DEM not gonna CON dis NATION: Rolling UK politics in the short-lived post-Murdoch era

They want you to think it means "start a business" but what they actually mean is "move to a part of the country where there are more jobs in Asda and you're not taking up a house that could be rented to a middle class person for twice as much".

take a loan from wonga to finance a cialis pyramid scheme

sell equity in shed and invest it in a portfolio of charity shops in lancashire mill towns

move to haringey, befriend local deposed somali warlords, buy option to establish timeshare schemes in vibrant post-conflict mogadishu

use your benefits to buy new bootstraps to pull yourself up by

UKIP trolling heavily:

"Cameron is the major obstacle," [Farage] added. "If someone pragmatic, grown-up and sensible like Michael Gove was leader, then you might think we could sit round the table and have a proper discussion."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20490937

the grown-up manchild who puts the 'gove' into government

Smith's large size, larger-than-life personality and popular television appearances made him one of the most recognisable British MPs of the 1970s. He is believed to have been the heaviest British MP ever: at 6'2" (188cm) he had a reported weight of 29 stone 12 pounds, about 190 kilograms.[21] His nickname, "Big Cyril", was also the title of his autobiography. A common joke on the size of the Parliamentary Liberal Party in the early 1970s was that only one taxi would be needed to transport the entire party; after Smith's election, the party could fill two taxis.[22]

Suffering from cancer[23] and weighing just 10 stone,[24] Smith died in his sleep in a Rochdale nursing home on 3 September 2010.[25]

Ugh rogues gallery in anti-Leveson diatribe:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-20517798

Notable that lead signatory D Blunkett was a well-paid Murdoch employee.

This Work Programme fiasco is almost funny, you've got more chance of getting a job if you're not on it! You couldn't make it up.

I heard the percentages yesterday. Work Programmes average 3.3% of unemployed getting back into jobs lasting 6 months or more, but their target is supposed to be *flatulent fanfare* 5.5%!

I don't know, somehow you expect arrogant heartless cunts to be at least good at doing something, there to be some basis for the arrogance, but this bunch of clowns are useless

The 5.5% is not a target, that's the estimated percentage who would get into long term employment without the Work Programme (and even then that seems low). I think the actual target is 20%.

Fat chance of them getting anywhere near 1 in 5.
Content free DWP blather here:

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/policy/welfare-reform/the-work-programme/

Also this unsurprisingly-free-of-actual-statistics-summary-report (PDF)

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/work-programme-first-year.pdf

A guy who looks a bit like Aphex Twin getting a job in an old people's home, nice. 16 whole people getting jobs in Birmingham.

This Universal Credit thing is going to be a car crash of epic proportions... but, not to worry, only poor people will suffer

Fucking hell, that Work Programme report is depressing. They haven't even managed to scrape together two positive stories, so they could make the picture on the cover different to the case study featured inside.

Controversial MP Nadine Dorries hit out at Birmingham MP Steve McCabe (Lab Selly Oak) in a bizarre exchange on Twitter.

She has been suspended from the Conservative Party in Parliament after jetting to Australia to take part in the reality television show, while the Commons is sitting.

Ms Dorries has met Tory Chief Whip Sir George Young to try to clear the air – but she remains suspended and has been ordered to “rebuild bridges” with her constituents and fellow MPs.

But defending herself on Twitter, she launched an astonishing attack on Mr McCabe, pointing out that he had only attended 63 per cent of Commons votes since the general election.

The figure is correct, but doesn’t take into account the fact that Mr McCabe had heart surgery at the Queen Elizabeth hospital in May this year to correct a heart murmur, and spent months recovering.

Ms Dorries attacked the MP for reporting her earlier this month to the Parliamentary standards watchdog after it emerged she had employed her daughter Philippa Dorries at taxpayers’ expense.

She said on Twitter: “Labour MP Steve McCabe who reported me to Standards Commissioner for time in jungle during half term has attendance record of just 63% !!”

Mr McCabe hit back, saying: “Imagine equating time off for open heart surgery with a paid-for holiday on a reality TV show. Says all we need to know.”

But even once the reason for Mr McCabe’s absences had been pointed out to her, Ms Dorries repeated the comment.

She told Mr McCabe: “I think with your 63 per cent attendance record, you should be quiet. Obviously been taking a few holidays of your own!”

Far from enjoying a holiday, Mr McCabe was recovering from surgery to repair the mitral valve inside the heart. The condition could potentially have been life-threatening if left untreated.

Dorries is spectacular, i assume we'll be "seeing" a lot more of her on crappy reality shows after the next election

She's got the potential to outdo even Ann Widdecombe and the Hamiltons.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/18_Stone_of_Idiot

A notable additional appearance was made by former MP Neil Hamilton who danced in a perspex box whilst buckets of fish were poured over his head.

Some talk of the noxious Hamilton standing for UKIP somewhere IIRC?

One in 10 of all workers in the UK is now officially underemployed

"This problem of underemployment seems to particularly affect the poorer parts of society", Stephanie Flanders, Economics editor

.... like duh

Rotherham by-election:
Labour 46%
UKIP 22%
BNP 8.5%
Respect 8.3%
Conservative 5.4%
English Democrats 3.3%
Independent 2.7%
Liberal Democrats 2.1%

Great: racists and bigots now have three voting options.

UKIP: when fascism wears pastel driving shoes, no socks.

Well, at least there's some good news - a terrible Lib Dem performance, going from third in 2010 with 16% to bottom of the pile with 2%.

get set for the country to be torn apart by the extremist demagogues of the Labour and Conservative parties now that there's no centre ground

There was an EDL candidate as one of the Independents. He got 29 votes.

Would you say that English Democrats are the EDL, but with spelling and grammar?

They are very odd. They market themselves as a Federalist SNP / Plaid Cymru style party that embraces people of all races as long as they self-identify as English then go and publicly sign joint statements with Russki Obraz, a Russian neo-Nazi group founded by a guy who was recently convicted of murdering two anti-fascist journalists.

Great: racists and bigots now have three voting options.

Better than having one with 33% of the vote.

Lol some close shaves for Labour then. The Ukip foster parents can fuck off now, I guess?

Think Rotherham council might have a few other lawsuits to worry about right now.

http://rogerhelmermep.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/helmer1.jpg
http://rogerhelmermep.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/helmer1.jpg
http://rogerhelmermep.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/helmer1.jpg

"Talk comes straight out of his mouth like a walking stick" - Kafka

seriously who gives a fuck that their neighbour receives benefits when millionaires are literally eating babies encased in gold for every meal

lots of people, sadly

Pretty glad the disabled are going to help out corporations to the tune of £2bn. It's great to see Britain open for Business again at last. How we can expect top businesses to invest while disabled people have the curtains drawn?

every drop of welfare drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the austerity

How come disabled people get to have curtains in the first place? Hardworking families can't afford curtains. Immigrants.

it's Christmas, what's more festive than starving beggars festooning the frozen streets?

i suspect if you did a survey on how many people think most recipients of disability benefits are malingering scroungers you'd be pretty horrified at the result

The corporation tax thing is just infuriating, that's just another £2bn that will be sat on/returned to shareholders and not invested, it won't make any difference.

pretty sure i heard a Tory on the radio the other day saying Corporation Tax is already disproportionately low but hey if this is the incentive employers need to create minimum wage unskilled jobs then it's a small price to pay

sorry, unskilled jobs that are so poorly paid that the state has to subsidise them just so employees don't starve or freeze to death inbetween ten hour shifts

why shd Asia keep all the sweatshops to themselves?

There's probably a point about midway through this parliament, probably after another recession, when it will become apparent that the coalition haven't actually dented the deficit despite causing a hell of a lot of pain in the process. Until that happens, it doesn't reall matter what Labour say as they'll only be greeted with responses of "zero economic credibility".

― Matt DC, Monday, September 26, 2011 10:10 AM (1 year ago)

^^^^
a good call

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/commercial/2012/12/5/1354742747449/George-Osborne-delivers-a-010.jpg

DIE VIOLENTLY NOW YOU FUCKING CUNTS

(sorry)

otm

xp