Your (Non-ILX) Dreams

I had to go and fix her database this morning - I couldn't look her in the eye.

I pick myself up and go out into the street, where Hayley is nowhere to be seen. So I call her and ask her where she is. She says she can't tell me, she's found a safehouse to lie low from the law in. I tell her that she hasn't done anything that bad, and she'd probably just get a caution if the police were to catch her. She says, "You don't understand, the bastards have been looking for a reason to lock me up for ages. This is just the excuse they need." Then I woke up.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY CLASSROOM - DAY

Jeremy sits in front of his high school history teacher's desk. He fidgits with a 4-color pen.

JEREMY: So. So?

HISTORY TEACHER: (Prodding) Ethic prerogative? ETHIC PREROGATIVE?

The pair are distracted by a zepplin flying past the window.

JEREMY: YES! YES!

HISTORY TEACHER: No, no.

The zepplin scene plays in reverse -- the large blimp flies backward across the frame. It's revealed as a second-rate blimp facimile.

JEREMY: Pedantry... pedantry.

Fade to black.

!!!

HA! I kill me.

at the end of the movie (repackaged for vhs release in the late '80s), axl rose did an anti-violence psa.

Also: I've had this dream twice now about her, and once about my brother (that one was a little different). I have one other sister who has thus far remained totally left out of the subconscious incest stuff.

The only color I can remember is blue, the color of her shirt. The whole dream was blue, blue, blue.

Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.

I also found this:

To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment. If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone, indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. If you are heterosexual and you dream that you are kissing someone of the same sex, then it represents self-acceptance. You are acknowledging the feminine or masculine side.
If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her.

WHY NOTHING ABOUT SISTERS

To dream of incestuous practices, signifies erotic desires. It may also be representative of the union between masculine and feminine aspects of yourself. You are in a phase in your life where you are not quite a child and not quite an adult, and thus this dream may be symbolic of the merging of the child and adult within yourself.

I had a weird one a while ago - about an ILXer, though I don't want to say who. It was completely non-sexual, which is very surprising given how hot she is, just us being like really best friends and me comforting her over something. I don't want to say who because it was, though non-sexual, far, far more personally intimate than we actually are, so it seems sort of creepy.

In other words, not a girl, not yet a woman.
http://www.rgj.com/news/files/2004/01/10/38149_250.jpg

- I saw Gwen Stefani at a concert in the audience, and I went up to her and said, "You know, your new album is the best work you've ever done". Which was a lie, because I haven't heard it! I can only imagine I was attempting to "get some" via compliments.

- I dreamt I was offered a job that paid $4500 a week. I accepted it.

- I dreamt that Carl Newman came down with some illness and I was forced to handle lead vocal duties at a New Pornographers show as a last-minute replacement. Neko was impressed.

Awesome! Usually when I dream about money, it's like, "I found ten bucks in some old jeans! Now I can eat!"

I dreamt last night I was dating Britney Spears. We had sex and went shopping for keyboards at the mall. The only problem was that I had to travel back in time to hang out with her. I was in the present, and she was in early 2003. That's my guess, at least, because I think she was recording In the Zone at the time. She told me it was going to be dedicated to me. I really wanted to tell her that she should release "Toxic" as the first single instead of "Me Against the Music" -- I was already thinking of ways to tell her nicely that I thought "Me Against the Music" was shit -- but I was afraid of changing history.
-- Sanjay McDougal (jmcunnin...), November 21st, 2004.

we didn't make out.

This probably doesn't sounds as anxiety-inducing as it was.

This isn't a recent dream I've had but one of those rare dreams I'll never forget. It was one of those dreams you have where it turns out you really haven't graduated from university because you were lacking one course you neglected to take, except my class was located inside a multi-story parking garage. It was off to the side where there would ordinarily be some parking spots but it was still really tricky parking my car inside the garage, getting out, and snaking my way around the other vehicles looking for parking spots inside said garage while I walked over where my class was being held. I don't even know what the significance of such a dream would be.

More recently, after having watched a lot of "Mock the Week" DVDs on my region-free DVD player, I had a rather, um, interesting dream starring Hugh Dennis. I think it's because he's super English-y looking and super English-y guys are my "type"; also, ever since he grew out his beard he started looking way hotter IMO. I've rarely had those kinds of dreams before.

ok brace yerselves

cruising the warehouse docklands - possibly from a sullivan/bluth effort like all dogs go to heaven, seedy darkness- for hookers and i find that one of my brothers has a bart simpson style condo in an upper floor

perfect says i, have a word, he agrees to vacate the premises and i hop down the road and procure a lady of the night for the specifics

bring her back up and have a rare ole time along the usual lines, and check that all is in order for a trad porno finish im sure m white knows a classy term for it

so i start yknow producing the goods and its like a can of cream its like a starbucks cinnamon swirl topping its all over the place

fin

and she opens her mouth and in the corniest thirties black and white gangster voice you ever heard out comes "im inspectuh shawwwn o reilly of the chicago police and you awh under arrest"

and the wig is whipped off and in that dream way its now a heavy jowled dude with five o clock shadow and honest ta fuck a cigar hangin out his mouth, the lot

still covered in jizz tho

so what do i do?

"why the fuck did you wait for me to finish you fool?"

which imo is fair question

so the brother shows up says hes a cop! the fuck would you shoot the load on a cop! the fuck would he wait for you to finish? and im all seinfeld I KNOW, RIGHT? and insp o reilly is getting super pissed off (and isnt even cleaning up or anything)

dream logic allows us to make a run for it- possibly yerman is blinded- and the whole way on the run -now through the docks from the end of dead pool (it is dead pool isnt it?) the brother is gassing himself laughing and shouting "the fuck would he wait for you to finish? jesus the state of him" over and over and i woke up on the couch muttering it to myself

now lemme tell you, i know you guys are lapping this up but when a still-groggy dmac related this is somewhat more detail to herself over the porridge this morning i was sent to coventry and no sign of a return ticket neither

normally i dont remember my dreams and thats maybe for the best idk

posting merely to confirm receipt of the information, nothing else to be said

coventrys alright actually

bart simpson has a condo?

yes thats the main takeaway for me too

Dreamed last night I was working in an art gallery and we'd had some success with an anonymous artist whose practice was "Jenny Holzer, but Dad". We were selling scrolling LED screens that read:

MAKE SURE TO TREAT THOSE AROUND YOU WITH RESPECT, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHO'LL END UP BEING YOUR BOSS ONE DAY

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT WAS MY MARRIAGE TO YOUR MOM OR THE PASSING OF TIME, BUT ALL MY DREAMS ARE UNFULFILLED

I DON'T FIND MYSELF ATTRACTIVE AND I CAN'T STAND THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE, BUT IT'S THE SAME FOR EVERYONE, I GUESS

The most popular aphorism, the one that was getting printed on T-shirts, the equivalent of ABUSE OF POWER... etc., read:

I KNOW IT'S EARLY BUT I MADE YOU COFFEE

I was watching an octopus at the aquarium and imagining warily that it might emerge from its tank when, seeming to read my mind, it did just that, slithering out and then rising to approximately my own height. Its form then began to shift and shimmer until it had at last camouflaged itself as an elderly man in a green tracksuit. While I stood paralyzed with shock and amazement, it made its way to a table in the cafeteria and sat, chewing a cigar butt while it read a racing form over a plate of eggs. I tried to alert the authorities but no one would believe me. And why would they, really.

I thought Buckner and Garcia picked too obscure an author to lampoon for their comeback single, but 'Auster Goes NASCAR' just hit #1 in Canada so I guess that shut me up.

hahaha

WTF is 'examining goop' and why is it packaged in a ceramic cookie jar shaped like a hedgehog

dreamt that i was helping two brothers— apparently friends of mine — steal some motorcycles from their asshole brother-in-law. this involved gunfire, which i was not expecting. we peeled out and lost our pursuers on the streets of pittsburgh but then got massively stuck in traffic because one of the brothers chose the highway on the wrong side of the allegheny, and by the time we got home the cops were waiting for us

i was *pretty* sure this was a dream, but then i went down a level for the rest of the night where emerging from other dreams just put me back in trouble. i hadn’t known the motorcycle theft was so serious, so i hadn’t bothered with a disguise or alibi, and none of the sub-dreams helped matters

Hogception

The first ever instance of the phrase 'my taint has a whole new zip code' occurred inside my lovely brain last night.

Last night I dreamt the trailer for a horror film about a serial killing telekinetic deer named Bill. The movie is called Bill. Please see it when it comes to your local theater.

(Actually, upon reflection, I think he just uses his tk to scare people into thinking he is going to serial kill them but I don't think he actually serial kills anyone. He did telekinetically make a shovel stand up and begin digging what appeared to be a grave in what was an implied if not an explicit threat, so he's definitely a shady customer.)

I was desperately seeking a loved one who was missing and so I approached the cop car parked in the alley to see if the officer could help. As I got closer, I could see that the car was a-rockin', but I didn't care that this guy was in flagrante delicto. I needed answers now. So I rapped on the steamy back window and the perturbed cop slowly rose to glower at me, followed immediately thereafter by his partner-in-coitus, Madame (of Wayland Flowers and Madame fame).

Dreamt I was being interviewed for a job with the Council in Bristol. It was something to do with running buses and making them more environmentally friendly. One interviewer looked like Tony Pulis and the other, while not looking like Victoria Wood, had her voice and mannerisms. The interview started off in a very noisy, bright, clean open-plan office. I asked Tony if he could either speak up or move us somewhere quieter and he replied brusquely to say this was just an informal opening chat and we'd go somewhere quieter for the interview proper. We went into a second room which was just as noisy. It was bigger and there was a line drawn down the middle of the room and people were performing Shakespeare plays on the other side of the line. Victoria started asking me lots of questions about acronyms with which I was unfamiliar. I became more interested in what was out the window. I went outside, then woke up.

Wow, your dream involved acting as well!

I was going to say that this is a timely thread revive because I had a very vivid dream before I had to wake up this morning, except mine involved participating in a skit with Terry Wogan and some random person who looked like what I imagined Chuffer Dandridge to look like. I remember it starting in a room that looked like a classroom and I was basically roped into saying the final two lines of this skit, which were supposed to be the comedic punchline that tied the whole scene together. I remember staring at the script in horror, wondering how I was going to ever memorize these two lines, and then I started doodling on the script before someone grabbed me and told me it was time to get on stage. I remember panicking for a good while until it was my time to recite the two lines I was given, and then I started cursing myself for not having taken the memorization more seriously until I started to remember what I had doodled and then the image of the script page came to my mind, and I was able to utter the two lines without error. Some song started playing (I forget which one now, even though I JUST had this dream) and I remember getting commendations for my acting ability, because apparently playing as though I were flustered (even though I really was) added a nuance to the lines that made the skit even more hilarious. And then my alarm went off.

The name of the song will probably come to me later on in the day. I'll probably be doing something random and then it'll pop into my head.

A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was sent Quantum Leap style into a decade ago in order to go to Glinner's house and mute a list of words and phrases on his Twitter account.

I came across a public service billboard featuring Louis Gossett, Jr. saying 'Lewd is gossip, junior!'

Reading Lucille Ball's autobiography, I found it odd and more than a little off-putting how often she brought up the time that she and Cary Grant got into a shitting contest.

Had a nightmare about a monkey slug caterpillar last night. It was as big as my hand and when it started crawling on me I freaked out and I accidentally ripped some of its appendages off and it started whining like my dog. And everyone started blaming me for injuring it and all I could say was "no! no! it's not hurt."

Not for the first time, I dreamed a trailer for a nonexistent movie, and just now remembered that I wrote this down in the middle of the night...

Narrator (over sunny music): Jed McFarkle spent his whole life in a swamp with no bears.
Jed's friend: It's so great to live somewhere with no bears.
Jed: Yeah, I love my swamp.
Narrator: But all that's about to change. (record scratch)
Jed's mom: Son, we have some big news.
Jed's dad: Your mother got a new job and, well...
Jed's mom: We're moving to Bear Swamp!
Narrator: Now, bears are absolutely everywhere, and they're really cramping Jed's style.
Jed: How am I supposed to get ready for the big game with all these bears around?
Narrator: But sometimes, the friend you need comes in a form you didn't expect.
Sparkles the Bear: ROAR!
Narrator: A big form!
Jed: Sparkles, I love you.
Sparkles the Bear: ROAR!
Narrator: Rated R.

It's not uncommon for me to wake up laughing at the stupid things I dream.

That's awesome.

I have been having great dreams lately, but can never remember them when I wake up. But last night I had a nightmare/anxiety dream that isn't interesting enough to get into here but I can remember almost every detail.

giving me some fresh ideas for a Bearabbas character, if you're willing to collaborate on the script

I also had a dream last night that I recall less about, involving an elderly and senile Mr. T wandering into my grandparents' house (which he lived next door to) and causing a ruckus (I remember that he called the meatloaf on the table 'white supremacist loaf' at one point). Eventually, with the help of his nephew and a needlessly convoluted plan which involved some blonde '90s singer (LeAnn Rimes? Heather Nova?) recording a new song that mentioned his name several times, we were finally able to draw T. safely back to his own home.

Guy Fieri was getting arrested and

whoops accidentally hit submit.

Guy Fieri was getting arrested. I don't know why, but he was cackling with maniacal laughter. The cops had him laying on his back.

NSFW:
His pants were down. And you know those penis enlargement pumps? He had one of those on and his dick was huge. And he had one on each ball and they were the biggest, longest balls I've ever seen.

I was with some people close to me, in conversation. I kept trying to remember the name of the previous president, the one before Biden. In the dream, it was a talking dog, a shiba-inu, who was also a kind of insult comedian. My dreaming mind had mixed up Donald Trump and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, probably because of the words Trump and Triumph being so close and both figures being semi-prominent NBC personalities in the 2000s. The reason it was a shiba-inu is probably because I know someone whose elderly shiba-inu recently passed.

In any case, I couldn't remember the name of this president and was getting frustrated. Terrence? Trippy? Everyone around me just wanted to talk about how awful he was, how he brought our country to the precipice of destruction, but I just wanted to know the name. Tracks? Then I moved onto a different question -- how could a dog be president anyway? Are dogs citizens? No one was listening to me. At this point it was like I was on mute, everyone carried on their conversation and wouldn't answer my basic questions about this recently deposed canine demagogue.

Tesla were moving into the stairlift market. The start of the presentation revealed how corrupt or incompetent Stannah were as a business, getting percentages mixed up with cash amounts and bankrupting their customers. Then Elon appeared floating up and down on a chair with no visible means of support.

I went to an Ikea store for a business meeting with Mads Mikkelsen. He was in the kitchen section and a bunch of kitchen tables had been placed in a row to make a kind of boardroom table. He was sitting down and looked miserable.

I had rigged up a back-seat bookies on the top of a double-decker bus, even with a cash register and was very anxious that all the unruly people on the bus were stealing money from the till. And some point I was paying someone out but was repeatedly needing to recount the money and coming up with a different amount every time, and this torturous part of the dream seemed to go on forever.

I was collaborating on a single with Justin Bieber.

Paulie Shore was working as a water-tester at a local reservoir and I kept taunting him by yelling "Snoochie Boochies".

I was listening to Murmur yesterday and then last night I dreamed that one of the songs on the album was actually called 'Shitting, Still' and that the band's name was RBM. Yes, I am eight years old even in my dreams.

A new set of trading cards is taking the world by storm. They're called Malkobread, and each card features John Malkovich elaborately costumed as a different kind of bread product.

I don't recall the context, but I know that the phrase 'roll of a lifetime' instantiated in my brain at some point during the dream.

No, there is no excuse for any of this.

It is discovered somehow (the origins are murky) that there are regions in the world where there is a surfeit of time; it collects in big rippling pools and when you're there time stands still, or it's like you're outside of the usual mechanics of time. People bring their loved ones, particularly the terminally sick; others, me included, just wheel about in the surf. I experience the whole dream as if I'm travelling across shallow water on a boogie board.

I literally woke myself up laughing.

I was sharing a room in a dilapidated house somewhere in California. The place was really run down and not at all secure, but I slept like a baby. I was grateful to my brother because he's the only person who is not bothered by my snoring.

*sharing a room with my brother