Why do I hate that thing (excluding image macros) that people put on facebook? Why am I such a jerk?

Anything on buzzfeed.

not sure i want this thread in my life

I myself am dubious of the premise

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/norway/10417764/Norway-braces-itself-for-nine-hours-of-live-knitting.html

argh why would you post that when it's already over? you tease

i wish it were possible to filter posts by FB friends according to content — e.g. there is a schoolmate who is a nice dude in person and not obnoxious at all, but his fb posts are all laundry lists of what he's doing/going to do at the gym/in his workout.

I've had it up to here with links to articles with enigmatic, leading titles ... but nothing could prepare me for what happened next.

The worst is how they assume you have a child's emotional response range, and a brain the size of a walnut. And there's no way to answer back, to insist that their blanket claims don't speak for you.

This earthworm will utterly terrify you... then you'll be amazed by what it does for the soil!

lol You'll Be Amazed What Happens To This Tooth Kept In A Glass Of Coca Cola For A Few Days

On band pages, people who comment on the announcement of a set of tour dates with "Play [name of their town]!!!"

its all fucking shit isnt it all of it

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1/1502540_581697541915599_1352932666_n.jpg

Those are really cute dogs and I feel bad for them but GFY.

Here's a cheery one:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/t1/1544402_594673397277386_757035181_n.jpg

You guys are on the wrong thread, btw.

oops, ctrl-f'd Facebook

dammit :(

Here Are 12 Unborn Animals In The Womb. They're Absolutely Beautiful...Especially The Dolphin.
www.viralnova.com
Except the shark. That thing is still terrifying.

hate hate hate hate hate hate upworthy and all such sites with a furious passion. simply because they're so patronising, paint everyone with the same brush and are pushing online media even further into the diseased and sucking maw of the clickbait model.

also, the passive-aggressive posts directed at unnamed co-workers/associates of the status-poster, for the sole purpose of moaning and not actually engaging in constructive communication to solve their problems with each other.

Those can be pretty grim. Certain people do that a lot.

Erotically charged holiday/nightclub photographs and the comments they engender

Nothing Could Prepare Me For This Comment Engendered By An Erotically-charged Holiday/Nightclub Photo

especially the dolphin

except the shark

haha!

my one republican/libertarian fb friend had a long screed today about how the founding fathers were geniuses but the current government is run by idiots. (imo they're not idiots, but they're way too in the thrall of multinational corporations and big oil and lobbyists.)

They Went For A Canoe Ride To The Island. What They Saw On The Way Back Was Unimaginable.
www.lifebuzz.co
I can't believe they caught it on film.

Is it sad I think I know what that one is without even having anything to click on? (footage of s flock of birds swooshing about (I know theres a proper term for it but the word escapes me).

"footage" sounds correct to me

She Stretches And Glides Her Body Over A Blank Canvas When I Realized What She...

You Won't Believe Who Is The Centrefold Model In This Dirty Magazine You're Tugging Off To

No I meant theres a word for the close formation flock swooping some birds do.

I knew that I was just acting in the spirit of the thread title

such a jerk

His First Four Sentences Made Me Skeptical. But His Fifth Sentence Blew My Mind. The Sixth Made Me Question The Existence Of God. By His Seventh I Was Beating Off. I Cleaned Up During His Eighth Just In Time For His Ninth To Blow My Mind All Over Again.

Trayce, You Wouldn't Believe The Word For Flocks of Bird Swooping in Formation.
And when you learn it you'll cry.

(It's murmuration)

*sobs*, shares.

Know what? The "hide posts from Zimbio" thing does nothing.

http://i.imgur.com/Z2djWpG.jpg http://i.imgur.com/fzIreVg.jpg

l-o-l

Man Tries to Hug a Wild Lion, You Won’t Believe What Happens Next!
earthporm.com
When you hear of someone trying to hug a wild lion, you immediately think you know exactly what's about to happen. But trust me when i say, you will not

Trayce, You Wouldn't Believe The Word For Flocks of Bird Swooping in Formation.
And when you learn it you'll cry.

(It's murmuration)

Hahaha! (thankyou. I thought it was sussuration so I was close)

She's all I need, all my life
I feel so good if I just say the word
Sussuration

You're the meaning in my life...

A Guy Started Dancing Alone – But What Happened Next Was Amazing

Here Are The Top 37 Things Dying People Say They Regret. Learn From It Before It’s Too Late

repost of a reblog of a german article which is a re-write of an australian article that says "hey vegans! you killed a load of animals. macho red meat eaters save the world with kindness to animals you narcissistic hippies. suck it up!"
wack science, warped invective & cherry picked statistics in original.
bros meat down yo's i gotsta loves me some red steak y'all

Not a vegan but fuck that

https://scontent-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/l/t1/1623643_10152234053285120_1303368807_n.jpg

a new and deadlier form

oops wrong thread

I feel like there's a thread where this kind of thing is specifically discussed, but this bozo in Chicago is apparently the wellspring for a lot of this kind of garbage: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/01/05/virologist.

Here's one of his most popular sites: http://www.givesmehope.com/top

'emerson spartz' is a spectacular name

https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10906445_938717226146798_7862944924018863832_n.jpg?oh=6e9eb1062ad9d286acf27ec8d8598242&oe=553B39DB

(David Cross voice)
"Oh my god, they poisoned your kids, I'm so sorry for your loss that's devastating!"
"Well they're not dead."
"Oh, thank god! I guess the hospital was able to save them?"
"Well, we didn't go to the hospital."
"You didn't?! But what did you do?"
"What do you mean?"
"What did you do when they poisoned your kids?"
etc.

When I read 'monsanto' I always think of it as ChristoPHA Moltisanti

wtf

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/v/t1.0-9/1011984_702053226479772_1482281856_n.jpg?oh=5690b078088aed24275e2d67d5f5438c&oe=55228E18&__gda__=1429474663_4c39cd493db0b5b2e7f989ccba54df24

"not everyone has to change the world" -Emerson Spartz

*cough*thisistheexcludingimagemacrosthread*cough*

Spartz left before dessert, which he called “a low return on investment, calorically.”

there are several arguable money lines in this piece but I think this is my favourite

https://www.facebook.com/events/396739940484143/?source=1

https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/734408_10152043380938602_1748414695_n.jpg?oh=0aaf710ffd4cdc4f777739415870096f&oe=55FA06B5

whoops wrong thread

This is one of the SADDEST stories ever told in Hollywood. His name is Sylvestar Stallone. One of the BIGGEST and Most famous American Movie superstars. Back in the day, Stallone was a
struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife's jewellery and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to any
stranger. He didn't have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold it at $25 only. He says he walked away crying.

Two weeks later,he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie,ROCKY. He wrote the script for 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in
the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR. Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.

They said he "Looked funny and talked funny". He left with his script. A few weeks later,the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie. But NOT him. He said NO. He had to be
IN THAT MOVIE.

After a while,the studio agreed,gave him $35,000 for the script and let him star in it! The rest is history! The movie won Best Picture, Best Directing and Best Film Editing at the prestigious
Oscar Awards. He was even nominated for BEST ACTOR! The Movie ROCKY was even inducted into the American National Film Registry as one of the greatest movies ever!

And do You know the first thing he bought with the $35,000? THE DOG HE SOLD. Yes,Stallone LOVED HIS DOG SO MUCH that he stood at the liquor store for 3 days waiting for the man he sold
his dog to. And on the 3rd day,he saw the man coming with the dog. Stallone explained why he sold the dog and begged for the dog back. The man refused. Stallone offered him $100. The
man refused. He offered him $500. And the guy refused. Yes,he refused even $1000. And,Believe it or Not,Stallone had to pay $15,000 for the same,same dog he sold at $25 only! And he
finally got his dog back!

And today,the same Stallone who slept in the streets and sold his dog JUST BECAUSE he couldn't even feed it anymore,is one of the GREATEST Movie Stars who ever walked the Earth!

Being broke is BAD. Really BAD. Have You ever had a dream? A wonderful dream? But You are too broke to implement it? Too tiny to do it? Too small to accomplish it? Damn! I've been there too many times!

Life is tough. Opportunities will pass you by,just because you are a
NOBODY. People will want your products but NOT YOU. Its a tough
world. If you ain't already famous, or rich or "connected", You will find it rough.

Doors will be shut on You. People will steal your glory and crash your hopes. You will push and push. And yet NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.

And then your hopes will be crashed. You will be broke. Damn broke. You will do odd jobs for survival. You will be unable to feed yourself. And Yes, you may end up sleeping in the streets.
It happens. Yes, it does.

BUT NEVER LET THEM CRUSH THAT DREAM. Whatever happens to
You, Keep Dreaming. Even when they crush your hopes, Keep Dreaming. Even when they turn you away, Keep Dreaming.
Even when they shut you down, Keep Dreaming.

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF EXCEPT YOURSELF! People will judge You by HOW you look. And by WHAT You have.
But please, Fight on! Fight for Your place in history. Fight for your glory. NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Even if it means selling all your clothes and sleeping with the dogs, ITS OKAY! But AS LONG AS YOU ARE STILL ALIVE, Your STORY IS NOT OVER. TRUST ME.

Keep Up the Fight. Keep your dreams and hope alive. Go great .

Like and share if inspired. Lovely day people!

sly sounds like a piss-poor negotiator. great role model.

i mean i guess he did get his movie made and all that, but $15,000 for a dog, how did he let the guy talk him up that high, smdh

at the prestigious
Oscar Awards.

the origin of your name thing

:|

The origin of the name Aimless is a matter of historic record.

Tis the season for buying homeless people meals or hugging sad cashiers and posting that shit to social media so that everyone knows how wonderful you are.

this is better for that 77 thread but i'm not on 77 anymore so

http://drinksfeed.com/bacon-shot-glasses-dipped-in-chocolate-and-filled-with-whisky/

"friends day" videos

A friend of mine did a long series of selfies with Shaq Soda cans, and a good chunk of his friends day video was made up of that.

http://www.bevreview.com/wp-content/comingsoon_arizona_sodashaq_creamsoda1.jpg

haha that is a+

i saw my friends day video and i didn't recognize two of the people, also one of the photos was of david bowie and another one was of a painting of a dog.

i don't have the right thread for this. my friend, who is a very straight-shooting matter of fact person just had a baby with his wife (this is their first). he posted the facebook album of photos of course, and the album is titled "New Child" and this just keeps cracking me up.

and now something that belongs on this thread

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."

"Of course I can," said the father.

It's not always anger, it is your actions in general. There are no "fresh starts" in life. There is no new beginning. Forgiveness comes easy for many people but the scars of the past, they never go away. Watch what you do today, because sometimes the price isn't worth the reward.

It's not always anger, it is your actions in general.

I'm standing motionless in a locked room until the end of time

"Son, as a reward for not losing your temper today, I am making you go pry nails out of a fence."

#boymom

just saw someone share an old World News Daily Report item entitled SAUDI ARABIA: FAMOUS RACEHORSE TO BE EXECUTED FOR BEING HOMOSEXUAL and comment "Brass Eye level of stupidity"

ironyyyyy!

ex coworker just went through some kind of bad breakup, posting like 20 of these aday :/

https://i.imgur.com/kJwM1iq.jpg

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he replied, “I’m too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than her too.”
The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first grade and be quiet. The teacher and Johnny both agreed.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Johnny: “9.”
Principal: “6 x 6?”
Johnny: “36.”
And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher “I see no reason Johnny can’t go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right.”
The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.
Teacher: “What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?”
Johnny: “Legs”
Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?”
The principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny says, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Johnny: “Pants.”
Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?”
Johnny: “Firetruck.”
The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says “Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.”

http://emojipedia-us.s3.amazonaws.com/cache/2b/ac/2bacdc9269f34c79dec4dd966b8dac57.png

A dog does.... pants?

Dogs pant

dog-pants joke depends on excluding the subject of the sentence ("It pants" would convey the sense more clearly + spoil the joke) which I can see feeling somehow incomplete or incorrect, grammatically, but in the context of "answering a trick question" I let it slide

weird how such processes happen completely 'under the radar' -- until something goes wrong & communication breaks down (cf Heidegger on the ontological status of tools)

...why am i explaining jokes to people on ilx, instesad of laughing at jokes in another 30-minute netflix comedy program?

"instesad: the app for when you would prefer to be sad instead

hahaha

thanks both of you. yeah i get the joke now but once it failed to land it just got stuck in the throat as it were.

please stop with this hilarious Mass thing

how tf am I still seeing people posting/being tagged in shitty ads for discounted Ray-Bans on facebook in 2017?

[I know it's unintentional but come on]

https://scontent.fphl2-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/19756702_1599164503448724_6422587242939143484_n.jpg?oh=e07eb664149a28e8f026d2baf064eb56&oe=59F9BCB7

That's horrible. I feel bad for the ellipses.

haven't been on facebook properly for ages. decided to start posting again to keep in touch with friends and family with whom i wouldn't otherwise keep in touch. now in an argument with some 'be nice to tories otherwise they won't vote for you' centrist bullshit friends. :/

if by "being nice", they meant don't carve your initials in their backside with a razor, or waterboard them, or repeatedly slap them about the face and head, then your centrist friends have a valid point and are not entirely out of line, imo.

otoh, if they meant do not challenge tories when they talk nonsense, or spout racism/sexism, or cite non-existent 'facts' or blatantly incorrect 'history', or merely indulge in mean-spiritedness, then fuck 'em.

tbh aimless i think this was the crux of the argument. i wasn't so sure about the initials on the backside or the slapping i'm afraid.

i mean wasn’t so sure about them being bad.

Is there a way to change your visibility settings so it doesn't show everyone when you're going to an event? I find FB helpful to keep track of what shows I'm going to but I don't like that it clutters up peoples' feeds every time I add a danged event.

https://i.imgur.com/LdBcelY.jpg