Q: What's six foot three and purple?
A: René Aubergine
― great wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 6 May 2013 23:46 (eleven years ago) link
A: What do you call a unicellular eukaryotic organism that would rather spend his Friday night pounding a few Bud Lights with his buds at the pool hall than take his girlfriend out for a romantic Italian dinner for two?A: A brotozoa.
― del griffith, Saturday, 11 May 2013 01:39 (eleven years ago) link
Whoops, sorry, "What do you call a unicellular eukaryotic organism that would rather spend his Friday night pounding a few Bud Lights with his buds at the pool hall than take his girlfriend out for a romantic Italian dinner for two?" was supposed to be the A:
I have a condition you see
― del griffith, Saturday, 11 May 2013 01:45 (eleven years ago) link
It was supposed to be the Q:
(...condition)
― del griffith, Saturday, 11 May 2013 01:46 (eleven years ago) link
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/307372_517836104906387_1641481268_n.jpg
Did you hear that Roger Waters just crashed his inflatable pig into London's tallest building?? I know it's wrong to laugh but eh, Shard and Floyd
― dschinghis kraan (NickB), Tuesday, 14 May 2013 14:04 (eleven years ago) link
ouch.
― how's life, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 14:11 (eleven years ago) link
Don't suppose you heard his disastrous cover of Smooth Operator either then?
― dschinghis kraan (NickB), Tuesday, 14 May 2013 14:28 (eleven years ago) link
wow.
― how's life, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 14:35 (eleven years ago) link
I hear certain 1970s hairstyles are back in fashion at the moment?Yep, afros are big right now.
― nagl dude dude dude (ledge), Monday, 20 May 2013 13:35 (ten years ago) link
¡GOL! I'm actually gonna use that on irl.
― Pasty, British & Shit (wins), Monday, 20 May 2013 14:52 (ten years ago) link
Where do crust punks get those fashionable clothes?
American oogle
― how's life, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:27 (ten years ago) link
Why was the Met visitor so grateful to the one-armed, one-legged man for showing him around?
Because it had been a long time since he'd gotten a half-docent museum tour.
― THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 20:23 (ten years ago) link
Q: Who is the greatest Ukrainian indie guitar goddess?A: Mary Timoshenko
― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Thursday, 30 May 2013 19:23 (ten years ago) link
Why did Sean connery take an assertiveness course?
Because he wanted to get more pushy.
― too busy s1ockin' on my 乒乓 (wins), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:09 (ten years ago) link
brilliant
― the Quim of Bendigo (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:11 (ten years ago) link
That is great.
― o. nate, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 18:38 (ten years ago) link
Q: How do you call your German grandma?A: On the Deutsche Gramma-phone
― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Thursday, 6 June 2013 18:28 (ten years ago) link
Ha!
― ljubljana, Friday, 7 June 2013 00:12 (ten years ago) link
connery one is killing me
― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Friday, 7 June 2013 01:59 (ten years ago) link
Q: What did Pink Floyd do after they wrote Wish You Were Here?A: Push Syd Barrett out the window
― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 03:59 (ten years ago) link
Q. what Disney pop starlet is known for her ability to sing 32nd notes?A. hemisemidemilovato
― Remember! The cormorant is a big brrd. It has got a long neck. (unregistered), Thursday, 27 June 2013 17:30 (ten years ago) link
oh shit!
― how's life, Thursday, 27 June 2013 17:39 (ten years ago) link
Did you hear Miss Cleo went to a drag show in Puerto Rico? She said the audience was a lot of fun but the headliner was a real borinquen.
― shohreh aja/danteloo (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 28 June 2013 00:15 (ten years ago) link
Why was there a bottle of Hendricks raffled off at the smooth R&B concert?
Because it was Ginuwin(e)
― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 20:14 (ten years ago) link
Hurting man you sure put in the legwork <3
― ^do not heed if you rate me (wins), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 20:21 (ten years ago) link
you def get that it's a numbers game!
― ^do not heed if you rate me (wins), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 20:23 (ten years ago) link
lo;
― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 20:23 (ten years ago) link
lol
^great homemade joek!
― ^do not heed if you rate me (wins), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 20:29 (ten years ago) link
marc lo;
― Puff Daddy, whoever the fuck you are. I am dissapoint. (stevie), Wednesday, 10 July 2013 06:52 (ten years ago) link
This one I came up with a looong time ago
Why are women's breasts like comic books? They were designed for small children but grown men run all the fan clubs.
― Cunga, Wednesday, 10 July 2013 10:04 (ten years ago) link
ha!!
― Puff Daddy, whoever the fuck you are. I am dissapoint. (stevie), Wednesday, 10 July 2013 11:14 (ten years ago) link
v good
― Deafening silence (DL), Wednesday, 10 July 2013 11:53 (ten years ago) link
Q. What did Julia Roberts say when she crashed her husband's car into the bridge?A. "I don't care, Lyle Lovett!"
― Remember! The cormorant is a big brrd. It has got a long neck. (unregistered), Wednesday, 10 July 2013 19:10 (ten years ago) link
her ex-husband, but still a nice one.
― how's life, Wednesday, 10 July 2013 19:19 (ten years ago) link
I've been swimming in raw sewage. Lyle Lovett!
― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 10 July 2013 19:23 (ten years ago) link
lmao never gonna hear that song the same again
― johnny crunch, Wednesday, 10 July 2013 19:25 (ten years ago) link
I do actually love that
― kinder, Wednesday, 10 July 2013 20:53 (ten years ago) link
So the other day I started reading this book about the myriad difficulties that arise when trying to euthanise dogs - I did! it's a real book that exists.
AND
LET
ME
TELL
YOU
I couldn't put it down.
― ^do not heed if you rate me (wins), Friday, 19 July 2013 21:29 (ten years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/1fDus.gif
― pplains, Friday, 19 July 2013 21:43 (ten years ago) link
:-)
― ^do not heed if you rate me (wins), Friday, 19 July 2013 21:47 (ten years ago) link
Q. why do anarchists drink herbal tea?A. because they're wankers
― many a slip 'twixt Yow and Yip (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 15:49 (ten years ago) link
It works
― "Asshole Lost in Coughdrop": THAT'S a story (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 15:55 (ten years ago) link
Hey there everybody, what's happening? So get this. At the grocery store earlier, I noticed that certain generic brand kitchen trash bags are now treated with a chemical component that absorbs foul smells. Kind of like built-in Arm and Hammer. Have you seen these? Have you seen these bags? They're called "odor control" bags, pretty cool technology. Well anyway, after reading Yahoo! OMG this morning, I got to wondering if perhaps Khloé Kardashian had not secretly hoped that Hefty might soon market a line of extra-strength trash bags durable enough to dispose of a human corpse... called Lamar Odom control bags! Cause I don't care if you have kids in the family or not, you don't want addicts in your home, folks. You do not want an addict in your home. Hey, you've been a great audience you guys, thanks so much!
― del griffith, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 03:23 (ten years ago) link
Why did the two middle-aged jewish ladies decide not to stay at the Daft Punk full-album show? Because it was Humid After All.
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 19:02 (ten years ago) link
harder, better, farkakte
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 19:57 (ten years ago) link
I have told that Jewish lady/Daft Punk joke so many times; there are v few ppl who get it but those who do make it worth it.
― TITTWISORTH (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 4 September 2013 10:59 (ten years ago) link
friend of mine loaned me a big collection of fine art, I was like "thanks man, I appreciate it"
― wins, Tuesday, 24 September 2013 16:46 (ten years ago) link
I like it
― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 24 September 2013 17:05 (ten years ago) link