shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

BUY TICKETS!

excellent

Mad Men's Creator: Don Draper Represents American Society

lmao

Georgia lawmakers pass controversial ‘guns everywhere’ bill

don't know if this 100% fits the thread, but it's a very embarrassing profile that might as well be called "Adam Driver: Why Is He So Hot?"

http://www.bkmag.com/2014/03/03/a-man-among-girls-adam-driver/

Tattoo of gun leads to SWAT standoff

wha?

http://i872.photobucket.com/albums/ab286/pstlpkr/josephstalin.jpg

i'm guessing it's related to this - http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/maine-man-sparks-police-standoff-gun-tattoo-stomach-article-1.1726889

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1726887.1395251294!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_1200/gun-tattoo.jpg

what a dumb fucking tattoo

what a dumb fucking tattoo

― balls, Saturday, March 22, 2014 4:55 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol sometimes my clipboard refuses to copy the right thing, yes it's that story

it's probably wrong to say "someone that stupid deserves to be shot" but...

some of his other tattoos are even dumber.

http://blog.caranddriver.com/puppy-potential-volkswagen-teams-with-rspca-to-teach-dogs-to-drive

Posted April 1

DEA Chief: Please, Think Of The Dogs Before You Legalize Pot

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/02/dogs-marijuana-pets_n_5078556.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

xp - article notes it was an april fools joke played on the magazine editors (FR5T APR number plate etc.), but being a regular C/D reader am rather sure it's not their joke on the readers. Good Onionesque headline in any case.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/pakistan/10745630/Pakistani-9-month-old-baby-accused-of-attempted-murder.html

but mostly sad

https://roadtrippers.com/blog/harvard-discovers-three-of-its-library-books-are-bound-in-human-flesh

Of course, if this was from The Onion, the three books would be Fifty Shades of Grey, Kenny Loggins' autobiography, and Jimmy Carter's Revolutionary War novel.

Not my discovery, but:

Parrot put on Prozac after being left in garage for three years after repeating screaming name of owner's dead wife

^after repeatedly screaming

aw. parrots are easily mentally damaged things.

yeah that's a horribly sad story

I don't know about this "owning a pet with a longer lifespan than you that also mimics the English language."

christ that bird looks horrifying

You should see Sarah these days.

Laboratory-grown vaginas implanted in patients

I've been wondering what Cronenberg was up to.

he's been fairly prolific over the last few years

The full headline is closer to an actual news story but the headline I first saw on twitter was "Vice Journalist Smokes Marijuana During Interview": http://t.co/sRQ1Mf1v4H

Ragtag Team of Rogue Chihuahuas Terrorizing Arizona Town

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/7830524/German-throws-puppy-at-Hells-Angels-bikers-then-flees-on-bulldozer.html

"What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear,"

Arkansas ex-cop killed while trying to set anti-corruption blogger’s hot dog cart on fire

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/04/19/arkansas-ex-cop-killed-while-trying-to-set-anti-corruption-bloggers-hot-dog-cart-on-fire/

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/video-josie-cunningham-plans-abortion-3434350#ixzz2zQCVM59q"

http://www.theguardian.com/world/gallery/2014/apr/21/obama-easter-bunny-egg-roll-white-house

"Barack Obama kisses first lady Michelle Obama alongside a masked adult dressed as a towering, man-sized rabbit whose unblinking eyes never stray from the president and his wife."

Spanish village considers changing name from 'Kill Jews'.

it's kind of begging for it tbh

http://sports.yahoo.com/photos/wrigley-field-celebrates-100-years-of-baseball-1398273666-slideshow/

justin bieber visits the yasukuni shrine:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2014/04/23/how-justin-bieber-inadvertently-stepped-into-one-of-the-worlds-greatest-geopolitical-controversies/

Nothing Justin Bieber-related ever surprises me/comes off as onion-y to me anymore.

Giant John Paul II crucifix falls and instantly crushes young man to death in Italy

http://www.okcfox.com/story/25302985/teens-find-new-use-for-burts-beeswax-lip-balm

ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now

oh cmon if you can't get down with

Those who are into "Beezin" say it adds to experience of being drunk or high.
Others say it helps to keep them alert.
So what's exactly causes that tingling sensation in Burt's Beeswax?

uncanny how much that's like the onion

stay ballzin

Those who are into "Beezin" say it adds to experience of being drunk or high.
Others say it helps to keep them alert.
So what's exactly causes that tingling sensation in Burt's Beeswax?

reads like it has been run back and forth through babelfish a few times

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/in-the-long-run-wars-make-us-safer-and-richer/2014/04/25/a4207660-c965-11e3-a75e-463587891b57_story.html

it was more "lol but sad" but I thought it was a parody when I first read the "NACCP Reconsiders Award for Donald Sterling" headline this weekend.

Just picturing his agent going, "Oooh, Donny. This is really going to hurt your chances getting that NAACP honor..."

Is that what Beez in the Trap is about?

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014/04/28/violent_dr_seuss_book_should_be_banned_from_library_patron_says.html

Pretty sure the patron in question is just trolling, but still:

This is the same work of fiction that former U.S. First Lady Laura Bush, an ex-librarian, said was her favourite children’s book. She told The Wall Street Journal in 2006 she even had photos of her twins, Jenna and Barbara, jumping on the belly of their father, George W., when he read to them. No assault charges were laid against the girls.