why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

Never underestimate the power of these kinds of apocryphal stories. They powered the Reader's Digest juggernaut for decades. Hell, they were the vast bulk of premodern literature.

― Aimless, Saturday, September 7, 2013 2:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha i read that as 'postmodern literature' and thought "wow that's a pretty rough slam, but i'm not so sure it applies to the _bulk_ of Barthelme's work..."

oh weird i read the same thing and thought "i don't care enough about postmodern lit to try to figure out what that means"

found some serious game-changing lifehacks

http://25.media.tumblr.com/2c34edb96158153a5b0778d19e8be800/tumblr_mranb7sjAR1sustufo5_500.jpg
http://25.media.tumblr.com/66a6e0f920736ea412e202928dfbfee2/tumblr_mranb7sjAR1sustufo4_500.jpg
http://24.media.tumblr.com/71ba42fcf0807bc11808944c38636fdd/tumblr_msqd1xgofc1sustufo3_500.png
http://25.media.tumblr.com/69e1ed109a2623770b3dc1f3c8f93347/tumblr_mru3c9qsLN1sustufo1_500.jpg

second to last is not a horrible idea tbf

finally, a lifehack for when i'm being buried alive

stick your head in the toilet bowl and flush it.
this will have the effect of drowning you and making me very happy.

bake some damn cinnamon rolls
your house will smell like a bakery

"if you'r ever being buried alive" is a death-hack, surely?

I guess it was only a matter of time before the damn "worst case scenario survival guide" material started showing up in these.

how the fuck are you even gonna be in a situation where someone's burying you alive and you're in any way capable of doing any of that

if you're ever being buried alive, you should have thought of that before you pissed off bill

if you're ever being buried alive, fuck i shoulda checked the pulse before i panicked i guess

guys can we not talk about this sort of morbid stuff? i am in a bit of trouble right now with some really powerful people and would rather not contemplate being buried alive.

thank u

sorry jho

The span of time between getting that signal that I'm about to vomit and actually vomiting is only slightly longer than knowing I'm about to sneeze. How I'm supposed to eat ice cream during that moment is beyond me.

Unless I'm trying to induce the vomiting. Butterscotch praline coconut, here I come!

and remember, whey you're getting buried alive, try not to get buried alive

remember to tie the shirt around both your face and mouth, not just your face.

If you're ever being buried alive, throw yourself into your panic with full gusto (you probably won't get much choice in this, but it's actually best not to keep a clear head). There are few moments in life when one gets to really unleash an all-consuming, sanity-rending panic. Such a level of primal terror is probably so overwhelming what it's debatable to what extent it can even be called a 'conscious' event. You're unlikely to experience thoughts anywhere near as lucid as 'Oh God, I'm being buried alive'. In the face of such an unpleasant end, panic induced insanity may shield from the full consciousness of your death.
You probably shouldn't take off your shirt and try to tie it around your face and mouth, that's kind of ridiculous.

Oh God, can't believe I just wrote that - just a brief thought on what possible advice you could give someone who's being buried alive and now I'm not gonna sleep for days. Sorry. :(

Also, panic might use up oxygen faster (I'm not gonna stop thinking about this now. Thanks a lot, macro makers/sharers)

sorry jho

― mookieproof, Saturday, September 7, 2013 11:38 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what no

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1175233_172712899582980_176542683_n.jpg

otm, trees should invest more in brand recognition

lol wtf

http://image.blingee.com/images19/content/output/000/000/000/7f2/832964351_1698553.gif

ahahahahaha

A+

cannabis showing the plant world how you do that shit

lmao

http://i459.photobucket.com/albums/qq313/doctorcasino/namethesebrands-dangerousplant_zpse6d8c231.jpg

https://sphotos-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1235932_10151850891619643_807952485_n.jpg

until they die...

https://sphotos-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1239377_10151848500064643_1449511141_n.png

xpost apparently you also found time to re-save a someecards jpeg a few dozen times - Go You!

https://sphotos-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/996594_10151819618464643_1381130755_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/970698_10151811489619643_1293114301_n.jpg

goddamn fucking laundry

awwww, so sweet...

https://sphotos-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1170814_10151807868344643_8565063_n.png

https://sphotos-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1146651_10151790991879643_695884549_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1000868_10151771384534643_1442787924_n.jpg

kids, can't live with 'em, can't wait for them to suffer horrifying injury

I will never be grateful for laundry.

http://i.imgur.com/Km93pUR.png

I AM MAN
HEAR ME FONT

what are naked bars?

hahaha, the arrows! I really, really want to know who made that thing, cuz I cannot really fathom it. Most of it seems like it's by a 13 year old, but then there's the stuff about "women half his age" which I dunno if a 13 year old would think about -- but then there's NAKED BARS and MOTORCYCLES and ROCK CONCERTS but also leaving the toilet seat up? Ilx needs more fonts - the end

they left out the part where he died at age 43 and spent much of his last few months weeping at the foot of his bed while handing payment over to his soon to depart escort...

http://media.onsugar.com/files/ons1/192/1922729/30_2009/03cada9f27a522f8_bear-naked-package.jpg

I assume naked bars are something they had in Times Square in the 70s.

Oh, they mean like strip clubs, right? I was thinking it meant bars where all the patrons were naked and I was confused.xp

There are lots of different versions of this out there, this one includes guns:

Once upon a time,

a Prince asked a beautiful Princess "Will you marry me?"
The Princess said "NO."

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked
skinny, big tittie broads and hunted and raced cars. He went to naked
bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain
Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony.
He kept his house and guns and never got cheated on and all his friends
and family thought he was fucking cool as hell and he had tons of money
in the bank and he left the toilet seat up..... The End