This Is the Pregnancy Commiseration and Support Thread

at my wife's work they have a breastpumping room!

one at a time, not like a hair salon or w/e

i would say it can be hard at first (as it was for us) but if you want to do it, don't give up.

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, August 27, 2013 2:53 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i agree with this but would add, if you do give up, don't feel shitty about it

we had lots of problems too and ended up supplementing with formula the whole time evie was breastfeeding and felt vaguely guilty about it at first but now i'm just like why were we so worried about it?

We have a pumping room, too. At the state, they actually would tell women to use the accessible stall in the bathroom, which is arguably against IL law (an employer needs to "make reasonable efforts" to provide a location other than a toilet stall).

I hear you about not giving up, and I want to breastfeed but if it comes to a point where I think it would be healthier to let it go, I'm going to do that. Like if I've got stigmata of the nipples and start resenting our baby as a dreadful monster and thinking about putting it up for adoption, I will probably move on to formula. That is okay, you know? I trust myself to make a good decision there.

xp n/a and I apparently sharing a brain today.

xp to self) Or the one that actually really angered us - if you're breastfeeding, the baby can't have formula milk. But it takes a day or two for the actual milk to come through, so on his first night at home the poor soul screamed until 6am and lost a lot of weight.

The reason of course was them assuming that if you tried formula milk once, you'd just give up breastfeeding. There's no medical basis for it at all. So angry because that little top-up would've saved a two-day-old a whole night of misery.

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, August 27, 2013 3:37 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Argh, I remember this. The way we heard it was that if the baby tried the bottle it would be "easy" and then it would get too "lazy" to breastfeed. Of course the exact same thing happened to us, and I can still sharply remember that hysterical 3am moment of H and I going back and forth virtually in tears before finally just saying "Ok fuck it, K won't stop crying and she is really really hungry" and giving her a little formula. This was a good decision.

(somewhat unrelated I was just reading an employment law decision out of Texas district court in which a judge held that it was okay to fire a woman for taking time to pump because breastfeeding was not related to pregnancy (pregnancy is over!) and firing "someone" (he doesn't say a woman, of course) for pumping breast milk is not sex discrimination. Now that's something to get pissed off about, IMO.)

― Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Tuesday, August 27, 2013 3:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The law, in its magestic equality, forbids men and women alike from breastpumping at work

stigmata of the nipples lol omg

Nothing drives home the overwhelming maleness of the federal judiciary like a Title VII sex discrimination decision. xp

Can she be fired for leaking milk all through her top at work? (Fuck that guy with a rusty pitchfork, imho, or better yet go back in time and prevent him from ever suckling at his mother's breast. Wait a sec. Maybe that's EXACTLY what happened.)

Can she be fired for leaking milk all through her top at work?

Probably! Employers can set standards of dress and appearance and as long as they aren't found to be rooted in discrimination against a protected class (for evidence of the federal judiciary's overwhelming whiteness, see many cases on this particular subject), can fire people for failing to adhere to them. Since breastfeeding women aren't a protected class in that district, the employer can probably fire her.

I need to change my DN so I can stop reminding myself that I'm a lawyer and just let comments like that pass as the rhetorical questions that they are.

We have a euphemistically named 'Wellness Room' in my office that no-one is using to pump in presently (though several have in the past) which is primarily dedicated to just that (though also used for storage). I'm more of a commie but it's interesting to see large private coporations see these amenities less as liabilities than as selling points to potential or present employees.

We used to have a space set up in our other building, I think it was called the Women's Room but it was for pumping -- but we haven't had any pregnancies in forever and we sold the other building so idk where it is now, if we have one at all

A lot of that is driven by legislation. Large private corporations don't do anything if they don't have to. xp

I routinely stomped my male coworkers who fake-whined about why is there a women's room etc bcz UGH rly

think I told the story on some other thread but at my dads class they asked us what we liked about pregnancy & I have much love still for the guy who looked at all of us, raised his eyebrows up and down and said "milk jugs", with an "amirite" look on his face

omfg

horrified LOLs

i'm hearing that in the dudebro-unison voice of that "TWINS" budweiser commercial

bwahaah

tbf i don't know how else a dude is supposed to answer that question

i love the yelling and the crying and the swollen ankles

There was indeed panic in our house about breastfeeding. I had pretty much every problem one can have (and some of them multiple times) nursing, but I felt too guilty about quitting. I don't think I realized how crazy it was making me until a good friend whom I really admire weaned her daughter at 18 months. I was shocked, not only that she weaned so early, but that she was totally OK with it. She said she was feeling a bit claustrophobic, and it seemed like the right time. I realized the mom's mental health is just as important. I still have friends who nurse their 3 year olds, but instead of making me feel like a failure, I just feel so happy to be done with all that.

My point is that I don't believe being a martyr for your child is good for anyone.

from friends & family, it seems like the only "right way" is the way that's good for *that* mom + *that* babby.

way too much mania & pressure esp w/r/t breastfeeding. being a new mom is stressful enough!

Totally. Also, new parents are overtired, which makes everything harder.

Hello!

Here is an update. I have been diagnosed with a complication (this, although when diagnosed early as I was, it is not as dire as the wiki page would make it sound). To avoid the dire outcome, doctors have to make sure that whatever happens, I do not actually go into labor as that would potentially lead to cord rupture (bad). So the management of the condition is thus: somewhere between 30 weeks (today!) and 32 weeks (two weeks from today!) I will be admitted to the hospital for careful observation and monitoring. Then at 34 weeks, I get an early c-section. The upshot is that Carl Agatha Jr. will not be a Christmas baby, but will be here in mid-November!

That means the baby will be pre-term and might spend a little time in the NICU, but they are prepared for it and have already started giving me steroid shots to speed up lung and brain development and make things go easier on the little one when s/he makes an early arrival. So far the kid is a picture of health and appropriate growth so fingers crossed.

Obviously I would not have chosen this outcome, but mostly I'm just very grateful that I have access to excellent medical care, ultrasound techs and doctors who know what they are looking for when they see it, and good health insurance. Especially the health insurance. Jesus.

Just to make things more interesting I've come down with a sweet case of gestational hypertension and have resultingly spent a couple of nights over the last few weeks in the hospital for monitoring (and 24 hours of urine collection! Fun times) to rule out preeclampsia (it is ruled out), which makes an early delivery a bit more appealing. Bright side: I was doctor ordered to cut down on my hours at work, so that was a pretty sweet email to send.

Anyway, I'm cool, it's all cool, I am mostly posting this because at some point I will suddenly be coming to you live from a hospital room and then I will have a baby earlier than expected and I don't want people to worry! My mother is handling all of the worrying for everyone.

Geez Carl! That's terrifying, but I will leave the worrying in Mama Agatha's hands and instead focus on the excitement of the baby not being too far away now :) November 14 is a lovely day and just coincidentally my birthday. Will your health insurance cover this extended visit, or are you liable for a portion?

Love love love and thoughts your way. I'm glad you have a great haircut and piercing baby blues to see you through.

thanking of you guys

Thinking good thoughts for you and babby <3

Lemme know if you want me to bring you something that's not hospital food, carl!!

Like, do not hold back. I will bring you the foods.

Sounds like a problem that thanks to medical knowledge and appropriate planning will not actually be a problem! I'm sorry you have an extra thing(s) on your plate, but your attitude is ace and and you will have a babby to dress up like a turkey and place on a platter on the table for Thanksgiving!

Lemme know if you want me to bring you something that's not hospital food, carl!!

― Untt (La Lechera), Tuesday, October 15, 2013 3:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yes, for the love of god. Yes.

My mother is handling all of the worrying for everyone.

Genuine lols. Thinking good thoughts for you, carl. Keep your chin up.

Email your order!!

When I was admitted the first time for the blood pressure stuff, I was kind of entranced by the food, especially when I got to pick what I wanted to eat. It was definitely hospital food (my best description of it is that it feels very sterilized) but some of it was not too bad. Then the second time I was in, I realized that the food was the exact same. I got the same dinner that I had the first time (two fried chicken drumsticks, "cilantro rice," spinach, salad, roll) then the same breakfast and then when they came to ask for my choices for lunch and dinner, they were the same choices... I mean, I have a pretty high tolerance for institutional hot turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy but every day for two weeks... I can't imagine.

one of my fears about being hospitalized is being forced to eat institutional food -- i have no tolerance for sog

Will your health insurance cover this extended visit, or are you liable for a portion?

I may very well hit my deductible/out of pocket limit and if that happens, the insurance will pay 100% of whatever subsequent costs I incur. Until I hit those two limits, I think I pay either 10 or 20% of whatever the amount the hospital bills the insurance company, which is less than what the hospital would bill a poor sucker without insurance (I know, right??!?!?!) and is a closely guarded secret. So the answer is probably but I'm not entirely sure. USA! USA! But again, just super super unendingly grateful that we even have insurance, much less really good insurance (we sprung for the costliest plan with the lowest deductible because we were hoping to have a baby this year, so good job, us).

Sounds like a problem that thanks to medical knowledge and appropriate planning will not actually be a problem!

Correct! Amazing, isn't it? It's still a little nerve wracking because there is a list of things that should trigger an immediate trip to the hospital (bleeding, contractions, headaches, blurred vision, upper abdominal pain) so I'm living in a state of yellow alert (so tiresome) but when I'm admitted, I can relax a little because I'm already where I need to be if something happens.

Thank you all for the kind words and well wishes!

It's also pretty much impossible to figure out how much you'll be paying for a "regular" hospital birth in advance.

carl, can you talk to a nutritionist and maybe put together somekind of plan to at least intersperse the hospital diet with some occasional brought-in meals or snacks? Two weeks would drive me bonkers von nutsville.

Since I'm not actually sick or on any kind of restricted diet, I can bring in anything I want, thank god. My cousins are giving us gift certificates to a few local restaurants so Jeff can bring me takeout, too.

Another thing that blows my mind about the food is the sheer volume of it. I don't know if I got a special pregnant lady diet or what, but it was seriously more food than I eat in like two days. Three meals, all of which come with salad AND soup (breakfast comes with oatmeal), bread, desert, milk, juice, and coffee PLUS two snacks, one of which consisted of a sandwich, milk, apple, and (dreadful, disgusting) cookies, aka another lunch.

The second night I was in, my night time snack box had three slices of American cheese wrapped in cling wrap and an apple. I LOLed pretty hard.

I can also wear regular clothes (well, house pants and the like), thankfully.

you will have a babby to dress up like a turkey and place on a platter on the table for Thanksgiving!

THIS AND ONLY THIS

Hugs to you, Carl. It sounds like you are in really good hands. Thinking of you.

I can't believe my grandparents actually love hospital food, they rave about the hospital food in their town and only eat at hospital cafeterias when they travel.

Some of my grandparents' favorite restaurants were about on par with hospital food, so I can see that. It's kind of odd that your gps eat at hospital cafeterias when they travel, though!

I know. They say hospital cafeterias are always clean.

S. still talks about the awesome food and comely nurses in a hospital in Singapore, SIX YEARS LATER!

my very best wishes to you, carl & baby, I hope the waiting time goes happily and well.
signed, yet another fan of your lovely haircut/eyes.

<3 thank you!!!

quincie, I forgot to mention that part of the overall care available includes visits from social workers who specialize in women undergoing high risk pregnancies. As a student of social work, I thought you might find that interesting. And yes, I am 100% availing myself of that service.

Thank you!!! She was but it's now abstract. Now she mostly reassures me that she is still a baby who needs me.

I was able to control terrible morning sickness with deep breathing. That felt good. Today though, went out and about so I took the medication and after the best pizza of my life, was overwhelmed with drowsiness so I crashed for several hours. Ugh. My first pregnancy was not so incapacitating this early on. Maybe I need to scroll up and check that.

Come Monday I'm a single parent again, all week, so I need to get it together. Although, having my husband around during this rain break...binge watching Girls... Has really been like a real Spring Break. My Monday will be like any Monday after a long break.

I'm so happy for you, tera! Except the morning sickness part, I hope that passes quickly!

Sadly, the pregnancy ended a month after I posted this. It was a moment of overconfidence I was ultimately glad I had.

Oh *tera, I'm so sorry.

Hugs and love to you

hugs & condolences tera, i'm so sorry <3