shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

Claire L. Evans (@TheUniverse) is the Futures editor of Motherboard and one-half of the conceptual pop group YACHT.

I really don't see that appearing as an Onion headline

ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now

― balls, Thursday, April 24, 2014 10:20 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, June 24, 2014 6:58 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Suddenly I'm picturing a middle-aged lady telling an anecdote to her friend: "Oh my gawd, I mean it was like something out of an ONION ARTICLE, can you believe it?"

https://medium.com/@manicho/how-a-password-changed-my-life-7af5d5f28038

... no

was looking for that thread about the guy who tried to teach the homeless man to code, couldn't find it, this seemed like as good a bet as any

http://metro.co.uk/2014/07/02/brazil-fan-farts-on-neymars-girlfriend-bruna-marquezine-she-doesnt-like-it-4784122/

Every Metro headline could be an Onion headline, except the Onion ones aren't actually this fucking stupid:

One-armed cyclist fined for riding with only one hand

Rare condition leaves singer smelling of rotting fish

My own tears could kill me: Meet the woman allergic to WATER

Cheeky Domino's staff spotted buying 59p wedges from Aldi

Wow! Van Persie has got outrageous beach tennis skills

Is this 100mph jacuzzi the coolest thing in the world?

The 13 things that will definitely happen on a dog walk

Has Bigfoot’s real identity been revealed?

None of those sound like Onion headlines at all.

Jesus have you guys ever actually read the fucking Onion?

^^^

this isnt shit that looks like daily currant headlines

People Prefer Electric Shocks to Being Alone With Their Thoughts

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/west-view-news-headline-james-lincoln-collier-headline-n-word

http://a5.img.talkingpointsmemo.com/image/upload/w_652/tqhdxqrxabvxt93flulv.jpg

i think the onion would phrase the point-counterpoint better (like, say WHICH headline offends the counterpointer), but the fact that this is even a point-counterpoint is just...

wow

yeah that one qualifies

correct

There should be a third column by Collier named There Was Supposed To Be Quotation Mark Whose Editing This

i had heard of the article, but had no idea about the counterpoint article. dying at this.

George Harrison Memorial Tree Killed by Beetles

http://www.theparisreview.org/the-art-of-fiction-no-223-cormac-mccarthy

lol nvm disregard that one, didn't realise it was an April Fool's thing. pretty good though!

NME report on the George Harrison thing calls him (until they edit it) "the late bass player in the Beatles" if you want an extra Jackie Harvey dimension

http://www.timesofisrael.com/dermer-idf-deserves-nobel-peace-prize-for-unimaginable-restraint/

tbf considering some of the other ppl they've given the nobel peace prize to it would fit their MO

Ha, fair point

https://news.vice.com/article/new-york-passes-bill-that-could-limit-selfies-with-tigers

ok, i'm gonna give that one a narrow pass

score

http://vegnews.com/articles/page.do?pageId=6510&catId=1

http://i.imgur.com/OaSEeeQ.png

Ok this one is undeniable

http://www.timesofisrael.com/owl-hurt-by-hamas-fire-recovering/

lol

wow

those jerks at Hamas High thought they could mess with our mascot and get away with it?

Enough is Enough – Association of Nigerian Witches & Wizards Declare War on Boko Haram

Take it over to the rolling sf thread.

BREAKING: Dollar Tree to buy Family Dollar in deal worth about $9B to create dollar-store giant

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/dollar-tree-buying-family-dollar-85-billion

http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2014/07/29/apparently-the-bay-area-has-some-of-the-snobbiest-cities/

http://www.haaretz.com/mobile/.premium-1.607888?v=2E5EDB2B54F99F4D315F0539F0B55ABE

Israeli university rebukes professor who expressed sympathy for both Israeli, Gazan victims

'The matter will be handled with appropriate seriousness,’ says 'shocked’ Bar-Ilan University dean after students, parents complain.

tbh it's more like "shit that looks like a Borowitz article" but still

UKIP candidate for Wells Jake Baynes resigns: claims Glastonbury occult infiltrated party

http://www.westerndailypress.co.uk/UKIP-candidate-Wells-Jake-Baynes-resigns-claims/story-22013433-detail/story.html

http://www.haaretz.com/mobile/.premium-1.607888?v=2E5EDB2B54F99F4D315F0539F0B55ABE

_Israeli university rebukes professor who expressed sympathy for both Israeli, Gazan victims

'The matter will be handled with appropriate seriousness,’ says 'shocked’ Bar-Ilan University dean after students, parents complain._

tbh it's more like "shit that looks like a Borowitz article" but still

this is astounding tbh

OMG, part two of the owl saga is equally onionesque:

http://www.haaretz.com/life/nature-environment/1.607076?fb_action_ids=10154442935040584&fb_action_types=og.recommends

His attempt to savage the medical team is a heartening sign.

et tu, hoote?

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2014/08/01/obama-news-conference-budget-israel-palestine-russia-ukraine/13470133/

Obama: 'We tortured some folks'

Obama has condemned those techniques as torture before, but his administration has not sought prosecution of possible offenders. The president said Friday that people should remember all the pressure put on national security teams after 9/11, and "it's important for us not to feel too sanctimonious in retrospect about the tough job that those folks had."

dying from that second owl article...

If it really were the onion the body of the article would further tip back and forth between describing the increasingly encouraging improvement of the owl entirely based on how much more gruesome the attacks get day by day.

Garbage Truck Named After Author David Sedaris

I'm not ruling out the possibility that Time.com is an Onion-style website at this point