fuck cancer

i am so sorry, mark, i'm glad you were able to see him while he was still lucid. my best wishes to you and your family.

Condolences, Mark. I echo what everyone's saying about time to say goodbye - I know it's cold comfort.

fuck cancer.

So this is my last night in California, as I prepare to head back to Ohio tomorrow morning. I wish I could say I'm leaving on an up note, but I'm not.

As I get ready to leave, Alan is in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down his throat. After that terrible bout of pneumonia last month, he's got it again, and this time it's really bad. And his own instincts to cough and fight are working against him, so, after having a large amount of fluid drained, he agreed to get the breathing tube and be HEAVILY sedated with Fentanyl and Propofol, so his body can just rest and deal with the major antibiotics he's going to get.

The chemo IS working -- he told me last week he can't feel the swelling in his thymus anymore. But the combination of chemo and his breathing problems are taking a toll. He's been weak as a kitten the last 2-3 weeks, unable even to microwave himself anything let alone do any serious cooking, housework or work.

The worst part is that when he wakes up he's going to be alone. Just at the point where he really needs 24/7 care, I have to go home. I reached out to his two brothers back east, but there is unfortunately a great deal of bad blood and burned bridges among them, and there's no help to be found there. His partner, Debra, is still in New York and due to financial complications can't think of moving until September. His only other nearby relative lives two hours away in Altadena, and she's 70 years old. She's pretty healthy, but in no shape to care for him. And full-time in home care costs about $260 a day, which he simply doesn't have.

His primary care doctor has paperwork for getting him periodic help from county IHSS, but hasn't processed it yet despite four phone calls from me; and that won't be nearly enough for what he needs. Likely as not once he's over the pneumonia they'll have to release him to whatever kind of temporary senior care facility IEHP can help him with.

My wife and I have started a GoFundMe to help his partner expedite her move out there so she can be with him. To help take care of him and, dog forbid, to be with him should the worst come to pass. If you're so inclined, please give, or share, or anything you think might help. Alan's a mensch and he deserves better. http://www.gofundme.com/clobberingcancer/

that is really the shitty iciing on the cake that the cancer waited, til right after he'd moved completely away from his support system (esp his partner), to rear its ugly head

I just arrived back in Ohio today, and got a call from the doctor in Alan's ICU ward tonight. The pneumonia is very severe - they've drained him twice more, and the fluid is infected. More importantly, he can't breathe without being intubated, and long term treatment would require a partial or full tracheostomy.

All of that is moot, though, because pursuant to treatment he got the first CT scan he's had since starting chemo, and the cancer has metastasized. It's already destroyed about half of his sternum, and spread to his lungs, lymph nodes, thyroid and spinal column. Even if the pneumonia could be treated successfully, it would leave him so compromised he'd be unable to receive chemo. Which, given the spread, would be nothing more than a band-aid at this point.

The doctor discussed the options with Alan, and he decided he'd just like antibiotics and palliative care. We may be looking at anything from hours to days.

I am going through all the stages of grief simultaneously.

Fuck cancer.

Oh Phil, that's so hard

Thinking of you! pour it out itt as much as you need, if it helps

<3

sorry phil. fuck cancer. i'm glad your cousin had you around to lean on.

i'm so sorry, phil. sending alan my best thoughts.

fuck cancer.

aw man, fuck cancer

the worst, man.

and fuck cancer.

I just arrived back in Ohio today, and got a call from the doctor in Alan's ICU ward tonight.

Oh look cancer found a way to fuck with you.

Thoughts are with you, man - fuck cancer.

Phil, my thoughts are with you and Alan and his loved ones. I'm so sorry to hear about this. What you did made all the difference for him.

Fuck cancer.

Alan died at 3am PT this morning.

I'm so sorry, Phil. Fuck cancer.

Im so sorry to hear this Phil. My thoughts are with you.

oh man, sorry phil

so very sorry, Phil, and blessings upon you for the love you showed your cousin.

what Morbs said, sending you best wishes

Morbs OTM - take care of yourself, Phil.

I'm so sorry, Phil.

Very sorry to hear it, Phil. Much love and condolences.

Yesterday was a little bad for me too -- not directly, but close. One of my oldest and dearest friends, Stripey (she keeps a very, very low profile in terms of the Net, thus the pseudonym), lost her father after a cancer diagnosis earlier this year. He lived a long and full life, happily, and was a great person in my getting to know him over the years. But after the diagnosis it was only a matter of some months -- treatment only went so far, and while he was at home these last couple of weeks with excellent hospice care, he was in great pain as well, wrenching. The pain is over, at least. I'm glad I got to see him well one last time last Thanksgiving, but it's very hard to imagine their family home without him. So yeah, and again, fuck cancer.

Horrible, Phil. My condolences and love.

Fuck cancer.

Sorry Phil. Thoughts with you and to Alan's partner - such a horrible situation to be in.

Oh my god, she probably didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. Double-fuck cancer.

Phil I'm so so sorry -- and cosign re all the love you showed him by staying with him, that matters so much

and <3 to Ned also

fuck all the cancers, always

Phil, that's rough and I'm sorry to hear it. Fuck cancer.

My terminally ill friend stopped posting on FB a couple of weeks ago, causing me and another friend to crap ourselves with worry, but friend is back posting so *phew*. For now.

my uncle - who is not literally my uncle but was one of my dad's best friends and was kinder and more caring to me than most of my blood relatives - has mesothelioma and goes into hospice on monday. my dad got me his home number and said he would like to hear from me, and I tried calling him, got no answer so left a message. then found out he is barely lucid, so I don't know if I'll ever get to really speak to him finally, and I haven't in ages, too wrapped up in stupid personal bullshit, got so blindsided by this.

idk how this works. fuck cancer.

The whole situation gets worse because his brothers apparently wanted nothing to do with Alan, and his partner Debra has turned out to be a duplicitous asshole, so I am going to get left holding the bag of settling his affairs. I'm pretty sure he died intestate, so this is going to be terrific.

oh god :(

Just want to say, Phil, you're a fucking hero for being there for your cousin. People often think everyone will pull together when shit like this gets serious but the reality is many people just can't or won't take the time to properly help. Others avoid cancer like the plague, literally.

I'm sure your efforts were much appreciated by Alan and that you made a huge difference to his final months.

Sorry for your loss.

nicely put, and co-sign x 10

just found out a former castmate of mine in a musical I did 5 years ago died of cancer this week. I will admit I didn't know him well and hadn't seen him pretty much sicne then, but this is just so sad - he was a sweet guy, very young, didn't deserve this.

Rest in peace (and fuck cancer)

Just found out a family member has stage 1. Fuck cancer.

I have lost a good number of friends through it. One of whom was a 30-something musician who just one day fell down and found out he had cancer and would die in a year. Some of my friends w cancer are still around. One day I went w my mom to visit a friend of hers whose daughter had recently lost her eyesight after losing her hair and mobility. She was a ballerina before this happened to her. Life is not fair. On a positive note she has actually danced again since then so I do think as the years pass things get more and more hopeful. But it sucks even if you live a few more decades they tend to be constant ups-and-downs and often very painful. My heart goes out to anyone w cancer or who knows someone who does. Which is sadly almost everyone.

I am so glad I got to see my friend Caroline on her last trip to London. She died this morning, leaving a husband, two young teenage boys and hundreds of loved ones. Fuck you, cancer, for taking away another friend.

i'm sorry suzy. condolences :(

Sorry to hear, suzy. Hope you're ok.

likewise. all the best to you suzy

sorry to hear about this suzy.

Said goodbye to my mother in law last weekend. Fuck you, cancer.

Doing better, especially having found out from mutual friend that C always told him she wanted Motorhead's 'Killed By Death' played at her funeral.

Because she married a Ukranian Russian, she's having a Russian Orthodox funeral/burial in Kiev, which sounds fairly hardcore but also like the most Goth thing ever.

Cancer doesn't get fucked enough so I want to share good news.

I anonymously posted this ten years ago on another C thread

A friend emailed me this week to tell me she has just discovered she has an advanced cancer. She has two young children and is six weeks pregnant with a 3rd which she'll have to abort before she can start chemo. I want to help her but we're thousands of miles apart and we'll be lucky if we ever see each other again. I can't stop crying.
FUCK CANCER.

― FUCK CANCER, Monday, October 3, 2005 9:47 AM (9 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It is ten years today since my friend's diagnosis and she is healthy and happy and full of life!

Cancer you got fucked.

That is awesome! Hell yes.

Awesome news. Congrats to your friend.

congrats to your friend (mine beat it too)

sorry for your loss suzy, hadnt seen your post until now.

v happy for you and your friend, onimo.

sympathies to suzy and dandydon.

3 years this week since i was diagnosed with MM. I am "stable" but enduring exhausting chemo (plus f/t work!) 3 out of 4 goddamn weeks. But things could be worse. (i'll let you know if being laid off, which i expect to happen in the next 2 years unless they fear the Cancer Guy suing them, is one of those things.)

3 out of 4 weeks damn that's rough morbs

Fuck... cancer. That is a heavy load, M.

fuck fuck fuck.