Shady scams and other silly business ideas to take advantage of earnest new vinyl collectors

In Finnish it has just three words, plus the name.

not records but this twitter thing advocating for vinyl products made me lol:

Vinyl Vfied ‏@Vinyl_Vfied 3h3 hours ago
We’re taking a stand. The dishonest campaign against vinyl products stops now.

"Vinyl products are reliable, safe, and cost-effective. Don’t listen to the alarmists."

I can't hear the alarmists anyway, not with all these pops and clicks and surface noise.

lol

http://i.imgur.com/9mbzrmu.jpg?1

It's over

http://i.imgur.com/uErAgy8.jpg

honestly just hearing the word "vinyl" is enough to make me roll my eyes these days

they're just 'records' to me

Vnyls.

Eh, but I think of CDs and tapes and collections of digital files as "records" too. Which they are, records.

ehelpeas

http://pitchfork.com/features/article/9871-how-to-buy-the-best-turntable-and-stereo-system-for-your-record-collection/

ALL THOSE PLUGS AND WIRES!!!

I still recommend finding a local dealer who sells used stuff and buying a 70s or early 80s Technics, amp and speakers for $200 or so. But what do I know.

VNYL strikes again. Have they no shame?? TRNTBL.

http://la.racked.com/2016/4/29/11538096/vnyl-trntbl-venice

Assuming it's a Crosley with a hacked Raspberry Pi stuck up its ass

Also UUUUUGHGGHHHHHH

I have recently discover loads of waterlogged old vinyls at my parent's old house--how can I get in touch with Urban Outfitters so I can share these treasures?

Made to feel accessible and less intimidating than your average record player

who the fuck is intimidated by record players

Needles are scary.

http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0105/4542/files/Technics-SL-1200MK21.jpg?10682

O GOD WHAT DO I DO

i know people who don't like changing the speed on those turntables where you have to take the platter off and move the drive band. that's laziness rather than fear though.

They should get one of the ones with an external band around the platter.

I find the whole rigmarole of putting on a record - making sure you don't scratch or smear the vinyl, trying not to jog the needle or break the arm/deck - mildly anxiety-inducing and so always opt for CDs - so much less stress.

I find the whole rigmarole of putting on a CD - making sure you don't leave fingerprints on the optical side, trying not to break the tray or look directly into the laser - mildly anxiety-inducing and so always opt for total silence - so much less stress.

I WANT to play my mp3s through my laptop speakers, but what if the screen suddenly closes down on my fingers?

TRNTBL also streams uncompressed audio to Sonos, AirPlay, and Bluetooth devices, brilliantly merging old-school record playing with modern technology.

I was wondering when someone would get around to converting analog recordings into digital. It's about time, really.

Agreed. The unveiling really should have been during a TED Talk.

But what if he stops talking and just stares ... ?

i know people who don't like changing the speed on those turntables where you have to take the platter off and move the drive band.

*raises hand*

i'm looking at their Facebook page and finding the people who are asking for invite codes to subscribe rather suspiciously alike

i am shocked to learn that paragons of kickstarter authenticity #VNYL could be implicated in shady, near-fraudulent hype on the internet

maybe there was just a special on pink hair dye that week?

Not shady necessarily, but I just got this spam from P0pMarket about some Fugazi offer. That's not Fugazi, that's Minor Threat.
http://media.myplaydirect.com/dda/117673903/68779f70ea82006c5647f1e687acede0.jpg

It does indeed show up in an image search for either band.

vynl has a label now

VNYL and their special turntable might be scams designed to take advantage of earnest new vinyl collectors, but there's nothing stupid about describing turntables as intimidating. They're a lot more delicate and complicated than digital music players. You have to make sure you've got your tonearm counterbalanced and your cartridge properly aligned etc. etc. or you might damage your records. Of course that's intimidating. You never had to worry about iTunes messing up your MP3s.

my 3yo can operate my turntable

xxp think you mean a LBL

a friend of mine just bought one of those!

o wait no, she bought some Crosley that HBO is advertising as part of Vinyl

Oh god, I'm so shit at balancing tonearms, it's unreal.

xxp

a lbl, vnyl or trntbl?

spits out toothpaste

Sorry- was it a label, vinyl or turntable?

turntable, but I got mixed up, see above post

there's nothing stupid about describing turntables as intimidating.

Disagree. It's incredibly stupid.

xxxxxxp I've had Spotify completely fuck up my mp3 tags though.

even if you accept a typical turntable as intimidating, I don't know what feature of the trntbl is meant to make it less intimidating. certainly the signal cable connecting a turntable to the preamplifier is not what would make a turntable intimidating.

i've never had a turntable mess up my mp3s

"I am comfortable setting up my turntable for optimal vertical tracking angle with my cartridge, but I curl up into a fetal position whenever I try to plug the rca cables into the back of my amp."

Colored wires? What do I look like to you- the bomb squad?

it looks like the tone arm weight has no markings. so maybe you aren't allowed to change the cartridge or stylus? because that is intimidating?

To be fair to vnyl, any sales pitch for a new gadget is going to have similar rhetoric.

The VNYL turntable wouldn't help with any of the things that make turntables complicated. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise.