this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

it sounds like of romantic

'kind of', not 'like of'. It is 5am - sorry.

Thats ok I misspelt "somwhere", and its 4pm here so I have no excuse, except that I am at work and my brain is melting.

TULL PEOPLE< I MEAND COME ON!!!!! HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO THEM?

George S (livinginthepast2@cs.com), March 6th, 2003

On the ‘When was the first time in your life you felt old?’ people were talking about Dylan and Curtis and what they’d achieved at the same age, when Andrew appears:

"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years."
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), March 7th, 2003 10:49 AM. (later)

Did he attribute his quote to Tom Lehrer?

Well I put it quotes. I think it's taken for granted that any unattributed funny quote is by Tom Lehrer.

Clever does not equal funny. My post stands.

It's a bit too big too. I think a second one needs starting.

I was going to do it this morning but thought it cheeky. You go for it and I'll cover you!

Funny because it is true:

I have it on good authority Lara has an extra teat from which her familiar suckles by moonlight.
-- Madchen (madchen_in_unifor...), March 6th, 2003 1:15 PM. (later)

From "Your Amazon Wishlist"

1. Don't Tell Me the Truth About Love by Dan Rhodes
2. Feast: A History of Grand Eating by Roy Strong
3. Indulgence: Around the World in Search of Chocolate by Paul Richardson
4. The True History of Chocolate by Sophie D. Coe, Michael D. Coe
5. Favourite Sweets and Toffee Recipes: Traditional Home-made Confectionary (Favourite Recipies Series) by Carol Wilson, Birkett Foster (Illustrator)
6. Food: A History by Felipe Fernandez-Armesto
7. Double Fold: Libraries and the Assault on Paper by Nicholson Baker
8. The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes (The Sandman) by Neil Gaiman, et al
9. A New Way to Cook by Sally Schneider, Maria Robledo (Photographer)
10. A Mind of Its Own: a Cultural History of the Penis by David M. Friedman
11. The Little Friend by Donna Tartt
12. The Sandman Library 4: Season of Mists (The Sandman)
by Neil Gaiman, et al
13. Speaker for the Dead: Book 2 of the "Ender" Saga (The Ender Saga) by Orson Scott Card
14. Stupid White Men ... and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation! by Michael Moore
15. Barcelona Plates by Alexei Sayle

I don't even like chocolate and penises that much.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 7th, 2003. (later)

My dad put a bunch of hardcore porn in my bedroom closet when I was 12 (the same year he made me get stoned with him). The first sex-related thing I ever saw was a magazine called "Raunchy," whose cover had a close-up of a woman's crotch with a cucumber in her vagina and a carrot in her asshole. I found it on a Sunday morning before church, and my dad told me later that day that he was "proud" of me for looking at it.

My mom, on the other hand, gave me a book by Dr. James Dobson about adolescence. She highlighted a section of the book where it said Jesus never masturbated, plus she cut out an Ann Landers column and put it on my bedroom door. It said that if you masturbated you were no longer a virgin.

Suffice it so say my parents were divorced.

--Yanc3y

It was the closing comment on this that had me rolling

Ha, thats what I was going to paste. The first paragraph.

I went to the high school, my one semester there I mean, that was named after James Dobson.

(Skipping over context 'cause far too lengthy...but this one almost had me pissing my pants; I'm not explaining why either, so nya.)

It would be much cooler to say "I refute you THUS."
-- Colin Meeder (amisrau...), March 7th, 2003. (Mert)

Oh, piss off Dastoor. We're not here for your pleasure.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), March 7th, 2003.

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JUST FUCK YOU YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK
-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 7th, 2003.

"I wanna fuck you in the ass with this white coat on"
-- Matt DC (runmd...), March 7th, 2003. (Matt DC) (link)

Moby is not here right now he is in the hospital because another cat bit him.
-- Aaron Grossman (aajjg...), March 7th, 2003.

harrumph, that's about the closest I've been, and I still didn't get posted to this thread.

me neither, I've never made this thread, persoanlly, I blame hstencil! ;)

despite the annoyingness of them all, the knowledge that these threads exist seems to have brightened up my day consistently. As long as they stop soon, then i'd be the happiest man in the world, content to know that they once were. And that they are no longer.
-- dog latin (doglati...), February 3rd, 2003.

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Hi!
-- conner Smedley (conner66...), February 3rd, 2003.

from "Superheros Who Might Be Gay":

this is like starting a thread called "members of daft punk who might be french".
-- Dave M. (pton_mwaa...), March 6th, 2003

I think probably hulk is not gay , only because he is always too angry to think about anything. He is probably non sexual. Or maybe in private he mates with giant animals like elephants, who explode.
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), March 7th, 2003.

Oh, piss off Dastoor. We're not here for your pleasure.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), March 7th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JUST FUCK YOU YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK
-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 7th, 2003.

-- Ally (mlescau...), March 7th, 2003 6:25 PM. (later)

Love is a beautiful thing, kids.

fine work Chaki. But I am usually represtned by a picture of albino Don King
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), March 9th, 2003.

My dad put a bunch of hardcore porn in my bedroom closet when I was 12 (the same year he made me get stoned with him). The first sex-related thing I ever saw was a magazine called "Raunchy," whose cover had a close-up of a woman's crotch with a cucumber in her vagina and a carrot in her asshole. I found it on a Sunday morning before church, and my dad told me later that day that he was "proud" of me for looking at it.

My mom, on the other hand, gave me a book by Dr. James Dobson about adolescence. She highlighted a section of the book where it said Jesus never masturbated, plus she cut out an Ann Landers column and put it on my bedroom door. It said that if you masturbated you were no longer a virgin.

Suffice it so say my parents were divorced.

- Yanc3y on the "the talk" thread.

Anyone know any group theory?

-- mei (meirion.lewi...), March 8th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is that about sex?
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), March 8th, 2003. (later)

I love it when I get quoted on here! Thanks Andrew!

(To be honest I kind of felt obliged to play up to my image there. I did study maths at Cambridge, briefly, and I do know a little about the subject. Or did once...)

I know. A simple joke in many hands, but see how Martin gives it depth and timbre...

and also possibly a reacharound

Repost jimmy's with my name on it (seconded)

i saw this t shirt designed for 5 yr old boys that said cowboyin training.

i swa this t shirt designed for 5 year old girls that said im all about the pretty.

guess who isnt 5 ?

-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...), February 21st, 2003 7:22 PM.

yeah how bout some ASS WOW DAMN
-- Millar (tmillar@cor...), March 9th, 2003.

Where is this hypersexualised environment then? Is there a bus?

-- MJ Hibbett (mjh1...), November 30th, 2000 1:00 AM. (admin) (0.0.0.0)

(First thing ever to make me laugh out loud on ILX)

D0 N0+ PH33D T3H TR0LL!!!!1!!!!!111!
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-- Pashmina (pashmin...), March 10th, 2003 1:42 PM. (later) (Pashmina) (admin) (81.134.13.63)

N Phay is a national treasure.

No, I'm wearing a blue sweater that's way too tight. I think I'll change before other humans lay eyes on me.
-- Kim

phwoar Kim
-- Tracer Hand

My t-shirt is dark blue and has baby dribble on it, plus some baby snot i think because my son has the flu at the moment. am i lucky or what!
-- donna

phwoar donna
-- mark s

So Dan, you turned on your radio, and Ana Ng was on, and you said aloud" I have begun my fan time of this band!" and then when the song ended you said " I am no longer a fan of the group!" ? Weird. Do you do that with Stevie Nicks?! is Sommerville the land of the Store 24s??
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...) (webmail), March 10th, 2003 11:24 AM. (later)

I am genuinely confounded by the tip craziness on this thread, esp. j.lu's post on tipping people who I would never tht of tipping. What about people in shops who sell you shellsuits, or music store clerks, or post men, or lecturers, strangers in the street with amusing hats?

-- david h (howied41...), October 17th, 2002.
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david h, here in america, strangers on the street with amusing hats only get paid 2.83 an hour to wear those hats, and they rely on people tipping them (a dollar per amusment level of the hat, 2 dollars minimum if its a fez) to make their living. its simply rude to stare and not tip.

-- amy (amyamiso...), October 17th, 2002.

If zine = SPATTERED BAPS OF SATAN'S PRE- TEEN WHORE, and release = EARTH-WOMB MUSYC OF NURTUREMENT & WYMMYN'S NATURAL IN-BODY HEALING (*****, in my opinion), advice like this might help avoid unpleasant misunderstandings?
-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001 2:00 PM.

on the eighties revival thread:

It means Grand Theft Auto - Grunge City in about 6.75 years.
-- gygax! (gygax0...), March 12th, 2003.

from the Degrassi thread:

Dud if only because it was like coming home from school and then having to watch my day again. I did go to high school with a girl who fucked Joey Jeremiah, though! That was classic. We asked her friends if she said if he left his hat on.
-- Bryan (bryan...) (webmail), March 12th, 2003

Im on the nicotine lozenge and it tastes like poo.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), March 12th, 2003.

One of you crazy people is going to get me fired one of these days. TRY HARDER.

I share Mr. Diamond's experience. I'm always sitting next to folks on planes who announce, "My aunt lives in Arlingdale Brook!" and I nod in incomprehension.

-- Amateurist (amateuris...), March 12th, 2003. (later)

[edited for length -- Ed.]

From Banal Conversations (I am crying with laughter):

C: "is this music?"
Me: (nods)
C: "i see"
-- toby (toby_ge...), March 7th, 2003. (later)

To add to it, I think this is a regular conversation between toby and C. I've witnessed it happen at least once.

crying with laughter

From "Trolls C/D":

In Soviet Russia, the hot grits pour YOU down petrified Natalie Portman's pants (imagine a Beowulf Cluster of these).

-- Millar (tmilla...), March 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

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That didn't make sense.

-- man (ma...), March 13th, 2003. (later) (link)