Florida: What the F#@K?

I'M GONNA BOWL ME A PERFECT... GAAAAAME.
I'M GONNA WRITE MY DUDU A LETTER, CHILD!
I GONNA SHOOT JULIO IGLESIAS.. IN THE HEAD... NOW!
*Rock rock rock rock*

Seriously, WTF?

Jeb, I know where you live. You're unwittingly threatening my life, liberty, and pursuit of hot fucking happiness.

"Where are our priorities in life?" he asked.

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

"They eat well, but they don't eat with me," Jones, 51, said of his border collie and black Labrador. "I've already made the decision that I won't go to any place that will allow them. I just don't think people should eat with dogs; that's disgusting."

Bush signed the bill holding Sen. Charlie Clary's dog, Dixie Cup, which provided a seconding paw print.

why does Florida seem like the new ground zero for America's descent into madness?

David Faustino lives in florida now?

I've been living in Tallahassee for about a year and a half now.. it's the most fucked state ever. My favorite Florida news item:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/11/30/national/main2217850.shtml

where was that other story from 2 weeks ago where a (bank?) robber done got himself chomped during his escape, since he decided to swim across a suspect body of water?

One of my best friends lived in Tallahassee for a year, covering state politics – "The college students don't leave, they become lobbyists and pols."

I didn't realize crack was such a problem among gators.

I think the pervasive sense of danger from knowing that you could be eaten at any moment contributes to the state's overall insanity.

Jacksonville has all the ambiance of Detroit, but none of the soul.

Alfred, I think that's only true of frattys. Everyone else leaves as soon as they can.

There was a pre-colonization Indian tribe from the Tallahassee area that simply vanished overnight. No archaeologists have determined exactly why they left, but I imagine around 1100 A.D. there was a tribal consensus of "Fuck Florida".

ha!

Langbehn says she was informed that she was in an antigay city and state, and she could expect to receive no information or acknowledgment as family.

ts dade county vs dubai

Charleston, New Orleans and even Mobile I'm going to feel pretty bad about. This, on the other hand, I'm really looking forward to:
http://www.world-mysteries.com/newgw/florida_14.jpg

just curious tom whats your vendetta against dade county?

The only good thing about Florida are the thrift stores. Lots of excellent thrift store finds because EVERYONE COMES HERE TO DIE.

I have a vendetta?

http://superherouniverse.com/wallpaper/artists/tyler/images2/V_for_Vendetta.jpg

(pictured: tom, dade county)

jordan - maybe it has to do with something that happened in fall 2000? little bits of paper? a lot of people hate south florida for that.

if they visited they'd know the real thing to hate is the weather

and no doubt, that hospital shit is fucked, but it was more a function of the biases of the staff members. it makes obvious the need to include sexual orientation in state discrimination laws. but at most hospitals, that would not have happened.

oh and I forgot I had to go to the Orange Bowl and watch the vols get creamed by the fucking cornhuskers in like 1998. It was way too fucking hot for walking around in a wool uniform and we stayed in a shithole and the airport sucked, the city sucked, the game sucked, the orange bowl sucks, fuck that experience, except I think new year's that year might have been sort of okay since we were basically all drinking open containers in parking lots

ha dude, the airport does suck bigtime. it's just a cashcow for connected developers. the neighborhoods between the airport and the orange bowl (it's gone, if that gives you any comfort) suck balls, so that may have colored your experience more negatively. and wool? nobody wears wool here. ever.

unless it's their job. i'll have to ask my army peeps if they have to wear wool day-to-day when working at southcom. and laugh if they say yes.

actually i kind of hate it here, too. i don't know why i'm apologizing.

http://www.mahalo.com/Mall_of_the_Americas_Marijuana

We rule!

Weird stuff goes on at malls. I once met a guy who lived in an apartment inside a mall with a kitchen and bathroom and everything.

http://youhadbetterknow.com/knowledgezone/?p=784

http://consumerist.com/2010/12/speak-up-at-the-wendys-drive-thru-or-you-might-get-punched-in-the-face.html

According to reports, an employee at a Fort Meyers, FL, Wendy's got so frustrated with a customer that she allegedly assaulted the other woman.

The police report states that the employee repeatedly told the customer to speak up while she was placing her order. She's also being accused of saying, "There's no need to disrespect me, because I will go out there and kick you're ass."

Which is what she's now charged with doing

Tallahassee's probably the most sensible and progressive city in the state

rong. Miami has its major flaws, which I don't have time to list, but lack of progressivism isn't one of them. Even most Cubans are moderate on so-called social issues.

The St. Petersburg Times, the area's largest-circulation newspaper, is probably the best newspaper of its size anywhere.

Still true! If journalism hadn't imploded the last eight years, I'd advise any ILXor with an interest in reporting to move to Florida; local politics is a gas.

Tallahassee's probably the most sensible and progressive city in the state

craziest of all crazy talk

Unconstitutional Stops on Florida Highways

(CN) - A federal class action claims Florida and a private contractor detain drivers on the Florida Turnpike if they pay a toll with a $50 or $100 bill, and won't let them go until they cough up personal information. The class claims the detentions are dangerous and unconstitutional, and that sometimes drivers and passengers are detained and interrogated for paying tolls with bills as small as $5.

The class action in Tampa also names collections company Faneuil as a defendant. Florida hired Faneuil to provide toll collectors and supervisors on its toll roads.

Lead plaintiff Joel Chandler claims the state and Faneuil violate the Constitution by authorizing toll collectors, at their discretion, to imprison motorists and their passengers and hold them until they divulge personal information, some of which is written up on "Bill Detection Reports."

According to the complaint, Milissa Burger, deputy director of toll operations, for Florida's Turnpike Enterprise (FTE), "directed implementation of bill detection procedures, the related unlawful detentions of motorists and passengers, and the use of Bill Detection Reports, including writing and receiving emails regarding those efforts. She informed recipients of such email correspondence specifically not to copy the legal department on their response to her emails."

The class claims Florida and Faneuil have done the illegal stops for 4 years: "For approximately four years, FDOT and Faneuil have engaged in a practice of detaining motorists and their passengers on the Turnpike System until such motorists provided certain personal information in exchange for their release."

The class calls it an unconstitutional search and seizure, and says Florida and Faneuil knew it was unconstitutional

"Defendants had actual, constructive or imputed knowledge of the FDOT policy, practice or custom whereby motorists and their passengers were unlawfully detained on the Turnpike System and forced to provide personal information in exchange for their release," the complaint states.

"The personal information recorded by toll collectors includes, but is not limited to the vehicle make, model, color, tag number and state of issuance. Other information such as the vehicle occupants' race, gender, and relative age has also been recorded." The class adds: "Toll collectors have required motorists to provide additional personal information, including drivers license information in exchange for their release."

Toll collectors trapped motorists at toll booths by holding the barrier down, even though the drivers had enough money to pay the toll.

"Plaintiffs knew they were not free to leave the toll plaza. Going forward was controlled and blocked by toll operators and supervisors, going backward was illegal as well as blocked by other vehicles, all other directions were blocked, leaving the vehicle was unsafe, and would have meant abandoning valuable property."

The toll collectors threatened to call police if drivers or passengers resisted the "bill detection procedures" and the demands for personal information.

The complaint adds: "The policy of detaining motorists without their consent and without legal justification extended throughout the Turnpike System and was so permanent and well settled that it constituted custom, practice or policy which has the force of law and rises to the level of deliberate indifference to plaintiff's and class members' constitutional rights."

weird.
in completely unrelated news, i am flying out to naples, fl to visit the in-laws tomorrow. may god have mercy on my soul.

Naples has some great restaurants in its hotels though -- I spent a weekend with my parents there last June.

i was in miami beach/miami over the weekend. it is a very strange place.

You should have let me know!

yeah, no, i like stuff about naples. it's just got kind of an unpleasant populace, i've found.

Tenured, surly snowbirds.

The state with the prettiest name!

I dated a girl in Volusia and had another friend that lived there...and as a result of this, nothing in that story surprises me in the least.

always on the edge

Florida Department of Environmental Protection officials have been ordered not to use the term “climate change” or “global warming” in any official communications, emails, or reports, according to former DEP employees, consultants, volunteers and records obtained by the Florida Center for Investigative Reporting.

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article12983720.html

This is beyond horrific (the URL is bad enough - the details are worse).

http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/florida-wont-charge-prison-guards-who-boiled-schizophrenic-black-man-darren-rainey-to-death-9213190

Yeah.

This was the 11th Circuit, so it's not just Florida (11th also covers Alabama and Georgia - so you know, quality) but this is of a piece

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/03/17/appeals_court_rules_officer_who_killed_man_in_his_own_home_cannot_be_sued.html

law enforcement in the south is unimpeachable. shoot a man, shoot an innocent man, shoot an innocent man in his own home for the crime of opening the door while armed, or just boil him to death for being mentally ill, you're golden with a badge.

An associate medical examiner testified Thursday in the murder trial of a South Florida man accused of killing his girlfriend that he’s never before seen an example of someone choking to death from oral sex. But that’s what defense attorney Ken Padowitz intends to present to the jury in the murder trial of Richard Patterson. Patterson, 65, of Margate, is charged with second-degree murder in the choking death of his girlfriend, Francisca Marquinez, 60, in 2015.

Iouri Boiko, Broward County’s associate medical examiner, testified for the prosecution that a penis would have to be lodged far enough down a person’s throat to prevent someone from breathing. Boiko said it would take two to three minutes for someone to die that way, so a sign of struggle would be obvious. “If she cannot breathe, she usually start to kicking, biting or to do something to prevent this blocking of the airway, try to open this airway,” Boiko testified. “It’s (a) normal reaction of any person.”

https://www.local10.com/news/crime/associate-medical-examiner-testifies-in-margate-mans-penis-defense-murder-trial

uh

broke: military parades
woke: staged military assaults on major cities with their mayor shooting a mounted gun off a fucking boat pic.twitter.com/y3m799Ww7y

— Adam H. Johnson (@adamjohnsonNYC) February 8, 2018

The exercise is put on each year as a part of the Special Forces Industry Conference, a 12,000-strong, three-day meeting of Special Operations personnel and companies showcasing the latest technologies available to both U.S. troops and their international allies.

Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn is captured by pirates and held ashore near the convention center here. Soon after, as thousands of spectators watched from nearby rooftops, party boats and bar patios, Black Hawk helicopters supported by smaller gunships and fast-moving riverine craft descended on the area.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/checkpoint/wp/2016/05/26/special-operations-troops-assaulted-downtown-tampa-all-to-thunderous-applause/

(just when I thought the trope was dead...)

"Knife-Wielding Florida Man Arrested in Homemade Hamster Wheel"
https://explorersweb.com/hamster-wheel-man-arrested/