why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

I'm sorry to hear about your platter, but that just seems like an extraordinary circumstance.

it's true, i don't follow the rotation instructions anyway

still, a microwave that scans your food for you, that's gold

I hate it when I forget to check the watts on the instructions cause I have a crazy powerful microwave and the instructions are usually for units that have 200-300 less watts. Usually I'm all "pfft, yeah right burrito! I'm gonna heat you for 3 minutes!? More like... 2...."
YAAAAAAAAAA!

Microwaving food is not so difficult that we need QR CODES to make it work more efficiently.

I've never understood the secret codes you see on the inside of the door: POPCORN, CODE 1. SANDWICH, CODE 2. WARM APPLE CIDER, CODE 3. HOT APPLE CIDER, CODE 4.

How about SANDWICH, 30 SECONDS. If that doesn't work, then SANWICH, ANOTHER 30 SECONDS.

Anyway. Maybe I need to get my gameboy out after reading that.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/ca7f46a31c1e2d3d5464af5ff90dcf92/tumblr_mw16wkAe8z1sustufo1_500.jpg

All I can see in that picture is rainbow-coloured maggots

I've thought of the two car horns one. Like when you're behind someone who doesn't notice the light's turned green, you can give them a pleasant "ding" instead of the agressive blast.

I suggested that to my wife when I learned to drive last year. It's annoying when you beep someone who's crossing the road in front of you without looking, so as not to kill them, and they give you the finger because to them the car horn always means "fuck you, idiot". I need sonic emoticons.

I'd also like one you can use when you're in a traffic jam that means: "I know the person in front of me has no power to move but I'm just letting off steam."

You guys need to learn better horn control. It's perfectly possible to give a tight, staccato beep that doesn't sound too aggressive.

you mean "emotihorns" xp

Hurting's got it. Boats and trains have been doing this for years.

Just don't do it too good. I was backing out of a tight space between two F-19000 Dodge 4x4 trucks and couldn't quite see the lane behind me. A somewhat friendly driver was pulling up out of my line of sight and tried to alert me by hitting the horn in that staccato beep.

Only thing was that her timing on the beat was nearly too perfect, and I kept going because I just thought it was a car alarm going off somewhere in the lot.

in fairness that also seems like an extraordinary circumstance

Just don't beep your horn unless it's an emergency! Some of us are trying to sleep...

You guys need to learn better horn control. It's perfectly possible to give a tight, staccato beep that doesn't sound too aggressive.

i find that a little beep!beep! is not difficult at all. some people just lay on it? savages!

can i get a beep! beep!?

Beep beep
Who walked in front of my jeep?

Speaking of, the other night I was coming home, going down a residential, poorly lit street that allows parking on both sides. There was a cab stopped alongside a bunch of parked cars, and the passenger flung the door open and stepped out of the cab on the street side instead of the curb side. I gave a quick, short "Beep!" to let her know PLEASE NOT TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC PLEASE AND ALSO THE CAB DOOR and she immediately flipped me off and started yelling obscenities. Like I'm the one who doesn't know to exit a cab on the goddamned curb side.

flipping people off is almost instinctive now. I've seen people run folks out of their lanes in traffic due to not looking, then flipping off the person they ran out of their lane. it's like "you're making me feel bad by honking, and I don't like feeling bad, so FUCK YOU"

the fuck?

http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/9441/w4gi.jpg

never apologize for anythingn

maybe if that plate had told me I looked pretty every once in a while this wouldn'tve happened

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground

- Okay, done

Did it break?

- No, it was made out of a cardboard takeaway box

Do you understand?

Did it go back to the way it was before?
-No

Do you understand?
- No but I think you are a person who doesn't understand apologies.

*breaks all your plates, puts on sunglasses*

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BDJyF6g2Cw

http://i.imgur.com/f4n6AYc.png

hahahaha with the beard-braid, this is just too perfect.

someone just reposted chuck pahalanukahk posting a link to "the most literary scifi novels" and i don't know why i don't delete my account anymore

...but instead braids and beards

kinda want to bayonet him just for laughs

He's got soul, but he's not a soldier

No wait... he doesn't believe in the concept of a soul, but he's a soldier

probably all over facebook too but lots of people earnestly retweeting fake tube signs today:

http://tubesign.herokuapp.com/

just got a share from lifehack dot org that is "13 things mentally strong people don't do" that had been forwarded by three different people.
are we currently at a state in language-based media where this is what passes for valuable information?

1. read or write didactic listicles

2. hack their lives

3. banksy that shit

https://scontent-b-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1459779_10151856619696051_1479733416_n.jpg

And what's more...

I'm just surprised 4bn of the world's population can read English.

and not just English, but passive aggressive Facebook macro English

And what's more...

You will be on Facebook, my son.

flagrant misuse of the olde circus font imo

clever use of fridge and bank there

tho i suspect those %s arent right

If you have access to more than three fonts . . .

Wow, I am more blessed than the 90-year-old who will die peacefully in their sleep tonight.

*gets hit by a bus on Black Friday next week*

if you spent your time creating a passive agressive macro about how fortunate ppl should feel then you are 100% more of an asshole than if you just posted a picture of a cat

You might be part of a tiny percentage of the global population, who have much, much more than the rest. But that's a tiny percentage of a huge actual number. So you can still live your entire life without ever meeting the people outside of your percentage.

So it's going to be extremely difficult for you to appreciate the fact (and it is a fact) of what that jpg calls your 'good fortune' or 'blessedness' in the same way that you understand facts such as 'sun comes up, sun goes down' and 'I am hungry' and 'this grass is green with yellower patches'.

That isn't necessarily the same as ignorance. Or I dunno. Is it?