"If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." - The Lost Stanzas

If it's tartan, there'll be fartin'

If it's gold, it should be sold
If it's bronze, you poo like the Fonz
If it's copper, for style points you are the Big Bopper.

If it sparkles, it once was charcoal (tightasses only)

If it's stripey, wipey, wipey

If it's irridescent, it won't smell very pleasant

If it gushes, multiple flushes

This thread is wrong. We should all be very ashamed of ourselves.

Oh I am. I am.

If it's grey, you've made my day.

me too, tbh. i've posted more on this thread than any other. feel unclean.

if it's black, see a quack.

x-post

If it's teal, reconsider your last meal.

if its round like a cherry, your own dingleberry!

If it burns, see a doctor.

If it smells like roses, lay off the acid doses.

If you're huffin' n' puffin', next time eat a bran muffin

If it's azure, that's some fancy manure!

Yay, Huk. I couldn't find a rhyme for azure I liked.

If it's nacreous, check your pancreas.

M. White's are makin' me roffle.

If it's fuschia, try a douche, ahhhh.

If it's cobalt, it ain't my fault!

If it's Prussian (blue), Stop rushin' (the poo)

If it's cyan, don't stop tryan'.

if its tangy and brown, youre in cider town
if its clear and yella, you got juice there fella

oh

Ha ha.

If your shit is process red,
Check yourself — you might be dead.

READ TEH FIRST POST, FOOL.

If it's turquoise, don't lose your equipoise

If it's (Courtesy Wikipedia, the current Crayola Colors):

Almond (1998), don't eat palm fronds.

Antique Brass (1998), you've a magique ass.

Apricot (1949), expect a sore spot.

Aquamarine (1958), don't be obscene.

Asparagus (1993), it might worry us.

Atomic Tangerine (1990), you're probably a machine.

Banana Mania (1998), go to Pennsylvania.

Beaver (1998), call Mike Seaver!

Bittersweet (1949), DON'T EAT.

Black (1903), wipe yr crack.

Blue (1903), that's magic poo!

Blue Bell (1998), it lacks poo smell.

Blue Green (1949), I know where you've been.

Blue Violet (1949), flush the tiolet.

Brick Red (1949), you're addicted.

Brink Pink (1998), you've got fink stink.

Brown (1903), go to town.

Burnt Orange (1958), etc.

Burnt Sienna (1949), wipe with a tenna.

HERE'S WHERE I PASS IT ON!

Cadet Blue (1958)

Canary (1998)

Caribbean Green (1998)

Carnation Pink (1949)

Cerise (1993)

Cerulean (1990)

Chestnut (1999)

Copper (1958)

Cornflower (1949)

Cotton Candy (1998)

Cranberry (1998)

Dandelion (1990)

Denim (1993)

Desert Sand (1998)

Eggplant (1998)

Electric Lime (1990)

Fern (1998)

Forest Green (1958)

Fuchsia (1990)

Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown (1998)

Gold (1949)

Goldenrod (1958)

Granny Smith Apple (1993)

Gray (1949)

Green (1903)

Green Yellow (1949)

Hot Magenta (1990)

Inch Worm (2003)

Indigo (2000)

Jazzberry Jam (2003)

Jungle Green (1990)

Laser Lemon (1990)

Lavender (1958)

Macaroni and Cheese (1993)

Magenta (1949)

Mahogany (1949)

Manatee (1998)

Mango Tango (2003)

Maroon (1949)

Mauvelous (1993)

Melon (1949)

Midnight Blue (1958)

Mountain Meadow (1998)

Navy Blue (1958)

Neon Carrot (1990)

Olive Green (1949)

Orange (1903)

Orchid (1949)

Outer Space (1998)

Outrageous Orange (1990)

Pacific Blue (1993)

Peach (1962)

Periwinkle (1949)

Pig Pink (1998)

Pine Green (1949)

Pink Flamingo (1998)

Plum (1958)

Purple Heart (1998)

Purple Mountain's Majesty (1993)

Purple Pizzazz (1990)

Radical Red (1990)

Raw Sienna (1958)

Razzle Dazzle Rose (1990)

Razzmatazz (1993)

Red (1903)

Red Orange (1949)

Red Violet (1949)

Robin's Egg Blue (1993)

Royal Purple (1990)

Salmon (1949)

Scarlet (2000)

Screamin’ Green (1990)

Sea Green (1949)

Sepia (1958)

Shadow (1998)

Shamrock (?)

Shocking Pink (1990)

Silver (1949)

Sky Blue (1958)

Spring Green (1949)

Sunglow (1990)

Sunset Orange (1998)

Tan (1949)

Tickle Me Pink (1993)

Timber Wolf (1993)

Torch Red (1998)

Tropical Rain Forest (1993)

Tumbleweed (1993)

Turquoise Blue (1949)

Unmellow Yellow (1990)

Violet (1903)

Violet Red (1949)

Vivid Tangerine (1990)

Vivid Violet (1998)

Wild Blue Yonder (2003)

Wild Strawberry (1990)

Wild Watermelon (1990)

Wisteria (1993)

Yellow (1903)

Yellow Green (1949)

Yellow Orange (1949)

If it's cadet blue, it's a military poo

If it's shiny, scrub your heiney

If it crackles, medicate your tackle

If it throbs, soak your nob

If it's sepia, that's creepy, huh?

If it's khaki, your shit is wacky

If it's blurred, it's a furry old turd.

If it's macaroni and cheese, wipe it with the trees

If it's peach, drop in a leech

If it's Wild Watermelon (1990), it deserves a second smellin'.

If it's canary, you'd best be wary

"When the weather's hot and sticky, that's no time to dunk your dicky,
When the frost is on the pumpkin, that's the time for dicky dunking"

The man who gave me this sage advice claims he was, it is claimed, dunking his dicky in Agnetha from Abba in the late 70s. I'm not sure I believe these claims.

This is reminding me of the oh so lovely sign you see in some office ladies loos:

If you sprinkle
While you tinkle
Be a sweetie
Wipe the seatie!

God, just put a furry cover on the toilet lid and a frilly dolly cover over the spare roll and be fucking done with it already.

In Hebrew:

Peepee sahov -- lo tov.
Peepee lavan -- mitzuyan!

(Translation: Yellow peepee -- no good. Clear peepee (white peepee) -- excellent!)

this is the funniest thread ever.

it's like Ken Nordine when he was 5

THE LOST CO-STANZA

http://phonogram.us/images/viewpoint/george/georgeds.jpg

If it's copper, fetch a stopper!
If it's golden, shut your whole, then!

Uh, sorry that should read "hole, then"

I boggle at this thread.

Si es rojo, estas loco!

Londoners Advised Not to Flush

June 29, 2005 3:03 p.m. EST

Christina Ficara - All Headline News Staff Reporter

London, England (AHN) - In response to threatening water shortage reports, Mayor Ken Livingstone suggests residents not "flush the lavatory if you have just had a pee."

The water shortage facing the south of England forced Livingstone to take dramatic action to avert a crisis and address the situation.

At a press conference at City Hall, Livingstone suggested, "The quickest and most dramatic impact is, don't use a sprinkler or hose in the garden, don't use a hose to wash your car and don't flush the lavatory if you have just had a pee."

According to Livingstone, the measure would be a matter of personal choice, admitting he had changed his own behavior.

go kenny!

Wait, wait, here we go:

If it's yellow,
let it mellow;
if it's brown,
flush it down.
If it's runny,
THAT'S NOT FUNNY--
eat some fiber,
you wet-ass clown!

If it's rock-like,
be all Spock-like:
it's logical
to eat more fruit.
If it's noisy,
call your boys, G!
They will laugh
at every toot.

If it's stringy,
check your thingy
for colonic
parasites:
creepy tapeworms,
anal gapeworms,
wriggling butt-germs
that's not right!

If it's tiny,
lube your hiney;
maybe that'll
stretch it out.
If it's giant,
hope you're pliant!
Don't let neighbors
hear you shout.

But if it's poopy,
not too goopy,
pat yourself
right on the back.
Shut your hole and
flush the bowl and
don't forget
to wipe your crack!

LYSOL DOUCHE

A couple years ago over the holidays the toilet broke as my brother tried to flush it, so he came in to warn everybody not to use it until he could get to home depot to buy some part to fix it. He just walked into the room and looked at me and said

"If it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown... um... let it mellow."