just str8 up busting crayolas at your childrenmust be the colorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs and the kids
― brosario nawson (m bison), Friday, 9 January 2015 05:10 (nine years ago) link
cross-bar style
― don't ask me why i posted this (electricsound), Friday, 9 January 2015 05:33 (nine years ago) link
What did Ira say to Charlie when they broke up the band? "You've Lost That Louvin Feelin'"
― Vic Perry, Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:52 (nine years ago) link
ok lol
― please login or register if you are (unregistered), Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:56 (nine years ago) link
Q. What do you call a moon-worshipping Odinist footballer?A. Wane Rune-y!
― hot takes: audit in progress (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 11 January 2015 11:26 (nine years ago) link
They said they'd pay us in Italian food, but they ended up giving us a voucher that could only be redeemed at Papa Johns. It was a pizza chit.
― how's life, Sunday, 11 January 2015 12:04 (nine years ago) link
Q: what do you call a tiger with glasses on?
A: a scientist tiger
^ boo, stolen internet joke
― contenderizer, Sunday, 11 January 2015 12:18 (nine years ago) link
Q: What did Edison say to Tesla after he invented the phonograph?
A: Yeah, bitch, how my acetates!
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 20:03 (nine years ago) link
man alive
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 15 January 2015 22:14 (nine years ago) link
One from my brother - he says he made it up but who knows.Bro: "oh my god did you hear about that actress who got stabbed recently?... Reece... whats her name..."Me: "Witherspoon?"Bro:"no, with a knife!"
― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:32 (nine years ago) link
(and I fell for it, tch)
being that i first heard that >10 yrs ago i suspect he dint make it up
― don't ask me why i posted this (electricsound), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:33 (nine years ago) link
still good tho
Ha yeah I figured as much :)
― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:33 (nine years ago) link
Yeah I heard that some time ago too, still funny. It's possible he thinks he made it up though I guess
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:44 (nine years ago) link
We all know the famous Greek playwrights Euripedes and Eumenides. But have you read about the great Greek shopkeepers of that time -- Eubreakades and Eubiades?
― celfie tucker 48 (s.clover), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:22 (nine years ago) link
I lol'd
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:31 (nine years ago) link
haha that's a good one
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:34 (nine years ago) link
hahahahaha!
― IHeartMedia, the giant broadcaster formerly known as Clear Channel, (stevie), Monday, 23 February 2015 15:47 (nine years ago) link
I feel like I'm going to use that one as a *dad joke* when my kids are older.
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Monday, 23 February 2015 15:47 (nine years ago) link
that joke would immediately mitigate the next Asterix book, if there's another one coming out.
― Broth Viking (dog latin), Monday, 23 February 2015 16:07 (nine years ago) link
i used that one on a seven year old recently and even with no frame of reference, she loved it.
― the plight of y0landa (forksclovetofu), Monday, 23 February 2015 16:32 (nine years ago) link
Two rabbits are sitting on a log. One of them turns to the other and says, "Hey, I hear there's a new bar opening up in town. We should check it out."The second rabbit says, "Nah. From what I hear, they always water shit down."
― Stupor Fly, Tuesday, 17 March 2015 02:16 (nine years ago) link
ha !
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 09:12 (nine years ago) link
Nice.
― toucan orca ink (how's life), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 09:49 (nine years ago) link
How did Shakespeare write the dialogue for his Master P-ces?He made 'em say "Uhhh… Anon, anon."
― Stupor Fly, Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:22 (nine years ago) link
"I'm getting ready to transport my CD collection to my new apartment.""Didja pack?""No, most of them are jewel cases."
― the geographibebebe (unregistered), Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:37 (nine years ago) link
"I'm getting ready to transport my CD collection to my new apartment.""Are you going to throw them into a big pile and carry them with your hands?""No... I'm going to use case logic."
― pplains, Sunday, 17 May 2015 17:27 (nine years ago) link
Lmaoooooo
― not a garbageman, i am garbage, man (m bison), Sunday, 17 May 2015 18:55 (nine years ago) link
Neil Young is hanging out at a party when a guy walks up to him and goes, "Hey, man, is that an angora sweater?"He shakes his head and says, "No, son. Everybody knows this is Mohair."
― Stupor Fly, Saturday, 6 June 2015 14:58 (eight years ago) link
ok this actually happened to a friend of mine recently, (relies on the American lady's accent)
(American lady): "So do you read much?"
(British guy): "Yes, I read when I'm in bed"
(American lady): "Do you use a Kindle?"
(British guy): "No I have a bedside lamp"
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Saturday, 6 June 2015 16:23 (eight years ago) link
When I started to develop an addiction to cocaine, I was hoping to at least do so in a way that was ethical and didn't harm anyone in the supply chain.
And I would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for those Medellín kids.
― and she's baconing like she's never baconed before (DJ Mencap), Friday, 17 July 2015 12:12 (eight years ago) link
Version of ^this joke^ appears in Pynchon's Bleeding Edge iirc
― Stevie T, Friday, 17 July 2015 12:18 (eight years ago) link
I am a poorly-read ignoramus, your honour
― and she's baconing like she's never baconed before (DJ Mencap), Friday, 17 July 2015 12:20 (eight years ago) link
XD
― how's life, Friday, 17 July 2015 12:22 (eight years ago) link
That's rather a compliment
― five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 14:10 (eight years ago) link
Knock knockWho's there?Giacomo. Giacomo who?Giacomo fee nah ney!
― five six and (man alive), Saturday, 25 July 2015 00:51 (eight years ago) link
If a capo is a mob boss,& a capo di tutti capi is a don,is a capo di tutti furgoni a Donovan?
― Stevolende, Saturday, 25 July 2015 08:20 (eight years ago) link
did you hear about the man who cut a sports car into bite-sized pieces and ate the entire thing without gaining any weight?
..............he practiced Porsche control
― stoomcursus rockisme (unregistered), Saturday, 25 July 2015 19:48 (eight years ago) link
Q: What did the Jewish squid say when he crossed himself?
A: Spectacles tentacles wallet watch.
― five six and (man alive), Thursday, 13 August 2015 02:24 (eight years ago) link
a clumsy seabird tried to plug a cable into the back of a Tolkienesque goblin and it was embarassing. awks aucs aux orcs awks
― yeast mode (dog latin), Friday, 21 August 2015 11:56 (eight years ago) link
A lot of the other orchestral musicians envy the easy portability of my violin. But they're just cellists.
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, August 14, 2012 1:49 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
really they have no basses for complaint
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Sunday, 13 September 2015 04:51 (eight years ago) link
ugh plz you don't need to toot his horn
― Y Kant Max Read (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 15 September 2015 16:53 (eight years ago) link
I asked the harpist if she could get me some free tickets.
She said she'd try to pull a few strings.
― pplains, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 17:10 (eight years ago) link
Why should you never play a wild card against a member of the brass section?He'll just trumpet.
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 15 September 2015 18:34 (eight years ago) link
Sorry to break the orchestral theme, but
What day of the week do nymphs schedule their dates?
Satyrday!
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 15 September 2015 20:36 (eight years ago) link
How come the musician couldn't blow an A# through her instrument?
Well, first of all, the problem was originating from a flute premise.
― pplains, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 20:52 (eight years ago) link
that's a sharp observation.
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 22:06 (eight years ago) link
Kenny Loggins: Hey Michael, what was that song that was sampled in Regulate?
Michael McDonald: I Keep Forgetting
Kenny Loggins: Alright, I'll just go get the album
Michael McDonald: If That's What It Takes
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 17 September 2015 15:07 (eight years ago) link
Q. Why doesn't Popeye eat fried spinach for breakfast?
A. Cuz ikz too oily in d'mornin.
Popeye laughs at own joke: Awww-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug.
― Vic Perry, Thursday, 17 September 2015 18:05 (eight years ago) link