Dating With Mental Illness

Branwell, it's over. Don't be surprised to see social problems in an Autism thread. Hell, i've ilx searched your posts and I've seen threads where you've mentioned the attractiveness of person ____ - the difference being that I mentioned group _____. I'm sorry if you thought I was flirting with you (my fault for typing up a bipolar/manic mess of words) but I don't hit on random people that I can't see or know nothing about; I also would do my best not to sabotage myself if I was trying to hit on someone. Yes, I apologize for inserting myself into a grownup conversation when it should of been apparent that the only kind of book club I would be accepted in would involve comics or Dr. Seuss

I make mistakes. I do my time. I like tomboys. I've posted in manic flurry less than a handful of times and I've been learning how to get better at not doing that. Like submitting myself to 3 years away from ILX and taking my most recent bann to heart.

You are creepy as fuck.

I am FP-ing this poster now, and I would ask that any other users who see this person attempting to interact with me, or doing this creepy ~researching your life~ type stuff again do the same.

oh yeah it totally feels shitty. this is actually one of the reasons i don't do so great with support groups. because while on the one hand it's tiresome to deal with people who don't get it and tell you to try and "suck it up", on the other hand when you're in all that pain and you want to just scream at somebody for being an asshole to you, and everybody else is the same way, it tends to get real ugly, real fast.

so trying not to fuck up is all well and good but it is basically impossible. my philosophy on this is to forgive others and to forgive myself, which is goddamn hard but less hard, and less destructive, than trying to never fuck up.

and you know the more damaged and fucked-up a person is the less they are able to even acknowledge, let alone comprehend, somebody else's problems. mental illness consumes the world, consumes our past, consumes our future, leaves us knowing and feeling nothing but our own pain in the present moment. this causes us to treat other people like shit.

Emil, I don't know if you're still interested in this kind of thing but I just posted the schematics to Comouter World era Klingklang on the Sex Object thread. Synths are better than dating.

― La Düsseldork (Branwell with an N), Saturday, November 21, 2015 5:49 AM (11 hours ago)

Very much interested, thanks. Synths are definitely better than dating. They're better than pretty much anything. (PS excellent display name.)

Also feeling rushomancy's posts itt, but not much of anything to add to them aside from sad regretful agreement.

Xpp I wasn't trying to research your lfe. I wanted to see why you came at me so strong after I was banned. Don't worry, i will try to avoid any future conversations you partake in. I'm sorry

hey ENBB, I understand where you're coming from. I have a coworker who I'd like to consider a friend but their "quirks" make it very difficult to communicate at times, let alone be coworkers or friends. Their fixation on certain issues, criticism (which is usually constructive) of the ideas of others while being unable to take feedback without lashing out, and a few other aspects that seem very obsessive-compulsive or anxiety-led make collaboration difficult. And there are a lot of things my work group needs to collaborate on!

I see a lot of my own tendencies, but where this person fixates on creating intricate levels of organization (while disparaging other ways of working, because they have to do things _right_ or it's emotionally troubling) I tend toward procrastination or a fear of actually acting, in case I screw something up. And I've worked on my own bad tendencies over the years, with very deliberate choices (and medication), I can't just say "you're crazy, try to work on that!" no matter how much it's tempting. And I did lash out a month ago, and it's been awkward since.

Being coworkers while keeping your own shit level is difficult and I'm glad there's a manager and other coworkers in the mix.

Part of me wishes I'd held it together and not flipped my shit but her MH doesn't give her the right to treat people like shit.

yup.

I tend toward procrastination or a fear of actually acting, in case I screw something up. And I've worked on my own bad tendencies over the years, with very deliberate choices (and medication)

this isn't the thread but I'd love some advice on how best to do this if you feel like putting any elsewhere (procrastination threads?)

PS various people OTM

I am "only" depressed but I was depressed for a long time and remain a fuckup to the extent that I almost wish (be careful what you wish for, of course) for some further explanatory diagnosis

and while I cannot claim any deeper complications I know what it's like to be left because watching my problems powerlessly was tearing him apart; to confess just when I seemed to have found something good "oh hey, you know you said your ex was 'crazy' and you couldn't do that again, well - about me..."

anyway, as you were, I shan't hog yr thread any further

i think i have a memory of pissing people off in this thread, a few days ago, when i was drunk-posting. first, if i did, i'm sorry. i am an idiot/jerk, sometimes. however, i can't actually remember whether i really pissed anyone off (although i can easily imagine having done so), or if i'm only remembering something that happened in a dream. it might have happened in a dream, but if it didn't, i don't really wanna know the reality of it right now or read the posts. i'm sorry if i actually pissed anyone off.

x-post to the original post/my first post in this thread.
as far as that late fall afternoon with that guy, look. i'm kind of upset about this.
he was a bit younger than me, granted. but, he was probably more experienced than i am, hell.

i can't remember it that well.
all i remember is this:
i was drinking alone in my apartment (that's normal). he knocked on my door and came in (that's cool). so,
i poured him a drink. he had no more than four or five shots, that afternoon. i was somewhere around 15, naturally.

i entertained him for a small time as he had his drink. everything was normal.
we decided to go for a walk.
we wound up under my favorite tree at my old university, and my alcohol began kicking in intensely.
i began talking to him about, because i was really quite drunk, my mental health issues, diagnoses, and hospital stays. . .
i thought we were having fun though, although i could sense something about to happen that i really had no interest in having happened.

we ended up at his place on his bed.
i didn't even take my clothes off. i think he took his shirt off.
he went down on me.
i guess i gave it a chance? i was trying to be nice?
i wasn't into it, at all. all i remember was trying to say, "you're not gonna get me off, you can't get me off", and i was (because is the tmi board) only half-way hard. i wasn't into it.
i don't feel like i was in a well-enough state of mind to agree to it.

he's only had around 4 or 5 shots. i was pretty clearly smashed, at the time.
he walked me home soon (we gave up on getting me off), which was nice. i probably needed him to.

i don't remember anything after that.

--

i mean, we were guys. it's fine. it wasn't traumatic for me, or anything.
however, i was pretty clearly in a bad state of mind, and very drunk, and not really into what he was doing.

whatever. i mean, i'm a modern man. i don't seriously believe in straight or gay, it's all on a spectrum, etc. i even spent some time in my early-twenties as a rather confused young man about all of this. i get it now, though.
i like girls.
he knew that.
i wish that this had not happened.
i would have more respect for myself now, had it not

it isn't a big deal. worse things i can't remember have probably happened. he should have known better. but, we're guys, what are you gonna do.
he was probably just young and didn't know what he was doing.

just another bad memory.

*i probably needed him to walk me home, i meant

APS <3

dmac <3

m. mash sorry if my post sounded bristly, I wish you all the best, sincerely

and wtf that dude should not have done that, obv, but even apart from that, don't feel that you "should" have less respect for yourself because of things that happened because other people put you in a bad situation or because you were/are ill, physically or mentally. just know you did the best you could in the circumstances (including circumstances illnesses of your mind or body put you in)

well that didn't help, but, good vibes were intended

thanks. seriously. i also don't take personal swipes against myself very seriously online? i try to adhere to the hongro/tuomas school of thought on that -- politeness, ignoring stuff, etc.

i have no idea what that was all about, spacecadet! other than what you just posted. thank you. i needed someone to tell me it was wrong - that what happened was fucked up.

but, again: i know i pissed a few people off upthread, it may have happened in a dream - but i think it was real. i won't read posts upthread, and i will assume i just pissed people off upthread.

i think it might have been in a dream, but: if i bitched at you for not being mentally ill enough for this thread, then i am extremely sorry. sorry. so sorry.

however, i will say that, this thread is not for people with simple depression or simple anxiety, of which they only take one pill for (there's another thread for that, it's called "depression and what it's really like").

this thread is for, well. . . let me give you an example:

remember when i was talking about that gorgeous chick with schizophrenia with religious delusions who i met at the hospital, and how i've stayed at her place a few times since, and we didn't have sex, but ate ice cream together and watched bad jesus movies as she cried about the anti-christ?

^ it's like that or something. i don't fucking know. yeah, i'm pretty, but i can't even talk sometimes. hell.

sorry. i only talk to people when i'm drinking. two years.

so this is a thread for people w/mental health problems & severe alcoholism, who won't take care of the latter
who have also convinced themselves they're unlovable

aka another crabs in a basket thread

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

there was a day i was convinced i was seeing will smith everywhere (i was working at a video store, so, yeah, i was, on a lot of dvd covers) and that he was telling me i should die
but that doesn't mean i have to drink myself to death and never have a functional relationship again
and if you think it does, go take a flying fuck at the moon

you don't HAVE to be a character in a tennessee williams play

i'm a jerk. carry on. sorry.

i just wanted to reach out to other people with severe mental illness, um, the kind that leads to deluded thinking, and actual inescapable mental loops that last for 20 months, and things like that. sorry.

everyone's welcome here. sorry.

abbott, you okay?

i think you're rad, no matter what.

i think you're prevaracating w yourself about your problems and how solvable they are and i'm foolishly letting it annoy me

also even more annoyed at figuring out that my personal bete noire the lorax is still around

dumb of me to expect this thread to have any sliver of hope in it

how did we not embed the Magnetic Fields in this thread yet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP0aEHaeHi8

dumb of me to expect this thread to have any sliver of hope in it

― The Fart in Our Stalls (Abbott), Sunday, November 22, 2015 7:47 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sort of. the ice cream girl was normal in the hospital, though. it was beautiful. we pulled a heist and stole oranges from the kitchen at 10:30pm. I put it in her hoodie. little gorgeous girl and I walked past the nurses' station, with the orange in her hoodie, just to rub it in. we never got caught. there were cameras!

but, yeah. i see her sometimes, now. she only talks about the anti-christ, now.
i'd like to talk more about her better moments, and the special time we spent together in the hospital.

we hugged a lot. when the nurses couldn't see. ok. the nurses could see because there's cameras everywhere. but, i miss hugging her, in the hospital. i miss pretending to break out of the hospital with her, when we were still there! i miss hugging with her.

after we got out of the hospital since, we've hung out a bunch of times, but it isn't the same. she's worse now, without being fed her meds. we're not the same, anymore.

--

i could probably write a romance novel about our time in the hospital, together. there's so much. i frickin' love her. she's my baby! i'll always be there for her. :D

not to sound condescending, but if you wrote a YA romance with this subject, my students would eat it up

wow i was sitting at a bar earlier (shutup) and two people on their first date sat right next to me. i think (?) one of them was this flirty pretty waitress i've had on/off low intensity crush on for awhile and... i feel ok

mm: i think its a mistake to think that if you have lots of problems that you are dealing with, then other people will not want to be around you. a huge aspect of depression, as i understand it, is the inability to see all the things you have to offer others, and the inability to believe them when they tell you that you're in some ways, at least outwardly, doing alright.

one thing you can do i think is to find resources that explain what you're going through to other people in your life. this list is hella cornball but i can't find some of the other stuff i've seen around: http://io9.com/10-comics-that-can-help-you-understand-mental-illness-1576917503

but yeah, i think it might help to send people like the hyperbole and a half comic or something, and ask them to try to just be aware of what its like, and make sure they know that your problems don't have to become theirs, and they don't need to fix everything -- just be understanding. someone i know sent me this stuff and it was very helpful in being able to understand them and how to interact.

i hope this isn't too forward giving advice here, but also there must be some way to medicate besides drinking. like if you find a good doctor you can talk to, they can find medications and control your doses for you. if you self-medicate that just means you have a poor untrained doctor who isn't in the best position to be making decisions about your health. if you need help, you can find people who are trained to help you, and if you need medication you can find people who can prescribe you what you need. the things you're posting to this thread about -- you're not going to find anything more than general advice here, and none of it will be as good as from people you can find and talk to in real life who are trained to understand what you're going through in a much deeper way.

Xp Abbott

Ouch. I always admired you

Also, I thought that if anyone would be understanding of a manic episode it would be you (i was reading the bipolar thread). There's nothing pleasant about getting no sleep and having to call in sick the next day because you feel terrible about your manic postings that hurt other people's feelings.

if anyone would understand unwanted attention, it'd be her, too. if someone tells you to fuck off, you don't tell them "you of all people should understand"

imo

the thing I try to hold to is the belief that if you do good things to the world, and treat others as they should be treated, you'll find things in the world that do well for you.

life will still take a dump on you occasionally, though, especially when you're in a rough spot.

way xps to aps, I will post on a procrastination thread... eventually! :)

When people bring me up and say things about me while I'm not around, I have a hard time saying nothing. Especially if it's something like "he's a walking talking dick that flings his dick in your face and keeps pictures of his dick in his wallet".

your response was basically "you should understand me" when someone told you that you were creepy

finding the door is a good life skill when dealing w/your own shit, imo

people should do whatever they want but it would be sad if they refused to listen to every angle so excuse me for having one

ok sorry to bring up old beefs from years ago
i really did drop a dookie in this thread, heh heh

it's not good to have a bete noire probably
i'm not david tennant; i can't really pull it off

oops meant neil tennant
david tennant couldn't have a bete noire right if he tried
and by david tennant i mean his character on the doctor who show

also i believe people are responsible for their shitty behavior during their mental ill ish and that includes me
i mean i've tried convincing my credit card company otherwise but they're having none of it

<3

mental illness has a hefty tab at the bar

and a shopping list a mile long

zuuhhhhhh.. well i asked a nice woman out on tinder the other day, she said yes, and i basically got all scared and haven't opened the tinder app since (let alone replied). lol at me.

sorry.
i'm sure i really did upset people last time i was drunk-posting itt.
i don't want to re-read it and find out, though.
but, i am sorry.

i'll expel myself from this thread for a while, now. i'm in my late-twenties, living in a small town atm, etc., so it's not like i'm dating/have the possibility to right now, anyway.
also, i know it was uncool of me to assume ownership of this thread, on a sort of broad topic, only because i started it. this thread is for anyone.
sorry about all that.

It's ok, we can all just watch that hard-hitting documentary benny & joon for tips in the meanwhile

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlmtpC2sRC8

sorry, monster mash

I haven't actually been reading this thread, because I'm worried about how badly I've pissed people off. I read very few posts here except for mine. I notice a couple posts, here and there, though. Thanks, brimstead.

Update: Ummm. I've been vegan for 12 years, and am 1/4 Native American (which I hate admitting because of the stigma), and I absolutely hate Thanksgiving (I got drunk all day today and posted a bunch of PETA stuff on Facebook, lol). Part of my family is 2/4 Native American. I feel like celebrating Thanksgiving, for part of my family, is entirely stupid, and akin to Jews celebrating Hitler's birthday.

Anyway: No one should be alone on Thanksgiving. I'm inviting the ice cream girl with schizophrenia over to my family's dinner tomorrow. I don't think she has anywhere to go. She's independently wealthy, but her family is horrible, just fucking horrible, and she lives alone, and her family is too horrible to deal with her.

We've hung out a few times since the hospital. I'd never touch her, for she's even more ill than I. I love her like a puppy. She used to wander outside my door, at the hospital, like a lost puppy dog. I hope my mom will let her come over. I don't know. She eats meat, is white, probably wants to celebrate Thanksgiving. I don't want her to be alone in her shitty little house. She doesn't even have a front door - it's off its hinges, and just leans against the space.

i should actually fix her door, now that i think about it. i guess it just never occurred to me to/or i didn't wanna be too involved or something.

i'll put it on my list of things to do (but fuck if i know if i actually will, the way things go).

xps to Abbott re Benny & Joon, I was going to look for a youtube of a young David Tennant (as mentioned by you elsewhere itt) in romance-in-mental-hospital-related 90s tv series "Taking Over The Asylum", but then I thought 1. I quite enjoyed it in the 90s 2. reading the wikipedia article, it was almost certainly objectively bad 3. keep a little nostalgic joy in my life by not seeing it ever again, why not

monster mash: sorry man. Stop worrying about this thread tho, it's fine and nobody knows who you are and who cares, etc. I know, easier said than done.

And I know drinking makes untreated mental health issues seem more livable-with but in my experience (admittedly of problems of a different size and nature) it also makes treating them harder, so if you are able to get yourself some help for the PTSD it would be worth also seeking help to cut down, but yes again easier said than done

I hope your Thanksgiving is going well; it was nice of you to invite the ice cream girl.

So how about this: the government stops the proper support workers in your region, cos you're in the shire not the city, cutbacks and such, and instead gives you money to hire your own carer. So OBVIOUSLY you hire yon young lassie you know from the pub, the one you have done joint halloween costumes with two years running, but NEVER made a move on, far too young, born in the 90s fucksake. But she works as a carer so she's qualified, right? The main part of the job is to come round, check I've not killed myself, make sure I did the dishes and hoovered the carpet and such, cos IF YOU DON'T MAINTAIN YOUR HOUSE THE GOVERNMENT WILL TAKE IT AWAY and you have to go live in the sheltered housing, right?
Then you decide you are in love with this lassie, but now she won't sleep with you anymore cos professionalism and such, also too young, but she still comes round for the designated sessions, then drives to pub and gets drunk with you (after she is finished working, professionalism mind) and I forget where I was going with this. Also I think wrong monstermash thread. I am not monstermash btw. I guess my question is... I donno. I forget. (was asking for a friend anyway)

too true m8

keep hoovering the carpet mind u

My goodness, forget all the cricket vocab, if any one post highlights the difference between the UK and US, it's this one. :O

Oh I'm sorry, I was trying to keep this universal, if it makes you feel better I feel as foreign from certain English posters on here as I do the Americans. All I really want is to return to the west coast of Sweden but I am am banned from there for OUTSTANDING CRIMINAL CHARGES. I mean, I could return, but they reckon they will arrest me if I do. But they say I'm not worth deporting, or whatever the Swedish for that is, don't make me find the paperwork. Ach, I donno what I'm doing with my life. I want to build a blanket fort, but I got INSTITUTIONALIZED last time I did that. I'll just lay on my sofa under a duvet til yon lassie comes back around...