ilx posts with striking imagery

I named my balls Belle & Sebastian.

― Your Favorite Album in the Cutout Bin, Tuesday, August 11, 2015 10:25 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i need to get some hot weather underwear tips, my gusset's so swampy you could grow cress in it.

― feargal czukay (NickB), Wednesday, 1 July 2015 10:50 (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

stinking rummagery

97a) actually, sometimes when i'm falling asleep i get this weird... err... repetitive thought thing, where i'll keep visualizing something like mickey mouse's bowtie getting bigger and smaller, bigger and smaller, bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and, oh god, how can they be so big? and then i sort of come to my senses, realize this is a dumb thought and move on. p.s. i was not molested by mickey mouse.

― remy bean, Wednesday, June 15, 2011 9:25 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hi. I had a dream when I was 13 about this ly hansnom boy (He's 15) And, well, It bothers me that I've never seen him before, I felt in love when I dreamt it. Anyway, here it gose;
I was getting dressed in a hallway of our old church. Two of my old friends and I were dressing up in thick party dresses. One of my friends had on a thick red glittery dress, the other had blue. I wore silver. As I sliped on the tight spegatie straps of the dress, I
saw a boy walking past the door way. He hesitated, as did I, and he wore my brothers white and blue striped suirt, and cakeys. He smiled at me, shook his head in embarsment, and walked out of sight. I bided my friend by, and apeared without the dress-I now wore long-sleaved black suirt, and blue jeans. I ran to him; and saw him talking to my brother. My brother now wore his own suirt, and my "unknow friend" wore a green suirt. I shyly went over, and placed my fingers gently on his shoulder. He turned, faceing he. Then he grabed me, pulling me in his arms, and french-kissed me. (I have never had a first kiss!)

I walked along the pews of the old church, my "unknown friend" was sighing unherd lyrics of a song. He and his four-crew band jamed on guitars, thou unherd, the poeple in the pews song wordlessly, claping their hands in a rymeth. I walked to my friend, pressing myself against the fan-wall. Then my mom screamed in rage. I looked, (seeing everything,) I watched myself run from my mom, people claped their hands in song. I triped, and slowing began to wake up, I saw only blackness....Then, I herd my "unknown friend" say my name, telling that I could make it. His voice,(O' his sweet voice!) strengthened me, and I got up and ran. Then, my mom threw a large frizbe. It was ten-times larger then usaly, and blue on the out side, white near the middle, and in the middle was a red star. I dramaticly jumped on stage in slow-mo, kicking the frizbe away. The unherd music stoped, my "unknown friend" had brown eyes, wich shown in the dimming light. He wore, now, blue jeans and a brown suirt. He smiled, I chuckled in ish way. Then we kissed, falling backwards.

I woke up and began crying. I became upsessed. I named him Ryan, and tryed to call him in the dreams that I could "control", nothing worked....

Am I being stupid? Or is he real, and I'm sufering heart-brake?
PLEASE HELP ME!!

― Kate Van Dorlanda, Saturday, June 3, 2006 1:22 PM (9 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

His voice,(O' his sweet voice!) strengthened me

that could almost be a lost chapter of The Palm-Wine Drinkard

thou unherd

C J (C J) wrote this on thread Newspaper headlines in the year 2035 on board I Love Everything on Jan 10, 2003

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "Chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. .

Castro finally dies at age 112

Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%

Fidel Castro born in 1926, so will not be able to die aged 112 in 2035 (assuming that he is the Castro being referred to)

https://www.facebook.com/krazywashenzi/posts/473096906042164

is this just a coincidence or is that site plagiarising material from old ilx threads? or did C J copy those imagined headlines from somewhere else themselves?

earliest example I can find is on this page http://www.phillytalkradioonline.com/humor/humor.html

yeah it's super stale old email-forward humor imo

the football team thing has been really striking to me because of the fact that they joined with the hunger striker.

there was a similar protest at my alma mater in the 90s, over the imminent renaming of a renovated building on campus after an alumna who had made statements in arguments made to southerners that women's suffrage (her cause) would actually bolster white supremacy, not harm it. iirc there might have been a couple other places people were able to dig up where she also voiced a similarly politically-expedient indifference to racial oppression, but before that point and after that point she apparently repudiated racism, so it was a hard charge to make stick very much or amount to anything that moved a lot of people. just the kind of thing easily brushed aside that makes committed administrators say 'in view of her large accomplishments we are very proud of our first woman graduate' etc., so despite complaints - and it's not like this person's past was a big public secret just come to light - the admins went forward.

there was a protest movement on campus in response, that lasted for a couple years, had a name, demands, went on marches around the quad, got faculty to sign on, hooked up with related grievances especially around diversity on campus. after repeated sit-ins and related challenges to get the president to actually even continue dialogue with them - he adopted the this-is-closed-we'-re-done-talking-about-this style of leadership - one of the students, a grad student iirc, went on a hunger strike that lasted for about six days before he had to be hospitalized. during that there was a shorter daylong sympathy hunger strike.

the admins didn't move an inch.

this was in the early days of widespread internet adoption, so you can still go on the campus newspaper site and read idiotic letters to the editor from fellow students. and it had state govt and national attention, got written up in the nyt. but on campus it just had a tendency to look a little pathetic, like posturing: people carrying signs and marching around our quad just utterly lacked a social/political context in the area that would have made it seem like an effectual action to take. they were relying almost entirely on the residual generic campus commitment to action in the service of progressive ideals, inchoate in most students and vaguely recalled by some of the faculty from their lives elsewhere. which was not enough to spark anything.

and it seems like it would have been unthinkable at the time that the football team would have been spurred to take any action at all, much less to do what the mizzou team did.

one of the earliest complaints i've found about the plan to rename the building after the shady alumna used the word 'comfortable'.

― j., Tuesday, November 10, 2015 11:37 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hunger striking imagery

lol

Whither is Dainger? he cried. I shall tell you. He has gone to bed -- because of you and I. All of us have sent him to bed. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained this earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Wither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not plunging continually? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is not night and more night coming on all the while? Must not lanterns be lit in the morning? Do we not hear anything yet of the noise of the attendants who are tucking in Dainger? Do we not smell anything yet of Dainger's unconscious farts? Daingers too fart. Dainger has gone to bed. Dainger remains in bed. And we have sent him there... Who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must not we ourselves become Daingers, simply to seem worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed. And whoever will be born after us -- for the sake of this deed, he will be part of a greater history than all history hitherto.

― denies the existence of dark matter (difficult listening hour), Monday, November 23, 2015 7:15 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^ not original imagery i'll grant, but striking nonetheless.

xp the world is going to be screwed up for the next couple generations i assume unless humanity miraculously pulls itself out of this nose dive like a hero in an adventure pulp but tbh most eras of history seem pretty bleak and humanity has survived and i assume there was even happiness and great satisfaction in the most horrific of times and those people continued to have kids knowing how shitty their lives would be

― Mordy, Wednesday, December 2, 2015 2:58 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

everything should be okay but once you get into the narrative of japan as a country in terminal decline, economy and culturally and artistically bankrupt, slowly drawing in on itself.... nationalistic politics with no strong alternative. a disturbing obsession with youth as the country ages and the birthrate falls. population decline. unwilling to look to the outside world. barely tolerating even total assimilation on the part of the few temporary immigrants. right wing sound trucks calling for a new constitution. the oceans dead and poisonous, slowly starving and then submerging the coasts. i mean, it be okay but i do find that version of japan's present and future fascinating.

― dylannn, Thursday, December 3, 2015 5:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dang

wanna read a book by dylannn.

yeah someone should print a book of all of the ilx po

Some politicians seem "evil" in a sociopathic, power hungry, spiteful, venal sort of way. Cruz seems like someone who has jars full of little trophies that he casually cut off of his screaming victims while stroking their hair and gently shushing them.

― Some Pizza Grudge From Twenty Years Ago (Old Lunch), Monday, December 14, 2015

They should take all phones and screens away from these guys, lock them in a room, then just tell them they're the stars of a highly rated reality show. Then keep them in that room, forever, until they die. And then keep broadcasting it, so we can slowly watch them decompose.

― Josh in Chicago

ironically being locked in a room and decomposing is kind what it's like to work for the government!

― rap is dad (it's a boy!)

Do the Spurs have the best bench in the league y/n

― polyphonic, Tuesday, December 15, 2015 6:33 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

y, the spurs game plan is as follows
(1) starters spend a few minutes trying to figure out who is going to be the main person taking long 2s (parker, lma, leonard) while everyone basically chants satanic things to gain hella defensive powers. limit the other team to about 8 points in 6 or 7 minutes.
(2) bench comes in and manu drinks goat blood to gain its mental acuity and fastness and basically coordinates telepathically with boris diaw who is the goat who donated blood for the cause to run the offense into a frenzy. the other players do not matter that much for they are mere vessels through which the dark lord does his work. so total scrub lifers like jonathan simmons do dope shit and and actually slow people who would make grandmothers impatient and shiftless like kyle anderson do dope shit and actual real xmen like boban come in and do dope shit and matt bonner does and1 mixtape shit now

https://youtu.be/5Qlu0k6PrTU

― stay presst harsh fellow (m bison), Wednesday, December 16, 2015 5:08 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag

(3) demoralized, the opposing teams collapse in a fit of impotence and agony. "please devour our entire useless bodies by unhinging your mighty jaws, hellspawn." the other teams say. the jazz offered rudy gobert as a snackrifice in the last game. the team is very careful to leave tim duncan the heart as a means to sustain his playing career. i hope they dont start testing for that as a PED!

― stay presst harsh fellow (m bison), Wednesday, December 16, 2015 5:12 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

amazin

yeah, bravo

there was a even more in the original thread iirc

oh shit

― leigh exodus (country matters), Saturday, 21 March 2009 19:54 (6 years ago)

the tilapia, baked first with lemon, oregano and olive oil, then in red wine, with a chopped tomato, onion and spring onion garnish, was not the problem

the cockles, cooked in the red wine sauce, were not the problem

the fresh crab was not the problem...it was in fact very nice

the problem

the problem

oh shit

― leigh exodus (country matters), Saturday, 21 March 2009 19:56 (6 years ago)

shoot me

― leigh exodus (country matters), Saturday, 21 March 2009 19:56 (6 years ago)

the problem was the fact i drizzled everything

everything

with a sauce

this sauce was made by

oh god

it was made by putting an entire box of thornton's luxury chocolates into a saucepan

yes

into a saucepan

and adding

shit

adding an entire wheel of camembert

pungent, ripe camembert

and then melting the lot over a low heat

adding quite a lot of cognac in the process

and yes

the fish and the seafood

was coated

in this unspeakable concoction

― leigh exodus (country matters), Saturday, 21 March 2009 19:58 (6 years ago)

this was to feed a family

a FAMILY

― leigh exodus (country matters), Saturday, 21 March 2009 19:59 (6 years ago)

all time

so good

lol

omg is that real?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcaxrqhUJ4c

The Rebeca Nodier bookstore is tended by Rebeca Nodier herself, an old woman in her eighties who is completely blind and wears unruly white dresses that match her dentures; armed with a cane and alerted by the creaky wooden floor, she hops up and introduces herself to everyone who walks into her store, I'm Rebeca Nodier, etc., finally asking in turn the name of the "lover of literature" she has the "pleasure of meeting" and inquires what kind of literature he or she is looking for. I told her that I was interested in my poetry, and to my surprise, Mrs. Nodier said all poets were bums but they weren't bad in bed. Especially if they don't have any money, she went on. Then she asked me how old I was. Seventeen, I said. Oh, you're still a pipsqueak, she exclaimed. And then: you're not planning to steal any of my books, are you? I promised her that I would rather die. We chatted for a while, and then I left.

― j., Tuesday, December 22, 2015

passages from los detectives salvajes with striking imagery

loool

^easily amused

I think about that Thorntons Luxury Camembert Salmonella far more frequently than I'd like

didn't he also make a pizza once?

the pizza seemed fine to me, it was grilled shrimp and arugula ... totally acceptable

lj had a whole tub of vanilla ice afterwards too

https://www.zomato.com/beirut/snack-center-al-jazira-verdun/menu

Everyone in America rushing to buy their four dollars worth of breakfast before the inevitable breakfast inflation that would occur as a result of everyone in America having four dollars to spend on a finite amount of breakfast would lead to scenes of considerable panic and almost certainly widespread outbreaks of violence.

Once it becomes apparent that the unfastbroken police force is woefully inadequate in addressing the issues presented by the nationwide hordes ravenous, the national guard are called in. The national guard are queueing at Denny's. The army? The army have gotten a hot tip from their network of quartermasters that the only bacon that's gonna be left in what remains of the one nation that was under God until approximately 7:02 this morning is stockpiled in military mess pantries- they're locking that shit down and aren't coming out this side of armageddon.

8am central time and the domino effect has already ensured that the bunkers are filled with the best and the brightest and the final units of cinnamon crunch to be found on the continental US. rumours abound in the (now underground) corridors of power that Hawaii has stockpiles long set aside for just such an eventuality, but attempts to reach the navy are futile. They've en masse mutinied and are converging on Belfast, having placed the largest advance order of ulster fry in history.

The airforce don't really eat breakfast as a rule, but seem content to watch everything crash and burn, in a dont-give-a-fuck-we're-the-airforce kind of way.

But yeah. Yeah, comrade brownie. You go ahead, buy everyone a breakfast. It's a free country, right? RIGHT?

― Saoirse birther (darraghmac), Monday, January 11, 2016

good lord

Hypocrite.

Of all ilxors this will not have been news to. For shame that it falls on non national civilians to out this threat.

the richard and levon vincent records feel a bit leaden to me, Ive not liked very many of these records so far, its reminding me a bit of a time I got locked in a house in Liverpool when my dad went to look for some tintin comics from a man and all there was was a snooker table with no cue. The pablo record has probably been the best

― saer, Wednesday, January 27, 2016 12:21 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i sometimes wonder if saer is an old-ilx poster come back to bestow joy upon us

saer is a gift from the universe

that one about public/private dichotomies and asda a couple of months ago might be the best post of the decade so far

Poll!