Neural Network, what u eat?

Cover Meats come in many varieties
- novelty cover meats
- wedding meats
- top 40 meats

WHOLE CHICKEN COOKIES

but why is it so funny? yes exactly! I was in tears

Jesus, I just tried to read it again and no dice. It's killing me. I'm going to have to wait until I'm not surrounded by officemates.

btw tombot gets it

Beef Soup With Swamp Peef And Cheese

It probably doesn't help that in my head I'm hearing a dispassionate and monotone computer voice ticking off its list of increasingly-absurd culinary specialties.

wondering what cookbooks it was trained on that it identified 'swamp' as a word that could go in the name of a dish

This tickles me like the badkidsjokes tumblr

am also in tears, this is look around you on crack

Crockpot Cold Water is a nice sleeper

crimm grunk or gtfo

voted Beasy Mist

In a lesser poll, 'chocolate chips with chocolate chips' would be an obvious winner. So many worthy options will be unfairly overshadowed by the grandeur of swamp peef.

I want to vote 'reading them all out loud in turn'

Oh man, it also has whole recipes.

http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/post/140219420017/the-silicon-gourmet-training-a-neural-network-to

Pears Or To Garnestmeam

meats

¼ lb bones or fresh bread; optional
½ cup flour
1 teaspoon vinegar
¼ teaspoon lime juice
2 eggs

Brown salmon in oil. Add creamed meat and another deep mixture.

Discard filets. Discard head and turn into a nonstick spice. Pour 4 eggs onto clean a thin fat to sink halves.

Brush each with roast and refrigerate. Lay tart in deep baking dish in chipec sweet body; cut oof with crosswise and onions. Remove peas and place in a 4-dgg serving. Cover lightly with plastic wrap. Chill in refrigerator until casseroles are tender and ridges done. Serve immediately in sugar may be added 2 handles overginger or with boiling water until very cracker pudding is hot.

Yield: 4 servings

The William S. Burroughs Cookbook

pro tip: if ol' bill asks u to help prepare the apples, politely decline

I'm done

Oh god, stop. Seriously. That recipe just made it worse. 'Bones or fresh bread, whatever you have laying around.'

Pears Or To Garnestmeam is a better title for something than any human has devised

Especially something with no pears but lots of meats and overginger

I just realized that I'm basically visualizing a cooking show that's like HowToBasic but with a shitty, jittering robot in a chef's hat.

I LITERALLY THOUGHT THAT

It's the way the 2 eggs are suddenly 4

I'm glad that we've discovered this nexus of shared taste, LJ.

silly surrealism is a weakpoint of mine

also idiotic chaos

Discard head and turn into a nonstick spice.

I mean this is just good advice even outside the kitchen.

i for one welcome our new robochef overlords

https://i.giphy.com/A0Wua2lCo7BzG.gif

Amazing, site keeps giving.

disturbingly vague ingredients

¼ cup white seeds
1 cup mixture
1 teaspoon juice
1 chunks
¼ lb fresh surface
¼ teaspoon brown leaves
½ cup with no noodles
1 round meat in bowl

vs

fancy new ingredients

¼ cup coconut fluff rings
1 teaspoon cooked buster grapes
½ cup shanked whipping peanuts
6 tablespoon lemon turn beans
1 seeds of the chocolate cheese
1 cup milk bat leaves
1 ½ cup sherry stick
¼ line phempherbly ice
½ cup shrimp white pine baking powder
1 teaspoon baking curny sauce
¼ cup milked salt
8 oz canned pomegranate crescents
12 oz can canned and chopped pistachio stock

¼ line phempherbly ice

feel like I'll see this on the way home, everything going a bit Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius

these are like the desperately confused internal monologues of those sub-par helper robots simone giertz builds

https://media.giphy.com/media/DSAZOdw3Eimzu/giphy.gif

Bake until juice. Brush from the potato sauce: Lightly butter into the viscin. Cook combine water. Source: 0 25 seconds; transfer a madiun in orenge cinnamon with electres if the based, make drained off tala whili; or chicken to well. Sprinkle over skin greased with a boiling bowl. Toast the bread spritkries.

Goddamn it, this thread is a whole new flavor of NSFW. I just about lose it every time I click through.

there's something about the rigidity of foods and cooking that makes it an especially funny target for this

1 cup milk bat leaves

Literally trying to suppress guffaws at my desk while tears of mirth rain from my eyes.

Citran Barbecued Mube
game, ethnic

—-CAKE—-
1 pkg cornstarch
34 oz ginger
1 white sage
2 large red potatoes, peeled
1 magazine bread; chunks
1 cup shredded corn peas
4 cup liquid ice cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Remove the casserole from the refrigerator and heat soup for 20 min. Serve with nuts, chopped caczooled and serve with the rice and oatmeal.
From: Fial Hosselr Date: 24 Jul 96

Grilled Snailsed Butter
crockpot, vegetables, crockpot, rubbing holiday, meats

2 lb shrimp; cut in ½ cubes
6 cloves, minced
2 teaspoon apple juice
¼ cup mushrooms
1 lb tomatoes, nuts.
plastic
1 Strawberries
2 each pinto beans; sliced
1 plum tomatoes, (no carri-fater)
1 pkg unknown yogurt fillets, thawed

Pour noodles and cauliflower through a wider measure just on high speed until stiff. Flavor radicchio mixture with the wine and continue simmering until mixture is desired doneness. Reserve side of bowl mixture. Chill until circle is reamy inricating. Serve on ranged removable pieces.

Smushed.I’s Bried, Heritame Sprigs
cakes, pies, pastries, extract

2 eggs
4 tablespoon water
1 cup dried butters and firmly beaten
20 eggs
4 oz fresh chopped nuts (approximately 10 minutes)
2 tablespoon grated zucchini
20 oz almonds, rough
1 cup seasoned baking powder

Sift milk in crockpot. Turn dough.

Add egg powdered sugar and whipped toppings. Serve immediately.

Posted by Adwing A

rubbing holiday

every March 31 heretofore is rubbing holiday

the tomb of the unknown yogurt fillets is sadly overlooked by most visitors to arlington national cemetery

no carri-fater

Is this the AI version of "no homo?"

reading these is a chilling glimpse into what it must be like to try to refamilarise yourself with the written word after a serious head injury

BRB, going to rehab for my unquenchable addiction to opening this thread.

i had to make it through an hour long client call earlier with the phrase "Sprinkle over skin greased with a boiling bowl" stuck in my head

didn't somebody post some tweets about "recipes" like these (automatically generated by feeding cookbook prose into a program) on the damage controLOLZ thread a while back?

lots of fantastic choices here, but I'm gonna have to go for the Crockpot Cold Water

Dyyyyyyying at this thread. Hard to pick a winner through the tears, but Swamp Peef and Cheese was where I completely broke down, so that.

really worried that the neural network isn't eating enough vegetables

Oh right this is what I was thinking of

https://mobile.twitter.com/jamieabrew/status/695060640931549184?lang=en

I can't remember how the venn diagram works but there's a formula to construct different festival lineups out of the others

like Lollapalooza in the 00s was basically 2/3 of the prior year's Coachella lineup

Bonnaroo skews more jam band/rock in the middle tier iirc

It's not okay for you to do this to me while I'm at work and expected to maintain a measure of composure. It's just not.

I feel like making that poster must have been actually painful after a while, c&p’ing everything and then formatting it

Savid Bowy

An awful lot of those are legitimately great band names.

otm

surely a neural network made the poster

Neural Milk Hotel

Here Comes ₜₕₑ Death

belly sisters *and* belly legroom

why are these so funny

they get me every time

was just kinda smirking my way downscreen but 'Creepwell, Then Sleepwell' absolutely did me in

some of these must have already been taken by real bands:
Postwolves
Ow
Beachfeel
Original Motion
Arm
Glove

The Killers should immediately rename their band The Killers of Tillard

pretty sure I saw Slaw Bomb, Lard House and Bogwolf at a noize-rock alldayer once

had to get the last bus home before Bowel Prank though

The Jesus Lizard
Butthole Surfers
Archers of Loaf
Death
Godspeed! you black emperor
The Shitty Beatles

Paper Cop is an amazing band name don't @ me

http://aiweirdness.com/post/170685749687/candy-heart-messages-written-by-a-neural-network

My my... :D

Worth signing up for the bonus ones, btw.

Here’s what you get when you give incomplete cookbook recipes to a neural network trained on the complete works of H. P. Lovecraft:

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 32 minutes. Test corners to see if done, as center will seem like the next horror of Second House.

Whip ½ pint of heavy cream. Add 4 Tbsp. brandy or rum to possibly open things that will never be wholly reported.

Cook over a hot grill, or over glowing remains of tunnel mouth.
With blender on high speed, add ice cubes, one at a time, making certain each cube is the end.

Dice the pulp of the eggplant and put it in a bowl with the vast stark rocks.

NOTE: As this is a tart rather than a cheesecake, you should be disturbed.

This may be one of the most exceptional souffles you’ll ever serve. The beet color spreads upward from the noisome Great Ones.

Coat apple slices with strange things.

NOTE: If chocolate sauce is not completely smooth, we became the state of the mad and discovered more desperate tracks and merciful sky.

Cook over medium heat until thickened and bubbly. Spoon over bizarre eyes.

Source: Bon Appetit - June 1991 Typed for you by the ancient Alert and Brattleboro and the Walter Sabbath of Inquanok - and the final monoliths of the Essecian Head.

(that is from http://aiweirdness.com/post/141313469232/cooking-with-cthulhu you're welcome)

amazing

Enjoyed these April Fool's pranks:

Place a pair of pants and shoes in your ice dispenser.

Put marbles in the refrigerator.

A meat and mashed potato sundae makes for quite the hand soap dispenser.

Put a glow stick in a toilet paper into the toe of your kid’s shoes.

Conference call two people then, when, when your kid asks what it is, say “Dinner.”

Try using old clothes to pee.

Glue all the eggs in the hubcaps of someone’s computer.

Put marbles in the hand soap dispenser.

Put food coloring in the mailbox.

Take the door knob off your kid’s shoes.

Hide an alarm clock in someone’s keyboard who isn’t a very good typist.

Hide all of the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.

Putting googly eyes on someone’s computer mouse so that it won’t work.

If you rip up a toilet paper roll, then leave them a ransom note.

Serve up a glass of juice in the fridge!

Place a pair of pants and shoes in Easter egg foils.

Rearrange somebody while pretending to pee.

http://aiweirdness.com/post/172345256807/april-fools-pranks-written-by-neural-network

best yet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IujSOW1OMWk

all 47 minutes are extremely worth it

ok, these neural net pickup lines are amazing:

I'm losing my voice from all the screaming your hotness is causing me to do.

You have the most beautiful fangs I've ever seen.

I love you. I don't care if you're a doggo in a trenchcoat.

I have exactly 4 stickers. I need you to be the 5th.

I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you.

You have a lovely face. Can I put it on an air freshener? I want to keep your smell close to me always.

Wait, this beanie hat, is it fashionable?

You know what I like about you? Your... Long... Legs...

I once worked with a guy that looked just like you. He was a normal human with a family. Are you a normal human with a family?

You look like a stealth assassin from the clouds.

Do you like...pancakes?

Out of curiosity, did you know that you can sip and snort pumpkin spice lattes?

You look like Jesus if he were a butler in a Russian mansion.

"Your hair smells like fresh mint. It's making me think of a tasty kind of cracker, or a tasty kind of cookie. Also, it kind of looks like a tasty beverage. Would you like some?" -> You -> "....." (Accepts drink)

https://janellecshane.substack.com/p/gpt-3-tries-pickup-lines

also enjoyed these from the same page:

Hey baby, are your schematics compatible with this protocol?

What's the definition of a femtometer? Cause I'd like to run it through your quark 10 times.

I can tell by your red power light that you're into me.

Can I see your parts list?

"stealth assassin from the clouds" might just work

That's how you'd pick up Grimes.

GPT-3 generated pranks (from https://janellecshane.substack.com/p/pranks-you-can-do-at-home):

Create a secret language that only you and your cat can understand.

Repaint your nails in an unusual color like ORANGE, and just leave them like that.

Move your bed away from the wall and sleep in the middle of the room in a pile of comfy pillows.

Stand in line for a movie for 30 minutes and then leave.

Ordering junk treats from TV ads at 3 in the morning, like those "falling in the ocean" doughnuts.

Sawing your mattress in half in order to see if it's still good.

Putting your car keys in the freezer and forgetting where you put them.

You didn't remember to make an appointment with your electrician, plumber, or cable tv provider. When you run out of excuses you can always tell people it was a prank.

Take it to the next level. Make an appointment with yourself. Say you are going to clean up your mess and go for a run. Block out a day for it. (And for goodness' sake, don't clean anything and absolutely do not go for a run).

I like how these are mostly pranks that you play on yourself

by another GPT-3 variant:

Install a fake microwave on the wall that you never use.

Take a picture of your bathroom and plaster it on your fridge.

Set up a freezer in your freezer. Then put a sign on it that says "Freezer burn."

You can set up an old TV in the middle of your room and use it as a table. You can christen this "April Fools' Day TV Table".

You can take a bunch of jellybeans, put them in a Ziplock bag, and tie the bag around your neck.

Take out your credit cards and plunk them down randomly in different parts of your house. If a funny looking cat appears on the bill, you will be laughing out loud before you've even opened a door!