An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator.

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anyway, the Usborne "So your Kid has worked out how to wire up a bulb and battery, woo hoo" series had a home made vibrator on page 46*. It started "For this you will need an empty cigar tube." I also wanted to be a spy when i was a kid, and liked making code wheels. Mirrors were also fascinating for some reason. And Pinhole cameras, obv.

(*Does that make things better, Alix? Though that bit is a lie)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Ophelia kink depression suicide shockah" etc

― g.cannon (gcannon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thank you for filthying things up. I actually was a spy when I was younger. This too is a lie. I was fascinated by periscopes though.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

I have one inserted at the moment, and I certainly would extoll its pleasing virtues. I'm sorry - I've just come.

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm shocked that no one actually commented on the SIZE of hummingbirds as a strike against their usefulness in a vibrator context (TAKE INTO ACOCUNT THE WINGSPAN, PEOPLE!).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

ACOCUNT?!

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

WilliamR has a periscope inserted at the moment? "I was just looking up an old friend" ho ho

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

a rattlesnake would make a much better vibrator.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

A periscope has many pleasing virtues.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

"acocunt" = female genitalia shared by multiple people

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

Other than looking over conveniently heighted walls?

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

(I hope that was in response to Alix...)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

So Dan, the amount of money you're paying me to not directly alert Joei to the existence of this thread and your presence on it is...?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Imagine the fun you could have with a Periniumscope!

― Simeon (Simeon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Joei, did you know that Dan's posting on a thread about wasp vibrators? Oh, and BTW 'Joei wasp vibrator' will eventually come up with a Google hit. No he didn't mention your name, I did. HEY PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dan may have been right about the hummingbirds:

The average weight of an adult female is about 3.3 grams. The average weight of an adult male is about 3 grams.

Ruby-throats are about 3 to 3 3/4 inches long.

The average length of a male's wing is 38.5 mm. The average length of a female's wing is 44.5 mm.

The average length of a male's bill is 16 mm. The average length of a female's bill is 18 mm.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

You think this will save you, Mr. Perry.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

How about baby hummingbirds?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

Every sex toy should be cruel towards baby animals.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

hello random googlers!

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

How about happy baby hummingbirds?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Yeah we've got the "dildo filled with baby hummingbirds" market cornered.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

I still don't get why it is WASPs as opposed to Jews, Catholics, Buddhists or Atheists?

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm still puzzling over how exactly you'd manage to fill a cigar tube with lots of wasps. Presumably they'd be angry. How would you do that?

― C J (C J), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

You fill it with sugar, natch.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

tell them there is something they want at one of the ends of it--probably the end that isn't the open end.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

I still don't get why it is WASPs as opposed to Jews, Catholics, Buddhists or Atheists?

Well, I wouldn't want to be called antisemitic for filling a cigar tube with Jews.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wasps hibernate or something in the winter - or get very dozy when the weather is cold, anyway - so I guess you could keep them in the freezer, then the body heat would wake them up, which might be like a speed control or something.

― C J (C J), Monday, 13 January 2003 18:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tell them the cigar tube has a free cocktail hour, that will get the WASPs in.

― rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 13 January 2003 19:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

You fill it with sugar, natch.

Hey, remember when I set this one up and then nobody knocked it out of the park? Honestly, I'm ashamed.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 13 January 2003 19:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

ha rosemary i didn;t think of that one. i was gonna post about Brooks Brothers.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Monday, 13 January 2003 19:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

All this talk of inventive vibrators is fine for the girls - but what about the boys? Haven't any of you ever been really curious about the central vacuuming system?

― C J (C J), Monday, 13 January 2003 19:33 (twenty-one years ago) link

It's not my fault Mark, I was in a meeting!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 20:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

nine months pass...

I'd just like to revive this wrongness.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

surely this device is kissing cousin to the sodomizing bee-stick?

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:36 (twenty years ago) link

This is clearly one of the greatest threads ever.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

Damn, Perry beat me to another thread! (But then, any talk of vibrators is a good thing.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:40 (twenty years ago) link

this is awesome. how did i miss it?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

THE HIVEMIND IS A SEX TOY

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:45 (twenty years ago) link

The thread revives have super high quality this week :)

(That sounds like such a backhand...)

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:49 (twenty years ago) link

Well now I'm gonna spoil it.
I know of a guy (a friend's ex) who (probably still but I'm not certain) likes to fuck himself in the ass with a cigar tube while he beats off, and the freak just leaves the tube sitting around all covered in dried up shit afterwards (yeah, that's the part that makes him a freak!). One time a girl he was living with found a cigar tube under the couch all covered in poo and lint and, disgusted, felt compelled to confront him about it. When he got home, she, all shocked and grossed out, held it out and shook it at him, and demanded, "What the hell is this?" he said, "It's a cigar tube." "I know!" she screamed. "What the hell are you doing with it?" "Oh," he replied, all blasé, "I stick it in my ass when I masturbate." Fucking philosophy majors!

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 18:34 (twenty years ago) link

this is clearly an utterly fearless and completely trustworthy man.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 18:45 (twenty years ago) link

Haha two of my best friends from high school were philosphy majors and the other one was religion! (Note to self: never smoke cigars with them again.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:25 (twenty years ago) link

cigar tube up ass < broomhandle up ass

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:28 (twenty years ago) link

cigar tube up ass < broomhandle up ass < Brünhilde up ass

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:30 (twenty years ago) link

Your search - joie wasp vibrators - did not match any documents.

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:32 (twenty years ago) link

Ned you are in the clear!

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:32 (twenty years ago) link

No results under the correct spelling, either. Damn.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:34 (twenty years ago) link

oh no, my two phil major friends are cigar afficionados (and dont smoke otherwise). oh no.

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:41 (twenty years ago) link

I was a religion major.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 88 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

i’m sorry we’re all out of cigar tubes filled with wasps, but i can interest you in this receptacle containing the world’s largest bee

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/067f0fa3cb527f2a7c22badf68ff3a90a558d4ad/50_242_5381_3228/master/5381.jpg?width=1920&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=90f70f0a19c0cfeb69f7a75f60b0aa23

― “Emotional Interest Underwear” (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 February 2019 16:11 (five years ago) link

― “Emotional Interest Underwear” (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 February 2019 16:12 (five years ago) link

one month passes...

Four Bees Living in Her Eye, Feeding on Her Tears

― mick signals, Wednesday, 10 April 2019 21:33 (five years ago) link

ten months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CvqmD0CZao

― nothing in the dialog (unregistered), Monday, 17 February 2020 02:21 (four years ago) link

An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator

sufjan stevens

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Monday, 17 February 2020 03:47 (four years ago) link

Great beehive

― Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 17 February 2020 08:20 (four years ago) link

Was this thing a Viz Top Tip originally or did somebody plagiarise it and submit it as a top tip afterwards?

― Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:23 (four years ago) link

i dunno if anyone can really 'plagiarise' just plain common sense like this tho tbf

― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:54 (four years ago) link

four months pass...

What if you were *inside* a giant cigar tube filled with... bees?

https://horizontalhive.com/honey-bee-images/bee-bed-sleep-apitherapy.jpg

https://horizontalhive.com/how-to-build/bee-bed-sleep-hive-plans.shtml

― Piedie Gimbel, Friday, 3 July 2020 16:09 (three years ago) link

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