shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime-and-courts/duck-fat-spill-coated-downtown-sidewalks-madison-fire-says/article_34e045bf-1d2c-5fc9-b3c1-1712aa082a83.html

the last sentence in the duck fat link -

"The chef contracted to have the duck fat spill absorbed."

???

oops I get it.

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/436246/x-men-apocalypse-billboard-villain

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/06/24/more-than-30-people-burned-in-motivational-speaker-tony-robbins-hot-coals-walk.html

"some people were not concentrating on walking across the coals because they were taking selfies and asking others to take video of them."

not really an onion article but the timing is...interesting.

front page of yahoo O_O

Lifestyle
Wow, Karma! Pride of Lions Kills 5 Poachers in Sneak Attack

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-minister-theresa-may-cabinet-a7135371.html

"Boris Johnson named Foreign Secretary"

good to know that being eaten by lions is primarily a "lifestyle" issue.

Drunk idiot who scaled airport fence to board planes caught out by receipt for Mr Blobby biscuit

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/drunk-idiot-who-scaled-airport-8415425#DLmJ8SWiuPD25pjv.97

No link, but biking past our local NPR station this morning I saw this on their scrolling news marquee: "WISH GRANTED - SIX-YEAR-OLD BOY TO BE GARBAGEMAN FOR A DAY."

6-Year-Old Boy's Wish To Be A 'Garbage Man' Granted

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/07/27/487604365/6-year-old-boys-wish-to-be-a-garbage-man-granted

Hats off to that kid actually, far better than wishing to be a ludicrously wealthy brooding weirdo (ie Batman)

good to know that being eaten by lions is primarily a "lifestyle" issue.

― the event dynamics of power asynchrony (rushomancy), Wednesday, July 13, 2016 2:54 PM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

eating humans is def. a lifestyle choice for lions

Accused FSU face eater told cops he wasn't on drugs during arrest

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article96949917.html

Security footage showed Harrouff calmly walking out of the restaurant, clad in a blue polo shirt, white pants and and <sic> a backward Make America Great Again hat

Deadly bagpipe infection is health warning to all wind musicians

(at least the headline)

O what a horror it will be to never hear the sound of bagpipes again.

(^ Sarcasm regretted at 2019 funeral, listening to someone off in the distance playing "Amazing Grace" on the accordion.)

Archbishop of Canterbury: ‘Pope Francis would beat me in a fight’

“For a lot of reasons, the Pope would (win). He’s got a bigger stick than me. He’s got a bigger hat then me. He’s bigger then me. He’s better than me.”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/12/jailed-agadoo-singer-led-a-conga-in-prison/

there's no way the reality could live up to that article, but it is nonetheless wonderful

lol, I was actually imagining that happening when I first read about him getting sent down

I think my single least favorite kind of facebook comment is "not the onion!"

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/a1Qd14pXQI4/hqdefault.jpg

Intelligent robot that 'remembers and learns' could be scrapped after escaping a lab for a second time

Haha wow that video of it creeping away

lol, that popped up in the Harper's Findings and i knew the internet would provide video sooner or later

Bob Dylan Announces 36-Disc Set of 1966 Live Albums

these guys are just trying to get in this thread now

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/bottle-flipping-craze-is-fun-for-children-but-torture-for-parents.html

“I’m going to need a bottle of Xanax to deal with the bottle crunching,” said Ms. Tuna, who has five children, four of whom are living at home: three boys, ages 10, 12 and 13, and an 11-year-old daughter. She said they all toss bottles, though the girl less so.

Ms. Tuna
Ms. Cinnamon

i'm saying tho'!

The article itself is more reasonable but the tweet says:

"Why is Hillary Clinton so widely loved?"

https://twitter.com/theatlantic/status/795030892137902081

http://www.celebtricity.com/daycare-busted-running-toddler-fightclub-parents-outraged/

Phillies' "Pistachio Girl" Fired For Being A White Nationalist

Pretty much the textbook definition of reaping what you sow ...

...

...

in a nutshell.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CzGb9MAVQAAdG61.jpg:large

That is not something a company should be boasting about ffs

Not saying I agree with them all but...

https://www.themonthly.com.au/blog/evan-williams/2016/07/2016/1481072574/40-most-onion-australian-politics-headlines-2016

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-dog-attacks-florida-family-sweater-20170102-story.html

Iowa Republican Trying to Kneecap State Universities Got His “Business Degree” From a Sizzler Franchise

Before entering politics, Chelgren was best known as “Chickenman,” a fun-loving character who wore a chicken hat, wielded a supersoaker full of beer, and biked naked in Iowa’s famous RAGBRAI bike race.

this is great tho
http://theiowarepublican.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Chelgren.jpg

beginning of the End

http://www.latimes.com/business/hollywood/la-fi-ct-cinepolis-junior-20170302-story.html?123

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/04/06/steve-bannon-calls-jared-kushner-a-cuck-and-globalist-behind-his-back.html

as if anyone needed more evidence that "globalist" is just nazi code for "Jew"

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/20/bring-me-a-proper-pudding-jay-rayner-sick-of-half-hearted-dessert-death-spiral

It’s an endless parade of panna cottas and half-arsed mousses. The kitchen will throw on a bit of granola or a fragment of meringue to make it look like a dessert, but that doesn’t alter the fact. It’s not. It’s a squirt from an udder, set to a wobble courtesy of a boiled down cow’s foot. It’s a failure of ambition.

In recent reviews, I see I’ve lavished praise on various wobbly mounds. But the effect is cumulative.

It’s a squirt from an udder,
It's some good advice,
That you just can't take

Saw this go by earlier today and really took a while to realize it wasn't photoshopped:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C928JErXYAErSXl.jpg