shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/10/10446/3x4/120.hq.jpg

http://thoughtcatalog.com/mahbod-moghadam/2014/11/how-to-steal-from-whole-foods/

It would be so much easier just to shop at a grocery that doesn't double the price of everything.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2wm8p3IAAAT4Sr.jpg

i imagine a million typhoid mary comps have already been made

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-11-19/whale-removal-cost-row-deepens/5903576

http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2014/11/26/whales-arent-keen-on-being-flayed-alive-by-gulls

I keep seeing headlines about NASA's new Onion capsule launch :-(

Same here!

http://variety.com/2014/film/news/lars-von-trier-doesnt-know-if-he-can-make-more-films-now-that-hes-quitting-drinking-1201366846/

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/dec/12/experience-i-regret-my-face-tattoo

I feel sorry for that guy, but the combination of headline and photo makes me think guardian is going for onion-esque on purpose there

http://i.imgur.com/wAkDmW0.jpg

feast your eyes, future people

I had my facial tattoo a couple of years ago. The design is based on the ex-boxer Mike Tyson’s. I don’t actually like him that much – he’s not someone I look up to – but I decided it would be cool to have something on my face, and then saw his picture and thought his tattoo looked really good.

http://www.fastcodesign.com/3039668/hallmark-apologizes-for-selling-hanukkah-paper-covered-in-swastikas

but I decided it would be cool to have something on my face

Something directly copied from someone I don't like or respect

shit that looks like a clickhole article but isn't:
http://mic.com/articles/106974/we-asked-men-to-draw-vaginas-to-prove-an-important-point

http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/08/kareem-abdul-jabbar-to-publish-a-novel-about-sherlock-holmess-brother-mycroft/

The mobile nytimes is a harsh mistress

KAJ's entire post-basketball career has just been people being surprised he has interests and talents besides basketball

This one quote felt so Onion-esque

"You know what it feels like when you don't have a good internet connection. Everything is buffering, you're trying to download a video, you got that little circle thing that goes round and around. It's really aggravating," Obama said.

http://www.theverge.com/2015/1/13/7541253/obama-wants-cheaper-broadband-in-the-us

Holy shit you guys dont seriously average 100+mbps in youtr contry and complain its SLOW, do you?

How about 1mbs? Or dialup/satellite speed? #fuckin3rdworlddesert

we invented the internet goddamnit, no one should be faster than US

lol as if that happens in the white house, xp

"Michelle, did you call Comcast?!"

I don't think we average 100mbps, fwiw. I pay extra for like 30mbps.

Yeah I was thinking it seemed a bit OTT

I've got 100Mbps FTTP in my apartment from a local ISP but they're doing like line-of-sight microwave to the Westin or something so it's kind of cheating, infrastructure-wise

Say no more!

"Testimony has covered everything from the assassinations of drug lords to the inner workings of the motorsport industry."

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nascar/2015/01/13/kurt-busch-ex-girlfriend-assassin-domestic-abuse/21693523/

Florida cops used black mugshots as target practice

http://news.sky.com/story/1409452/cops-used-black-mugshots-as-target-practice

http://whnt.com/2015/01/12/alice-program-arms-children-with-cans-books-to-fight-off-classroom-intruders/

wtf

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- Man rescued from burning house, taken to hospital

xp omg the stupidity

not onion per se but... something

"The Sundays Reveal Plans For New Music In Rare Interview With American Airlines’ Inflight Magazine"

http://www.stereogum.com/1677331/the-sundays-reveal-plans-for-new-music-in-rare-interview-with-american-airlines-inflight-magazine/news/

Five-year-old misses friend's birthday party and gets invoice for £15.95

not onion per se but... something

"The Sundays Reveal Plans For New Music In Rare Interview With American Airlines’ Inflight Magazine"

http://www.stereogum.com/1677331/the-sundays-reveal-plans-for-new-music-in-rare-interview-with-american-airlines-inflight-magazine/news/

― Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, January 19, 2015 12:55 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's kind of Spinal Tap

it really is!

Rapist blames ankle monitor for low self-esteem and social phobia

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B71AywxCEAAP2R4.png

http://pitchfork.com/news/58191-bob-dylan-giving-new-album-away-to-50000-aarp-magazine-subscribers/

Shit that looks like a Clickhole article, but isn't
http://www.vocativ.com/gallery/culture/photos/isis-japan-hostage-manga/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=japan&utm_campaign=jan1

McDonald's to Accept Selfies and Hugs as Payment

http://buff.ly/1yVxYId

end times man

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/jan/29/catty-sarah-palin-speech-inadvertently-raises-50k-hillary-clinton

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/gop-senator-let-restaurants-opt-out-of-handwashing-after-toilet-to-reduce-regulatory-burden/

I would actually be all for that rule if the restaurant opting out had to place large, visible signage all over its storefront, by its register, its tables, in the bathroom, etc. "EMPLOYEES NEED NOT WASH THEIR HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK."

Of course, the best retorts to his dumb argument I've heard is that it's actually no less burdensome a regulation to require signage than it is to require handwashing.

http://brotherhipster.com/2015/01/06/heres-why-selfie-sticks-arent-a-big-deal/

something abt the tone really reminds me of an Onion op-ed

https://meduza.io/en/news/2015/03/05/russia-s-only-gulag-memorial-is-redesigned-to-celebrate-the-gulag

Wow:

“Now Perm-36 will be a museum dedicated to the difficult and noble work of the Gulag’s valiant workers, and about the technologies they used to protect the great [Soviet] people from the fifth column and various Nazis from Ukraine.”

wow