this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

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"... I mean porking Julia Stiles in the bunghole sounds TOTALLY AWESOME but I can just see myself being rather bored after the first thirty seconds or so, the same sort of feeling you get after arriving at some fantastic landmark - wow, mount rushmore/julia stiles' ass with my dick in it, hmm, that's nice but I'm ready for a smoke ..."

-- Millar (tmilla...), March 16th, 2003.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 16 March 2003 23:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

something that makes the middle of my boy move

-- jess

― zemko (bob), Monday, 17 March 2003 00:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

I want it. I want it more than anything. I'm not suicidal, but when I nearly hit buses I'm thinking, "I'm obliged to dodge, but it might be helpful if I were obliterated". If everyone, all at once, agreed to be hit by the mother of all buses, I'd be up for it. That'd be a fun thing. Fuck the kids. The bus in question could have as its destination "The pyramids".
-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kick...), March 16th, 2003 8:06 PM. (later) (Eyeball Kicks) (link)

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Oh how I long for the US Army to unveil the mother of all buses by mistake.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 16th, 2003 8:09 PM. (later) (nickdastoor) (link)

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b*ngbus!!
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), March 16th, 2003 8:11 PM. (later) (electricsound) (link)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 March 2003 02:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

(The sheer quantity of London area-names has me more and more convinced that each one describes an area the size of a football pitch, at most.)
-- nabisco%% (--...), July 3rd, 2002.

pentonville. islington. canonbury. barnsbury. de beauvoir town. hoxton. shoreditch. east finchley. hampstead garden suburb. finchley central. finsbury park. stroud green. crouch hill. crouch end. manor house. brownswood park. haringey. highbury. highgate. holloway. tufnell park. hornsey. turnpike lane. muswell hill. new southgate. north finchley. palmers green. southgate. seven sisters. stamford hill. stoke newington. newington green. tottenham. archway. upper holloway. totteridge. whetstone. winchmore hill. osidge. wood green. west green. noel park.

camden. somers town. cricklewood. dollis hill. belsize park. chalk farm. hampstead. gospel oak. kentish town. dartmouth park. kilburn. mill hill. st johns wood. swiss cottage. colindale. the hyde. willesden. neasden. harlesden. golders green. temple fortune. childs hill

mayfair. fitzrovia. soho. bayswater. paddington. acton. chiswick. gunnersbury. ealing. hammersmith. ravenscourt park. turnham green. stamford brook. hanwell. perivale. hanger lane. kensington. maida vale. sheperds bush. west kensington. northfields.

spitalfields. wapping. limehouse. shadwell. westferry. whitechapel. stepney. aldgate. haggerston. cambridge heath. bethnal green. old ford. bow. mile end. chingford. clapton. east ham. forest gate. hackney. homerton. hackney wick. kingsland. dalston. leyton. snaresbrook. wanstead. leytonstone. whipps cross. bakers arms. manor park. plaistow. canning town. blackwall. newham. west ham. upton. millwall. cubitt town. island gardens. mudchute. poplar. stratford. maryland. seven kings. silvertown. walthamstow. south woodford.

southwark. borough. elephant & castle. bermondsey. london bridge. abbey wood. blackheath. brockley. maze hill. westcombe park. camberwell. catford. charlton. deptford. eltham. falconwood. greenwich. lee. lambeth. kennington. oval. new cross. peckham. rotherhithe. walworth. newington. woolwich. sydenham. dulwich hamlet. crystal palace. norwood green. thamesmead. ladywell

victoria. westminster. pimlico. brixton. brompton. chelsea. clapham. battersea. earls court. fulham. castlenau. hurlingham. stockwell. vauxhall. balham. barnes. east sheen. mortlake. putney. streatham. wandsworth. southfields. earlsfield. wimbledon. colliers wood.

bloomsbury. covent garden. clerkenwell. farringdon. aldwych. kings cross. marylebone. holborn. finsbury. st lukes. st giles. the city!

(only counted if theres a london postcode)

i can't believe i just did that...
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

kensal green/rise, brondesbury, shacklewell
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

I take that back: Gareth I now know the true meaning of "blimey!"
-- nabisco%% (--...), July 3rd, 2002.

oops, hendon, brent cross. i'll stop now
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

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well, apart from tooting and london fields and primrose hill and holland park
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

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Are those the lyrics to the single "It's Grim In London"?
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), July 3rd, 2002.

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No, Dan: 'Hobart Paving'.
-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), July 3rd, 2002.

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and i feel quite remiss for leaving out fortis green, hither green, honor oak, penge, anerley, bowes park, bounds green, globe town, northumberland park, victoria park and tulse hill
-- gareth (garet...), July 3rd, 2002.

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i think i left bedford park off my list of london places
-- gareth (garet...), November 18th, 2002.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 17 March 2003 12:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

The above posts may be the most in-character-to-the-point-of-self-parody thing I have ever read on ILE.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 17 March 2003 12:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

fear you may have misunderstood me Ally, and whilst I freely acknowledge the vacuity of some of Brett's lyrics, I find it difficult to believe that (purely on the basis of reading his irritating, overblown, meaningless, pseudo-intellectual rants) Dave Q is capable of producing an ounce of poetry from his skin, let alone a witty line.
-- chris sallis (chry...), March 16th, 2003.

― dave q, Monday, 17 March 2003 13:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

the worst is the actual trying to eat part, you know when you come home and are like completely pissed and trying to shovel food into you, and it's all compulsion rather than normal eating, I mean you might as well be wearing a loincloth and bashing people with a cudgel at that point.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 17th, 2003 3:51 PM. (later) (Ronan)

― toby (tsg20), Monday, 17 March 2003 15:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Please keep your dignity away from my ass.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 17th, 2003. (later)

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 17 March 2003 18:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

ok well i dont know whats going on anymore so im just going to post a pic of the rza's teeth.

-- chaki (chak...), March 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 March 2003 18:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

'I don't know what the fuck I did for the last 12 hours, it's looking ominous, my mate just texted "haha you said some funny shit last night!"'
Here is where we guess at what Ro can't remember.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), March 17th, 2003. (later)
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I think Ronan said "I didn't know that would fit in me bum!" repeatedly. (This also explains the missing shoes, candles, spoons, cat, etc.)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 17th, 2003. (later)
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and dan's dignity.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), March 17th, 2003. (later)
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My dignity is perfectly intact, thank you ver- HEY! WHERE THE HELL IS MY DIGNITY????
(small voice from Ireland: I didn't know that would fit in me bum!)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 17th, 2003. (later)

― Wintermute (Wintermute), Monday, 17 March 2003 19:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

people who contribute answers on this site is ok. we live in a democracy! but why the fuck leave details saying you've never heard of husker du or the much of the pixies and screw your face up in despair towards some of us that do. fuck off, go home and put " thriller" back on!! husker du are cited by most bands of the same genre more than most_ than christ!!!

-- don sanchez (ljherman00...) (webmail), November 16th, 2002 9:12 PM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 12:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

This thread clearly shows that no matter what kind of weirdo you are there's always room on ILX.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 18th, 2003. (later)

I fuck slugs.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 18th, 2003. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 12:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

On the "What is the best thing you've ever obtained by fraudulent means" thread...

The presidency of the United States.
-- G.W. Bush (whitehous...), March 18th, 2003.

I actually laughed so hard that my coworkers asked if I was alright. I am still wiping tears away from my eyes.

― kate, Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

That's why I thought that thread should've ended right there.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 17:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

Scrunge was Charles Aaron's/SPIN's word for, you know, FAKE grunge like Silverchair and Bush. I think Christgau even used it once, sort of like how I spent an afternoon with my clothes on backwards following my initial exposure to Kris Kross.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), March 18th, 2003. (later)

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 21:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

from the "music terms that never really caught on" thread:

twelve-step for all free jazz alcoholix

-- Neudonym (zinogu...), March 18th, 2003 11:22 AM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 18 March 2003 22:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

also from that thread:

cdingle
-- Arthur (tabren123...), March 18th, 2003.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 01:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

Foo Fighters are quite nice, with proper songs and also making less annoying noise than Nirvana. Clearly better than Nirvana.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 19th, 2003. (later)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

From How should I live if there are no objective values and the universe is purposeless?:

69
This is how Ayn Rand got started, you know.

-- Curtis Stephens (sevenxvii...), March 20th, 2003. (later) (link)P>
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I swear I meant to quote the title of this thread. God I'm going to have nightmares.

-- Curtis Stephens (sevenxvii...), March 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 21:12 (twenty-one years ago) link

Q: What's the best thing about spring
A:Winter's only nine months away
--Marcello Carlin

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 22:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Most glam-rockers looked like mechanics in drag.

-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), March 19th, 2003 4:07 AM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 20 March 2003 05:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

Nah, you see black guys post like this:"Yo yo yo dawg, that Timbaland is off the heezy fo sheezy, my nizzle!", while white people post like this "The socioeconomic manifestations of hip hop and its contributions to our communal lexicon perpetuate the erroneous stereotypes of young African-American males"
-- oops (buttch9...), March 14th, 2003. (later)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 20 March 2003 12:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

I like OLD Fleetwood Mac - when they made R&B (rhythm & blues, not Rap & Bullshit!). Prior to THAT WOMAN's arrival.

-- Kodanshi (kodansh...), July 1st, 2001 2:00 PM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

the only people who wonder whether or not they're alcoholics are alcoholics.

-- dan (dregan2...), December 22nd, 2002 2:36 PM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

i think this is the best line in the post article:
Those who oppose sadistic, Stalinist dictatorships won't want to show up at the Estess Arena in Atlantic City on April 25 to see Sheryl Crow's concert.
-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...), Today 3:58 PM.

I wouldn't want to show up at a Sheryl Crow concert, regardless. Even if she was performing it bare ass.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), Today 4:00 PM.

Let's not be hasty, Chris.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), Today 4:00 PM.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

[jel is] like a metal Harry Potter, which almost goes without saying is adorable.
-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 20th, 2003.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 20 March 2003 19:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Swans
The Pixies
The Liars
(catch my humor joke? it's humorous.)

-- Ian Johnson (orio...) (webmail), March 19th, 2003 8:28 PM. (orion)

you mean the funny humour joke?
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...) (webmail), March 19th, 2003 8:29 PM. (electricsound)

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 March 2003 20:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Just for Ally then...
International Usagi Sushi Roll and Cunnilingus Day

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), March 20th, 2003. (later)

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haha surf and turf!
-- mark p (m*****...), March 20th, 2003. (later)

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Oh, that's NOT RIGHT.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 20th, 2003. (later)

It's as much about Dan's reaction as it is about Mark's post.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 20 March 2003 21:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Come on, "turf"??? What kind of cunny are you lingusing?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 20 March 2003 21:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sshhh, don't think about it too much. It only ruins the mood.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 20 March 2003 21:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

YOU PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 20 March 2003 21:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?

A strange turn of events

-- jel -- (freeduni...), June 12th, 2002.

a personal fav.

― james (james), Thursday, 20 March 2003 22:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

HOT SAUCE ROXX U R ALL GAY
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 20th, 2003.

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GREEN TABASCO SAUCE IS HOT SAUCE U R GAY
-- Nick A. (emmaa...), March 20th, 2003.

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GREEN TABASCO SAUCE IS ABOUT AS HOT AS UR MOM
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 20th, 2003

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 20 March 2003 22:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

"whitehouse confirmed."
what is the world coming to when its leaders have to seek the opinion of a veteran Industrial noise duo?

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), March 20th, 2003 9:28 PM. (later)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 20 March 2003 22:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

GREEN NABISCO SAUCE IS HOTT ON A SCALE OF 1 TO GAY U R ALL GAY

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

On the 'what google searches yield the most responses' thread

"Perry to thread" -- 8
-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), March 20th, 2003. (later)

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Come on, "turf"??? What kind of cunny are you lingusing?

oh my god i outperried PERRY

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wasabi is FOOD OF THE GODS. I eat my wasabi straight.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 21st, 2003 8:12 AM. (later)

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Dan is so manly he smears it in his jock.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), March 21st, 2003 8:13 AM. (later)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 21 March 2003 00:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Optimist Prime Goes to Iraq"
the whole damn thread. For some reason this made me laugh harder than anything else I've ever read on ILE.

― Carey (Carey), Friday, 21 March 2003 02:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

6-11pm dogs with jobs

-- mark p (m*****...), March 20th, 2003 3:13 PM.

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 21 March 2003 02:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

i would look into selling pot
-- ron (ohronn...), March 20th, 2003 4:13 PM.

This is a terrible time to sell pot! Margins are razor thin, and there are standing shoot-on-sight orders for all beanie wearing agents of terrorism.
-- jonas lefrel (jonaslefre...), March 20th, 2003 4:17 PM.

encyclopedias then
-- ron (ohronn...), March 20th, 2003 4:19 PM.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 21 March 2003 03:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

on dj saddam

Yeah I went up to saddam for a while and I felt bad cos absolutely noone was up there, like 4 people! and he had this war thing going on at the same time! it was west, man, really west. he played that iraqi national anthem tune that he does and we were getting quite into it. it was pretty good dancing up there for a while cos you could go "hey man, do that death to the infidel tune". it was like being in his presidential palace or something, it was good vibes.
-- Ronin (justbustingyourball...), March 20th, 2003.

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 21 March 2003 03:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

Okay when a post in this high-expectations thread still makes me laugh out loud it's a fucking winner.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 21 March 2003 03:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

If I remember correctly, my father also had some heckling upon returning home from Vietnam.
-- Chris Piuma (chri...), March 21st, 2003.

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So did Tom Cruise
-- oops (buttch9...), March 21st, 2003.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 21 March 2003 20:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

That, I think, is the only time my father has ever been or will ever be compared to Tom Cruise.

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 21 March 2003 20:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

From the "Shock and awe" is starting..." thread:

I think it's now the time on ILE where we all take a gigantic porn break.
-- Carey (flembac...), March 21st, 2003. (Carey)

THANK THE GODS FOR CABBAGE-HEAD CAREY!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 21 March 2003 20:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Gygax, there was no "generalization" in that point, and there need be no long grueling debate because I don't think this point is debatable: a vote is a tool you're given to affect political leadership, and has not until very recently been viewed as an opportunity for the expression of self. I respect whatever personal ideals you have to vote only for candidates you near-absolutely endorse, but I think inserting those ideals into a voting process that's not built to accommodate them (i.e. a non-proportional one) is a bad and counterproductive idea that accomplishes nothing apart from giving you the satisfaction of having expressed yourself:

Gygax's mother: "For dinner you can have either soup or poop."
Gygax: "I register my objection to both: I would prefer potatoes."
Gygax's mother: "Enjoy your poop."
Gygax: "I shall."

-- nabisco (--...), March 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 21 March 2003 20:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

I love Peter Jennings. He and I will make lanky, Canadian babies.

-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), March 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 21 March 2003 21:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

Y'know those little things that dangle at entrances to parking garages with "CLEARANCE 7 FT" written on them? In high school I had this stupid thing I liked to do where I jumped up and grabbed onto them with my hands & feet and swung around on 'em. Once I did this and broke the chain and fell 7 feet flat on my back on the concrete, and the thing swung and hit me right in the nutsack. Worst. Thing. I. Did. Ever.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), March 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 21 March 2003 21:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Trying to compare it to a "I'm more indie that you" thing is bull because when you ignore indie rock bands, they don't go and massacre the populace.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 21st, 2003.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 21 March 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

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