Star Wars Anthology shit talk (Rogue One, Young Solo, TBD)

there's no floating debris from the massive space battle that just ended

The battle was above scarif, anh starts above tatooine. Pay attention at the back.

can we get a hot take from someone who saw 5 min of the beginning or 15 minutes in the middle

just watched the teaser trailer and read some fanfiction, here are my informed and valuable thoughts

I must wait until a high definition home release is available, but I am pretty sure the Vader in tank scene confirmed Vader has no dick

it was floating separate in the tank, could see it in the upper left of the screen, either it's detachable or he keeps it for sentimental reasons

well this thread is called shit talk. or are we required to pay to see these things now before engaging in the time-honored tradition of talking shit about star wars on the internet?

if you have to pay extra to see the first 90 minutes of a bootleg you downloaded you're being ripped off

know shit to talk shit

xxxpost well then my bad. thank GOD you're here. Please, continue with your halfassery. As you were.

anyway i just overheard two people talking about this movie in a passing car and boy does it stink

I can't believe you guys are still posting about this. I guess I'll see it if my kids watch it on tv someday.

more like snore wars amirite

Vader's dick is preserved in the core of his lightsaber handle.

tell me more

Number fans will note that this puts an upper limit on Vader's length and girth

lol

the Red Leader/Gold Leader guys are plucked right out of the first movie.

Major plot hole, IRL military flight squadrons change leaders every couple of days.

rey from the force awakens is cloned from vader's detachable penis iirc

makes sense

ZERO pod racing
thumbs down

saw this last night. It took a bit for it to grow on me- more or less right after they parted ways with the incredibly bizarre Forest Whitaker. After that I thought it built nicely and had about the best space battle ever depicted. But in the cold light of day I am mostly fascinated by what the hell was Whitaker's deal, idgi.

"Rebel Vader" seems a fairly apt reduction

he was like a Matrix-y Immortan Joe, felt like he walked in from another movie

his robo-feet were very prequel trilogy but that strange affected cadence and weirdo wheeze were of some 90s DTV post-apocalypse cheapie.

IRL military flight squadrons change leaders every couple of days.

but this takes place in far away galaxy, long, long ago. 'real life' there can be whatever you want.

the Red Leader/Gold Leader guys are plucked right out of the first movie.

Major plot hole, IRL military flight squadrons change leaders every couple of days.

my point there was this is literally the same movie as the first one.

i'll see it eventually. i just am not in a hurry. i saw Star Wars like 30 years ago, and imagined the world suggested by those actors, costumes, sets, special effect, music, etc. all working in tandem, all those talents and skills from that specific time and place. it created a potent imaginary universe. through the EU that universe even gained big dollar real world manifestation. star wars was a ritual, it was based on all those ritual symbols and story cycles, and the holistic, cumulative magic of the team that made the first movie is what we love about it. sequelizing was inevitable but this is cannibalism. re-creating scenes shot-for-shot shows a nadir of creativity. what's worse they are actively writing over our memories of those imaginations the first movie inspired in us so long ago. the first movie was very potent, our imaginations were very potent in response. the more they over-explain, the more they take away the frame from us and tell us the official story, it devalues the potency of the series as a whole.

same reasons a lot of catholics never open the bible iirc

literally the same movie

please do us all a favor and never actually see it

having red and gold leader there, i mean they're the guys who lead the death star assault, it would make sense that there would be some carryover of experienced pilots who survived the previous battle. i think it's more a nice touch and homage to the characters (and yes a bit of deep cuts being played again, for fan wish fulfillment) rather than something unoriginal.

it's definitely the same movie

I subtracted the pixel values for each frame of the two films and summed the square of the differences. The result was zero. They literally rereleased star wars.

shot-for-shot remakes!

Carrie Fisher(along with many other familiar late 70s NYC women) popped up in a bit on Mr Mike's Mondo Video

Perrin on O'Donoghue's affair with Fisher aka Puppy Flesh

https://dennisperrinblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/28/the-fisher-queen/

Thought this was drab, largely humourless and not really any fun. Also, everything prior to the final act was really dimly lit--I nearly nodded off a few times.

i just saw assassins creed. if you watch assassins creed i think it will make you retroactively have a good time at rogue one.

I have a feeling if you see Assassins Creed it will make you retroactively have a good time at literally anything. The dentist, church, DMV ...

....assassinations, Creed concerts...

Watching assassins creed makes you retroactively have a good time watching assassins creed

Because i mean, fuck, at least it's not assassins creed am i righyut guuuuuys

I really need to schedule a dentist appointment, I might steel myself by scheduling a viewing of Assassins Creed first

Finally saw this. It was good, but you guys have said all the things already. Vader at the end was like Jason Voorhees slicin' up mf-ers with his 'chete. Brutal. Overcompensating for the loss of his donger, I guess.

For want of a donger, the plans were lost.
For want of the plans, the death star was lost.
For want of the death star, the star wars were lost.
For want of the star wars, the prequels were made.
And all for the want of a sith cock.

Thought this was drab, largely humourless and not really any fun. Also, everything prior to the final act was really dimly lit--I nearly nodded off a few times.

― rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Monday, 2 January 2017 16:04 (yesterday)

Likewise, I think I'm done with Star Wars

Hmmmmm, trying to figure out which movie you guys accidentally wandered into.

Drab Sleepy Humorless One

The really boring one that takes over two hours to explain a plot contrivance from the original movie.

I guess my question is, knowing what this movie is about and knowing what Star Wars movies are generally like, what were you expecting this movie to be like? To me, this was pretty much exactly what I wanted it to be; a relatively surface space opera about a motley band thrown together largely by circumstance standing up to overwhelming oppression and sacrificing themselves so that others could have a chance to continue fighting. I wasn't looking for deep characterization, I wasn't looking for airtight plotting, I wasn't looking for something that would change my outlook or make me introspective; I was looking for a movie set in the Star Wars universe about stealing the plans for the Death Star, I got one, I enjoyed it.

Admittedly, my expectations weren't the highest (my husband is the SW fan; I was there mostly for him), but I was at least hoping for a sort-of good time, and this movie was really dreary and morose.

ah okay, that makes more sense