it's like a home for anorgasmic people! a thread for anorgasmia and difficulty in getting off

"a glimpse of all our futures"

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex

A survey in 2011 found that 61% of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. (There are no figures for same-sex relationships.) Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan – a country mostly free of religious morals – sex fares no better. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.

I'm taking notes on the side about my own thoughts on the matter, I feel like a bunch of difft things lately have led up to me making a big jump in understanding some truths today. But in relation to the article about young people in Japan, I think...when you start realizing that nothing except equality is acceptable, it may be the case that everything suddenly becomes like 100x more difficult because everything you do is swimming upstream against the status quo. That amount of work is not always/often? going to be worth whatever the perceived benefits are.

Also just to say it again, human needs w/r/t sex and intimacy are amazingly varied, I grok that more and more. The "new normal" can be...ANYTHING.

People have introduced me lately to this guy Jay Smooth who has inspections of racism on youtube, and my favorite part is the "personal hygiene" approach to not being racist in which he compares it to brushing your teeth--upkeep, something you have to do every day or you lose the benefits of the act. So when you slip up and do or say something kinda racist, you're not doomed, you're not necessarily a bad person or irredeemable from some terrible hell, you just forgot to brush your teeth and you should do that before you talk to anyone else.

carl agatha commented once on what a huge amount of work it is to be in a ltr/marriage in which both ppl are committed to nullifying patriarchy and its effects on them, and I've been trying to fully grasp that idea ever since she said it, and I think I just understood some part of that.

But now we're really into a different thread entirely.

two key quotes that jumped out at me from that lecture:

"In this paradox between love and desire, what seems to be so puzzling is that the very ingredients that nurture love - mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other - are sometimes the very ingredients which stifle desire.
Because desire comes with a host of feelings: jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief. Basically most of us will be turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day... if everybody was fantasizing on a bed of roses, we wouldn't be having such interesting talks about this. We think love comes with selflessness and in fact, desire comes with a certain amount of selfishness, in the best sense of the word."

"Erotic couples understand that passion waxes and wanes like the moon: it has intermittent eclipses. But what they know is how to resurrect it because they have demystified one big myth: the myth of spontaneity. They understood that whatever is going to just happen in a long-term relationship already has. Committed sex is premeditated sex; it's willful, it's intentional, it's focused and present."

(jay smooth is an occassional poster here btw)

wait really

he's hungry4ass isn't he, i knew it

haha well more of an old poster really. i remember he replied to me here 90s/Lo-Fi Revivalism

Well if he reads this we totally namedropped him and his critique in our stoop talk yesterday.

http://thenewinquiry.com/essays/doing-it-wrong

http://www.fda.gov/NewsEvents/Newsroom/PressAnnouncements/ucm458734.htm