissy princess that was the bachelorette. Keep in mind -- valley girl has struck it BIG in America at the time -- so out comes our little Tarzana sweetheart... introduction is made, etc. etc. etc.

Her name: Tunia Flambe.

Yes. Pronounced "Toonya Flambay"... Single hair clip, glittery shoes, fake gum chewing maneuvers and all... but with a disingenuous Tina Yothers quality to her.

I refuse to go into detail on what may still possibly be the most embarrassing moment of my life, but I do remember one of her questions to Le Bachelors: "Ok, so like we're going out getting ice cream.. and, like, this BIG DUDE, like, comes and threatens to steal me away and make me his.. would you, like,.. fight for me?"

Well, obviously, I didn't win.. that, ahem, lucky honor went to the Jason Hervey/Jason Batemen/Ricky Schroeder wannaba guy to my left. But of course, what's the staple consolation on any episode of "The Dating Game"? Right, you have to walk over, have some announcer guy bellow out a cheap 17-word bio on you, you walk over and hug the bachelorette.

Well I did that. Except that the hug was obviously too ambitious, as she slightly jerked, quickly whipped her hair back, and made a little "I'm annoyed" breathing sound, followed by "like... my hair."

The pilot never made it to TV. The next version (that would have Jeff MacGregor as the host) would actually become popular, but not mine.. which is easily the best thing to result from all of this, besides the fact that my family understood my grief and owned no VCR at the time, so I wouldn't have to fear the existence of "the tape", which we never requested.

That would end my fascination with valley girls for a long time to come -- until I'd realize, years later, that Moon Unit Zappa was still a cutie.

-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 5:42 PM. (later) (donut) (link)

That post was so funny I choked on a spoonful of corn pops.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

Sir Sean Connery.

-- Mr Noodles (infinitec0w...), February 25th, 2003.

Loved when Glaswegians explain the slang etymology for something being 'Mickey Mouse' eg. shoddy: 'It's because it Disney work.'

-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), February 25th, 2003.

"Corgan seems to be pretty aware that he needs Chamberlain though, hence rehiring the guy and continuing on with him in Zwan. "
or does Chamberlain have dirt on Corgan? I mean Chamberlain killed a dude (unintentionally, but still...)?!?

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), February 25th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well, if your name was Jim Longdong, you would want to put that up front either way. but, point taken.
-- Al (hoteloper...), February 25th, 2003.

Maybe quitting my job is a better answer. I really do want to have a kid all of a sudden though.

-- Ally (mlescau...), February 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

Videos invented when Balonqk make funny shadow on cave wall while whistling "Theme From Running Away From Mastodon."
Great videos invented when Balonqk (now known as "Hype Balonqk") figures out a way to make venetian blind shadows.

And Cristal is involved somehow but me don't know how.

-- Neudonym (zinogu...) (webmail), February 25th, 2003

I really want a baby! But I can't even keep my cat fed, I'm like, "Oh, you've been out of cat food for two days? Here's some bread and left over eggnog. You are living the good life now, Mr. Kitty." Then he looks at me very sadly and eats my bills.

-- Ally (mlescau...), February 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

American Express is people!!!!!

-- Trayce (trac...), February 26th, 2003.

-- dave q (scrape10...), February 26th, 2003. (later)

-- No One (n...), February 26th, 2003.

-- Siegbran (siegbra...), February 25th, 2003 11:25 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So it's a pub rock record then?
-- Tom (ebro...), February 25th, 2003 11:26 AM.

--gygax

I dunno why this made me laugh. Perhaps it's because I imagine you being really concerned about the thoroughness of her collection while simultaneously plotting for booty. Or that she wasn't worthy unless her Sassy collection was complete.

Sorry, I was typing with my ridiculous penis

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 27th, 2003.

"The supposed 'punks' now DO have the original punks as a reference point"

So pretty much like the punks had the original rock 'n' rollers as a reference point....

"which of course means that the whole meaning of the punk scene has been wiped away..... punk was new, vibrant, fresh, dirty, unacceptable...."

Much like rock 'n' roll had been 20 years previously....

"now 'piunk'is merely a lazy journo phrase, or a sad selling point for fat record execs to get rich over."

Much like rock 'n' roll had become by the time punk appeared.

Punk's about as valid and about as revolutionary today as rock'n' roll was before punk came along.

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...), February 27th, 2003.

Stewart - your punk-follows-rock'n'roll claim is baffling in the extreme. And quite wrong, too.
Johnny Rotten got beaten up once, I remember, forshouting at some teddy boys that "Elvis lives in a wooden box"..... so I can't honestly see that there is much connection, can you?

-- russ t (russ.thoma...), February 27th, 2003.

another for the "russ t provides unintentional hilarity" file, methinks.

-- Tom () (), February 27th, 2003 5:52 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Owl had hollow bones, which were presumably counterbalanced by his being a fat tub of lard.
-- Al_Ewing (al_work_har...), February 21st, 2003 8:49 PM. (later) (admin) (62.60.50.220)