This is the thread where we judge other people's parenting

Delaware recommends 12, although there's no law, which is good because I was letting myself into our apartment after school when I was ten.

hah here in France there's no legal age, and I see lots of kids ages 8 and younger going around town alone, to/fro school, even riding public trans.

back in Illinois I suspect we have taken liberties though. 14! that's nuts.

In Maryland though, there's a current thing where some parents are under investigation for letting their kids walk home together.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/maryland-couple-want-free-range-kids-but-not-all-do/2015/01/14/d406c0be-9c0f-11e4-bcfb-059ec7a93ddc_story.html

hah here in France there's no legal age, and I see lots of kids ages 8 and younger going around town alone, to/fro school, even riding public trans.

kids are probably all drunk on fine wine too

man have I told you about school lunches here?

all stinky cheese and foie gras I assume

yes on former; don't think they've had foie gras yet. but it's four courses every day: entrée, main dish, dairy, and dessert. and they get 2 hours for lunch (including a recess). in the USA they get 15 minutes, no joke. which is all you need to scarf down your corn dog I guess.

15 minutes? my kid gets an hour

We get half an hour lunch, half an hour recess. The 1/2 hour recess is insufficient, imo.

Doesn't school get out late in France though?

my little one gets out at 4:30pm each day, whereas yeah in the usa it was 2:30pm. still 15 minutes is horrible.

i heard an encore broadcast of jennifer senior on fresh air this morning talking about her book "all joy, no fun" about modern parenting and there was a really interesting segment about sleep deprivation. has this been discussed here?

i was wondering whether or not judgement of other people's parenting would increase if one is sleep deprived and struggling to do one's best, only to see other people not following suit. i have a lot of friends who have privately told me that they feel completely squashed by the constant eyes looking at them and evaluating their success or failure. they're doing their best, but it leads to a lot of guilt and general bad feelings. i wish they didn't feel this way, but nothing i say makes any difference, in no small part because it's not something that affects my life (I don't have kids and I don't sit around thinking about other people's parenting). Still, since it affects the lives of virtually all my closest friends, i was wondering if anyone thinks there's a connection between sleep deprivation and vocal judgment of other people's parenting?

not trying to start a conflict, just wondering what ilx parents think

No way, I'm more understanding of other parents since I became a parent, not less.

Me too. I'm my own harshest critic but I don't really care what other people think of my parenting. And when it comes to other people, in most cases I think parents are just trying to do their best for their children. There are times when I think somebody might look at me critically, say, for paying more attention to my phone than F when we're on a train. But they wouldn't know that F is desperate for a nap and will fall asleep in his buggy if ignored.

it's possible that they're hypersensitive to it bc they are sleep deprived -- that has occurred to me. it's weird because these are not people i would have thought would really care what other people thought but it's weird how frequently they talk about it (when i manage to talk with them at all and by talk i mean email or text)

i find most other parents to be empathetic, it's the ones who don't have kids who seem a mite judgey sometimes.

IDC about other people, parents or not, judging me. But I do judge other parents all the time, but mostly in silence.

Everything is harder when you haven't gotten enough sleep for a year or two.

i know! that's what i'm saying -- i am trying to understand how maybe there is a relationship between sleep deprivation and the tendency to judge/feel judged. it just bums me out because i know people aren't being as harsh on my friends as they think people are being but my friends are so tired and worn out that i think they just slide into feeling blue. it bums me out on their behalf. this is why i asked.

i was wondering if anyone thinks there's a connection between sleep deprivation and vocal judgment of other people's parenting?

just to be clear - are you referring to parenting-related sleep deprivation?

or just regular old garden variety sleep deprivation

IDC about other people, parents or not, judging me. But I do judge other parents all the time, but mostly in silence.

^^^this

bear in mind I started this thread in the spirit of comedy, I don't really go around yelling at people about their shitty parenting. and we're all very supportive of each other here ime

the former

Maybe you're more likely to discuss what other parents you know do vs what you do and compare, and sometimes that gets judgey. At the same time I'm much more sympathetic when I see a random parent having trouble with their child in the street or something.

and my friends i'm referring to are not on ilx
i just get bits and pieces of these difficulties from them periodically

Maybe you're more likely to discuss what other parents you know do vs what you do and compare, and sometimes that gets judgey.
this, basically
and what i'm wondering, just idly and without malice, is whether sleep deprivation makes ppl extra sensitive about this
and the answer is probably yes but i wanted to see what you guys thought out of curiosity

I have no idea really, I'm going on 2 1/2+ years of constant sleep deprivation myself

if people do judge my parenting I'm not really aware of it and if I was well hey fuck them what do I care

that's easier for some people to say than others, ime -- and this is why i brought it up
i did not expect my friends to be so fragile, but sleep deprivation makes some people mean and some people fragile
no?

I'm sure it affects different people differently, mostly it just makes me out of it

LL I feel like you are talking around a specific bad experience

maybe
i don't know, and that's why i asked!

no I mean it just sounds like you were recently hanging out with some specific parent friends who freaked out about something and kind of shocked you and you're wondering if it's normal, ha

maybe
i wish we were hanging out
it was just via email/text (they're my college friends, only one of them is local)

The family of a six-year-old US boy staged his mock kidnapping because they thought he was too nice to strangers, Missouri police say.

dear god

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/f4/f47db4327d68f7bc38f0feab94c9632177ff2ecf4a31ee6836c1f86096aecc0a.jpg

Bike-helmeted dad riding a bike down a busy street while carrying your (unhelmeted) toddler in one arm: i judge you

I get IA about kids and parents biking where the kid is wearing a helmet and the parent is not. I mean, I don't care if anyone wears a helmet or not, just goddamn match, especially if you are forcing your kid to wear one.

eh I've witnessed too many bike accidents in this city - every time I see someone on a bike without a helmet I instantly think they are morons, but protecting yourself while endangering your kid is next level

I generally can't take seeing a little kid on the back of a bike in a busy urban area. When I consider what a high percentage of my friends who bike regularly in the city have been in at least one accident, it just seems like an unacceptable risk to me.

kid wasn't even on the back, dad was literally cradling him in one arm while steering the bike with the other. In the middle of rush hour traffic on a busy 4-lane street!

A-ok with your judging there.

I see kids balanced on handlebars or--on one notable occasion, sitting between Dad's arms on the top tube?--pretty normally. At first it seemed absolutely crazy, but I think it's just an offshoot of using bikes to get around. You don't have other transpo but you do have a bike? There you go.

Tbh I find it freakier when parents have their kids on the back in carriers. I'm sure I'm wrong and the data won't bear me out, but it seems like you could do more for your kid if they were right there in your arms than strapped into the back of the bike if it goes flying.

NB ianap

Kinda hard to react to a situation while holding a kid, I would think

Yeah I meant they're usu not holding the kid, the kid is holding on by him or herself (!!!!!! I KNOW!!!) while the adult has hands on the handlebars. It just doesn't surprise me anymore, I guess.

this kid wasn't old enough to hold himself up/hang onto handlebars (a practice I would be more forgiving of if the child is above-toddler age, ie, probably able to jump off to safety in the event of an accident)

This feels like a 'hey I could walk outside tomorrow and get hit by a bus. Crazy, horrible things happen all the time' attitude which is def one of IA hot buttons.
Firstly, you're not getting hit by a bus tomorrow because you won't be idly standing in a bus lane because you know it will increase your chances of getting hit by a billion percent. Can you not give your kid the same courtesy? Yes, horrible, crazy things happen everyday, a good chunk of which could probably be avoided by a simple choice like getting your ass on the sidewalk or not dodging through traffic on a bike with an infant on the back.
Secondly, I understand this 'any of us could die at any second' is probably a mental safety mechanism to keep one from losing their mind thinking of what could happen but it always seems to be paired with the certain(ly false) belief that 'nothing truly bad will ever happen to me'.
I don't know. It's just all so complementary and contradictory and flippant as fuck

Thirdly, install your kids car seat correctly, buckle both of you in correctly, wear a helmet if you're on a bike. These things will in no way comprise your constitutional liberties.

wife and I feel like we are watching a slow motion trainwreck with this friend of hers that is 6 months pregnant and exhibits zero signs that she is emotionally/psychologically capable of raising a child. She is prone to long blog rants about how she "doesn't even like babies!" and hates being pregnant and feels crazy all the time (she was p crazy before tbh) and it's like ... uh honey you have no idea what you are in for