this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

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So Dan, you turned on your radio, and Ana Ng was on, and you said aloud" I have begun my fan time of this band!" and then when the song ended you said " I am no longer a fan of the group!" ? Weird. Do you do that with Stevie Nicks?! is Sommerville the land of the Store 24s??
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...) (webmail), March 10th, 2003 11:24 AM. (later)

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 March 2003 22:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am genuinely confounded by the tip craziness on this thread, esp. j.lu's post on tipping people who I would never tht of tipping. What about people in shops who sell you shellsuits, or music store clerks, or post men, or lecturers, strangers in the street with amusing hats?

-- david h (howied41...), October 17th, 2002.
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david h, here in america, strangers on the street with amusing hats only get paid 2.83 an hour to wear those hats, and they rely on people tipping them (a dollar per amusment level of the hat, 2 dollars minimum if its a fez) to make their living. its simply rude to stare and not tip.

-- amy (amyamiso...), October 17th, 2002.

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 23:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

If zine = SPATTERED BAPS OF SATAN'S PRE- TEEN WHORE, and release = EARTH-WOMB MUSYC OF NURTUREMENT & WYMMYN'S NATURAL IN-BODY HEALING (*****, in my opinion), advice like this might help avoid unpleasant misunderstandings?
-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001 2:00 PM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 04:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

on the eighties revival thread:

It means Grand Theft Auto - Grunge City in about 6.75 years.
-- gygax! (gygax0...), March 12th, 2003.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 12 March 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

from the Degrassi thread:

Dud if only because it was like coming home from school and then having to watch my day again. I did go to high school with a girl who fucked Joey Jeremiah, though! That was classic. We asked her friends if she said if he left his hat on.
-- Bryan (bryan...) (webmail), March 12th, 2003

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Im on the nicotine lozenge and it tastes like poo.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), March 12th, 2003.

One of you crazy people is going to get me fired one of these days. TRY HARDER.

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 17:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

I share Mr. Diamond's experience. I'm always sitting next to folks on planes who announce, "My aunt lives in Arlingdale Brook!" and I nod in incomprehension.

-- Amateurist (amateuris...), March 12th, 2003. (later)

[edited for length -- Ed.]

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 20:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

From Banal Conversations (I am crying with laughter):

C: "is this music?"
Me: (nods)
C: "i see"
-- toby (toby_ge...), March 7th, 2003. (later)

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 20:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

To add to it, I think this is a regular conversation between toby and C. I've witnessed it happen at least once.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 21:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

crying with laughter

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 21:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

I pretend not to have heard of half the countries we do business with, shrugging "We don't have other countries where I'm from"

--by Kate, the (former, right?) American

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 21:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

From "Trolls C/D":

In Soviet Russia, the hot grits pour YOU down petrified Natalie Portman's pants (imagine a Beowulf Cluster of these).

-- Millar (tmilla...), March 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

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That didn't make sense.

-- man (ma...), March 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 21:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

..the mesir-in-a-pita thing is like the grilled cheese sandwich of Ethiopian Americans...
-- nabisco

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(Why do I instantly hear "mesir-in-a-pita" to the tune of "Girlfriend in a Coma"?)
-- Amateurist

(I know, I know, it's serious...)

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 22:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

"I am the Wu Tang Appetizer Man."

-- Carey

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 22:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh man I read that as 'Geir Emerges from Coma During Bryan Adams Concert'. : - (

-- S Samson (ssamsonitehockeyorga...), March 13th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 22:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

From the stats cock thread:

i'm desperately holding onto my top 40 placing.. i feel like a Shed Seven record
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), March 13th, 2003 10:08 AM.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 13 March 2003 02:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sexism begone. Let the ladies get wet!

-- Calum Robert (calumrw@ ), March 12th, 2003 11:53 AM.

File this next to PLUR for things I can't believe were ever uttered.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 13 March 2003 02:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

I mean YOWZAH!!! HOW ABOUT A THREESOME WITH SPACEMEN 3?!!?!?!? OH YEAH, BABY
THAT FEELS SO GOOD, THAT FEELS SO FINE, etc. etc. etc.

-- kate (masonicboo...), March 12th, 2003 4:31 PM.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 13 March 2003 02:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

'four guys + one girl'

Blame the designer. Some things are more logistically possible than others. Although 'four' is a bit much, unless it's Daniella Westbrook
-- dave q (scrape10...), March 12th, 2003. (later)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 March 2003 09:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

"I can't say no to anything, I'm stupid but I'm not the only one"

Which song is this?
-- man (man@m....), March 12th, 2003. (later)

A parody of John Lennon's "Imagine"?
-- Nick A. (emmaan@o....), March 13th, 2003. (later)

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

Yes I'm still here, I'm going now though.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 13th, 2003. (later)

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"I'm going now though"
no yr not, you are clearly going in several minutes you fucking prick

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 13th, 2003. (later)

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Oh right sorry.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 13th, 2003. (later)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

From the "Questions you shouldn't ask a celebrity" thread:

To Elton John:
"When you did that duet with Eminem, and you guys hugged, did either of you have a hard-on? Cuz I did. That shit was hot!"

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...) (webmail), March 13th, 2003

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

From "it was a good movie; i hated it":

the only movie that really comes to mind: schindler's list (although it being "really good" is very debatable)

-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), March 14th, 2003. (later) (link)

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That's just because you hate Jews, Yancey.

-- Nick A. (emmaa...), March 14th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Shhhhhh!

-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), March 14th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

The first time I went to Canada I wanted a Starbucks and couldn't find one only these crap donut places had coffee and the donuts came in black boxes like donut coffins or some shit. The locals were eating them by the fistful along with their other national treasure french fries and gravy. So I would have to say "all Canadian pop stars like donuts"
Now Toronto has a Starbucks every 8 feet....!
-- girl scout heroin (iamthecosmo...) (webmail), March 13th, 2003 11:43 AM. (later)

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

As far as I am concerned 'bloody' is bloody vulgar and any uncouth bugger who uses such bloody awful language can sod off and do it some place else because otherwise they risk pissing me right off.
-- Fred Nerk (bjhaus20....), March 13th, 2003.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Thursday, 13 March 2003 23:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

Woman1: What are you having for lunch?
Woman2: Cream of broccoli soup.
Woman1: Is it homemade?
Woman2: Yes. I made it last night from Sunday dinner's leftovers.
Woman1: It smells good.
Woman2: Yeah, it's pretty good. It was kinda funny, though. When I made it we didn't have any milk or cream left, so I didn't know what to do, so I used Coffee Mate.
Woman1: Hmm. I never would've thought to do that.
Another one of those stories a person would wish was made up.

-- Bryan (bryan...), March 14th, 2003. (later)

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Friday, 14 March 2003 13:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

BRING ME MORE VOTES!
-- Votosaurus (vote...), November 28th, 2001.

(i do not know to this day why this always makes me larf)

― Sarah (starry), Friday, 14 March 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh no!! It cut off the email addy! And that was the funniest thing!!!! It's not funny without the email address! CURSE YOU AND YOUR PHP...

― Sarah (starry), Friday, 14 March 2003 15:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

check to see if there are old men driving around in little mini-cars. they are probably wearing some. also any organ grinders in your vicinity, or their monkeys. also donald fagen might have one
-- ron (ohronn...) (webmail), March 14th, 2003 4:06 AM. (later)

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 14 March 2003 15:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

(that was the fez thread)

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 14 March 2003 15:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

me: oh good boy you drank alot of water
d:
me: but you're not having anything to eat
d: *rolls around*
me: you can wait 'til dinner time like all the other good dogs in the country.
d: *still rolling around*
-- jel -- (freeduni...), March 14th, 2003. (later)

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 14 March 2003 16:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

That chinchilla photo fills me with good cheer.
As opposed to bad cheer? :confused:

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), March 13th, 2003 7:42 PM.

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Bad cheer is where you go where nobody knows your name and they're extremely pissed off you put your face through the door, you fucking punk.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), March 13th, 2003 7:43 PM.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 14 March 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

In regards to a photo of Rollie Fingers:

"he may not have the career saves but he can look back at his time with the mothers of invention with fondness"

-- james (jamesharriso...), March 15th, 2003.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 14 March 2003 17:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Do you realise if Sarah Jessica Parker and Dave Grohl had a child, it would actually be a horse?
-- Dom Passantino (killallgoth...), March 13th, 2003.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 14 March 2003 20:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

Lawyer 1 and Lawyer 2 are walking across a bridge. A beautiful woman walks by them in the other direction.

Lawyer 1: "Man, I'd really like to screw her."
Lawyer 2: "Really? Out of what?"

-- felicity (felicityre...), March 14th, 2003.

(that Ned one was funny)

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Friday, 14 March 2003 21:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

A: Did you let the dog out?
E: yeah
A: did you pick up the poop?
E: yeah
A: good
-- luna (luna_cee...), March 13th, 2003. (later)

Mystery solved! Thanks.

-- Baha Men (Bah...), March 14th, 2003. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 March 2003 21:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

it's from the classical: "there are 12 men in the world the rest are paste"
and it refs a beefheart line: "[fergit fergit] the rest are hamburgers"

and THAT refs a kabbalistic legend, that at any one time there are just 36 [or actually number varies] good men aliver in the world, who by their goodness save the world from god's wrath...??

-- mark s (mar...), October 20th, 2002.

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and those men = the wu tang clan
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), October 20th, 2002.

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 15 March 2003 23:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

i'm like mel vs suzy. without the intelligence. my name is sMel
-- zemko (giaou...), March 15th, 2003.

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Sunday, 16 March 2003 18:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

"The Beatles were pants. Good job they split so Ringo Starr could get on with his solo stuff."
Yeah, Hippees the world over have a deep dark secret that they don't even admit to each other: They get less enjoyment being stoned and listening to the white album than they do being stoned and watching that Thomas the Train Engine show. They can't bring themselves to admit that the Ringo Starr-era episodes of "Thomas the Train Engine" were actually 20x better than any Paul McCartney-penned pop choon they could name.

-- Lord Custos Epsilon (L.Custo...), March 16th, 2003.
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"Thomas T. Engine in Crack-Fuelled Midnight Hobo Rampage Shocker!!!"

-- mei (meirion.lewi...), March 16th, 2003.

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Sunday, 16 March 2003 18:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

WHen I die, I will go with my clown suit on (specially rigged so that when they check my mouth for gold teeth a bulb spraying acid will go all over them.

Its amazing how something can turn from funny to disturbing in one sentence. What happened to my happy mood.

-- Pete (pb1...), September 5th, 2001.

― felicity (felicity), Sunday, 16 March 2003 22:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

"... I mean porking Julia Stiles in the bunghole sounds TOTALLY AWESOME but I can just see myself being rather bored after the first thirty seconds or so, the same sort of feeling you get after arriving at some fantastic landmark - wow, mount rushmore/julia stiles' ass with my dick in it, hmm, that's nice but I'm ready for a smoke ..."

-- Millar (tmilla...), March 16th, 2003.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 16 March 2003 23:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

something that makes the middle of my boy move

-- jess

― zemko (bob), Monday, 17 March 2003 00:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

I want it. I want it more than anything. I'm not suicidal, but when I nearly hit buses I'm thinking, "I'm obliged to dodge, but it might be helpful if I were obliterated". If everyone, all at once, agreed to be hit by the mother of all buses, I'd be up for it. That'd be a fun thing. Fuck the kids. The bus in question could have as its destination "The pyramids".
-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kick...), March 16th, 2003 8:06 PM. (later) (Eyeball Kicks) (link)

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Oh how I long for the US Army to unveil the mother of all buses by mistake.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 16th, 2003 8:09 PM. (later) (nickdastoor) (link)

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b*ngbus!!
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), March 16th, 2003 8:11 PM. (later) (electricsound) (link)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 March 2003 02:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

(The sheer quantity of London area-names has me more and more convinced that each one describes an area the size of a football pitch, at most.)
-- nabisco%% (--...), July 3rd, 2002.

pentonville. islington. canonbury. barnsbury. de beauvoir town. hoxton. shoreditch. east finchley. hampstead garden suburb. finchley central. finsbury park. stroud green. crouch hill. crouch end. manor house. brownswood park. haringey. highbury. highgate. holloway. tufnell park. hornsey. turnpike lane. muswell hill. new southgate. north finchley. palmers green. southgate. seven sisters. stamford hill. stoke newington. newington green. tottenham. archway. upper holloway. totteridge. whetstone. winchmore hill. osidge. wood green. west green. noel park.

camden. somers town. cricklewood. dollis hill. belsize park. chalk farm. hampstead. gospel oak. kentish town. dartmouth park. kilburn. mill hill. st johns wood. swiss cottage. colindale. the hyde. willesden. neasden. harlesden. golders green. temple fortune. childs hill

mayfair. fitzrovia. soho. bayswater. paddington. acton. chiswick. gunnersbury. ealing. hammersmith. ravenscourt park. turnham green. stamford brook. hanwell. perivale. hanger lane. kensington. maida vale. sheperds bush. west kensington. northfields.

spitalfields. wapping. limehouse. shadwell. westferry. whitechapel. stepney. aldgate. haggerston. cambridge heath. bethnal green. old ford. bow. mile end. chingford. clapton. east ham. forest gate. hackney. homerton. hackney wick. kingsland. dalston. leyton. snaresbrook. wanstead. leytonstone. whipps cross. bakers arms. manor park. plaistow. canning town. blackwall. newham. west ham. upton. millwall. cubitt town. island gardens. mudchute. poplar. stratford. maryland. seven kings. silvertown. walthamstow. south woodford.

southwark. borough. elephant & castle. bermondsey. london bridge. abbey wood. blackheath. brockley. maze hill. westcombe park. camberwell. catford. charlton. deptford. eltham. falconwood. greenwich. lee. lambeth. kennington. oval. new cross. peckham. rotherhithe. walworth. newington. woolwich. sydenham. dulwich hamlet. crystal palace. norwood green. thamesmead. ladywell

victoria. westminster. pimlico. brixton. brompton. chelsea. clapham. battersea. earls court. fulham. castlenau. hurlingham. stockwell. vauxhall. balham. barnes. east sheen. mortlake. putney. streatham. wandsworth. southfields. earlsfield. wimbledon. colliers wood.

bloomsbury. covent garden. clerkenwell. farringdon. aldwych. kings cross. marylebone. holborn. finsbury. st lukes. st giles. the city!

(only counted if theres a london postcode)

i can't believe i just did that...
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

kensal green/rise, brondesbury, shacklewell
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

I take that back: Gareth I now know the true meaning of "blimey!"
-- nabisco%% (--...), July 3rd, 2002.

oops, hendon, brent cross. i'll stop now
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

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well, apart from tooting and london fields and primrose hill and holland park
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

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Are those the lyrics to the single "It's Grim In London"?
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), July 3rd, 2002.

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No, Dan: 'Hobart Paving'.
-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), July 3rd, 2002.

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and i feel quite remiss for leaving out fortis green, hither green, honor oak, penge, anerley, bowes park, bounds green, globe town, northumberland park, victoria park and tulse hill
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

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i think i left bedford park off my list of london places
-- gareth (garet...), November 18th, 2002.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 17 March 2003 12:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

The above posts may be the most in-character-to-the-point-of-self-parody thing I have ever read on ILE.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 17 March 2003 12:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

fear you may have misunderstood me Ally, and whilst I freely acknowledge the vacuity of some of Brett's lyrics, I find it difficult to believe that (purely on the basis of reading his irritating, overblown, meaningless, pseudo-intellectual rants) Dave Q is capable of producing an ounce of poetry from his skin, let alone a witty line.
-- chris sallis (chry...), March 16th, 2003.

― dave q, Monday, 17 March 2003 13:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

the worst is the actual trying to eat part, you know when you come home and are like completely pissed and trying to shovel food into you, and it's all compulsion rather than normal eating, I mean you might as well be wearing a loincloth and bashing people with a cudgel at that point.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 17th, 2003 3:51 PM. (later) (Ronan)

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 17 March 2003 15:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Please keep your dignity away from my ass.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 17th, 2003. (later)

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 17 March 2003 18:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

ok well i dont know whats going on anymore so im just going to post a pic of the rza's teeth.

-- chaki (chak...), March 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 March 2003 18:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

'I don't know what the fuck I did for the last 12 hours, it's looking ominous, my mate just texted "haha you said some funny shit last night!"'
Here is where we guess at what Ro can't remember.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), March 17th, 2003. (later)
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I think Ronan said "I didn't know that would fit in me bum!" repeatedly. (This also explains the missing shoes, candles, spoons, cat, etc.)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 17th, 2003. (later)
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and dan's dignity.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), March 17th, 2003. (later)
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My dignity is perfectly intact, thank you ver- HEY! WHERE THE HELL IS MY DIGNITY????
(small voice from Ireland: I didn't know that would fit in me bum!)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 17th, 2003. (later)

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Monday, 17 March 2003 19:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

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