Star Wars 8 shit talk

sabers and jedihands we are floating in space

So please put your sweet hand in mine
And float in space, lightsaber time

Fwiw I think TFA's crawl is fine, it's just that the film doesn't do anything to clarify the things it leaves distractingly unclear - specifically the nature and scope of the First Order, and the relationships between it, the old Empire, the new Republic, and the confusing new Resistance. The whole thing would make far, far more sense if the First Order was a much smaller splinter cell of the Republican army, seeking to Make the Galaxy Imperial Again (hence their kinship with Kylo Ren, seeking to make himself Vader), or the last, radicalized holdouts of the Empire who have yet to be put down (less interesting but maybe more tenable in terms of their resources and the fact that Finn seems to have been raised entirely within longstanding Imperial military culture, not some recently-cobbled-together neo-fascist movement). Neither one squares with them already having a superweapon overwhelmingly larger and more elaborate than the original Death Star, or the ability to project troops and spies anywhere in the galaxy at will. Nor would it really explain why there'd need to be a Resistance.... but it'd be a step towards the basic setup making sense.

As it is, the 'search for Luke Skywalker and discovery of Kylo Ren' version of the plot, hooks in well to all the character arcs I think, sometimes gets completely lost in the 'Oscar Isaac blows up the death star' version. As with Rogue One I suspect there's a draft somewhere that made much, much more sense (both as a plot and as a story) before someone insisted it needed X-wing battles and something big blowing up.

So, my speculation for episode 8 is that for every paragraph of fanfic reaching for the tale of Luke and Rey and the Last Jedi, you should subtract one to two sentences chosen at random, and add some X-wing stuff and probably a Death Star just to be on the safe side. Assume it will be designed by committee for (very good) minute-to-minute entertainment, not that it will all make sense once you leave the theater.

they never followed up on the Leia Has The Force stuff from ROTJ! if that isn't in this movie then cry cos it will be too to make her a secret Jedi.

someone above asked about Lucas's original plans for 7-9. i don't think he had any. at one point there were going to be spinoffs a la Young Solo/Kenobi and those were included in the large numbers of potential Star Wars movies. that Secret History of Star Wars site was very comprehensive and even they couldn't find anything.

I read somewhere, very recently, that they were going to be about Luke's children fighting the Emperor (who was originally slated to survive RoTJ, though Vader was always going to die). Could've been made up I suppose.

I think the difference between the original crawls and the one for episode 7 is that the original ones really sounds like something from a serial. They explain what happened on the last episode (Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. etc) Even the prequel trilogy manages to do this (and they're pure shit otherwise. I always want to defend them, but they truly are indefensible. For all that Episode 1 sucks, the episode the crawl summarizes sounds even worse...). The crawl for Episode 7 wants to explain what happens in the gap between 6 and 7, and doesn't even manage that. Luke Skywalker has vanished was not the thing that happened last week. It happened ages ago.

They've done some legwork establishing groups like the "Church of the Force" thing or w/e that Lor San Tekka (the guy who gets killed at the beginning of TFA) is part of and the non-jedi Guardians on Jedha. The whole Snoke/Ren thing is going to be some realization of the dark side that believes in power and control (with all the fascist underpinnings) without visibly taking the role of Emperor.

The whole Jedi order got routed because it became a militant organization but one that basically did the work of the Republic without questioning whether the Republic was in the right. There were enough moments in the non-movie media establishing that the Jedi were there to support rightful governments and help train others to do the same. The only direct action was against the (urgh) Trade Federation's army.

So the narrative was that the galaxy fell into conflict because the jedi commanded an army in an extended war and twisted the purpose of the Republic. After the jedi were all killed off, the war ended -- they were prolonging the battle and stopping the peace process! The Empire brought order, with direct command, and a hierarchy to put down internecine squabbles. Sure, localized crime existed, but surely the Empire would have put an end to that if it weren't for ongoing rebellion.

Now, if you wanted a better Empire, and you had a jedi-like group of dark siders dedicated to the new order and galactic peace....

At least one of those pale Palpatine advisor dudes in the robes and funny hats made it out of the Empire alive

Has everyone seen the anti-cheese prequel edits? If not, and if adding a half-star to each one makes you, as a desperate Star Wars fan, very very excited, search them out.

guys what if snoke is vader's dick

you're on to something

sry for spoiling ep vii everyone

and ep viii i guess

Roman numerals are hard

if adding a half-star to each one

read this as half-hour, physically recoiled.

Luke Skywalker has vanished was not the thing that happened last week

It... happened since the "last" episode.

Right Morbs. You're misunderstanding how the scrolls work. The whole stylistic conceit is that there's a bunch of episodes in-between what we see, as in Empire Strikes Back: 'Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.' That's not just a description of what has happened since the last film, that's a whole different adventure that we didn't get to see. That sounds fun! Force Awakens just sounds like a recap.

after this one the Jedis change their name to the Djedis. Title is a total red herring

Wait did we just trade Fred and Morbs politico for Fred and Morbs comic book guy? This is great

I think we're both film-geeks first and foremost. But you can't know about film without being a researcher and interested in everything filmable. There's a fine line between Ming the Merciless and Trump.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wtXkD1BC564/maxresdefault.jpg

That is literally my haircut. And scarf.

Fred is indeed David St. Hubbins

And why not?

larynx sounds fat IMO

There's a fine line between Ming the Merciless and Trump.

You're crazier than the Trump ABC interview clip

You're misunderstanding how the scrolls work

you just want to be fp'd don't you

when they do that 2 Death Star episode we will be introduced to Brown Leader

I lol'd

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C3MHq9-VcAA4_0r.jpg:large

ffs phil a spoiler warning would have been nice

A gentle note:

https://twitter.com/rianjohnson/status/826096442242502656

omg

omg

!!!

So if this is canon, I guess the last Jedi is not Luke or Rey but this bone-eating fellow?

ILMer makes good, saves galaxy

what I learned today: star wars is incredibly popular and people like songs about star wars

looking forward to the Kessel Run song cycle

we're moving into a post-jedi society where anyone can recognize and feel the force, some are just better at it than others. stop giving people jedi awards just because they're good at it!

Muggles need to feel special too.

Well, possible SPOILER, but...

The French title will be Les Derniers Jedi. It's meant to be plural... That's so stupid.

I think it's a bit of a lame title. Too similar to Return of the Jedi.

lol when my 8-year-old saw the title he INSTANTLY said "luke's dead????"

still prefer "The Lost Jedises"

Read that as "Les Derrieres Jedi."

Separately, this sounds about right:

http://io9.gizmodo.com/the-new-star-wars-aftermath-novel-reveals-the-pitiful-1792481018

I actually would be happier if Jar Jar embraced the Empire and was using his antic to indoctrinate children into it.

these books are immediately post-empire, so maybe he had a period of that on the upswing before his downfall

after the fall, I mean, not post-ESB

I'm a bit sad that G-Lu chickened out of his Jar Jar is a Sith lord twist.