start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

Sometimes footnotes can work, I mean if you're David Foster Wallace or Douglas Adams or something you can use them for amusing asides or over-do them on purpose or what have you. It is annoying when the footnotes are kept in a weird section towards but not right at the back of the book, and they're numbered in a strange way, so for example the numbers reset on each chapter so it's really difficult to find the one you want.

the confidence man was one book where the footnotes were fascinating and an organic part of reading it.

That's funny because I was about to say that my copy of Moby Dick does the whole 'teapot' thing a lot of the time.

xxxpost As I've said for the longest time, politeness has no place in street traffic interactions. Just follow the rules and go when it's your turn to go. Save the 'no, please, after you!'-s for situations where everyone is on foot and well away from motorized vehicles.

Is that mid-block with a crosswalk or without one?

We have a long drag in our town that has traffic lights with crosswalks on each end and two unlit crosswalks (just paint and signs) somewhere in the middle. I wish I could say "It's totally insane how no one stops when there are people waiting at the crosswalk!" but sometimes I'm guilty of it too. I mean, I still occasionally blow right through and then end up smacking myself in the head when I realize there was someone standing there. I feel like the worst shithead when I do that. I try to be real conscientious about it, but invariably after I stop, two or three cars will blow through coming the other direction before someone in that lane stops and the pedestrians are able to cross.

Well, that's another thing. We're in the middle of the block, so technically, we're jaywalking.

It's sweet that the driver is stopping for a little girl and her daddy, but WE'RE BREAKING THE LAW. JUST GO.

Obligatory mention of The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker for those with a footnote fetish.

I was behind a Tesla the other day, and the driver stopped and allowed literally everybody and everything to cross, even not at crosswalks, corners, etc. Other cars, bikes, pedestrians ... It's one of those things where no doubt the driver thought they were being a good citizen, but in fact they (I assume obliviously) ended up backing up traffic.

My latest bugaboo - or maybe I've mentioned it before, because it pisses me off so much - is people who take corners so fast that they essentially cut into your lane, forcing you to stop your car about five or so feet before the intersection, for fear of some idiot clipping the front corner of your car as they bisect your lane at a 45 degree angle.

Having to negotiate your way around people on a busy high street in tourist season. Where somebody is standing blocking a part of a street and you try to step around them only to discover that somebody isn't going to accommodate you taking up space on the street when the normal thing to do would be to just adjust their trajectory slightly.
& the amount of people who just stop right in front of you or cut straight across you without notice.
& adding into that people jaywalking with phones, or whatever else. 4 people or more walking abreast of each other .
Like tourist season means that at any moment a person could be coming at you from any direction and not taking in that you're already trying not to walk into other people.
Also dizziness of cold/flu doesn't help things.

Oh, people fucking love walking abreast.

My latest bugaboo - or maybe I've mentioned it before, because it pisses me off so much - is people who take corners so fast that they essentially cut into your lane, forcing you to stop your car about five or so feet before the intersection, for fear of some idiot clipping the front corner of your car as they bisect your lane at a 45 degree angle.

Ugh, this.

On the same strip described above, at one end there are two right-hand turn lanes to get onto a larger road. I always take the leftmost of the right-hand lanes, which according to the lines on the road, will put me into the middle of three lanes. About one in ten times that I take that turn, the person adjacent to me in the rightmost turn lane ALSO makes a play for the middle lane, basically forcing me into the left-hand lane to avoid a crash. About a month ago there was a COP behind the other guy when this happened and I was like "thank god, we are going to see some justice in this world, because that's a moving violation right there" but the cop just pulled around us both and sped off somewhere, no lights or nothing.

abreast walkers who dont move into single drive me fucking craaaaazy

my coworker and i walk twice a day & the amount of groups who would happily plow right through us is ridiculous

there's a v handsome tall guy i see most days who walks with a huge group, but he wears one of those stupid samurai topknot hairdos and he is the LOUDEST talker ever and he is an inconsiderate non-mover so his handsomeness is now basically moot

I was like "thank god, we are going to see some justice in this world, because that's a moving violation right there" but the cop just pulled around us both and sped off somewhere

agh

once I watched this cyclist weave in and out of pedestrians on the pavement (I think cycling on the pavement outside a bike lane is illegal in the UK but cbw, too lazy to check), on a stretch of pavement with limited visibility, phone to the ear with one hand, narrowly missing a whole bunch of people including an elderly woman with a walking stick

and then two cops came walking the other way, and I didn't expect an arrest or anything but I thought at least they'd tell him off but no, just strolled on past

tbf they were probably Community Support Officers i.e. not actually cops and can do fuck all, but still, it would have been nice if they'd done something other than smile benignly past him

people who cycle on the pavement are reprehensible. words can't express my disdain for them.

I have to cross a small roundabout right near my house each evening on a reasonably busy suburban st. It was dark, and pissing with rain the other night but that didnt stop one lady from approaching, and tearing thru, the roundabout/intersection at 60+ without even remotely pausing for breath. Good thing I'd pointedly not crossed when I saw her coming. Its raining you cow, slow the fruck down!

Well, that's another thing. We're in the middle of the block, so technically, we're jaywalking.

It's sweet that the driver is stopping for a little girl and her daddy, but WE'RE BREAKING THE LAW. JUST GO.

― pplains, Tuesday, July 14, 2015 10:54 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh my fucking god. These people deserve to die, I don't care how well intended. I never experienced this this until I moved to western Mass. When plastering your car with COEXIST bumperstickers fails to assuage your white liberal guilt the next step is apparently self-flagellation for driving in the first place. HEY IDIOT: there were three people patiently waiting to cross, and now there are THIRTY in the traffic jam behind you. Oh look—the light ahead just turned yellow again! FUCK YOU, STAY HOME.

btw "COEXIST" with who, exactly? The other lady in the Subaru?

xp lololololol okay that's a good rant, worthy of this thread

I never experienced this this until I moved to western Mass.

lol and otm.

Actually, I learned a few weeks back that Chicago is notoriously behind the curve when it comes to yielding to pedestrians in any context. Iirc Boston and Los Angeles were held up as paragons of cities where drivers let people cross, where it's just been drummed into drivers to yield. In Chicago, it takes effort to get people to stop even when they even put up a sign in the middle of the street, with pictures and words and everything, compelling drivers to stop for pedestrians under penalty of fine.

Speaking of IA, I don't know if it's anger so much as bemusement every time I see a sign on the highway that says "Hit a worker, up to $10,000 fine or a year in jail." As if they need to incentivize people not to hit other people with their car. "Careful, you're on the highway, you don't want to run anybody over!"

I'm almost to the point of thinking the government should issue a stipend to law-abiding citizens for not being flagrant assholes. When appeals to morality and the common good fall on deaf ears, it's time to dole out the green.

"America, good job, let's all go out for ice cream!"

re: Chicago and its terrible drivers, I get so IA when I see ads posted in bus stops encouraging drivers to yield to pedestrians. Way to miss your target demographic.

I dunno, I presume at least a handful of bus drivers have seen those signs and opted not to plow into a sidewalk full of people at full speed.

That actually just happened. http://abc7chicago.com/news/woman-killed-in-michigan-avenue-bus-crash-idd/763762/

Yeah, I'm aware, unfortunately. It's surprising that things like that don't happen more often. I got a nice scar on my arm a month or so back from a bolt on a lamppost sign as I pulled myself out of the way of a potential beheading-by-bus-mirror because the driver was hugging the curb and clearly unconcerned with the parts of the bus that were extending into the sidewalk zone.

I don't know if it's anger so much as bemusement every time I see a sign on the highway that says "Hit a worker, up to $10,000 fine or a year in jail." As if they need to incentivize people not to hit other people with their car. "Careful, you're on the highway, you don't want to run anybody over!"

First time I saw one of these it read like it was like a discount - only a year and $10k vs. like life in prison for murder, what a deal!

Forgot with the wal;king down a tourist season street the one direction I didn't mention directly was behind you. You pause because the person in front of you stops suddenly and get barged into by the idiot behind you.

Listening to all these podcasts with ads for dubious food delivery companies (Nature Box, Blue Apron) has made me realize how much I hate hearing people talk about food--especially when they're reading ad copy: "get these delicious, mouth watering snacks in your mailbox" etc. But also in general every time I hear someone talking about a meal it feels like I'm reading a sex scene where the author uses words like "glistening"

I saw a van with a stuffed toy strapped to the front radiator yesterday. It doesn't make me angry, but it's just why? It's such a crap thing to do. Why? Why ??

xp i get that. some things aren't worth describing if the other party hasn't experienced it themselves.

Scrumptious and nourishing! Yeah, it's often gross.

when you come back to your office desk and someone has dragged your chair away to speak to someone else at their desk.

when you are queuing in a canteen and someone without a tray stands at the edge of where the rail begins obliviously stopping anyone with a tray from putting it down

drop it like it's hot ♫

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2497910/goodbye-lotso-o.gif

^ yeah. obv i don't believe in sentient stuffed toys, but the whole idea of it is grotty.

it makes me feel a bit sick actually.

Oh, believe, dog. Believe with all your heart!

Was the stuffed toy thing anything to do with roadkill? Was the first thing that I thought on seeing that possibly the clip above in its original context. Rubbishmen at least symbolising roadkill. Possibly some take on nautical figureheads too.

i forgot to add an ia yesterday (heaven forbid) - when you are in the sauna/spa or whatever, and someone getting into the plunge pool or under an ice cold shower is like "UNNNGRRRHHHHH" as loudly as possible. sort of a vocal version of men spreading their knees as wide as possible on the tube.

i mean i know cold water can be a shock after 30 minutes in the steam room but a polite "brrr" or something like a mixture of a dog and a horse is obviously the way to go.

when you come back to your office desk and someone has dragged your chair away to speak to someone else at their desk

or else adjusted the chair height so you sit down violently like a fucking moron who can't use furniture

or used your keyboard and put up those little keyboard chocks so the keys are all at the wrong angle

i mean i know cold water can be a shock after 30 minutes in the steam room but a polite "brrr" or something like a mixture of a dog and a horse is obviously the way to go.

"brrr, dog. amirite?"

or used your keyboard and put up down those little keyboard chocks so the keys are all at the wrong angle

fixed

you put one down so the other goes up innit?
Like chocks down, keyboard up.
Chocks away and the keyboard takes off from a WWI airfield.

huh
I'm spending way too long trying to work out which one people mean

chocks is the name for the little feet that come out of the bottom side of a keyboard.
It's also the name for the little blocks that kept wheels on vehicles from moving while they sat stationary on a display ground.
warfilms often had pilots saying 'chocks away' as part of their take off procedure. Though I may have got the 2 wars confused in that aspect. Think it was WW1 anyway.

oh yeah I got that, just whether I mean up or down! It's like flammable or inflammable
The keyboard should be elevated

So should proper airplanes.