why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

lol at you fellow midwesterners

― space is deep (mh), Tuesday, September 3, 2013 11:29 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, after seeing who's responded to this, especially clouds, I'm like "oh yeah, so that's where I heard of this place."

"Menards" must always be said loudly in the manner of the man from the commercials. Also I was really shocked a couple years ago to hear that John Menard Jr. is worth seven billion dollars - I had no idea his empire was so vast. I was also sad that he wasn't the white haired yelling man from the commercial.

I was going to pipe up with 'no I think Mendard's a disease' but then I remembered I was thinking about Meniere's

:/

I thought he was too!! Sadly, he passed long ago :(

Still they're much better than the Fleet Farm ads

A friend in the know told me very disturbing dirt on J0hn M3n@rd, which is corroborated by the news and court filings. He's fucking nuts and vicious. And horny, apparently.

Which fucking SUCKS b/c I went to one of their stores for the first time a couple months ago and it was a wonderland and their employees are so much knowledgeable than Home Depot's.

that varies by store/region, really. back when we had more actual hardware stores and lumber yards, menards was known as the least clueful people on the planet

You can hit me in Home Depot
Hit me by the gutter guards
But baby
When you're angry
Don't you hit me in Menard's

That's a pretty interesting jingle.

Testicle-based Menard's jokes were my brother's favorite circa 1998

Shocked to learn this place is from the USA and not Canada or the UK or Belize or something.

Undeniable Adult Truths

1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?

7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

FILE UNDER: Fictional first world problems

aaargh FU imaginary "truth" creator

peculiar mix of US and UK English as per. i swear if i ever hear a Brit use the word "ghetto" in a context that isn't historical or quoting a song title i will crotch-punch the fucker

is that #22

if you ever hear an American use it you should still do that because it is almost always a racist

yeah i know i think my objection is to Brits incorporating extra racist euphemisms when we have a broad and nuanced selection of our own

"joined up writing" is a Britishism, right? Do Americans say that?

That list is one of the worst things posted in the thread. Every single item makes me want to argue back with the poster (for different reasons), the style is atrocious and deflates even the potential for some kind of snappy comic rhythm or EVEN Chicken Soup For The Soul 'words of wisdom,' they meander between statements and questions for no reason, the premise that the author is an 'adult' seems flimsy at best, and basically it all sounds like hastily-jotted ideas for a really painful, lumpy stand-up routine. And ugggggh the cutesyness. I can just hear the badly-concealed desperation for a laugh, the 'performance' notes leaking into what was a totally natural conversation before this person came in. All that's missing is ''Chocolate? Equals yum. YOU know what I'm talking about, biyotch!''

the compiled wisdom of a very boring person

Things You Didn't Know As A Teenager

1) Make sure to see check itemizing your deductions can help your taxes.
2) Car insurance rates can vary drastically based on your record and provider.
3) Where did I put my keys again?
4) Make sure to keep plenty of quarters for laundry.
5) Eating plenty of fish can be good for your health.

lmao at a world in which "How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?" is an Undeniable Truth

there's also a really easy way to "start at 5" with google maps directions. You just start at 5.

i can't fold fitted sheets neatly to be fair but i'm coping

This is the one that really got me boggling at that list: 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Errrr.... they do?

Not all of them.

Ours don't, and let me tell you something, it would be much more informative for me if I knew whether or not that guy my age died in a motorcycle accident or from a heart attack.

or bizarre gardening accident

"joined up writing" was stage 2 in the joined up thinking about joined up thinking iirc

http://www.webanswers.com/post-images/8/85/BCB3A043-C100-419B-9E0652ECFF84A7CF.jpg

Not that I bother, they go straight back on the bed.

Sweet lifehack

I assume we've done this shit already:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/999716_432528283528322_590125093_n.jpg

It's not even right for this October anyway.

There are only 14 calendars and seven of those are for leap years. Any given "October" is going to cycle through at least once every 20 years or so, if not more.

haha, a couple of times now, I think -- pretty sure it's looking more and more fucked up each time though. At some point that text's gonna be unreadable.

Sounds like a good plot device for a horror movie. Every 823, an ancient demon arises and kills via cursed money... This October, you'd better watch out for... MoneyBags!

*823 years.

Tagline for the horror movie's right there, too:
"Can't hurt so I did it :)"

would watch.

this is called moneybags

money bags

I've been doing it all wrong, mine has been based on Ugandan Feng Shui. ;_;

Why is it called Money Bags?

cuz you got bags of money, also cuz Money Dags is an anagram of Day Gnomes.

When image macro tropes fight each other

http://imgur.com/gallery/GkfZYTC

and then

http://i.imgur.com/FLqJPlA.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/xvBG4Ti.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/xgSRhBw.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/FzALNr0.jpg

omg lol

hahahaha

3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

A Talking Cat? movie is my new favorite Facebook friend.

https://sphotos-a-atl.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1239857_577451648985295_1680621280_n.jpg

There are only 14 calendars and seven of those are for leap years. Any given "October" is going to cycle through at least once every 20 years or so, if not more.

Yeah, it's not rocket science to work that out, the 823 years is a particularly inspired bit of exaggerated bullshit. I'm also kinda sneakily impressed some fucker got it in circulation this year when it's not even one of the years when it's true.