thread of getting sw0le

i was referring to my problem being probably a little bit of both strength and flexibility
i wish i could do box squats but i need a box

Okay I'll stop posting unsolicited advice. But re getting sw0le:

http://articles.elitefts.com/training-articles/twelve-steps-to-getting-big/

man that is exactly the type of advice I want more of

lool that is awful

“When was the last time you ate an entire carton of eggs?”

hah

Dave Tate:

There was a time at the Old Westside gym where I couldn't gain weight to save my fucking life.

There was this dude who trained there who could just put on weight like fucking magic. He'd go from 198 to 308 and then to 275 and back down to 198. And he was never fat. It was amazing.

I finally asked him one day how he did it.

"You mean I never told you the secret to gaining weight? Come outside and I'll fill you in."

Now remember, we're at Westside Barbell. And this guy wants to go outside to talk so no one else can hear. Think about that for a minute. What the hell is he going to tell me? This must be some serious shit if we have to go outside, I thought.

So we get outside and he starts talking.

"For breakfast you need to eat four of those breakfast sandwiches from McDonalds. I don't care which ones you get, but make sure to get four. Order four hash browns, too. Now grab two packs of mayonnaise and put them on the hash browns and then slip them into the sandwiches. Squish that shit down and eat. That's your breakfast."

At this point I'm thinking this guy is nuts. But he's completely serious.

"For lunch you're gonna eat Chinese food. Now I don't want you eating that crappy stuff. You wanna get the stuff with MSG. None of that non-MSG bullshit. I don't care what you eat but you have to sit down and eat for at least 45 minutes straight. You can't let go of the fork. Eat until your eyes swell up and become slits and you start to look like the woman behind the counter."

"For dinner you're gonna order an extra-large pizza with everything on it. Literally everything. If you don't like sardines, don't put 'em on, but anything else that you like you have to load it on there. After you pay the delivery guy, I want you to take the pie to your coffee table, open that fucker up, and grab a bottle of oil. It can be olive oil, canola oil, whatever. Anything but motor oil. And I want you to pour that shit over the pie until half of the bottle is gone. Just soak the shit out of it."

"Now before you lay into it, I want you to sit on your couch and just stare at that fucker. I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals."

This guy is in a zen-like state when he's talking about this.

"Now you're on the clock," he continues. "After 20 minutes your brain is going to tell you you're full. Don't listen to that shit. You have to try and eat as much of the pizza as you can before that 20-minute mark. Double up pieces if you have to. I'm telling you now, you're going to get three or four pieces in and you're gonna want to quit. You fucking can't quit. You have to sit on that couch until every piece is done.

And if you can't finish it, don't you ever come back to me and tell me you can't gain weight. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you that you don't give a fuck about getting bigger and you don't care how much you lift!"

Did I do it? Hell yeah. Started the next day and did it for two months. Went from 260 pounds to 297 pounds. And I didn't get much fatter. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, though.

I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals.

pouring oil all over the pizza really puts it over the top

i'm gonna try some of this stuff, just to see

im willing to eat ice cream and pizza, tho i must warn you i have tried it before

I decided a couple months ago to try to put on weight, and just following this sort of advice - eat as many calories as possible while lifting heavy. I've been going for four big meals a day, plus a couple of protein shakes. I haven't weighed myself but I've gotten substantially bigger - mostly muscle, but also getting a gut. Also, I can no longer walk up the stairs to my second storey office without getting out of breath, so I am reluctantly accepting that I need to start doing some cardio.

12) Eat barbeque sauce. If you have a penis, you should be using barbeque sauce. End of discussion. Vinaigrette and balsamic are for women.

have penis: use barbecue sauce. got it.

mental note: get penis.

quietly confident that if i followed weird dude's plan i would throw up seven or eight times a day.

maybe i am naturally unsw0le. :(

Powerlifter diets sound even worse than bodybuilding diets in their own way. BB diet is going to make you salivate at anything with some seasoning, but PL diets seem designed to make you hate yourself.

Eat until your eyes swell up and become slits and you start to look like the woman behind the counter

i would maybe like to have a diet where i eat tons of junk food but i dont want to get sw0le or really lift heavy things tbh, lifting kinda heavy things is ok

kinda heavy like turkey legs + beef ribs

exactly

*hi five*

Corey
Posted October 23, 2012 at 10:54 AM

Awesome! Epic! Beards! Vikings! Bacon! Swole! 8,000 calories a day! GOMAD! Maple syrup bacon omelet!

Did the Swole Patrol write this? This kind of humor needs to die.

my commitment to getting swole ends at those crazy diets, im sorry to say. besides, i've decided being a strong as fuck wiry mofo is equally desirable.

i tried to do glute-ham raises in the thing but it hurts the front of my legs so bad i had to stop. it was already as high as it could go, maybe there's something else i didn't see to adjust though. what i did do was barbell glute bridges. it's fun to hump the air in the squat rack.

look i'm an amateur know-nothing but i'm really suspicious of isolation or remedial exercises now. the solution to problems in squat is more squat

i did squats first!

i know!!

that was a belated reply to my thing upthread

i am having starting strength delivered to my job and now i'm afraid my office will blow away and i'll never get it!

everyone on body building.com has a bodyspace profile.
do people actually do that???

i guess they are into building not getting swole

wtf is bodyspace

myspace for juicers? idk

its social networking for people into body building... ha!

gruntbook

Checked out the gym after all (thanks for the push, harbl). They have 45-min 'orientation sessions' available in the 'strength and conditioning centre'. Only the 'SCC' (strength and conditioning?) ones are available as women-only sessions, the others are available as co-ed. Why would whatever 'TRX core training' and 'Field House Circuit' are be unavailable as women-only sessions?

TRX Core Training
SCC Circuit
Field House Circuit

trx is doing bodyweight exercises while hanging on a strap. kinda weird. you should do the scc orientation, they probably show you where all the weights are to get you on the path to becoming sw0le.

thanks, I will check it out.

TRX is fun, enhances or mitigates body weight workouts, it's mildly popular generally so that classes tend to be coed.

Pole fitness, otoh, obviously has women only classes and a body weight component.

Avoid TRX at all costs that shit will get u crazy strong and lean but not sw0le

Am I kicked off this thread if I'm happy with crazy strong and lean but not sw0le?

The advantage to using free weights over something like TRX (or other bodyweight stuff) is that to get stronger you need the exercise to get progressively more challenging in a structured way. This is easy if you can add small weights to the bar each time but with bodyweight stuff you will either need to keep adding more reps indefinitely or perform increasingly difficult variations of the movement, which can be really complicated and difficult.

i don't think you should avoid it but this is a thread about lifting heavy weights because it is fun

i am never actually going to look sw0le

I've enjoyed the TRX that I've done.

TRX does offer variable resistance -- just change the load angle -- but it's inexact and does max out (albeit in some pretty challenging places). Great full-body/core workout. Just more Tarzan than Conan.

Does anyone here compete? I'm thinking about trying my first powerlifting meet mid next year. I wouldn't be putting up spectacular numbers or anything but it seems like it would be fun.

TS: Tarzan vs. Conan

man i wouldn't even dream of competing!

Lol the only competition I daydream about is for crossword puzzles.