ilx posts with striking imagery

If that post won't do it, nothing will tbf

one vote for nothing, please.

i only f with ilf trolls of the future tbh

daddy's little girl -- embittered liverpool fan who registers and posts predominantly on the subject of jamie vardy's move to arsenal using a repeating cycle of JME lyrics and pictures of soiled wedding dresses. defended from accusations of triteness and creepiness by ilxor imago on the grounds that ILF 'could use some female presence tbh' until found to be a prototype chatbot from vardy's luxembourg based ChatShitGetBanged AG natural language processing lab.

― nakhchivan, Friday, June 3, 2016 8:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lovely sad thread, makes me wonder how far off we are from that phenomenon you sometimes come across in your Google flânerie, of long, long inactive discussion fora whose final thread, created 5 years after the penultimate thread, is called something like Anyone still come here? [started by MitsubishiDave84, 1 reply], the last person wandering the deserted space station, vainly trying to communicate with his own perfidious memory

― mario vargis loosa (wins), Saturday, June 11, 2016 3:05 PM (36 minutes ago)

it is a v beautiful ticket in really adhering to a kind of on-paper dream-logic designed around uniting two heavy hitters, an experienced hand & a business insider, simultaneously existing more fleshily as just a horrible nightmare, the pressed-flesh of two repulsive, disgraced men, red-faced & huffing, sweating in private & handshaking to bruise, deaf confidence & blind judgment, committing sacrifices in hunting lodges, presumably a classically uneasy below-surface tension between them, NEWT 2020, covenant seals popping open with a flip-top-cap sound, newt a hillary figure in evoking the comfort of the nineties providing one doesn't read too closely, a place for speaker hastert in a trump administration, a shrieking executive branch reexamination of the scene in the dark knight where somebody neglects to blow up the boatful of prisoners.

― schlump, Tuesday, July 5, 2016 3:11 PM (Yesterday)

Trump's campaign is like if a rich dude got it in his head to wonder what it would be like to just drop trou and take a shit in public and he like half teases it and the people around him start egging him on because wow this is something you don't see every day so he's like okay here goes and he starts and at any point he could've just pinched it off and tried to regain his dignity but at this point he's like well I've already started this shitshow, might as well just make as big a mess as possible, something real memorable, yessir.

― a charisma-free shitlord (Old Lunch), Tuesday, August 2, 2016 10:56 AM (35 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"old lunch" indeed

no joke that post + whoever said trump is eric cartman is the best political analysis of this election yet

thought this was good actually

pinched it off is especially carefully worded as one squeezes the anal sphincter to stop all defecation

Another good old lunch Trump description here:

God I love this so goddamn much. It's like everyone told them not to get a tiger because they're dangerous and uncontrollable, and they're like eh it's just a big cat what's the problem we got this, and now it's several months later and one of them has sorta half hobbled out of the house on the one leg they still have left and is just sorta screaming into the sky how, how did this happen, lord, how.

― a charisma-free shitlord (Old Lunch), Wednesday, August 3, 2016 1:07 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's like being in the cave staring at the wall and there's a guy lying facedown on the floor who will not stop shouting about how he's given up trying to get anyone to join him outside

― le Histoire du Edgy Miley (difficult listening hour), Monday, August 15, 2016 7:49 PM (3 minutes ago)

i saw a guy with a top hat, a curly mustache, jodhpurs, and a giant 19th-century bicycle in front of the Twitter building earlier this week.

― reggae mike love (polyphonic), Thursday, August 25, 2016 11:59 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This thread has been a revelation. The recent flurry of posts has led me back into listening to Big Star for the first time in a while - a band I've always liked a good deal, without ever really 'holding' as a complete thing, if that makes sense. This weekend (my last before going back to school - teaching) I've gone down a complete rabbit hole, listening intensively (in various settings), watching the documentary and reading, reading. It's been one of those periods where you come close to somehow regrowing your ears, and I feel like I've finally made sense of the band's architecture: that moment in listening where time seems to pause and expand and you step inside, walk around, look into the eaves - for crows, for glyphs, for spent carnival balloons. Third has always been 'the one' and it's where I'm still getting those vital, disturbing punctum moments, but they've been coming at regular intervals, right across the three albums. Thanks for the thread. I love the internet.

― Sunn O))) Brother Where Art Thou? (Chinaski), Sunday, August 28, 2016 3:52 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's his face. Something has changed there since United and Sociedad. It used to suggest a sort of gritty resistance, even a sort of dour enthusiasm to "hold what we have" or something. Now he just looks like a doctor telling you you're dying, and when you tell him the other GP said it was just has a cold he just stares at you and asks if you know how many people die every day, before going back into his office, sliding back against the closed door and breaking down in tears.

― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Saturday, September 10, 2016 9:52 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

let's say i am in hell, because i am. my cellmate has 3 faces, ashen, boiler red, and mutant lime, and 6 arms, holding a skull bowl of blood, tipped scale, broken scythe, vaguely familiar head, spoiled goat meat, and a beating heart, respectively. each day i follow a new dim light, listen to instructions, and fall asleep in a new cell with a new unholy ghoul.

http://i.imgur.com/HubjrVm.gif
but he still finds me on occasion. between every visit i become obsessed with his message, seek the truth in hellish rituals, and eventually forget his face and his words. every time i see him again it is like the first time. i have lost count. this time he tells me that i can go to heaven. maybe he tells me this every time. all i have to do is go back in time and prevent ILX from existing.

i seek counsel in my demon cellmate, who responds after some time by offering the objects held by its middle set of arms. i dip my bones into the skull bowl of blood and immediately understand. the ILX is basically a Honda Civic, it is a really nice Civic, featuring an interior with upgraded materials. The sole powertrain is a 201-hp 2.4-liter four-cylinder with front-wheel drive. The transmission is a dual-clutch eight-speed automatic; a manual is not available. The automatic is smooth and gives the ILX more of a calm and adult demeanor, which is a welcome change from the previous generation’s high-strung character. The ILX offers value for the money versus the competition. how could i destroy this? i tell st. peter that he is welcome to spend the night, but i will not, cannot take part in a brand of destruction that is counter to my brand of choice, the Acura ILX. when i wake the next morning he is already gone and i follow the dim light toward a new set of faces.

― I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Wednesday, November 2, 2016 12:53 AM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Action Bronson, in a stoned haze, made grilled octopus with raspberry sauce (on Fuck That's Delicious), and people seemed to like it? Maybe they were just kissing his ass...

― schwantz, Wednesday, November 16, 2016 12:25 AM (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if that post didn't have the bit in parentheses or anything subsequent to it, it might be post of the year

imagining amanda palmer in her onesie pajamas flailing around a nuclear reactor control room, openly weeping and pulling all the levers while the alarm rings

― qualx, Wednesday, November 16, 2016 11:18 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

There are few humans on the planet more invested in the dignity of the American System of Government than Barack Obama, it's his brain in a robot body that will be brushing radioactive dust off the Library of Congress in 1000 years. I think the chances of him trying an end-run like this are roughly the same as the earth collapsing to the size of a marble and shooting up Donald Trump's nostril.

― Andrew Farrell, Monday, 28 November 2016 21:03 (seven minutes ago) Permalink

ha yea was gonna post

Once this middle-aged narrator was flying around the estate on a kick scooter like some unstoppable hipster panther, from a passing taxi a young lady shouted "Gangster!" at me with an outreached fist, with no trace at all of ironic ridicule.

― calzino, Monday, April 10, 2017 3:54 PM (seventeen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

most calzino posts belong here tbh

seconded

trump is the playground kid who never ever ever gets shot when playing cops and robbers. no, every single time you fire a pretend bullet at him, it misses him. oh, and also he shot you from around the corner because his bullets bounce off walls, and you're dead.

― Karl Malone, Sunday, April 23, 2017

^ an analogy that exudes quiet brilliance

Trump never played w other kids, let's be real

Butlers then

it ain't a description. it's an analogy.

Abraham Lincoln must be ejaculating pure gold into the mouth of Alexander the Great in his grave at all this

― Violet Jynx, Wednesday, 17 May 2017 19:55 (twenty-seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This one's going to haunt me

smh

conflates at least two idioms, which doesn't make for good imagery imo

Jon Not Jon's recent post in the Soundgarden thread belongs here, though I don't think that it's appropriate to c&p it.

Yes, and yes.

I still feel like LED colored lights should cost, like, $20 a piece of something - THEY'RE JUST THAT SHINY AND FASCINATING TO ME.

At the Scout Fair last fall, this lady cut open a cardboard box that was just stuffed those LED foam sticks and started handing them out to the kids, sometimes two at a time. I thought, Good Lord, what kind of budget does this place have? But then I got home and saw that you can <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Promotional-Party-Sticks-Stick-Baton/dp/B01G6RSCJ6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495632790&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=led%2Bfoam%2Bstick&th=1";;>buy 'em for 79¢ a piece</a>. The actual manufacturing cost is probably something like 14¢.

The boy got mad the other night and ripped the light out of his foam stick (which was still working six months later). He threw it in the yard while I was getting in the car. When we got home, the light show was still in full effect, like a rave for ants in the rock garden. I stood there in the night, thinking about how my grandmother used to think a GameBoy cost close to $400.

― pplains, Wednesday, May 24, 2017 9:39 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That's beautiful.

Fucking technology drives me crazy more and more. I come home from eight weeks abroad, no-one was here, nothing has changed, nothing was touched. I turn on the telly and it says "Please plug in your HDMI-cable". It is plugged in. It says it can't find it. I say look harder you piece of shit. No dice. It worked ok when I left. I cannot stand stuff like this. Same with fucking computers who won't do today what they did fine yesterday: no-one touched or changed anything, you are supposed to BE THE SAME AS I LEFT YOU. THAT IS WHY YOU ARE A COMPUTER, THAT YOU DO NOT CHANGE UNLESS I TELL YOU TO.

I was reminded of my summer job, sorting onions, when I was 15 or 16. Our boss was a notorious asshat you'd quickly learn to tiptoe around. He resembled Tony Soprano in build and temper. He'd have no trouble kicking or slapping kids as young as 13 if he found they didn't do their job properly. He once threw a poor kid down the stairs. For some reason my buddy and I were on his good side, but it was still quite harrowing (I don't know why we didn't leave earlier either, probably because he paid dirty money in a small envelope every Saturday). During coffee break in the canteen there was an atmosphere of complete dread and fear. He could lash out at any time. The new kids who thought they could crack a joke learned the hard way real quick.
Anyway, one time at morning coffee break, boss started rambling (as he did: he expected all of us, ten kids or so, to listen to him but not say anything back). Oh how he hated computers. There was always some machine that didn't work, the software needed upgrading, it would malfunction on bags of 25kg of onions would tear or not be sewn straight, and it would costs him 100s of dollars every ten minutes. Of the many things he disliked, he especially didn't care for things out of his control that cost him money.

So he was rambling on about how "the government" should ban computers, how life was better without them, society being in the gutter and all that, when he said:
"I will pay BIG money for the person who builds a robot that will destroy ALL computers on earth."
My buddy and I looked at each other, and knowing fully well we were risking our teenage lives, and knowing exactly what the both of us were thinking that very second, I nodded and gave him the go-ahead. He replied:
"But a robot is also a computer."

Boss threw over the table, cups of coffee flying through the air, he kicked a little boy opposite from us because he laughed at the reply, and because he couldn't reach us, threw both his clogs at our heads. They're pretty hard on the nose tbf.

At times I think he was completely right though. Destroy all technology. End the fucking misery already.

― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, June 27, 2017 2:09 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Boss got busted and served time due to growing marihuana on a massive scale some ten years ago. The end.

― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, June 27, 2017 2:12 PM (one minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Challenging onions thread 1991

:) flattered Old Lunch my man.

The point is that extra toppings do not equal extra fun. A pure margherita is the basis of fun. It's more like, I don't know, I want to play a game of chess, whereas you want to play a game of chess where the board lights up and the pieces sing every time they're taken. Yeah, that's great sometimes, but it's not something you're going to want to play all of the time.

― emil.y, Wednesday, November 8, 2017 1:52 (nine hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This intruiging idea has me wondering what they'd be singing

See I would play the shit out of that game whereas I would take or leave chess

12 bald men solemnly sitting round a long dining table while their host wanders off to the kitchen to fetch some cheese, each of them straining their ears to catch the LCD Soundsystem record quietly playing on the Rega turntable in the corner. each of them lost in their own post-prandial reverie, as the soft electro beats waft from the speakers like a whisper in the breeze: "you are still down with the kids"

― damian green is people (NickB)

Just accidentally clicked on Torygraph piece with Farage going ham on May. The fading pay-walled tedious and angry words reminded me of that amusing comment that it creates the visual effect of walking away from the pub bore.

― calzino, Friday, December 8, 2017 11:35 AM (eighteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We've discussed before I think

That thing where one place gets the contract to deliver X service to the govt

And they have consequently designate one person directly talking to an entire dept or several departments for X period of time like they know anything

And even though they are patently spiv and incompetent and have the hair of a mothered teenager and their only apparent talent is an ability to spinelessly apologise for the inadequacy of their offering

Nonetheless every verbal tic or personal foible is taken as "the terminology" sin é an rud nua now

So some curtained fuck called Craig says tictac to a tranche of middle managers a few times

And now every cunt tic-tacs

This, this is how we live now.

― remember the lmao (darraghmac), Friday, 8 December 2017 3:41 AM (nineteen hours ago)

No headphone today but I see Etienne has done number 602. I liked his record on Undersound last year so hopefully this has some cheeky miscreants downing pints in deckchairs or failing that some records with moody dockers with dangerous dogs is also acceptable as long as they have a heart of gold and hats askew

― saer, Tuesday, December 12, 2017 11:44 AM (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i’ve had a gutful of cashed-up bastard fuck advertisers aggressively jamming some shit song into the wallpaper of my life

― rove mcmanus island (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, January 10, 2018 5:21 AM (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I saw 311 perform at the GameWorks in Las Vegas
it was Sega's release party for Sonic Adventure for Dreamcast
Jimmy Kimmel was there with his little kid and wearing cargo shorts I said hello and he said hey

― bhad and bhabie (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, January 19, 2018 2:41 PM (four days ago)

Sorry but

Imagine lying in bed and hearing David Brooks whispering "sopressata" in your ear.

― morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, March 3, 2018 6:54 PM

holy shit

our office coffee tasted like batteries :(

― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, March 13, 2018 12:54 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

When I worked at the liquor store, the keg boys would stand in the coolers and look for shoplifters through the Zima.

― pplains, Friday, March 30, 2018 9:36 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Some bad beer just tastes like carbonated chicken broth to me. I don't like that.

― Yerac, Monday, April 2, 2018 9:19 AM (two minutes ago)

I flinched.