ending a friendship

lol (two weeks pass)

I thought you meant you protested when he attempted to pay ("No, please, I'll get it") and not calling out on the behavior ("I prefer to pay for myself, please stop getting the bill every time we go out, because I am not comfortable with that")

I'm guilty of repeatedly telling people lightly that I don't want something at the time but not drawing a line that it's something I prefer for all incidents

weird when people do this w/o a word but avoiding conflict is how some people roll

now see, this is the side i'm interested in. why is it weird? why is conflict avoidance weird? does it need to be a conflict at all? why are words important to tie this thing up?

not trying to stoke a flame here mind you, just genuinely interested.

adults well into their middle years should be able to articulate why they no longer wish to communicate with people they once sought out for companionship/conversation

youngsters are understood to be a bit more fickle

there really doesn't need to be conflict, but ghosting in the absence of some abusive behavior seems shitty

but this is fairly common behavior, just seems a bit disappointing, not reprehensible

fair enough! thank you.

I guess all I have to add is that "abusive behavior" may not be quite otm, there almost certainly is a...spectrum of sensitivities to personal relationships? stupid as that sounds. it must be a disease, though if it's as common as it seems that is a little bit distressing.

adults well into their middle years should be able to articulate why they no longer wish to communicate with people they once sought out for companionship/conversation

But, like, why would you want to hurt somebody if you didn't need to? Obviously if the person notices that you're ghosting and asks you specifically then the adult thing to do is to let them know, but most people don't really notice a cooling off. If you're messaging/calling/arranging to see them just to tell them that there is an aspect of their personality that you don't like and for that reason you would rather not be friends any more, that's not adult and responsible behaviour, that's just cruelty.

"Hey Bob, sorry I haven't seen you much recently, I've decided to prioritise my friends who don't do that embarrassing slurpy thing when they eat. Bye forever."

Completely otm imo

never realised how unusual it was to not do friendship accounting/try to optimise social relations

not sure "abusive behavior" is necessarily accurate in all cases when they just might not be a great friend
I mean, if I did something genuinely irritating or socially abusive it'd be good to be clued in
I don't need a call or letter from someone when they decide to stop being my friend because I rebuke their political rants.