Dating With Mental Illness

lol. i'm still drinking.

i get it, now.

i am only 5'8". i am small (128 pounds). i am vegetarian for 12 years (it turns girls off).

i am also destitute.

i understand, now, that no one will ever marry me.

i would like someone to tell me i'm wrong. however, i know i'm right. no one will ever marry me.

not only am i vegetarian for 12 years (which girls hate), i also have severe mental illness.

lol. i'm a weirdo.

(i can't give up the vegetarian part).

i'm trying to come to terms with this. i'm 29. i just want to marry a nice woman. i just want to get married and love her forever. i'm not good enough for that.

i went to a good school, i'm good looking, but that's not how this works. i just turn people off. i just want to get married. i just want to get married.

how big is your cock?

*defecates*

i don't understand why you're both being jerks, but ok. :D

Don't give up, you can beat vegetarianism.

you don't need to get married. you might even fall for someone who isn't into it

bleurgh.

i just want to get married.
to someone nice.
but, i'm sick.
and, you're making fun of me.

i literally can't wait to regret that. i am drunk.

help.

yes, you need help, but unfortunately you're not going to find the sort of help you need on ILX. call your doctor.

it isn't like i'm not mad at myself. i wish i could stop thinking about this.

sorry. i really do disappoint myself.

sorry.

i hope i pass out/black out soon. fuck this.

thank you, the late great.

i know there's nothing i can do, ever - or, tonight.

i'm gonna drink and listen to dumb twee shit until i pass out.

What dumb twee shit?

thank you.

i was hoping for some intelligent discussion on what i posted, however.

you're not going to find the sort of help you need on ILX. call your doctor.

^^^

Thank you.

I've been here for 11 years.

is everyone mad at me?

I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about it.

It took me about 20 months before I understand the lies.

Understanding barely helps.
I just wanna stop thinking about it.

She has Narcisstic Personality Disorder.
I'm still in love with the person she pretended to be.

Thank you.

I never wanted to think anything bad about her.

Can we please just agree that was abusve???

I haven't been the same since. I failed ever class that semester.

nobody's mad at you.

npds are the worst. thank god I never dated a pathological narcissist. they will lie about the most trivial things just to feed their hole. bpd aren't much better. they latch on to crazy ideas and everything is so starkly black or white, at the extreme ends of possibility.

ilx is not a great place to be drunk or depressed, though.

Hey, bamcquern, fuck you.

Why emil.y

I appreciated what he said.

This is the last thing I want to happen here.

I'm sorry, emily. I was insensitive.

And I've always thought you were a really cool person. I always follow what you have to say about if.

Dehumanising people into their (hypothetical) diagnoses is gross. Playing up stereotypes of those diagnoses is also gross. Please refrain.

bpd aren't much better. they latch on to crazy ideas and everything is so starkly black or white, at the extreme ends of possibility.

Pff...please understand that saying this kind of generalising, uninformed bullshit is pretty dangerous. Especially when speaking to people who are obviously emotionally vulnerable and therefore impressionable. Most mental health issues derive from trauma and are in no way malevolent. Also, using 'crazy' as a diminutive term in a mental health thread is not well thought through. There isn't even anything inherently wrong in the attributes you just mentioned...

Xpost I don't think anybody's mad at you monster mash. I imagine most people feel how I do, which is genuinely concerned. but i don't really want to engage with your posts because i don't want to play at being a therapist or a counselor. also i don't want to enable you to not get genuine professional help by filling in the role of that professional.

xp it was a dumb thing to say and think. Thanks for setting me straight.

it sounds like i also owe emil.y an apology. do you you have bpd? that's the impression i just received. i'm extremely sorry, and you're surely nothing like the monster i'm talking about here. you surely, could only be, better than that. (if you don't have bpd, then i'm just confused about the last few posts).

i hope this space is safe.

in any case, when it comes to my girl/jerk/monster, yes, she had bpd or narcissistic personality disorder, but she was also very young (she was 22 - I was 27), and she was very immature (even for her age - but she told me lies which made me feel like she was mature enough), (i was 27, i figured as long as the age range were within a five-year radius, i was okay. i wouldn't have dated a 21-year-old - i thought 22 was fine).

a therapist once told me that, no matter what, you should hold people accountable for their actions -- even with mental illness.
god, how wrong.
i mean, yeah, hold people accountable up to a certain point, but... even i've flaunted my mental illness to excuse my own dumbass behavior (don't get the wrong impression - it's more complicated and tactful than it sounds -- i was being blunt).
i mean, sure, maybe things like depression or bipolar disorder are more like afflictions, but things like borderline or narcissistic are a little more innate (IN MOST CASES, NOT ALL).

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

MM, you need to focus on yourself and stop perseverating on whatever you think this female acquaintance of yours did to you. For one thing you're coming across more than a little bit like a possessive stalker:

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

this is a very unhealthy line of thinking! she's not "your girl" and a desire to "blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it" is all kinds of wrong, for you and everybody else involved. especially since you're clearly focusing on her and her actions (as you perceive them) and not at ALL about getting past this and forgetting it. You are obsessing, you are drinking to excess (as confessed by you yourself) while you obsess over it, and it's making it really difficult, nigh impossible, to engage with you on this thread.

At this point I feel like one of the best things that could happen is that a mod locks this thread and you can start a new one if you want, but about yourself, not about somebody else and whatever they might have done to you. You probably need to see a (new?) therapist, and you need to consider if you should be on medication, or some different medication than whatever's not working for you right now.

The silver lining of mental illness, acknowledged as such, is that gives you a path to mental health, but only if you realize that it's about you and your emotional state, and not so much about other people. These days it would appear you're entirely focused on another person and that, my friend, leads nowhere good. For anyone.

No means no, MM. That's it; you have no right to demand anything from her. She is not "your girl". You are using an image of her to feed an obsession. You have no relationship with her now -- any relationship from this point forward is you being an asshole. There is nothing else to say.

There is one thing left to say: if you need help to stop thinking about her, get it. And you will not get it from her and must not try to.

[ADMIN]

I think Tombot's post is as OTM as it gets. I hope you finda a way to deal with this issue, but writing obsessive-sounding posts about another person with personal details that she probably doesn't want to be addressed on a public forum is not the way to go. I'm locking this thread and deleting the post. Like Tombot says, you can start a new thread and discuss the subject on a more general level, but these kind of personal accusations towards a third party who's not present are not okay.

[ADMIN]

Just to make it clear, if you write more posts like that, I will have to ban you from the ILTMI board. This is supposed to be a safe space to discuss personal matters, so posting intimate and identifiable details about other people without their consent is a banworthy offense.