family and your mental illness

I think a number of people in my extended family suffer from varying degrees and types of mental illness, but no one acknowledges or discusses any of it (except in hushed, conspiratorial tones about so and so having "the depression" as if it's something completely foreign to the speaker). So I naturally never developed much of an ability to discuss it openly (in general but most pronouncedly among them). When I fell completely to pieces and wound up living with my mom for the better part of two years, there was never any real conversation about my mental state at the time. With respect to my immediate family, I think the avoidance stems largely from tiptoeing around my dad and my dad's undiagnosed BPD (just my own armchair analysis, there). I'm getting better at talking about this stuff with my gf, with the aid of therapy, but discussing any of it with my family feels like it's a million light years away from ever happening.

Branwell -- the part of your post about how your mother's response/feelings about your mental illness and viewing you as a "miniature version of herself" I think is a really important thing to realize/bring up, because I feel that is very common as well as potentially very difficult to deal with. I think it took my mom the better half of a decade to realize that my emotional distress would not be salved with "homemade toast with nice homemade jam and a cup of tea," the way hers were. Once she realized that I was not like her in that way, things have been a lot better. While my mother is a sympathetic person, she is very focused on helping in practical ways: food, money, money for expensive food ... at one point about 6 years ago, when things were really bad, she drove up and cleaned my kitchen, which in retrospect, did make me feel a lot better.

My mom is too out of it and consumed by her own shit at this point to really offer support. My dad tries on occasion (he was pretty great when I had a panic attack at their house) but the first time he ever found out my mom was on meds he flushed them and said no wife of his would see a shrink. sigh. Basically we just don't really talk about it unless required like the aforementioned panic attack. He is a lot better about my mom's MH now but that's only because it became impossible to ignore.