Rolling Worst Music of 2017

fault in our stars actor & lowkey EDM festival DJ attempts to breaks out as a budding pop star with hilariously atrocious results:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4gsAS8h3p0

Watching the Beta Boys video from the previous year's thread led me down a Youtube recommend alley to the work of their sole female member, "Fellatia Geisha". It's, um, interesting. Not exactly good interesting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OvXyrySKtU

Oh wow, she has a new one this week, and um...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLha5zlBQMc

Lots of things going on here, but I can't help zeroing in on the use of an FCUK t-shirt to apparently signify rebellion against "intersectional feminism"

Was just coming here to post the Ansel track.

abysmal real name of 2017 and hard to see how that track & video will be beaten either

the second one is kinda like beat poetry on a Thursday night at Borders circa 1999

I don't hate this ansel elgort thing as much as I should

I guess I'll tolerate anything* if it's over a decent synthesizer

* except, like, nazi shit, no one post that buzzfeed article, I've read it

i didn't think it was bad either

um

there was an "exposé" a few months about a "burgeoning" "subgenre" of fascist/neo-nazi themed songs over giorgio moroder ripoffs

So far nothing in this thread is truly awful.

best/worst thing about the ansel elgort song is his overenunciation of every single word

i think he learned it phonetically

as a person who has actually liked a fair number of FJM/J. Tillman things, his decision to double down on po-faced "political" lyrics has resulted in, I believe, some dizzying new lows worthy of this thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT2-0y1542I

That Elgort video is pretty good on mute, cause you know, cute mostly-naked boy + Cocaine Noir visuals.

I hope his acting is better than his singing, otherwise he might ruin the upcoming Edgar Wright movie that he's starring in.

The Elgort song is mostly guilty of trying too hard. It reminds me a bit of that Kiefer Sutherland country track from last year in that regard (although that was way funnier).

Those Fellatia Geisha tracks are just straight up appalling, through. Like Kitty (Pryde) performing lyrics written by Milo Yiannopoulos.

haha that ansel elgort song is hilariously bad, thread delivers

fjm is annoyingly bad ;_;

apparently there's a 13-minute song kicking around but I don't feel up to torturing y'all on that level

This is from 2014, but I was just sent it because he's touring:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXYgLPBfF_w

At long last, the lead single of a certain animated group's upcoming 4th album. No, not that one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7A6-WllOSQ

This Prozzak song isn't good, but they were probably one of the very last turn-of-the-millennium bands that I would have expected to still be around in 2017, so that's something.

Well their upcoming album, due in March, is called "Forever 1999".

wow 2017 shaping up to be worse than last year

wonder if that arthur brown shit is to poor for tom waits to sue

alternate titles: "Sia Continues To Not Do Subtext"; "I Didn't Expect Melanie Martinez To Be Where Katy Perry Is Being Positioned, Huh"; "If You Told Me Katy Perry Was Doing 'Pleasantville' I Would Have Expected Pinup Shit"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gsGhdZDC-0

"stumbling around like a wasted zombie" is a great description of whatever the chorus is trying to do

there's something so awkward about how capitalism/mainstream pop absorbed counterculture in the way it's expressed here - it's like when Dr. Evil does the "i'm hip" routine

worst indeed

the thing is, it isn't really counterculture at all. it's Sia writing a Sia song that is essentially "Chandelier"

I only meant to suggest that criticizing popular culture within a pop framework is awkward when the content of the critique is so banal/superficial/"without any subtext"

it isn't really counterculture - but doesn't it rely on misconstrued countercultural aesthetics?

imo a song that tells people they are zombies and have to find real purpose in such vague terms is virtually insidistinguishable from telling people to get real jobs and stop watching reality tv

30 years ago
http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/lists/35-incredible-things-that-mtv-gave-us-w431175/the-words-promo-w431566

Fuck, Sia has really dropped off in quality since We are Born - not sure if it's related to her sobering up and doing music 24/7 or the money. Happy for her health-wise I guess.

xp promo otm and a self-indictment

am I horrible if I say sia's best bits were zero 7 vocals

Nope.

Otoh, "I'm watching porn in my hotel dressing gown" is v Rolling Worst Music 2002.

(picture of Trump in bathrobe)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRhZFNHrT6c

Bryson Morris sings that song / so i don't even bother

I like that he has braces.

Dare I stick my head out and admit that I sort of like the Katy Perry song, just a bit put off by the rubbish lyrics and scansion

I cannot get past that Cocorosie/ANHONI song

The best thing that I will say about that Perry song is that, after hearing it maybe twice, it doesn't actively annoy me in any way. Other than that, I can't right now recall a single thing about it.

Filed under "Machine-gunning fish in a barrel":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hlSgENWCcU

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/dcmovies/images/b/ba/1966_Batsignal.jpg/revision/latest%3Fcb%3D20120909125345

Jessie Ware co-wrote this. I'm horrified

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwzD8U4u76k

Go fuck yourself, Ed.

wow, fuck this guy so much

Gross

guys just like him are partying in 9-bedroom mcmansions in the hamptons right now, phonebook thrown in the pool, peanut butter smeared on the wall, the quiet hum of undocumented cleaning crews picking up after them come sunday afternoon

but where were you when he documented meeting a kid with cancer?

I love chris isaak but this shit is fucked up
https://open.spotify.com/track/1bH8yq5PlCTlzPypoFof7p

Did he even have anything to do with this, or is this a case of metadata shenanigans? He doesn't seem to be promoting it anywhere.

Anyway, here's the singer in question: https://www.instagram.com/davidsbaumanis/

(I also like that someone on his FB page posted a note to Agent Desmond.)

Some lad called Ron Jelly or something like that. The sooner I get these headphones fixed the better

Bastille - Basket Case

6 Music keep playing this for some reason.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhAIzVw9_VQ&list=PLU9Xdwsq_bJaiB2bgVq0lg5ujv7_-gG1o&index=4

Try again...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhAIzVw9_VQ

reason : mercury prize entrant

has Castle on the Hill been mentioned? Ed Sheeran never fails to horrify:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qp5vcuMIlk

his voice, the production, it's all so terrible - but the lyrics are even worse! absolutely dreadful

That song played dozens of times at the place i worked at over the summer - i hated it so goddamn much and i'm so glad I don't have to be around that office radio anymore. Yeah, we get it ed, your friends in high school were burnouts. that doesn't make you any less of a cheeseball.

harry styles - sign of the times

i fully expect "castle on the hill" to be nominated for song of the year grammy

"Castle On The Hill" is not nearly the worst thing Sheeran's released this year

yeah it's going to get record/song of the year noms for sure unless the grammys just give up and give every song that hit number one in its nomination period (which ended yesterday) a nod

that list, btw, would be (in reverse chronological order)

bodak yellow
look what you made me do
despacito
i'm the one
that's what i like
humble
shape of you
bad and boujee
black beatles
starboy (woof) and
closer (WOOOFFFF)

despacito owned the charts huh

Last call to get some nominations in here for the worst song of 2017.
I'll likely run a poll in late December.

Is that one where Ed Sheeran keeps saying "I'm in love with your body" on here?

If not, that.

did Meghan Trainor sit this year out or something

crypto, reposting this for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1-pKWOt2yM

meghan trainor is on a talent show panel with diddy and dj khaled

she also put out a dumb smurfs tie-in song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyL3YKK_1BI

Eminem - Walk On Water

That American Soul song U2 did on SNL this week should be in the mix.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efi4SCY0TA0

"refujesus"

that smurfette track is very bad

lol, i forgot that trainor's debut album was 'title'

it's useful at least as a marker for showing why kelly clarkson's 'whole lotta woman' and kesha's 'woman' are really quite good

https://themuse.jezebel.com/the-worst-songs-of-the-year-2017-when-pop-nearly-kille-1821231799

Katy Perry ft. Migos, “Bon Appetít”
Maroon 5 f. SZA, “What Lovers Do”
Look What You Made Me Do, Taylor Swift
Ed Sheeran, “New Man”
Louis Tomlinson, “Miss You”
Katy Perry, “Swish Swish”
Miley Cyrus, “Malibu”
Portugal. The Man, “Feel It Still”
Branchez & Big Wet, “Turn Up on the Weekend”
Chainsmokers f. Florida Georgia Line, “Last Day Alive”

why would they include Malibu tho?

also, I know they had to pick a token Sheeran track, but I think they should have clarified in the blurb that every Ed Sheeran track is the worst

is this the shortest a worst-of-the-year thread has ever been, in 2017 of all years

too much horrible shit to mind in all other corners of life imo

i was pretty impressed by how awful that branches & big wet song is

swish swish is a bad song but it really requires the video to move over into terrible

I don't know what a JMSN is, but this is some garbage:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrWVngO2gu8

That’s the only worst-songs-of-the-year list from a major publication this year? Come on, ILM writers, you can do better than that! Where’s Whiney?

EW’s five worst songs of the year:
5. Katy Perry, “Into Me You See”
4. Post Malone feat. 21 Savage, “Rockstar”
3. The Chainsmokers, “Break Up Every Night”
2. DJ Khaled feat. Chance the Rapper, “I Love You So Much”
1. Bhad Bhabie, “These Heaux”

Five worst albums:
5. Prophets of Rage
4. Lil Yachty, Teenage Emotions
3. The Chainsmokers, Memories... Do Not Open
2. Kid Rock, Sweet Southern Sugar
1. Chris Brown, Heartbreak on a Full Moon

kind of a layup there tbh

time puts post malone at #1:

http://time.com/5048308/top-10-worst-songs-2017/

esquire brings in taylor swift’s powerpoint presentation

http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/music/g14470314/worst-songs-of-2017/

not linking uproxx’s because it was poorly written trash

young & menace is kind of amazing

it is! easy to hate though

"bhad bhabie" isn't really any worse that a dozen other people doing similar work; picking on her seems unimaginative

if you want to be galaxy brain cynical you will likely not piss off any advertisers by shitting on bhad bhabie

anyone who didn’t have qveen herby on their list didn’t plumb the depths enough

I know 2017 is over, but I'm still plowing through 2017 year-end playlists and just came across this ghastly thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtVFTuIZFYU