'BEAM ME UP, SHITTY': A V IMPORTANT STAR TREK TOILET THRAED

can only assume that this transporter operator is vulcan

for klingons, the act of defecation is a contest of will vs sphincter. songs are sung of the time kahless spent three days and three nights excreting a tholian urdrakon in one piece

that was a warrior's turd

i attended Star Trek conventions in NYC in '75/76 at which James 'Scotty' Doohan said, "No, we don't have bathrooms on the Enterprise. But we do have phasers."

I subsequently learned that this was his go-to public appearance joke.

so they use phaser beams to disintegrate their poops? innarestin'

'set phasers to shit'

"Don't worry, the poop is just stunned."

I just remembered the kicker to the joke was "and they can be set to disintegrate"

yeah, that would be the punchline

damn i think i just mind-melded with scotty

you don't want to let the muscles atrophy, do you?

might find yourself on a planet with stone-age bathrooms

Shitter on the Edge of Forever

The Trouble with Dribbles

for a moment i imagined one less intelligent crewman shooting himself in the ass trying to disintegrate his poop mid-sphincter dilation

Lighting farts probably dangerous too.

wait if they have no toilets what do they wipe with?

TNG frequently showed wash basins and towels

space towels

also they have toilets

wait if they have no toilets what do they wipe with?

tribbles

just gonna...lie down for a little while

you mean that in an 'i'll be in my bunk' sense?

Captain's log, no stardate. For us, sanitation fixtures do not exist. McCoy, back somewhere in the past, has effected a change in the course of fecal disposal. All of poop history has been changed. There are no porcelain toilets. There isn't even an outhouse. We have only one chance. We have asked the Guardian to show us poop's history again: Spock and I will go back into time ourselves and attempt to set right whatever it was that McCoy changed.

I'm 100% in favor of teleporting my feces into the gardening fullerene before I have to spoilate otherwise potable water. This is such an obvious efficiency that I have to assume anyone voting against is simply a coprophile, and thankfully, we have treatments for that.

what if you accidentally beam a heaping pile of shit into like a poor alien's mouth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ro_QpDJX-Sk

Feel like this scenario hypothetically opens up a whole new usage of the term 'transporter accident'.

"coffee, hot, black.... OW OW OW WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY COLON"

first documented case of "receiving a dump"

Thank god we got the new question option up just in time

Although passing stool is one of life's greatest sensual pleasures, some mornings you're just backed up with hard pebbles...

doesn't scotty live in the transporter? i don't want him inside my butthole

scotty lives in a whisky bottle iirc

http://www.drunkard.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scotty-booze.jpg

the amount of mass lost from one crew member doing this would be trivial, but if everyone did it, wouldn't they have to import more biomass (or just matter?) to keep the station running? you know those replicators are just constructing organic matter out of recycled poops. no poops, no tea.

what if the only thing keeping the ship online is the shit recycler

Poolong Tea

Earl Brown, steaming hot

Dilithium crystals are a pleasant fiction made up to distract from what's actually being pumped into the warp core.

you know those replicators are just constructing organic matter out of recycled poops. no poops, no tea.

they could switch to using the corpses of ill-fated away-team members. 'soylent red'

Why not just transport the poop out of your lower intestine, reassemble it in the transporter's pattern buffer into food, and then transport it into your stomach?

I mean, if they can use the transporter to reverse Pulaski's accelerated again, and turn Picard and co from kids back into adults, then this poop transporter/transformation is simple.

how is poop 'formed?

why would they need to use the transporter at all? I would assume the ship's septic tank is connected to an airlock that releases their collected waste into space on a regular basis.

woah snoball is on to something here guys

xxp Maybe they could all be beamed to one planet instead. Planet Poop.

― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Tuesday, March 28, 2017 3:08 PM

Chester Brown sort of did this.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/gateway.jpg

queuing up 'Uranus' joek BRB...

don't forget the Rimworld jokes while you're there

isn't Shatner's post-ST resume all the shit you need

it's right in his name ffs

she's 7.6% more productive and the captain briefly acknowledged her existence in ten-forward

what a pathetic reason

it's that kind of attitude that will ensure you'll never be promoted past the rank of ensign tbh

Back to the poop deck with you, Mr. Crusher!

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

justice was done here btw, well done ilx

changing my vote

man do not regret making this decision #byepoopz