why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

plus i kinda thought people who believed in the rapture were generally kind of down on evolution

it's not evolution, it's a man and his three pet apes finding a man hanging from a noose

"tonight...we feast"

http://sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/556306_479660368739913_1693105082_n.jpg

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "
Do share if you care.

whatever fatso

that story just makes me feel bad for mermaids, whales are bullies

About 1/3 of that is sound argument, but the other 2/3 comes straight out of crazy town.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Boy is that an open goal.

did anyone else just imagine her staring at the ad and saying all of this to herself while other people just walk on by without noticing

my cat would love such a woman

so, did she enter the gym?

does that photo look weirdly 'shopped to anyone else

when i was in middle school, this new kid started one year who had just moved from seattle and we all made fun of him because of his propensity to start sentences "back in seattle..." now i follow him on facebook and he seems pretty douchey, he's really into cigars, but mostly he reposts seattle/washington-related memes. most of them are about the seahawks but today i posted this:
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/733795_470576022996451_1026939062_n.jpg
which doesn't make any sense? idgi. but still laughing about how much this guy's identity is still based in being from seattle.

You did?

he did

that is so funny

makes total sense, that is a classic "I don't actually live in cool city, but I live 45 minutes away, so I just tell people I live in the city"

that mermaid story makes me so fucking IA, I have some condescending gymrat douches in my feed who post shit like this all the time

yes I want to be a whale plz iceland feast on my blubber go fuck yourself

chaki made me laff on the facebook:

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/48141_10151488005165600_958512836_n.jpg

okay that's genius

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/426566_10151424280241192_1012890266_n.jpg

"yeah i see where you're going with thi--oh damn, got me again"

sharks eat millions of fish each year, which die in the process.

for some reason I'm reminded of http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/112/843/killcrab.jpg

oh i see what you did th--zzzzzzzzz

That is one resigned-looking crab.

The animal that is MAAAAAANNNN

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/s480x480/58415_583078528387061_1503994741_n.jpg

No!

riding that train / high on vagina / casey jones you better watch your speed

Going to plant a weeping vagina
On the banks green edge it will grow grow grow

A touch of Vagina.

that's the only one I know...

Sugar Vagina
Blossoms blooming,
Head's so empty
And I don't care.

William Tell has stretched his vagina till it won't stretch no furthermore

Brown eyed women and red grenadine the vagina was dusty but the liquor was clean

Nothin shakin on Shakedown street
used to be the heart of vagina
Don't tell me this vagina ain't got no heart
You just gotta poke around

She has vagina begonias tucked into her curls

once in a while
you get shown the vagina
in the strangest of places
if you look at it right

Shakedown Vagina

oh it's been done

don't give into the facebook jpeg, guys

Replace a word in a song by a band with another word and post the hilarious results!

"Only Tuesday"

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in vajizzle with you

diarrhea, diarrhea likes his money

This latest thing where it's all "Name someone famous who doesn't have a Z in their name. If you can do this then you are a GENIUS" or something. That needs to die.

I wonder how much of the Internet being obnoxious is just that the play-spaces of 11-year-olds and grownups can so quickly overlap each other. Like, I bet a lot of that stuff plays a lot better when you're just a kid, but it gets chain-lettered around and somehow people who really have no business being entertained by trying to name things without Z's in them (or w/e) are reposting this crap and we have to see it. Ditto forums and stuff - I mean I know it's commonly observed that if you're having a dumb argument with someone on the internet, they are probably 12, but I really do think it changes the type of space we inhabit, and maybe devalues the worthiness of 12-year-olds having SOME space where they can, y'know, be 12 and dumb.

YOU'RE DUMB

xp reminds me of the mid-90s when annoying acquaintances thought it was okay to spam you via email with lists of awful jokes. Which, when you think about it, is basically Facebook's whole thing.

itt put butt in the band name

just to be clear, the great thing about ILX is that it does leave clear space for 31-year-olds to BE 12 for a few minutes a day, in a controlled environment.

the "money/monkey" thread is the best one though

have also thought a couple times about starting a "blood/butt" thread, mainly for the sake of pearl jam's searing jam "Butt"