Swiping people left and right: the Tinder/hook-up culture discussion

https://theblog.okcupid.com/undressed-whats-the-deal-with-the-age-gap-in-relationships-3143a2ca5178

A 40-year-old woman will have better luck messaging a 25-year-old man than a 55-year-old one, according to the data. And a 30-year-old man is more likely to respond to a message from a 50-year-old woman than a message from any other age group. When women make the first move, the age gap dating norm is reversed.

the self-admitted cougar

Cindy has been dating men in their 20s for the past 15 years. Even though her relationships usually start with sex, her number one criteria for choosing a guy is that “he must be a nice person.” Often these relationships transform into friendships that last for decades. “Yes, the sex is fantastic,” she tells me, but that’s just one of the reasons she dates younger. Working in tech, she sometimes feels she has more in common with 20-somethings than older men. And as someone with an extremely accomplished career in advertising and entrepreneurship, she enjoys acting as a mentor to guys who are just “pulling themselves up by the bootstraps.” Cindy explained that men her own age often have a problem with dating strong, powerful women who make more bank than they do. “Younger men can’t be competitive,” she says, “because we are in completely different life stages.”

When I spoke with women who message much younger men on OkCupid, most of them told me something similar. They’re usually looking for casual relationships with men with rockin’ bods, but also often mentioned that men their own ages can be oppressively controlling.

entrepreneur next to me in the coffee shop is pitching a new dating app to an investor or something via video chat. extremely loudly.

somehow your account is going to be connected to your linkedin profile on this one. or linkedin is part of the "vetting" process -- this might be one of those apps that doesn't accept everyone.

"how do you make a modern, serious dating platform -- a la e-harmony -- for young people. the vetting is just one solution. we by no means think this is *the* solution. it is just *a* solution that we are going to test.... let's go to where our data is pointing us."

why does this conversation make me want to die

Finally someone has spotted that the kids are mad for LinkedIn

"you're already LinkedIn, but have you been... BangedOut?"

omg goole

https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/06/23/finally-the-perfect-dating-app-for-superfans-stalkers-and-serial-killers/#64d73c1cf166

wasn't sure whether to post this here or in the Silicon Valley thread or what. new app lets you upload photos of people you find attractive and searches across platforms for visual matches - creepy on its face but also rife with serious serious privacy-violation and stalking potential, etc. etc.

of course it's creepy, but every intelligence agency in the world has likely already had this for a decade

'face book'

This is pretty good:

https://medium.com/@samlansky/the-theory-of-visitors-4c7dd3a1b6d4

Yeah it really is, thanks.

agreed

i got a message from someone whose profile says "buy me something from my amazon wishlist" with a link to her amazon wishlist.

Can’t knock the hustle

i know. what a world.

i'm on day 4 of being on tinder and thus far it's sort of dispiriting. I'm being super picky, but despite that have gotten 2 matches with cool-as-far-as-you-can-tell-from-a-tiny-bit-of-info-and-a-few-pictures and attractive women. but chat engagement is like a message a day back and forth with them both, feels like a waste of time. but I guess no more of a waste of time than Twitter, so blah.

i also find it funny how I've developed the habit of swiping left on people both because i assume they wouldn't be interested in me, which doesn't make much sense

both shouldn't be in that last sentence

a friend of mine joined bumble recently and we are in agreement: bumble is the verrit of dating

that is a brutal, hilarious assessment

Tinder is awful, I quit dating entirely like 2 years ago so I can only assume it's gotten worse since then. good luck and godspeed

My experience w/ bumble was similarly uninspiring, katherine otm

I'm at the "friends introducing me to their single friends" stage but it's had mixed results

i got on bumble but i deleted it quickly because it seemed like everyone on there was super bougie. like I'm fairly sure a neurosurgeon whose hobbit are skiing and world travel doesn't want to slum it with a dirtbag working-class scottish guy whose hobbies are drinking and watching frasier so what's the point

tbh that sounds like a perfect match

someone's got to be the chill one who doesn't mind doing the dishes

i like doing dishes tbh

i had a lot of luck on tinder like 5 years ago

tried it out a few months ago and it sucked

had better luck on okcupid whereas 5 years ago i didn't have much luck on it

I'm at the "friends introducing me to their single friends" stage but it's had mixed results

I miss those days. Almost everyone I know is married now and starting families, there's so little new blood coming into my social groups.

A few more years and maybe I can start getting introduced to their newly-divorced/widowed friends.

Whenever I go somewhere new I always log on tinder to see how popular I am. I'm very very popular in Sweden, but remarkably unpopular in Berlin.

this is v true

i seem to be way more popular in other major cities but less so in other major cities

it's weird that there is such a thing as a dating culture/trend in cities bc it goes against what parents tell u abt dating

if you have bad luck in your city or town, and you are hell bent on finding the one try dating in a different city

sounds drastic but it may work

Bumble is a hilarious name for a dating site. What's next, Freefall?

Reports now in that Freefall's IPO rolls out on Friday.

ha was gonna bump this thread. I joined Tinder a week ago and its been OK! I've had the odd weird ghosting (one woman gave me her number then unmatched me 3 hours later?!?) but I've arranged a coffee date on Sat afternoon, and another 1st date on Thu. I think my dating rustiness is pulling in my favour right now, since I don't really know how to play it cool, I just go tumbling in. Conversation is actually going a lot easier than I thought it might, since I only swipe right on peopleI actually want to talk to.

I'm ore into the Thu date, but I arranged the Sat one first, and I can't really cancel, or should I? I feel super weird and awkward going on 2 first dates within 3 days of each other, but that's dating lyfe I guess?

I was swiping left on women I thought would have no interest in me, but it turns out that Tinder keep an ELO-style hidden rating and only show you people in "your league". Since changing my swipe tactics I've had a few "Really? SHE swiped right on MEEEE?" matches, which has been a pleasant surprise and a nice boost to my damaged ego.

yeah, they all do, which is a handy reminder of how terrible most people think I am

"they all" = all sites, apps, etc.

Don't cancel dates, if nothing else you hopefully get a good talk out of it. It only gets weird if you plan on more than one date a day, and then end up wanting to have sex on the first one.

I had a second date planned with a woman, and the first date wasn't that great but it was okay, and then I matched with this other woman who I just connected with instantly and we began chatting for hours and just really wanted to meet as soon as possible, but she only could on the day I already had a date planned. I wasn't going to cancel my plan though, but then the first woman wrote me that she had been dating someone else and that it just seemed much more serious than her and me. And I got genuinely sad and felt so rejected...

^It's amazing how rejection from people you're not all that interested in can still hurt.

I just went on my first-ever Tinder date (second-ever app date) a couple weeks ago. This despite having been on the app for probably at least a year, cumulatively. I don't think anything romantic will development between this woman and me, but I do like her, and we've hung out a few times now. What's been most striking to me is how bizarrely stressful it can be just to text with her. Every time an exchange fizzles out in a remotely unsatisfactory way, I become convinced that she's sick of me and I'll never hear from her again.

That actually has nothing to do with Tinder in particular, I'm just venting.

I think these apps work in the same way as facebook et al: generate a particular kind of anxiety and misery that only the app itself can resolve.

The experiences that, in retrospect, bother me the most are when I have a perfectly nice time with someone, both agree to hang out again, and then neither of us ever contact the other again. These apps are about producing novelty, so if you're not a constant texter from the get-go you'll fade away. I can't imagine that old rule, "wait three days to call," working that well anymore! They'll forget who you are.

i'm on day 4 of being on tinder and thus far it's sort of dispiriting. I'm being super picky, but despite that have gotten 2 matches with cool-as-far-as-you-can-tell-from-a-tiny-bit-of-info-and-a-few-pictures and attractive women. but chat engagement is like a message a day back and forth with them both, feels like a waste of time. but I guess no more of a waste of time than Twitter, so blah.

i also find it funny how I've developed the habit of swiping left on people both because i assume they wouldn't be interested in me, which doesn't make much sense

― khat person (jim in vancouver), Monday, February 26, 2018 12:08 PM (three weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so the first person i matched with on tinder didn't engage with the chat very much to start because she was ill. when she got better we chatted for like an hour one afternoon and set-up a date. that was like 19 days ago. we've seen each other about 14 times since then. on saturday she told me she loved me and i reciprocated (because i love her).

here's the kicker...

she's in an open marriage

lol

Kinda lol but also shit mate hope ur ok

I'm good! she was upfront about that element. i just think it's a funny predicament

Interesting times ahead then!

good luck! sounds like an adventure

oh and for readers who don't have an ilxors.xls i separated from my wife on january 31st lol

i love drama in my life

good luck canada